Chapter 2: This is a Chapter

>Be day 17 I think?
>Be stuck in some strange ass town with talking horses
>By now I can tell the gender just by looking at them
>For example the males, or stallions as they like to be called, have a more muscular look than the females
>And...now I'm just rambling on bullshit lets just give you a summary on the events and get this show on the road
>So came here Space Jam style while golfing with my friends
>Met a really hyperactive, pink pony named Pinkie Pie
>Went to a dinner with princess of talking horsetown, and she fucking hates me
>Current friend list consists of Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash (I call her Rainbro), and Fluttershy
>My haters are Twibitch, Princess Sunhorse, and I guess the rest of the so call "Elements of Harmony"
>I live at a fucking bakery with Pinkie and the Cake family, making this fucking impossible cake for Princess Fatass the Sunwhore
>Apparently its so delicious it's actually called the Mmm
>But it's next to impossible to make, luckly she gave me ten days to get good at it before actually tasting them
>Also she says if I fail or shirk my duties she will have me executed on the spot
>And that's balls because I have to take the greatest shit that will have ever existed in this world
>Welp that's the events so far so on to the story

---

>"Ok now just put the top layer of frosting on and we're done"
"Alright," You put the frosting on like a baws and you're finally done for the day, "hell yeah!!!"
>"Great job Anon!!"
"Same to you Pinks"
>Activate Brohoof
"Yay-yuh!!!!"
>Brohoof recieved
>Seven days ago guards started showing up at Sugarcube Corner, which informed you the princess wasn't kidding about executing you on the spot
>So from now on you pass the cake to them and they fly it to the one who's holding all the guards by the balls
>The Cakes thought it would be an honor for them to make the cake and have Celestia eat it, but they were under strict orders not to help
>In fact, you had to beg and plead and even kiss the bitch's hooves for Pinkie to help you
>But now your done and as you pass the cake to the guard you now...TRY TO RUSH UP STAIRS TO THE BATHROOM SO YOU CAN TAKE THE SHIT YOU HAD BREWING SINCE YOU FUCKING CAME HERE
>Out of nowhere it's...Twibitch intercepting you at the bathroom door
>"Going somewhere?"
"Hell yes I'm going somewhere, what do you want?"
>"Oh nothing just wanted to try out a new spell I found out" her horn glows and...nothing
"That's great Twilight now...OUT OF THE FUCKING WAY" you almost shove her out of the way as you run into the bathroom
>Finally the toilet that you so desperatly needed
>You literally almost cried when you sat down and thought how great it feel to relieve yourself
>As normal your piss came first and then...WHAT THE FUCK?!
"WHAT THE FUCK?!" you raise the fuck up and nearly look in awe as there's nothing but yellow liquid
>The sight nearly threw you into blistering fury as you almost ripped the door off
"WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT PURPLE LITTLE WHORE?!?!?!?!"
>Twilight just looked at you with the most smug look in existence "Who? me?"
>You put your face against hers
"What....did...you....do?" You manage to say between you heavy breaths that were as hot as fire
>"Oh, just a little spell and apparently it works, however only half way"
"Change.....me....back"
>"That's the best part it's irreversable"
>When you heard that you almost grabbed that little shit by the tail and flailed her against the ground several times, instead you settled for punching the lenolium floor, causing it to crack
>At least you managed to scare her, which put a small smile on your face
>"Well I should be taking my leave," she walks over to the door, "Bye Anon," she says with a smug giggle
>Fuck her
>Pinkie just so happen to walk in on your conversation with Twilight
>She is wearing the most smypathetic look she can muster, "What's wrong Anon?"
>You feel too much shame to tell her the truth so you just tell her it's nothing
>She see's straight through your rouse "Anon people don't break floors with their bare hooves over nothing" she gives you a small smile
>This in turn makes you want to smile
>"Now why don't you tell Auntie Pinkie all about it"
"Ok, but just to clarify, I am a year older than you ya know"
>She giggles and you tell her how you had to shit that night at the dinner and all the events leading up to now
>And as expected Pinkie begins to laugh her ass off, hell even you chuckled, but then you both serious'd
>"Don't worry Anon sure your tummy will hurt for a while, but it's not like Twilight would kill you, It's not in her nature"
>You shrug, your not sure if she wouldn't kill you but Pinkie's known her longer so you just let that thought go
>Pinkie then gives you a big hug "Well, I'll be back"
"Oookay?" You wonder where she's going at this time
>Guess she's just gonna do Pinkie stuff
>on a later note you see Spike walking when Pinkie opens the door so you rush outside, but play it cool like
"Hiya, Spike"
>"Hey Anon, so I heard about that dinner you had with Celestia"
"Yeah look it wasn't..."
>"Aw don't worry man I'm cool with it, although Twilight gave me an earful on how you were so ungreatful and kept me up all night" he said with a hint of annoiyance
"Ah sorry Spike, look I'll make it up to you, how bout I make you some cupcakes and we hang out for the rest of the day?"
>"Hmmm...tempting tempting, make me those cupcakes and we'll see where this goes"
"You got it bud", you ruffle his...spikes?

---

>You are Pinkie Pie
>Anon just told you what Twilight did to him and you want to find out why
>You knock on the door of the library
>Twilight answers the door
>"Oh, hi Pinkie"
"Hi Twilight can we talk for a minute?"
>"Sure" she lets you in and you sit on a pillow in front of a table
>Twilight bring refreshments, probably knows the topic I'm about to bring up and is trying to butter me up
>Still I Loooooooove fruit punch
>You grab the juice box set in front of you and greedily drink the contents
"Mmmm tasty!!!"
>"So what was it you wanted to talk about Pinkie?"
"It envolves our new guest"
>she nearly spat out her drink in disgust
"So I take it you and him don't see eye to eye"
>"That's the understatement of the century"
"Well...?"
>"Well what?"
"Why not?"
>"Well lets see where to start...how about when he basicly groped my horn without even asking, He was really disrespectful at the Princess' dinner, which I'll remind you she threw just for him, and there's what he did to Fluttershy..."
"What did he do to Fluttershy?"
>"He says that he just massaged her wings although I don't believe him, because when I tried to asked her about it she just slammed the door in my face"
"Hmmm..." you take a sip from your juice box
>"But, it was when he told off the Princess at the dinner she, AGAIN, threw for him is when I knew I couldn't forgive him, I mean how disrespectful can you be, and she did nothing to deserve it, you agree with me right Pinkie?"

