Dulls puns 2018-06-15

Why do trees have so many friends? They branch out.#To the guy who invented zero... thanks for nothing.#A book just fell on my head. I've only got myshelf to blame.#This morning some clown opened the door for me. I thought to myself that's a nice Jester.#What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.#What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? Every morning you will rise and shine!#We probably won't find any new puns, people already Rotom all.#One hat says to the other, "You stay here, I’ll go on a head."#Did you hear about the Italian chef with a terminal illness? He pastaway.#Puns this good were certainly Onix-pected#What was Forrest Gump’s email password? 1forrest1.#Why does the singer of Cheap Thrills not want us to Sia?#Learning to sleep upside down is often hard for baby bats, but they soon get the hang of it.#Why do people become butchers? So they can meat people.#How do you organize a fantastic space party? You planet.#Trust your calculator. It's something to count on.#England doesn't have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool#What planet is like a circus? Saturn, it has three rings!#If you wear cowboy clothes are you ranch dressing?#I cannot Bayleef it is not butter! Guess that means it's Butterfree.#The purpose of the guards at the Blitzball stadium in Luca is to drive a Bigg Wedge between the players and the fans.#Why is Kimahri usually silent? He tends to find that nothing needs to Besaid.#The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.#Several states were delighted by the solar eclipse.#Why were other people against Issaru having his younger brother as a guardian? Because that trend was so Pacce.#What do you call Samsung's security guards? Guardians of the Galaxy.#Read enough of our funny puns, and you'll be punstoppable.#How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.#Why was Seymour so intent on seducing Yuna? He wanted to be her Villain-tine.#Why did the Al-Bhed dig a giant pit around their home and fill it with water? They wanted a Bikanel.#Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.#If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?#Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.#What did the chicken farmer say to the Chocobo Eater? "I don't want you eating Mi'ihens!"#The wedding was so emotional even the cake was in tiers.#I wanted to say a pun too but he didn't Leavanny for the rest of us.#The old woman who lived in a shoe wasn’t the sole owner,there were strings attached.#Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted.#What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.#I nearly drowned yesterday. It was a breathtaking experience.#If you send a letter to the Philippines put it in a Manila envelope.#I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.#One of the best drinking game rules I have ever heard was you had to say a Pokemon name in every sentence. Farfetched right?#What do you give a tired programmer? Java.#Last time I got caught stealing a calendar I got 12 months.#How does Lee finish putting on his suit? With his Tie-jutsu...#I, for one, like Roman numerals.#Why are there fences on graveyards? Because people are dying to get in.#Why did Sin destroy the local fishing town? He was upset and assumed they were murdering the squid population, as the town was called Kil-ika.#If people ask how many puns I made in Germany I reply, "nein"#An untalented gymast walks into a bar.#I’ve started sleeping in our fireplace. Now I sleep like a log!#This stream never makes me Drowzee#My computer's got Miley Virus. It has stopped twerking.#My phone has to wear glasses ever since it lost its contacts.#What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year's Eve? He got 12 months!#Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.#I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.#A fish's favourite saying is carpe diem.#What does a dog say when he sits down on a piece of sandpaper? Ruff!#I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'lefts' which, on the one hand, is great, but on the other, it's just not right.#What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.#How do mountains see? They peak.#I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.#Britain is a wet place since the queen has had a long reign.#Why is Rikku not a fan of Final Fantasy 13? She hates Lightning.#What do fish use to make telephone calls? – A shell-phone!#My math teacher called me average. How mean!#How does Kagome wash her clothes? Inuwasha#What did Tidus say when he got another history lesson over Spira? "You're Maechen me confused!"#The apple crossed the street because he wanted to get to the other cider the road.#The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.#On Halloween October is nearly Octover.#A cell ran into the end table and yelled "mytoechondria!"#I used to Rhydon the bus but then I got my license#Never discuss infinity with a mathematician, they can go on about it forever.