Fool Moon, Part 1 (Fucking wizards.)

>You are Anonymous the Thief.
>You're a quick-fingered, sneaky bastard, with a bounty on your head large enough to buy a kingdom.
>And you've been hired to do a job.
>A certain client of ill repute wanted you to rob a wizard and steal a necklace.
>Your client is convinced it will make her immortal.
>You're convinced she's a fucking loon, but you can't turn her down.
>You're a very sick man, and she's promised you a cure.
>And you were a very desperate, very sick bastard.
>So that's how you ended up in the bowels of a magician's tower in the middle of the night.
>Fucking wizards. Always guarding their shit with shiny magical traps and runes in shit.
>Like it was impossible to tip toe around them.
>They never bothered with the mechanical shit, nooo, it was always the soul gem at the end of the room that vomited fireballs.
>You roll your eyes as you disarm another of these traps with a thrown knife.
>There's your prize. A ruby necklace, floating in a tiny globe.
>The globe, of course, is acid.
>You laugh to yourself and rock the pillar holding the globe, knocking it over before fishing the necklace out with a special glove of yours.
>Easy as shi-
>The necklace starts glowing in your hand.
"Fucking wizards."
>There is an explosion of light and sound, and you and the necklace both vanish.


>You let out a very loud, very manly scream as you re-appear, falling through the air towards...
>Trees.
>Of course it had to be fucking trees.
>You slam into a tall branch, bounce off, hit another branch, slam into the tree trunk, hit another branch...
>Eventually, you lose your grip on the necklace as you ricochet from tree to tree.
>And then you hit the ground.
"Ugh. My fucking....everything. Ow."
>You sit up, groaning.
"Fucking wiz-"
>Your eyes widen and you roll desperately to the side as you watch a tree limb fall towards your resting place.
>And you continue to roll as gravity forces you down a steep hill.
>Your still quite manly shrieks of pain and surprise cause a few animals to shriek and abscond as you go flying off the cliff and slam into a rock.
>You lay their for a bit, dazed, disbelieving, and pissed.
>The necklace is gone.
>You have no idea where you are.
>And you are in a lot of pain.
>You start cursing profusely as you stagger to your feet, cursing the Gods for abandoning you in your time of nee-
>"Rarity, did you hear that?"
>Okay, wherever you are, it has kids.
>You immediately drop, taking cover behind the rock and peeking around.
>Some sort of dirt field beyond the trees and a cHOLY SHIT LOOK AT ALL THAT DOSH.
>And a purple lizard thing.
>BUT ALL DAT DOSH!
>Maybe wizard traps weren't so bad.


>Fucking gemstones.
>So many fucking gemstones.
>This little lizard was standing in front of a God damned fortune.
>With all that money, you could buy yourself a cure.
>Fuck that, you could buy a cure, get re-infected, and buy a goddamn mansion on top of that, and THEN go buy out that wizard asshole who trapped the necklace.
>Thank the Lord for large favors.
>The only thing between you and LOADS A MONEH was a little purple lizard, who was glancing around at everything and shaking.
>So he was a coward?
>You could sympathize with that.
>Fighting fair was for idiots, suckers, and wizards.
>Fuck wizards.
>You start to pull out your knife, but think better of it and pick up a rock instead.
>You might be a greedy bastard, but you weren't a killer when you could help it.
>"Rarity? I don't think we're alone out here..."
>The lizard kid turns around, his eyes darting over everything and anything as he starts to panic.
>Which gives you free rein to sneak up to him and brain him over the head with a rock.
>He drops, and you immediately start running your hands through the massive pile of gemstones.
>Are you crying? You think you are. It's everything you've ever wa-
>"Spike?"