---

>You are Anon and...YOUR HANGING WITH A FUCKING DRAGON
>You made him those cupcakes and he's loving them
>Not surprising seeing as how you daily make the hardest and most delisious cake, cupcakes didn't even seem like a challenge
>Anon gains level 100 in bakery skill
>Anon gets the achievement "Master Baker"
>"Wow these are really good" Spike says as he shovels cupcakes in his mouth
"Thanks man"
>He swallows his cupcakes and gives you a serious look
"Something on your mind"
>"Well when you first showed up and thought you were on drugs..."
"Yeah?"
>"Well I was just wondering...do you partake in the use of marijuana?"
>If you had water in your mouth you would have spat it out but instead you spit air as means of a spittake
"...Well...yeah I do, what about it?"
>"So do you wanna...do...that?"
"Well yeah but isn't it illegal here?"
>"It's illegal where your from?"
"Yeah"
>"Weird"
"So I take that as a no?"
>"It's a plant, shit even Luna does it, she's the one that gives me the stuff"
"Luna?"
>"Princess Celestia's little sister"
>Suddenly you wish you met Luna instead of Sunbitch
"Well then I'm game lead the way little dragon"
>"Ok but we'll need to head back to the library"
"Ohh.."
>"What's wrong?"
"Me and Twilight aren't exactly on speaking terms"
>"Dude, just sidestep her, how do you think I live with her and smoke this stuff?"
"Wow you make it sound so easy"
>"If she starts rambbling just go around her and fuck the rest of her bullshit"
>Wow not only have you never seen this side of Spike, you never even thought he had a side like you
"Ok Spike lets go"
>You and Spike head outside it's nearing sunset but you don't care...BEACAUSE YOU'RE GONNA GO GET HIGH WITH A DRAGON
>Suddenly Wild Rainbro appears
>"Hey guys where ya goin?"
>"We're gonna go to the library and smoke some grass"
>"Wow Anon, I didn't know you get high"
"No one ever asked, besides when I entered the place I thought no one did drugs here"
>"Well people still don't do it in pubilc because then, it would make the town look bad and then the mayor would outlaw it"
>Woah smart town
>"So Rainbow you wanna join?"
>"If Anon'll be there then yeah, I'll go get my Rainbow bong and meet 'cha there"
>Rainbro zooms off towards her cloud home in the sky
>By now you at least know or are use to the weird shit around here but you never thought pot was legal here
>Talking hor...Ponyville is staring to sound better and better
>You and Spike catch up with Rainbro at Twilight's library
>Spike stops you at the door with an extremely serious face
>"Anon don't say anything about this with or to Twilight she doesn't know and she's too much of a narc to be cool about it"
>"Yeah man she's the pony that busted that party last week and got almost everyone arrested luckly me, spike and Fluttershy got out quickly" Rainbro added
"Wait wait Fluttershy too?"
>"Yeah but she's more into acid but she'll still smoke pot," Spike explained, "now remember not a word, sidestep her and go to the cellar, me and Rainbow dash will do the talking"
"Sounds like a plan, little man"
>Spike chuckles as he opens the door
>Enter you, Rainbro and Spike to see that Pinkie and Twilight are talking at the nearby table
>Pinkie waves to you and you smile and wave back
>"Oh hi Spike, hi Rainbow Dash...Anon" she said your name while turning away, that bitch
>You did what Spike said and sidestepped her and didn't say shit as you walked into the cellar seemingly it looks like you ran out of fucks to give
>Rainbow Dash came after you and then Spike after yelling down to Twilight that your studying
>He then locks the cellar door and walks over to a huge black box, well huge to Spike but not you or Rainbow
>He then pulls out a brick the size of fucking Kansas
>FUCK TO THE YEAH
>Brain mentally prepare to be smashed
>We are ready sir
>Also see a specialist because I think we're out of fucks
>I'll make a note of that
>Spike tears a piece off and puts the rest back in the box
>He passes the green to Rainbow who brought her rainbow colored bong just like she said
>"Alright since Anon's the new guy I say he gets first hit, anyp0ny disagree"
>Spike nods his head, and you have no objection
>"ALright then"
>She passes the bong to you and Spike lights it with his fire as you take the biggest mothafuckin hit they've ever seen
>You then hold like a boss and pass the bong to Rainbow, since it's her bong
>You exhale as Rainbow takes a hit and passes it to Spike, who in turn lights a stick with his fire and takes his turn
>This cycle continues until the pot cashes
>Spike looks at you with pinkish red eyes which make his eyes look all kinds of badass
>"So you guys wanna...pack another bowl....or ya good?"
>Damn this shits strong four hits and your already fucked up
>"I'm good man"
"Same here"
>"Alright lets head out for some food"
"Sounds like a plan man"
>the three of you fall on your asses laughing for what felt like hours
>once the laughter died down you all head out into the world
"Holy shit!"
>"What what's wrong man?" says the little purple...thing in front of you
"Dude your a dragon AND you talk"
>"Wat?" Spike looks at his hands, "dude I AM a dragon", he starts moving his hands around "Weeeeiiirrrrddd"
"And and and Rainbow Dash is flying"
>"Dude I've always been been able to to do this" says the flying talking horse
"Niiiiice"
>"You dudes are fuckin crazy"
"says the talking dragon"
>"Shut up man...OH SHIT TWILIGHT EVERYP0NY CHILL OUT!"
>You, Rainbow Dash, and Spike stand perfectly still as Twilight takes about three years to pass you
>You check under your chin to see if you grew a beard
"Dudes I can't grow a beard" you say rubbing your chin
>Spike and Rainbow rub their chins "I can't either, dude" Spike says
>"I think I'm getting one" says Rain... what was her name again
>"Dude that just your fur under your chin Rainbow...uhhh"
"DASH THAT'S IT"
>"Dude chill here comes Twilight"
>You two go back to standing still, except Rainbow Dash who is still rubbing her chin, now her back and her sides
>"Dudes I got fur all over my body" her han...hooves? reach her wings "but my wings are made of feathers"
>You and Spike both say really
>"Who the fuck thought of a flying horse with wings made of feathers, wouldn't it just be fur like the rest of me?"
"Dude but feathers are lighter than fur so if your wings were made of fur then wouldn't you, like, not be able to fly?"
>"That is the greatest thing anyp0ny's ever said ever"
>You and Rainbow share the greatest hug ever, damn this girl is soft
>"Dudes chill Twilight's coming"
>you and Rainbow freeze like statues when you hear the clopping of hooves
>"Uhh...what are you two doing?" Twilight says, obviously confused about your love
>"What are we all doing, man? where in the matrix does it say that we are doing something and that others are doing nothing? in fact by going by that we are all pretty much doing nothing even when it looks like your doing something?" Rainbow says with a soul searching look on her face
"That's the greatest thing anyone's ever said" You and Spike say with tears in your eyes
>Spike also joined the hug, "Come on Twilight join us in this...beautiful...moment"
>"Uhh yeah I'd rather not" She says eyeing the three of you
"I love you Rainbow Dash" you say between sobs
>"I love you too, man"
>"Oh I love both of you guys" Spike says while still crying, but left the hug
>You then stare into Rainbow's huge rose colored eyes and she stares into your <insert eye color here> eyes
>You both then passionately kiss eachother in front of Twilight
>"Aww that's sweet isn't Twi..." Spike says looking over to see Twilight standing in shock, "..light?"
>"WHAT IN THE NAME OF CELESTIA DO YOU TWO THINK YOUR DOING!?!?!?!?"
"Aw don't mind her she's just jealous of our love" You say going in for another kiss
>"Yeah she doesn't know...true love" Rainbow says before you two kiss again

---

Three hours later

>You, Spike and Rainbow Dash wake up outside of city hall wearing tye-dye t-shirts
>"Where are we?"
"What happened"
>"I hate tye-dye" Rainbro threw her shirt off and started hovering again, "and why are we outside of city hall"
>You all take a look at the signs you all were carrying
>Spike's said: Elect Angel Bunny for King of Equestria
>Anon's said: We want channel 130
>Rainbow's said: Legalize Gay Mare-age <-(pun alert!)
>You and Spike get up and are greeted by Pinkie and miss snooty pants
>"What happened" Spike questions
>"You three were walking around town like ruffians tryin to promote these silly things", snooty bitch points at your signs, "and for the record Rainbow Dash Gay Mare-age IS legal so go find a mare and marry her"
>"And tie down the Dash? I'd rather spend the rest of my life wingless"
>Spike chuckles, "Angel Bunny for king" apparently Angel was serious as he kicked Spike while wearing a crown fit just for him
"What the hell is channel 130?"
>"I don't know, but Iii like it" Pinkie says ethusiasticly
>"Well I'd better get home it's getting dark and Twilight's probably worried"
>"Yeah, I'm headin home to got get up and clear the skies, you know the ususal, see ya Spike," Rainbow flies higher in the sky, "see ya Anon", she then flies to her cloud home
"Shall we, go home to rest?" You turn to Pinkie
>"Okaaay," she trots toward you, "Bye, Rarity"
>"Good-bye Pinkie, so long Anonymous"
>Huh?, she said bye at least she's not on Twilight's bullshit train
>You're then obligated to smile and wave goodbye as you and Pinkie head back to Sugarcube Corner
>You and Pinkie enter and are immediately greeted by the baby cakes
>Pound Cake flies into your hands as Pumpkin Cake teleports on your back, damn...she's getting better at magic already?
>You give the babies a hug and they nuzzle your chest, they begun treating as the brother they never expected and you pretty much return the affection since babies are one of the things that really give you diabeties
>"Oh Anon Pinkie your home" Says Mrs. Cake as she walks in with a tray of her delisious cupcakes which you and Pinkie begin to shovel down
>Today was a good day, Pot, cupcakes, and babies
>Livin the dream
>And now...bed time
>Aww yeah layin the blanket down, proping up the pillow just right, fluffed it to perfection, head lain down in 3...2..1...
>"Hey Anon?"
>FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Yes Pinkie?"
>"Twilight told me how you and Rainbow Dash kissed eachother," she looks down with supreme disappointment, "I guess you really like her"
>Wait a minute? WHAT?
"Wait a minute? What?"
>"Well today you and Rainbow Dash kissed eachother and told Twilight how she didn't understand your love"
>Wow that sounds retarded
"Pinkie me,Spike and Rainbow Dash just finished smoking marajuana at the time, we were probably balls on the walls high as shit"
>"Oh, Okaaay, so you don't luuuuuv Rainbow Dash?" Wow, her chipper mood just resurrected just like that?
"Well, Rainbow Dash is a good friend but I don't luuuuv her"
>"Okaaay, goodnight"
>And with that you turn over and go to sleep