#Why couldn't Tidus get along with his father? He lacked the sin-ergy.#What do you call a french pig? Porque.#Why did the picture end up in jail? It was framed!#Models of dragons are not to scale.#Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.#This morning I was wondering where the sun was, but then it dawned on me.#The cow says "moo". The duck says "quack". The cat says "meow" and the dog says "EdWaRd..."#The chicken coop only had 2 doors since if it had 4 doors it would be a sedan.#About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard. After that, he went down hill fast.#The soundtrack for Blackfish was orcastrated.#A teacher asks a student, "Are you ignorant or just apathetic?" The kid answers, "I don't know and I don't care."#What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.#I owe a lot to the sidewalks. They’ve been keeping me off the streets for years.#I named my goldfish Einstein. He's a great finker.#Why does the man want to buy nine rackets? Cause tennis too many.#I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.#Things get tense when the future, the present, and the past walk into a shady bar.#There are only 10 kinds of people in this world: those who know binary and those who don’t.#What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.#After months of searching, they finally found the Sunkern ship 449#I can cut wood by looking at it. Trust me I saw it with my own eyes.#I decided not to go to Pisa, but I was leaning towards it.#I tried to stop the bleeding, but all of my efforts were in vein.#Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too.#Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.#Pig puns are so boaring.#Why are fish so smart? – Because they live in schools!#One skeleton to the other: Man, I’m so hard in love with Bella, I can barely think straight. I’d love to ask her out but I just don’t have the guts.#Dunsparce's evolution should be named Dunplenty#Why is a skeleton a bad liar? You can see right through it.#Kakuna Rattata, what a wonderful phrase. It means no worries Forretress of your days#Q: What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome? A: Pull down its genes!#Why couldn't the bike stand up on it's own? It was two tired.#I got a master’s degree in being ignored; no one seems to care.#I couldn’t remember how to throw a boomerang but it came back to me.#A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."#What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha.#I feel sorry for shopping carts. They’re always getting pushed around.#I was accused of being a plagiarist, their word not mine.#How does Moses make coffee? Hebrews it.#I had a real problem making a hard-boiled egg this morning until I cracked it.#He dropped a computer on his toes and had megahertz.#The plot twist in the movie Oriental Fish-press was a red herring all along.#The Pokeband Durant Durant made top-selling charts with their hot new single "All you need is Mew"#A hen will always leave her house through the proper eggs-it.#What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium? HeHe#Police were called to a daycare yesterday, where a 2-year-old was resisting a rest.#Traveling on a flying carpet is a rugged experience.#I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.#What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.#Why didn’t the lion win the race? Because he was racing a cheetah.#What is a Yevonite's most hated pick-up line? Al-Bhed you.#How do trees access the internet? They log on.#What do you receive when you ask a lemon for help? Lemonaid.#Why did Lulu never use chapstick? Because she was a fan of having Chappu lips.#Why is it okay for Yuna to put her elbows on the table and chew with her mouth open during dinner? Because law only requires her to have Summoners.#Jill broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine.#For Halloween we dressed up as almonds. Everyone could tell we were nuts.#Why are chocobos used for investigations? They're good at making in-KWEH-ries.#The doctor told his patient to stop using a Q-tip, but it went in one ear and out the other.#You will address me as "Sir", because Omanyte of the round table#The display of still-life art was not at all moving!#It takes a lot of Braviary to utter a pun#All the hens consider the chef to be very mean because he beats the eggs.#How do mountains see? They peak.#I just found out I'm colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.#Never make fun of a Scotsman's traditional garb. You could get kilt that way.#What did the alien say to the pitcher of water? Take me to your liter.#The chicken knew the first leg of his trip would take him to Buffalo. From there he would wing it.#Did you hear about the 2 silk worms in a race? It ended in a tie!#Why can’t you take inventory in Afghanistan? Because of the tally ban.#Don't ever have multiple people wash dishes together. It's hard for them to stay in sink.#Imagine if alarm clocks hit you back in the morning.It would be truly alarming.