---

>Day 18 in Equestria
>Current friend list consists of: Rainbro, Pinkie, Fluttershy and Spike
>Possible Aquaintences: Rarity, and the country hick
>Haters: Twi...Dickface and the bitch of bitches
>For the past few days when your hands smell like cotton candy, which is weird but the smell just washes off so you don't give a fuck
>Speaking of bathrooms you haven't been able to shit since you showed up and yesturday Twilight cast a spell on you that wouldn't allow you to anyway
>Luckly Pinkie had a chat with her and she told her that the spell will dissolve any waste that would cause build up but will not allow your current one
>At least you won't explode, but you still cry when you look at the toilet and there's just piss
>Strangely the guards that tell you to make the Mmm or they will fucking kill didn't show up, this and the fact that Twilight showed up with a note stating you didn't have to make it today because the Princess was on royal business made you happy as shit
>Fuck yeah day off
>Your gonna go visit the rest of the elements and try to gain some ground against Twilight
>Starting with the country hick since you've only seen her once
>You follow Pinkie to some farm outside of Ponyville
>"You're going to like Applejack, she's suuuuuper nice and...", Pinkie says while doing her usual hopping instead of walking
>I still don't get that
>Me neither brain
>Meh, this chick is weird
>But it's a good weird
>Yeah, I like her
>Me too brain
>Oh look a farm
>Pinkie then pulls out what looks like some orange marshmellow with a hat
>"And this is Applejack"
"Nice to meet you" You say with a nice guy smile and stick out your hand
>This hand...is met with a hoof and big smile from Applejack
>"Weeell shoot, I thought you'd be at least a little spiteful, guess ah owe Big Mac an apple pah", says as she shakes your hand
"Huh? I thought you wouldn't like me since you talked to Twilight before me"
>"Well, she tried to me ta hate ya," She then take of her hat and sets it on her chest, "But, it ain't rite to judge a p0ny without gettin ta know 'em"
" I hear that!", you then brohoof her and she gets the widest fucking grin ever
>"Now that's what ah call a handshake", she tosses her hat to you and you put on the greatest Chuck Norris stare ever
>"Ah might as well getcha your own hat," she eyes you up and down, peering slowly at your down, as if undressing you with her eyes, "Your lookin purty good in it"
>Pinkie changes the subject as you ponder to yourself what just happened
>You shrug it off and say that your shwag is just too powerful

---

>Next on the list is Rarity
>She was nice to you yesturday, well nicer than Twilight, so you follow Pinkie to Rarity's boutique
>You might as well prepare for a hug or somthing as you...
>"PINKIE WHAT ARE YOU DOING LETTING THAT BRUTE IN HERE!?!?!?"
>Well this is off to a good start
"My name is Anon and," Your eye twitches in anger, but you still put on a biiiiiig smile, "It's nice...to meet you"
>"Aww Rarity, at least give Anon a chance"
>"Not after his rude behavior at the dinner that SHE...THREW...FOR...YOU!!!"
>Brain I'm lost, should I punch this bitch or let it go?
>Personally guts telling me punch her but, I say walk away
>Will do
>You walk out the door and flip her the fuck off
>"Ohh, you uncouth brute how dare you make such a rude gesture to a lady?"
>What the fuck was that man?
>What?
>You gave her the bird?
>Yeah but I thought these ponies wouldn't know what it meant since they don't have fingers
>Dude so far you've smoked pot, got eye raped, they have babies so obviously they fuck, and their queen is a bitch, STOP THINKING THIS PLACE IS CHILDLIKE AND INNOCENT IT'S JUST FOR SHOW!!!
>Fine brain I will try not to be a dick anymore
>Are you sure? Because when I don't help you tend to be one
>Go fuck off your still the controller of my thoughts and actions
>I state again; GO SUCK A DONKEY
>As you left Pinkie followed soon after
"Yeah sorry about the whole 'flipping your friend off' thing"
>"Oh that's ok I guess you can't be friends with everyp0ny"
"Well, that's the last of your friends, so what do you have planned for the rest of the day?"
>"Not much, just Pinkie-ing around all day, what about you?"
"Hmm? Well..."
>"LOOK OUT"
>You are suddenly hit by a blue thing with wheels on it being riden by a small orange ball
>You stagger back up and look for the motherfucker who hit you
>Remember don't be a dick
"WHO THE FUCK IS THE CUNTMUFFIN WHO DID THAT SHIT"
>Nice goin Anon
>You breifly hear somep0ny say muffins until you see the turned over...scooter?
>Next to said scooter is an orange filly (at least that's what everp0ny else calls little girls in this place) lying on her back
"Hey kid, you alright there?"
>"Mmm, yeah I'm fine" she rubs her helmet and streches her little wings
>You help her up and turn over her scooter
"So what's your name?"
>"Well..."
>"Oh that's Scootaloo, hi Scootaloo!"
>"Hey Pinkie," she turns her attention back to you, "So what's your na..." she seems taken aback as she stares at how tall you are
>Oh boy here we go
>IT'S GODZILLA!!!
>"W-wow you s-sure are t-tall," we all see the stuttering in fear right?
"Yeah but don't worry I'm not a monster or anything," you stick out your hand, "by the way I'm Anonymous, Anon for short"
>She bumps your hand with her hoof with a sudden smile on her face, "Wow so your the one Rainbow Dash talks about all the time, nice job on inventing the brohoof"
>Fuck yeah brohoof invading ponyville like baws
"Well a friend of Rainbro is a friend of mine," she suddenly hovers with joy as she jumps on your shoulders
>"Come on lets go on ADVENTURE"
>You shrug and run towards where she's pointing
"Isn't that the Everfree Forest?"
>"Yeah there's always adventure there, besides your so big and strong you'll beat up anything that'll try to hurt us"
>You wanted to agrue but, when she said how big and strong you were it gave you the energy to run head first into the forest ready to Indiana Jones anything and everything
> The last thing you see is Pinkie waving goodbye and then trees, trees everywhere

---

five minutes later

"Welp we're lost," you say as you come to a screeching halt
>"Yup," she has a bored/worried look on her face
>You put that worry to rest as you assure her nothing will hurt her as long as your here
>She gives you small smile, and you continue blankly walking in...a direction of some kind
"So you know anything about this forest? like what kind of animals are here?"
>"Well there's lots but all I've seen is Cockatrice"
"A what?"
>"It has the head of a chicken but if you look it in the eyes it turns you to stone"
>Suddenly this doesn't seem like a good idea
"Well that just suuuu...?," you stop as you reach some kind of african hut
>"Hey Zecora lives here maybe she can tell us where to find some adventure"
"Ooookay," you walk to the door and politely knock on the door
>You also hear some kind of weird language on the other side of the door
>"Who be there, this afternoo...," she open's the door, and begins to get scared until she sees you with Scootaloo on your back,"ahh, hello there Scootaloo"
>"Hi Zecora, look what I found"
"Hey I'm not a lost pet you know"
>"Hmm he speaks, of that I didn't know," she moves aside to allow you in her hut, "please sir let us talk more before you go"
"Why thank you" You walk in to her hut and see a bunch of masks and shit everywhere, but you disregard your fear since she was nice enough to let you in her home
"Huh, nice decorations" you set Scootaloo down on the floor
>"Why thank you sir, your words are kind, but I have a few questions, if you do not mind" She sits on a nearby pillow, and you soon follow suit
"Welp ask away"
>Scootaloo takes her attention away from...some weird cauldron, to pay attention to your conversation
>"Ok, question one, please tell me where did you come from?"
"Well I come from a place called earth, United States of America to be specific"
>"Hmm I've never heard of this earth, is this your place of birth?"
"Yup lived there since 18 days ago I think,"
>"Ahh very good, thank you for helping me, for I misunderstood," she gets some kind of liquid from the cauldron and pours it in to several bowls
>She gives one to you and Scootaloo
>Mmm fruit punch
"Thank you Zecora"
>"Yeah thanks," Scootaloo takes a sip and returns to listening
>"Now question two, what kind of work do you do?"
"Well I'm currently Princess Celestia slave baker, daily forced to make the hardest cake known to ma...uhh, pony...kind?"
>"That's sounds very unfair, the others should be aware"
"Others?"
>"Well there's Twilight Sparkle who..."
"Twilight doesn't exactly like me" you groan in pain as your reminded of your agliment
>"...What is wrong? why do you groan of pain so long?"
"Twilight cast a spell on me and now I can't...ahem use the bathroom" your cheeks glow crimson due to embarassment
>"I wish I could help, I really do, but I use potions, magic I cannot undo"
"Ohh...," the thought didn't even cross your mind, and now it's to late, "Well don't let it get you down I'll be fine it just hurts at times for a sec, I barely even notice it any more"
>"I am glad your in a cheery mood, now this next question might be a little lewd"
"How so?" you raise an eyebrow and begin to cover Scoots ears
>"Please do not fret, or grow pale, I just wish to know if you are a male" she blushes slightly
"Yes I am" You say flatly with a hint of annoyance
>"Oh I am sorry, I did not mean to offend, I just did not want our conversation to end"
"Oh that's ok, well I guess I could ask you some questions"
>"Go ahead and ask with pride, I have nothing to hide"
"So I've been around ponies for a while and I wonder how did you get your cutie mark," You point to her flank, but relise your mistake "not that I've been staring at your butt the entire time it just it looks so exotic...your cutie mark I mean"
>"Do not worry friend, for your curiosity I shall mend," she take a sip of the juice she passed out earlier, you kinda forgot it was there, "now this cutie mark you speak of is what ponies gain when they realise their true destiny, however where I come from this not true" she sets her juice down and puts on serious face
>You and Scootaloo stop what your doing and pay close attention
>"In the land of the zebras we do not earn cutie marks," she points to her flank, "these are tribal markings symbolizing me as an herbalist. We have many others that have the same mark as me at my home village and others with different marks that symbolze other jobs like witch doctors, warriors, and tribe leaders. It is through these we know who to go to if we have an alement, or news to the leader," she takes another sip and looks at you with a smile, "I hope I did not put you in a rut whilst you were staring at my butt"
>Scootaloo and Zecora laugh while you try to figure out what just happened there
"Well it's getting late me and Scoots should head home"
>"Yes, It is a bad idea to see, the night life of the Everfree"
>"Ok come on Anon" She jumps on your back again and you both head the direction Zecora told to
>You arrive in Ponyville in no time
>You and Scoot part ways and you walk towards Sugarcube Corner
>On the way there you see Applejack and what looks like a strong ass motherfucker
>"Well hay there Anon" Applejack greets you and turns to mister-he-can-kick-my-ass, "This is mah brother Big Macintosh"
>You stick out your hand which is meet by his hoof in a fucking vicegrip handshake but you still put on a smile
"Hey there Big Macintosh" You grit your teeth at the pain
>When he sees he's hurting you he stops shaking your hand "Sorry 'bout that"
"Ahh no biggie, so what do you do on the farm?"
>"Ah mainly do the heavy liftin', plow work, an' help Applejack buck th' apples outta th' trees"
"Honest work I see, I respect that"
>"See sis' ah told ya he was a good guy" he gives a small smile and chuckles at his sister
>"Oh hush up you"
"It's almost dark what are you guys doin out here"
>"We were sellin some apples an' we just closed up shop"
"Well guess I'll see you tomorrow Applejack, Big Mac"
>"Eeeyup"
>"Bye there sugacube"
>Do I detect a hint of 'want my dick' in her voice, and did she wink at me?
>Initiate GTFO-mode
>Return to Sugarcube Corner in no time
>Sidestep babies and the Cakes to sleep this day away and head to your's and Pinkie's room
>Find Pinkie looking alittle down, Ok alot down
>Her Hair is straight and she's lost that bright pink color in her fur
>"Oh hey Anon" she looks at you with a weak smile and tears rising in her eyes
"Something on your mind?" you say with a hint of concern
>"It's...nothing good night" she lays her head on her pillow and ignores your further questioning
>You decide to let it go for now and sleep

---

>Day 27 at least
>Friends include: Pinkie, Rainbro, Spike, Fluttershy, Applejack (I think), and Scootaloo
>Haters include: Twibitch, Princess...meh I ran out of insults, and Rarity
>For the past few days your hands haven't smelled like cotton candy and Pinkie hasn't been there when you wake up
>You would ask what's going on at night but she just says she's tired and goes to bed
>Your only company after finishing your cake for the princess has been Rainbro
>She's cool to chill with, but you can't fly so often the conversation ends with you asking shit about flying
>You really miss the little energetic ball of pink, but you can't do anything about it
>Also, since you became a master baker the Cakes have officially employed you, pay and everything
>So with the money you raised you begged and pleaded to the Princess to let you buy your own house
>She was reluctant at first until she said that everyday you'll have to make the Mmm with a side of cupcakes
>That fat bitch
>You agree to the terms and a house was bought
>As your packing up your...wait a minute you don't have any belonging
>As you go out to the market to buy some belongings you realise there's nothing you could buy that's for humans
>"How about we go ask Rarity if she could make you some clothes" Pinkie pops out from seemingly nowhere
>This startles you but your excited to see Pinkie happy and cheery again
"Pinkie! your back to normal!" A huge ass smile grows on your face as you hug the little pink mare
>"Yay! hugs from Anon!," you set her down, "Come on lets go see if Rarity will make you some clothes"
"Oh, well...okay"
>You and Pinkie go to Rarity's boutique again
>Pinkie walks in first this time and you follow a few seconds later
>"Please forgive my outlandish behavior last we met Anon," she sticks out her hoof, reluctantly but does it, "It was rude of me to not let you speak your peace"
"That's ok Rarity" you reach to shake her hoof but it retracts back to Rarity in disgust
>This makes Pinkie give her a strange look so she shakes your hand anyway
>"So what is it that you will be needing today?"
"Me and Pinkie want to know if you could make me some clothes"
>Suddenly tape measures all over you measuring every side of you body
>"Not to worry I'll have something for you in a matter of hours," ALL TAPE MEASURES...RETREAT, "you may return at anytime you wish"
"Wow thanks," you turn to Pinkie, "So what do we do till then?"
>You originally thought she would say nothing so you can talk to her about what happened but instead she says play hide and seek, says your it and runs off