#I had a job tying sausages together, but I couldn't make ends meet.#What do cows tell each other at bedtime? Dairy tales.#What’s it called when you put a cow in an elevator? Raising the steaks.#37 consonants, 25 vowels, a question mark, and a comma went to court. They will be sentenced next Friday.#I have a few jokes about unemployed people but it doesn't matter none of them work.#I sat next to a man on the park bench. He had 9 watches on one wrist and 5 in the other. I said man "you sure do have a lot of time on your hands."#Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.#In the early morning there's Dewgong the grass#What do cows tell each other at bedtime? Dairy tales.#I'm hungry, let me go grab Gabite#What do the Al-Bhed do with ancient machina? Rikku-struct them#I got hit in the head with a can of soda? Luckily it was a soft drink.#At my boxing club there is only one punch bag. I hate waiting for the punch line!#The lumberjack loved his new computer. He especially enjoyed logging in.#The tallest building in the city is the library because it has so many stories.#When the spammer's computer exploded, it blew him to kingdom.com.#Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.#Get back to work. Don't Slakoth!#Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.#Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.#My Sister was crying so I asked her if she was having a cry-sis.#Have you heard about the film "Constipation", you probably haven't because it's not out yet.#Isn't the Grand Canyon just gorges?#The safe was invented by a cop and a robber. It was quite a combination.#A backwards poem writes inverse.#Two ropes were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-frayed.#Dr.'s are saying not to worry about the bird flu because it's tweetable.#Why did Tidus start hitting himself when he woke up in the morning? He had a case of Bad Breath.#I heard Donald Trump is going to ban shredded cheese, and make America grate again.#The earth's rotation really makes my day.#A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason... details are sketchy.#How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.#What's a sailor's favorite meal? Fish and ships.#What happens when you eat too many spaghettiOs? You have a vowel movement.#I just found out I'm colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.#A cell ran into the end table and yelled "mytoechondria!"#There's an anime about Okabe useing a washing machine to send clothes to the past. It's called Stains;Gate.#Did you hear about the invention of the white board? It was remarkable.#Why shouldn’t you trust atoms? They make up everything.#Why was Kimahri kicked out of the Ronso band? Because he was horn-less.#I'm emotionally constipated. I haven't given a shit in days.#I lost a Sawk in the washing machine#Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"#Don't spell part backwards. It's a trap.#Have you ever tried to milk a cow which has been cut in half? Udder madness.#Want to hear a pun about ghosts? That's the spirit!#So what if I don’t know what apocalypse means? It’s not the end of the world!#It takes guts to make a sausage.#Is he wearing Abra?#I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.#I'm trying to date a philosophy professor, but she doesn't even know if I exist or not.#Never gonna let Mew down#A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.#Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny.#What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.#Wife: "You're addicted to skin lotion!" Husband: "Go ahead. Rub it in my face."#If you said you were from South America, I would not Bolivia.#What is the computer’s favorite food? Microchips.#I dissected an iris today. It was an eye-opening experience.#There is no Shaymin trying to find a new pun.#I flipped a coin over an issue the other day, it was quite the toss-up.#Why was it so hot in the stadium after the baseball game? All the fans left!#What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.#A doctor broke his leg while auditioning for a play.Luckily he still made the cast.#What's a Titan's favorite meal? Raw-men#What is an Al-Bhed's favorite baked good? Un-Yevon-ed bread.#If a short psychic broke out of jail, then you'd have a small medium at large.#When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.#My idea for a hovercraft robot vacuum cleaner never really took off.#Hopefully this egg pun doesn't make your brain too fried or scrambled.#My psychiatrist said I was pre-occupied with the vengeance I told him "oh yeah we'll see about that!"#Don’t trust people that do acupuncture, they’re back stabbers.#Did you hear about the circus that caught on fire? It was in tents.#Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I'm excited to see how they turn out.#Eskimos keep all of their chilled eggs inside of the egg-loo.#I recently got a new Korean mechanic but it's hard to understand him - he speaks with a Hyundai Accent!