---

>As told you return in a matter of hours, however you don't have Pinkie with you
"Damn she's good at that game," you mutter to yourself, "ok Rartity I'm here for..."
>A box suddenly is thrown at your face "Take it and go you uncouth ruffian!"
>Great we're back to this
>Come on brain she threw a box at me and insulted me, what do?
>Do whatever this bitch is gonna pay
"Ahem, my sincerest apologies Miss Rarity, but to what did I do now to deserve your venom this fine day?"
>"Are you still here? I said get out!"
"Very well Madame, but before I leave I must insist that you take the stick that has been wedged up your anal cavity and go ROAST IN A FIRE YOU FUCKING UPTIGHT, COCKSUCKING, MARSHMALLOW BITCH" you slam her door which is flown open once again
>"HOW DAAARE YOU, YOU..." you stopped listening to this bitch and walk home
>On your way you see Fluttershy at the market trying to buy a cherry from some guy
>Apparently she's trying to get it for a lower price but he keeps raising it
>"That'll be seven bits, lady" he says sternly
>"two bits?" she says tryin to be stern but failing epicly
>"eight bits" he says being more forceful
>"three bits?" she basicly pleads
>"Nine bits and that basket of yours" he points to her basket full of groceries
>"Oh...well...okay" she starts to pour out what was in her basket when you stop her
"Don't worry Flutters I got this" you set your box of clothes down and walk up to the clerk
>"Hey, who are you?"
"Not important, what is important is that your trying to swindle my friend for all shes got," you crack your knuckles with an incredibly loud pop, "and that doesn't sit right with me"
>"Well I don't care I'm trying to make a deal over here and your try to muscle me out of it?," he goes from behind his counter to in your face, "No way"
>This causes you to chuckle
"Ok buddy so WHAT YOU CALL A DEAL IS SELLING ONE CHERRY FOR NINE BITS AND A BASKET?!," you make sure everone in the market square can hear you, "WOW THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT DEAL!"
>The clerk sees what your doing, and notices your drawing a crowd
>"That doesn't sound like a deal at all" one guy says
>"He should be sent to jail for trying to swindle poor people out of their money" another crowd member says
>"There should be a law against that" says one mare
>"Wait till Mayor-Mare here's about this" says another writting down whats happening
>the clerk suddenly sees he's tied over a barrel as he stares at your smug grin
"So what was the price for one cherry was again?"
>The clerk looks over you to Fluttershy "One bit"
>Fluttershy sqeals with delight "Oh thank you Anon" she hugs you
>Crowd in the background cheer and somewhere in the world Peewee Herman looks down upon you and smiles
>You get praised as a hero and beloved by many...too many to be exact so you grab Flutters and escape the crowd
>Once your sure you lost everyp0ny you walk with Fluttershy to her cottage
>"Wow Anon what you did today was really noble" she could give you diabeties with a smile like that
"Ah don't mention it Fluttershy...HOLY CRAP I FORGOT MY BOX"
>You just now noticed your not carrying your box full of clothes
>"Oh my, I'm sorry Anon," she seems to be on the edge of crying, "I didn't mean for..."
"It's no problem Fluttershy, really, I didn't even spend money on those clothes anyway so it's cool" you try to cheer her up, when that fails you reassure her it's not her fault
>When suddenly...WILD PONY APPEARS
>Shit I thought I lost that crowd
>"Finally...caught up...with you," the little light blue unicorn with some kind of harp on her ass is totally out of breath, "you forgot your box" she lifts the box with magic and hands it to you
>Suddenly the planets aligned and gods smiled upon you as you grabbed the box with the biggest smile ever
"Thanks I really really appreciate it"
>The unicorn looks like you just gave her diabeties, "I'm Lyra, what's your name?"
"I'm Anonymous, Anon for short" she sticks out her hoof and you can't help but show her the almighty brohoof
>Same reaction as the others who know of this ancient technique
>"Well now that you have your box I...OH DEAR, DID THAT CLERK HURT YOU?"
>You just now noticed your nose was bleeding, probably when Rarity threw the box at your face
"Nah, this was here before but I guess I didn't notice"
>She already returned with a first aid kit
>Lyra just stands there in awe of your apparent nose bleed, in fact she stands in awe when you lift your hand, or speak, or breath pretty much
>She just stares away at every part of your body, especially your neather region
>Man why does everyp0ny want my dick?
>Fluttershy wipes away the blood and kisses your nose like a mother kissing a child's wound
>Brain do another scan for diabeties
>Yup you got it
>FUCK I KNEW IT
"Wow that actually feels better"
>Lyra seemed to be writing notes for some reason
"Welp i better get home see ya Fluttershy, Lyra"
>"Oh uhhh...I'll come with you...I just so happen to be walking the same way" Lyra says trotting next to you
"Actually I think I'll stay here then"
>Fluttershy lights up with excitement
>"Oh theeen...I'll stay here too I kinda wanted to adopt a pet"
>...
"Actually I was thinking of going into the Everfree forest to go get raped by a tree and bj some beavers"
>"...Can I watch?"
"Are you kidding?"
>She gives you a 'do I look like I'm kidding?' face
"Fine you can walk with me to my house
>*squee*
>"Uhm...bye Anon...and...Lyra"
"Bye Fluttershy"
>You walk home with your faithful companion Lyra by your side as you journey through dangerous deserts, traumatizing swamps, harsh mountains, and an evil sun goddess who is out to make you fucking miserable
>We all know that most of that was made up bullshit, but you arrive at your own house in pretty much no time
>When you arrive at your house you see Lyra take account to every turn corner and other possible routes to your house
"Well I'll see ya Lyra" you say opening the door
>"Well ummm...can I come in"
"I'm sorry but I'm ti..."
>"SUPRISE," Pinkie apparently threw you a party, but not just any party, "DJ PUMP UP THAT BLAZIN BASS"
>The DJ complies and your house is filled with hardstyle trance
"You threw me a rave?!?!"
>"Well yeah I read that this is what some humans call parties so I got my friend DJ-PON3 to throw this rave just for you" she's dressed up like your usual kandi raver accented with actual candy
>Now back home you loved a good rave with your friends and such, but... you know what this place stopped surprising you when you smoked pot with Rainbro and Spike
>Everyp0ny was here, even Fluttershy who you saw only moments ago
>And Rainbro was right she even brought a sheet of acid for you and anyp0ny interested
>While you were tripping on acid with Flutters Hardstyle, lights and motherfuckers invading your empty fridge were everywhere
>You pretty much can't recall...whatever you were trying to recall...wait whut
>Now...can't...brain...good....

---

>Be day some number
>Friends: a bunch
>Haters: a lot more
>You wake up on your couch, your naked, but you have a blanket draped over your under region
>A lot of ponies crashed at your place including the dj
>You can't recall much of last night but you remember a rave and something about acid
>OH SHIT WHERE'S FLUTTERSHY?
>You look around desperately for that delicate, adorable little angel of innocence
>She lifts her head from under the blanket and sees you and your nudity
>"Oh my did...we?" she looks very concerned
>You pray you both didn't when suddenly Lyra lifts her head from the same blanket
>"Oh man did...we?" she looks a bit too excited
>You again pray you didn't have a threesome with horses when ANOTHER CHALLANGER APPEARS
>Pinkie lifts her head but she was closer to your junk than the others so the blanket lifted up too
>Flutters and Lyra get a peep at your dick before you snatch the blanket from Pinkie's head
>Fluttershy blushes intensely while Lyra wishes she brought her camera
>"Oh morning Anon, Lyra, Fluttershy," she just gets up like nothing happened, "I'm starved what's for breakfast"
>Suddenly a knock on the door
>It's the guards who supervise your making of the Princess's favorite cake
>As if today couldn't get any better, they look around to see passed out ponies everywhere
>"So may we ask what happened here?"
"Will you report it to the Princess?"
>"Nop0ny seems dead so I don't think she would care if we didn't"
>"There was a party and it was suuuper fun," Pinkie Pie quickly explains, she then looks down in dissapointment, "Aww you guys didn't get to see it"
>DJ suddenly wakes up "Woah," she turns to you and Pinkie, "you gotta throw another human party like that, that was awesome, I've never been that high before" she takes a gulp of some Applejack Daniels and walks over to you with your blanket covering you under region
>"High?" one of the guards question
>Hey Anon, brain here with an idea
>I'm listening
>We get the guards high and maybe you can take a day off of making cakes
>sounds like a plan to me
>You grab some left over...anything really because you want to give them a choice
"How about you try it out?"
>"How dare you? we are on duty" one guard says
>"Aww lighten up Phillip, besides this job is boring anyway and we could use some excitement" the other insists
>"Well I guess a little won't hurt"
"Great," you motion Fluttershy to close the door as she can tell where this is going "You have your choices boys" you lay a pound of cocaine, a couple hits of acid, some blunts, a couple shrooms, and anything else that'll do ya
>With a few instructions and a warning that they should stay at your house they begin
>Meanwhile DJ's playing a home favorite of yours that is really appropriate at the time
>You, Pinks, Fluttershy and a few other ponies can't help but join in on the fun as the rave starts over

---

>Bout sometime later the guards sober up and leave telling you they'll tell the Princess you were sick today and had to help you with a few things
>With the drugs gone and everyp0ny sober more ponies start heading home
>"Man that was the best party I ever DJaied we gotta hang some more later" you and DJ brohoof
"Definately, by the way I'm Anon"
>"I'm Vinly to the Scratch at your service," she bows, "but my stage name is DJ P0N-3"
"Nice, need any help movin' your equipment?"
>"Nah, I got it" she moves her mane out of the way to reveal a horn
"Sweet, your a unicorn"
>"Yup" her horn lights up and the equipment shrinks until its pocket sized
"Awesome"
>"Welp I'll see you guys on the flip side," one more brohoof, "Later Anon, Pinks again nice party, Shy you are ooone crazy chick" she lightly taps Fluttershy on the shoulder and she blushes
>And with that she teleports home
>And then everyp0ny else went home, luckily Flutters, Pinkie, and Lyra stayed to help with clean up
>Then everyp0ny's gone
>You return from your bedroom, fully clothed and shwag turned on, to see Lyra never left
"Sooooo...got any plans today?"
>"Mmm...nope not really" she then sits on your couch like she lives here
>Great now what?
"Umm...I'm just gonna go do some stuff outside"
>"Mind if I come with?"
>She jolts up and...is she wagging her tail
"Actually I was planning on do something else," you walk to your door "So see ya around"
>You run like fucking hell out or your own house
>You reach Sweet Apple Achers and think you lost her so you chill the fuck out
>Since your here might as well see Applejack and her brother
>You reach the barn and are intercepted by Scootaloo and two other little fillies
>"Hey Anon," she turns to the other two, "this is the guy I was telling you about"
>The other two look scared shitless, but the one with the big ass bow slowly smiles
>"A-ah'm A-Applebloom" she manages to say
"Well I'm Anon," you stick out your hand, "and any friend of Scoots is a friend of mine"
>The tiny unicorn is still scared shitless but Applebloom eventually shakes your hand
"What's your name sweetie?" you look at her with your best diabeties stare
>Silence
>"She's Sweetie Belle" Scootaloo says finally breaking the silence
"So Sweetie Bell, your friends with Scootaloo?"
>You know that was a dumbass question, shit even Gilbert Godfreid knows it, but it's all you can do to try and get this little ball of cuteness to say something
>"...What do you think?" she finally say with an annoyed look on her face
>VICTORY!!!!!!!
"Sorry just wanted to get you to say something, at least it worked"
>And with that you walk away to search for Big Mac or Applejack
>With in minutes you find Applejack kicking apples out of a tree
"So are you mad or something?"
>"Huh? oh hay sugacube," she kicks more apples out of the tree, "nah, this is just how we get the apples outta tha' trees"
"Cool, so I see your busy I'll jus..."
>"Wait a minute," she literally gallops in front of you, "I can break for a spell, what's on your mind?"
"Oh nothing really just bored, all though you ever heard of a pony named Lyra?"
>"Unicorn? Sky Blue? Harp cutie mark?"
"The same."
>"What about 'er?"
"She's not only stalking me, she's sitting on my couch as we speak"
>Applejack burst out laughing
>This laughter lasts for what seems like 30 mins.
>Once she stops laughing, she serious'd
>"Sugacube you gotta put your hoof down and say no to Lyra"
"I did, I also said that I was going to go in the everfree forest to get raped by a tree and blow some beavers and she says can I watch"
>"Now that's funny" she looks at you with serious
"More like creepy if you ask me" you look even more serious
>Silence
>"...You know your lookin a might tense there," she gets behind you, "I betchu could use a massage"
>A massage from a horse?
>Due to your curiousity you let her massage you
>So far it doesn't suck, but her hooves can't grip anything and the fact that she has no experience didn't help either
>knock knock
>What brain?
>Don't be a dick
>Fine
>Massage goes on for a while till she asks you to lie on your stomach
>Now she's rubbing all over your back, not even massaging anymore
>In fact it's more like groping
"...Sooo uhh Applejack you sure you know what your doing?"
>"Now hush now I know exactly what ahm doin"
>Hooves gettin a bit low there
>Now she wants you on your back
>Aww shit I know where this is going
>Since your being nice and don't see AJ as a rapist you comply
>Rubbing chest, feels kinda nice really
>Goin to stomach, feeling your non-existant abs
>Aww damn it she's going lower
>Now we're at pseudo-handjob
"I think I'm good now, thanks AJ," you try to get up but your stopped by a hoof
>AJ's hoof to be exact
>"Nope your still tense down there, but don't worry" she brings her mouth close to your zipper, "I know exactly what ahm doin"
>She uses her mouth to unzip your jeans
>Well I'm fucked
>"Applejaaaaack, where are ya?"
>HELL YEAH BIG MAC TO THE RESCUE
>She zips your jeans up before Big Mac shows up
>He's confused to see you lying on the ground in front of Applejack
>"Uhh...what's goin on here?"
"Dude your sister..."
>"...was just buckin apples when one of em hit poor Anon's head"
>He looks at your head
>"Ah don't see nuthin..."
>"BIG MAC WHAT'S THAT?!?"
>As soon as he turns away she punches you in the head
"WHAT THE..."
>"If you say a word ah'll buck you into next week"
>You immediately shut the fuck up since that punch hurt more than you buddy's did when the two of fought over some bullshit you don't even remember anymore
>"Ah don't...oh"
>He sees you holding your head, which has a big ass lump on it
>"You gotta get sum ice on that," he helps you up, "come on granny'll fix ya up real nice like"
>You and Big Mac walk towards the barn, you look back to see AJ waving at you with want-your-dick eyes
>Once you and Big Mac get far enough you look at him with serious
"Dude your sis just tried to rape me"
>"Come again?" He looks at you, really suspiciously
"I said your sister just tried to rape me, and when you looked away she punched me and told me not to tell"
>He stares at you blankly
>You do the same to hime but with a more serious look
>"...Welp, you gonna marry her?"
"Hell no"
>"Ok then ah'll make sure it doesn't happen again"
"Woah, seriously?"
>"Eeeyup"
"That's totally awesome of you Big Mac"
>"No problem"
>Intiate brohoof mode
>"But, don't go tellin Granny or Applebloom for that matter"
>No surprise that Big Mac, Applejack, and Applebloom are related
"No problem just keep me safe and I'll even help around any time ya need me"
>"Deal"
>Shake hands and enter barn
>Meet Granny Smith, she patches you up, and you leave

---

>You are Big Macintosh
>Big brother of...blah blah blah you know the drill
>It's nightfall and it's time you confront Applejack about her rapin Anon today
>After dinner you walk to Applejacks room and knock on the door
"Applejack can ah speak witchu for a spell?"
>The door opens with Applejack's smiling face
>"Sure come on in"
>You enter AJ's room and sit on her bed
>She sits next to you
>"So what's on yer mind"
"...Anon told me what happened today"
>You see the fear in her eyes which confirms what he said
>"A-ah don't know whut yer talkin about"
"You always were a terrible liar"
>AJ immediately perks up with a certain smug look you know too well
>"Fine, ah admit it I tried to force myself on Anon"
"..."
>"So that's your response huh? no sayins? no mathmatics? nuthin?"
>You get up and walk to the door
"...Leave him alone sis," you open the door, "this is yer only warnin"
>"Ha! as tha element of honesty ah'll tell ya tha truth"
>You turn to face her
>"Ah'm gonna get what ah want one way or another"