#Old programmers never die, they just can't C as well.#I would tell you a UDP joke, but you might not get it.#Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.#What did kouhai call her senior in math class? Sen-π#Why did the bee get married? Because he found his honey.#I met some aliens from outer space. They were pretty down to earth.#What's a pirate's favourite pokemon? Gengarrr!#When the church relocated it had an organ transplant.#These puns have my Seel of approval#Why don’t vampires go to barbecues? They don’t like steak.#What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? A tire.#My girlfriend asked me to pass her the Chapstick and I accidentally passed her the Glue Stick! She still hasn't talked to me!#The magazine about ceiling fans went out of business due to low circulation.#What was the first thing Yuna asked when she met Auron? She wanted to know if he Nebraska.#Why is Rikku always insistent in using her overdrives when others are in battle? She wants to get in on the Mix.#What do you mean June is over? Julying.#What room has no floors, no ceiling and no walls? A mushroom!#I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.#Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. Dirty Bastards.#How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.#When I had my PlayStation stolen, my family were there to console me.#Why can't bicycles stand up on their own? Since they are 2 tired.#How did Wakka go about naming his Blitzball team? He asked if they wanted paper, scissors, Auroch.#You know why I like egg puns? They crack me up!#Before my father died he worked in a circus as a stilt walker. I used to look up to him.#Simba, you're falling behind. I must ask you to Mufasa.#I changed my iPod name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.#My new diet consists of aircraft, its a bit plane.#Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.#Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.#Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.#Police have arrested the World tongue-twister Champion. I imagine he'll be given a tough sentence.#The man put his name on the neck of his shirt so he would have collar ID.#I can't find my rutabaga. I hope it will turnip.#Whenever I undress in the bathroom, my shower gets turned on.#I asked my friend, Nick, if he had 5 cents I could borrow. But he was Nicholas.#What do you call a young musician? A minor.#What does Superman have in his drink? Just ice.#On a scale of 1 to 10, I rate Noah's Arcanine#I tried to catch some fog, I mist.#Did you hear about the mushroom? He's a fun guy#I used to go fishing with Skrillex but he kept dropping the bass.#I make bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon#Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na#A persistent banker wouldn’t stop hitting on me so I asked him to leave me a loan.#Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.#What happens to nitrogen when the sun comes up? It becomes daytrogen.#Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.#Why are the Ronso fans of the United States? Because they are Yenke Doodle Dandys!#The first duck wouldn't go in the water. The other duck said "What are you, chicken?".#Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who visited 30 different countries and spoke 6 languages? He was a man of many cultures.#The cat took up computer lessons in hopes of mastering its grip on a mouse.#How does Ixion's anthem begin? "Djose can you see..."#My fear of roses is a thorny issue. I'm not sure what it stems from, but it seems likely I'll be stuck with it.#Anyone who wanted to sell fish had to get permission from grandpa. He was known as the cod father.#My buddy set me up on a blind date & said, "Heads up, she's expecting a baby." Felt like an idiot sitting in the bar wearing just a diaper.#How much does the Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood BDs cost? An arm and a leg#The future,the present and the past walked into a bar.Things got a little tense.#Why are pigs so bad at soccer?  They are always hogging the ball!#I hate peer pressure and you should too.#After eating the ship, the sea monster said, I can’t believe I ate the hull thing.#Snakes Swallot their prety whole#I threw an Asian man down a flight of stairs. It was Wong on so many levels.#I had a pun about insanity but then I lost it.#Let me FILL you in on my trip to the dentist.#Why did the Maesters need glasses? So they could Seymour.#Aladdin took Jasmine on a Magikarp-et ride#A good meteor shower can really rock your world.#Where do you imprison a skeleton? In a rib cage.#My phone has to wear glasses ever since it lost its contacts.#Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?#My computer is so slow it hertz.#People using umbrellas always seem to be under the weather.#A mexican magician was doing a magic trick. He said, Uno, Dose, and he disappeared without a trace#Technically speaking a programmer's favorite subject with his boss is usually arrays.