---

>Day something or other
>Friends: a bunch
>Haters: alot more
>Rapists: Applejack and maybe Lyra
>You are Anonymous and your at your house waking up in your bed
>You get up and go to the bathroom
>After your shower and daily crying session because you still can't shit you go downstairs for some breakfast
>Aww yeah makin sum eggs and pancakes
>Eat the shit out of those and your ready for the day
>Guards show up for their daily Mmm for the Princess and today she wants some milk too since you didn't give her the cake yesturday
>HOWEVER, you had a shit ton of time yesterday so you already baked the cake, the cupcakes, AND you got that bitch some milk
>the guards leave with the supplies and your free for the rest of the day
>You bake tomorrow's cake with cupcakes and use your master skills of putting them in the fridge so it stays fresh
>Welp that's done so lets see what adventures I'm off to for the day
>You walk outside and take a deep breath of that morning air
>Stores aren't open yet but there are still ponies walkin around and doin whatever it is they do on a regular day to day basis
>Here's Derpy with your mail let's go greet her
"Hey Derpster what's today's mail?"
>She turns to you with a pair of upside down glasses and looks for your mail
>"Uhhh...I don't think you have any mail today"
"Are you sure?"
>"Yes...trust me I am science" she adjusts her glasses as she says that last line
>You laugh and pat her on the head
"Alright I'll take your word for it"
>Derpy flies off to deliver the rest of the mail
>After a few seconds of walking you find your mail in another mailbox, which made you chuckle
"If she's science then I must be Dinitrogen tetraphosphate"
>You chuckle again as you open a letter from the princess
>Ah low and behold your pay for baking that bitch her cake everyday
>A whole 1000 bits
>the next letter were your bills for your house
>...WHY IS ELECTRICITY 400 BITS
>...WHY IS WATER 600 BITS
>Princess Sunhorse trying to squeeze every "bit" out of you
>Welp there goes your paycheck
>Luckly you have some monies left over from your past paychecks so atleast you'll survive long enough until your next paycheck
>Oh well, bored as shit so might as well get something to read
>Off to the library
>Knockin on the door of the library
>Realize Library isn't open
>Wait three minutes until 8:30 so the Library will be open
>Knock on the door again
>Greet Spike
>Enter Library
"Heya Twilight"
>She glances over to you and says a very low Mm-hm
>Sigh
"So Sp...Twilight you got any books that I could be interested in?"
>Spike's confused, but Twilight looks slightly excited
>"What kind of books are you interested in?"
"To be honest ya got any on magic?"
>Suddenly it's like every ounce of hate she had for you just disappeared
>"I have plenty of books on magic," she starts levitating a shit ton of books, "What do you need; practicing magic?, learning magic?, the gathering of magick?"
"I'll take a beginners guide to practicing magic"
>She levitates the book over to you and you begin reading immediately
>Then you remember ponylish isn't written like English
>Also your not a unicorn
"Hey...uh I don't have a horn so how would I do this exactly"
>Suddenly wires cover every inch of your body, she puts this weird ass helmet on you, and it's all hooked to this giant ass machine
>"Let's find out," she opens the book in front of you, "try this one it's a basic levitation spell"
>Levitation is easy? okay then
>You start thinking about levitating, and floating, and Star Wars
>SUDDENLY your finger starts glowing with a weird blue aura
>Twilight gasps with delight as you start weakly making the book's page turn
>After a few minutes and a bunch of failed attempts you finally turn the page
>AWW YEAH ANON LEARNED BASIC LEVITATION LEVEL...0.0000000000001
"Aww yeah I'm starting to get it"
>"That's awesome Anon!," she turns the page, "Here try the next step"
>Ok Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars
>Now the book is lightly floating out of your reach as the aura surrounds your entire hand
>"Alright, Anon"
>So after vigirous training with Twilights help you finally master levitation and can levitate multiple things at once with both your hands
>"This is great, I didn't know humans could use magic!"
"Me neither to be honest," you stop levitating books, "I just came to see if we could be friends"
>You stick out your hand and she cautiously shakes it
>"I guess we could try," she retracts her hoof, "but today I have alot to do so could we hang out tomorrow?"
"Sure"
>And with that you wave to her and Spike and leave

---

>While outside you start to look for shit to levitate because it's completely awesome
>You pull out some of your money, throw it in the air, levitate it and make it circle around you like you have your own center of gravity
>This catches the attention of a few unicorns, one of them being Rarity with a somewhat baffeled expression
"You surprised?" you walk over to her and she seems to be startled when you speak
>"N-no," that was a bald ass lie, "I'm just curious as to how YOU learned magic"
"Humph...did it myself with a little help from Twilight"
>Multiple unicorns begin studying you and your body structure
>You grab your change and walk away from the crowd of ponies
>Some begin to follow you and you counter act this by running like hell
>You lose them easily and find yourself at Fluttershy's house
>You see her feeding some animals and this gives you an idea
>You grab the sack of animal food she's holding and make it hover above her
>This startles her and she hides in a bush
>Now you wish you didn't do that, lower the food and walk into veiw
"Hey sorry Fluttershy about the whole floating thing"
>She peeks her head out of the bush and is excited to see you?
>"Oh hi Anon," she gets out of the bush, "How are you today?"
>Damn she's adorable even with twigs in her mane
"I'm fine just learned some magic and I guess I got carried away"
>You magic all the twigs out of her hair in an instant, this gets you a free hug from Flutters
>"Soo...um y-you wanna see my animals?"
"Sure lets see what you got"
>She looks like she about to burst into song
>"Anon I have so many pets for you..."
"Fluttershy you can just show me you know"
>"Ohh..." she looks disappointed
>Hey what did I tell you about being an asshole
>I'm sorry I didn't mean too
"H-hey uhh oh man I'm gonna hate myself for this but," you take a deep breath, "Fluttershy with pets so many, please help me deciiiide"
>Damn you suck at singing, but atleast she perks up
"Now lets go...and um...see...those pets?"
>"Anon you don't have to try so hard" she giggles
>Damn her laugh is infectious, so you chuckle warmly
>she grabs your hand with her hoof "C'mon lets go"
>She's got alot of pets, so many to the point where you wonder how she feeds them
>And those were just the outside pets
>Now we go inside and see that she has a shit ton of birds and rabbits
>"And this is my pet bunny Angel" she lifts up the little ball of fluf
>He seems like dick but you still shake his little paw
>She flies over to her couch "Sit down and I'll get you something to drink"
>The Element if Kindness at it's finest
"Okay Fluttershy" you sit down and patiently wait for the refreshments
>She brings you some tea...why is there one cup?
"Aren't you goin to get something?"
>"Oh I will in a second...,I just wanted to see if you liked tea"
>Hmm? suspisious but okay
>You take a sip to be nice even though you hate tea
"Hmm tastes funny..."
>K.O!!

---

Later

>You awake on Fluttershy's couch pretty confused on what just happened
>Also your shirt and pants seem to be missing
>Enter Flutters
"Hey uh Fluttershy what happened"
>She dropped a bottle of something and seems startled that your awake
>"YOUR UP ALL READY?!?"
"Uh...yeah...is that bad?"
>"Oh...uhh...no it's just I was, uhm...washing your clothes when you took a nap on my couch"
>You all ready know that was a huge ass lie
"Fluttershy I'm not dumb..."
>She breaks into tears "I'm so sorry, please don't hate me!"
"It's cool look you didn't do anyhting yet right?"
>"...nothing except kiss you," she seems to drift off, "And feel your soft bare chest and make your hand lightly spank me because I was such a bad pony and you were gonna..."
>hmm? kinky
>...in fact you could use this to your advantage
"...hey Fluttershy," you get up from the couch with an evil look in your eye, "since you've been such a bad pony I think you should be punished"
>this snaps her out of her trance and she blushes "...like what?"
"Face the wall and prepare"
>she props her self up against the wall and presents her rump to you
>"...I'm ready"
>You ready your hand, raise it high until it touches the roof and...
>"...Anon? are you going to..."
>WHAM! a solid hit right on the arse
>She squeals with pain and pleasure as you raise your hand again
"You liked that?"
>She nods
"Now for your punishment"
>"What?"
"Your punishment is waiting for another chance like this with me"
>She turns around baffled at what you said
>"W-what, but..."
"Ah ah ah spanking you would only be a treat to you, now you'll have to wait until I give you another"
>"But.."
"...or did you not remember that you were a bad pony?"
>She looks like she had a mini orgasm when you called her that
>"I see now...the tension of waiting to get what I deserve," she gets in your face and looks at you with sex eyes, "your so wicked...and it turns me on"
>She sticks her tongue in your mouth and flies into the other room to get your clothes
>You redress and head to the door
>"Remember Anon, I'll be waiting"
>With that you walk outside
>Welp, plan worked but now she thinks I like her
>And what's wrong with that?
>I think I like her too
>Well you always talk about how cute and adorable she is
>And she's kinky so that's a plus
>Meh mull it over later or something cause here comes Rainbro

---

"Hey Rainbow Dash"
>"Hey Anon Pinkie's lookin all over for ya"
"Did she mention why?"
>"Somethin about babies...aaand crying...aaand flour"
"Okay where is she?"
>"Down at Sugarcube Corner"
"Alrighty then see ya around I guess"
>"See ya"
>You walk over to Sugarcube Corner
>Enter
>See nothing but total chaos and babies
>Pinks appears wearing a diaper on her head and bottom
>You begin to laugh your ass off
>She looks at you with an 'it's not funny look'
>You still laugh except harder this time
>She gives and annoyed sigh as you calm down
"...Soooo *snicker* you wear this often? *snicker*"
>"...No" she says flatly with serious in her eyes
>You try your best to not burst out laughing again, since your trying to not be a dick
>It's tough but you struggle through as you sorta undress Pinkie
"...You know I usually take my girls out to dinner before I undress them"
>As the element of laughter you expected her to laugh
>...She didn't
>In fact it looked like she was going to sock you straight in the jaw
>And she did
>As you spit out blood you realize your sucking at not being a dick right now
"...Look I'm sorry Pinks, truce?" You stick out your hand
>"Truce" she drops the pissed off attitude and shakes your hand
"Ok so now what exactly is going on here?"
>"Weeell...The Cakes left again, but since they don't fully trust me alone with thier kids, they tried to ask you to help babysit, but neither I nor the Cakes could find you and they were in a rush, so I sent Rainbow Dash out to find you while I start with the babysitting."
"Alright then lets do this," you clap your hands together and look around, "where are the babies"
>Immediately Pound Cake flies past your head and literally smashes a hole in the wall
>Meanwhile Pumpkin Cake is just gnawing on your shoe like a badger
"Ok that answers that"
>You pick up Pumpkin Cake and go into the room Pound Cake smashed into
>He was in the middle of beating the shit out of dinosaur doll when he sees you and flies into your hand
>The babies greet you with their usual nuzzling of you chest and try to return to their rampage
>However you grabed ahold of one of their for hooves and held them firmly but gently
"Nope, you little balls of cuteness aren't goin anywhere"
>This causes them to cry
>This causes you to set them down immediately
>This causes Pinkie to look at you like your a straight up bitch
"I can't help it, when babies cry I turn into a puss"
>"Alright then," she turn into pounce mode, "you get Pumpkin and I'll go for Pound"
>You nod and enter stealth mode
>You sneak up behind Pumpkin while she's chewing on what looks like a plastic frying pan
>You try to tackle that son of a bitch
>Ok not really you just settled for picking her up again
>Pinkie stepped on Pound's tail, stopping his means of escape
>VICTORY FOR SOVENGAARD
>...That is until Pumpkin teleports out of your hand
>And she gives Pound an etheral charm and his tail phases through Pinkie's hoof
>...damn
"So any plans?"
>"Just one"

---

>HOLY SHIT THIS WAS THE GREATEST PLAN EVER IT WAS LIKE A MAGNIFICENT ADVENTURE AS WE CAUGHT THE BABIES AND PUT THEM TO BED
>You and Pinkie sit on the couch covered in scars and bruises from the greatest plan to ever happen in pony or even mankind
"Wow I can't belive that actually worked"
>"Yeah especially when you fell off the roof and landed in that ironic pool of cherry jello"
"Well what about when you tried to get Pumpkin from kitchen and ran into that giant vat of orange juice"
>"Truly this was the greatest plan ever wouldn't you say"
"Oh, I one hundred percent agree, even if it didn't go well the entire time I gotta say it was fun as hell"
>"*sigh* So what else you got planned today?"
"Meh, might as well go help Big Mac at the farm"
>"But what about Applejack, I mean she did try to rape you remember?"
"Yeah but Big Mac said he had my back and he's a strong motherfucker"
>"Okay then, besides there's no way Applejack'll try to rape you while Big Mac's watching you"
"Yeah totally no way," you get up, "still need anymore help?"
>"Nah I got the rest besides the Cakes'll be back any time soon"
"Alright see ya Pinks"
>You walk out of SC and make your way to Sweet Apple Achers
>Your greeted by Big Mac plowing the shit out of the ground like a boss
"Hey Mac how are ya?"
>"Doin alright, how boutchu?"
"I just went through the most amazing plan Pinkie has ever made"
>"Sounds like a hoot and a half, ah thought you just walked into a wheat thresher" he chuckles at your beaten up demeanor
"Laugh all you want but what we did was just awesome, and in the end we caught the Cake's kids and put em' to bed"
>"Ah young uns that explains alot, ah remember when Applebloom was a baby," he points over to the hay field, "she'd always be gittin lost in th' feilds and cryin for her mama," he chuckles, "she sure had a mouth on her, we'd always find her in no time"
"Sounds like a riot, anyway need some help around the farm?"
>"Well you could go ask Granny in tha barn"
"Alright man"
>You walk towards the barn
>You say hello to Applebloom as you enter the barn
>You walk into the kitchen and greet Granny
>She tells you Applejack could use some help in apple orchards
>...fuck
>You walk into the apple orchards and easily find Applejack
>...sorta like she knew you were coming
>luckly Big Mac is in plain veiw and you plan on keeping like that
"So AJ where do we begin?"
>"...How about here," she socks you straight in the jaw, "that's for tellin Big Mac when ah told ya not to"
>You spit out a tooth and some blood as Big Mac peers over to you and AJ
>This causes Mac to do his usual being at the right time at the right place mode and gallops over to the two of you
>"..."
>"Is there a problem Big Mac?" there's that smile
>"...Is there?" he stands in the middle of you and AJ
>Oh man I see where this is going
>All we need is a group of people to yell fight
>Yup
>Big Mac and Applejerk stand there for about 30 minutes until AJ's smile turns into a frown
>"Ah wasn't doin nuthin," she turns to you, "an ah cain't believe you believed this...thing"
>This causes you to stand the fuck up
"So I'm a thing now?"
>"Hell yeah you ain't natural around here"
>You get in Applebitch's face
"Call...me...a thing...again"
>"...thing" she has a confident smile on her face
>Which you gave a nice strong punch
>Aww shit nigga
>She staggers backwards seemingly baffled at how hard you hit her
"You know we humans have a thing we call adrenaline...ever heard of it?"
>She shakes her head
"According to studies all humans, when provoked, gain strength that is seemingly infinite, so I'll say this once," you get in her face again, "I...am not...a thing"
>"Ah don't like it when somep0ny gets in mah face"
>She turns around
>Probably gonna run off scared
>She rears her back legs...
>Oh shit
>And she bucks the living shit out of you
>You fly backwards past Big Mac
>Now he's had enough
>"...Sis go and buck the apples outta tha trees"
>"Ah don't wa..."
>"Ah said go buck tha apples outta tha trees" his voice gains some volume...and alot of bass
>"And ah said," she starts walking towards you,"Ah don't wanna"
>Big Mac cuts off her path towards you
>She trys to sidestep him, but he doesn't let her
>"Outta mah way Mac!"
>"...Nope"
>She trys to punch him
>But he looks like it didn't even do anything
>"...Sis you know what happens when ya make me mad"
>She's now just giving him a flurry of noneffective punches
>Damn he's like a fucking tank
>Big Mac's bored expression turns into a pissed off one
>"Sis..."
>She stops punching him
>"...Go buck the apples...outta...tha...TREES" OOO bitch slap to his sister
>AJ falls to the ground surprised at her brother
>"Mac...you never hit me" her confident mug gets a huge frown on it
>"..."
>She gets up and looks over to you with every amount of hate in her body
>"Fine" she walks over to the nearest tree and almost snaps it in half
>Big Mac goes back to his bored look and turns to you
>"...Sorry ya had ta see that"
"Wow, uhh I think I should go"
>"'Fore ya go can ah interest ya in a slice o' pie?"
"Hmmm, meh ok but just one"
>You and Mac walk back to the barn
>Enter the barn
>Pie on plate
>Eat it
>...Ask for more
>Big Mac laughs as he just gives you the rest of the pie
>Eat the shit out of that pie
>Sigh
>Walk outside
>Go home

End o' Chapter