>You hear her voice and jump a bit.
>It was...cultured. Refined, carefully controlled, like the nobles from back home.
>You hated it already.
>You're tired, injured, and flat-footed, but you're sure you can intimidate one noblewoman into standing aside while you make yourself rich.
>You don't turn around as you start shoveling gemstones into your pocked with one hand while pulling a knife out with your other.
"Ma'am, I'd like to ask you to remain calm. This is a robbery, as they'd say in those trivial little plays folks like you pay to see. If you remain quiet and peaceful, nobody gets hurt, and your pet here keeps breathing."
>You flash the knife pointedly near the unconscious purple lizard as you keep raking in the gems.
>"What did you do to Spike, you...you..what are you!?"
>That causes you to freeze.
>She couldn't....she couldn't tell, right?
>You shake it off and keep shoveling.
"Listen, lady, for all you care, I'm your friendly neighborhood bandit. Now stay quiet and when I'm done you can get back to doing whatever it is noblewomen do."
>You hear a dainty snort from behind you.
>"Hmmph! Well WHATEVER you actually are, you, sir, are a ruffian and a brute! Step away from my little Spikey-Wikey, or there WILL BE CONSEQUENCES!"
>Spikey-Wikey? You snigger a bit as you turn around to address the indignant noble.
"Listen, lady. I-"
>You drop your knife in horror and surprise as you turn around.
>THAT IS NOT A FUCKING NOBLEWOMAN.


>It's a HORSE.
>A TALKING, WHITE, HORSE.
>You correct yourself. She's not exactly a horse.
>For one, she's got a horn, and her face is, well, a face, rather than a snout.
>It's disconcerting, but not in a bad way. She's rather...well, stunning, really.
>But still, IT'S A TALKING, HORNED EQUINE.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU!?"
>She gasps and recoils.
>"Why, I never! Such crude language! Do you kiss your mother with that mouth? Or did she teach you such filth?"
>Hey, that was a low blow.
>You might be thieving, lowlife scum, but your mother was the cleanest whore in the city.
>Before you can object, she starts talking to you.
>"Besides, I asked you first! What are you, and what did you do to Spike!?"
>You hold your hands out, confused and a little terrified. What colorful circle of Hell was this?
"I knocked him out. Calm down, horse...lady...thing. He'll be alright."
>She huffs.
>"My name is Rarity, mister..."
"Anonymous."
>"Anonymous, then! Now I'll tell you one more time, step away from Spike!"
>Some of your bravado is coming back, and you make a show of flipping your knife back into your hand with your foot.
"Or what, hor-Rarity?"
>Her horn starts glowing.
>Lord on the Cross, it's GLOWING.
>You gape as the knife leaves your grasp, covered in a blue-white glow.
>"Or this!"
>Of course she's a fucking wizard. Of course the wizard's trap had to dump you into a hellish netherworld with a HORSE WIZARD.
>You sigh and lift your arms as the knife floats closer, wincing as you feel a bruise.
"Okay, okay. No need to pull out the freaky magic, I surrender!"


>She nods her head and the dagger jerks at you, forcing you aside as she trots over to the lizard.
>Immediately, she starts looking over him, glancing at you angrily from time to time.
>He should have been up by now.
>Maybe you hit him harder than you thought.
"Look, if it's any consolation, I was robbing you for an important cause."
>"Oh and what would that be, mister big-monkey-thing!"
>You consider telling her about your condition and swiftly discard that idea.
>Fucking wizards were bad enough with the whole dissecting for experimentation thing, you didn't want to imagine horse wizards.
"I can't...I can't really say. Just know it was important, and please don't make my head explode for it or whatever it is horse wizards do."
>You certainly were not begging towards the end there.
>She lets out a quiet chuckle, the kind of chuckle nobles and artsy types usually make.
>You hate that kind of chuckle.
>While you glare at her, she glances once more at Spike, then at her crate full of gems.
>"I'm not going to, err, make your head explode."
>You sigh in relief.
>"But you AREN'T getting away with this. If you don't want to feel the effects of my teeerrrrible unicorn magic (chuckle), you're going to help me get all this back into Ponyville."
"There's a TOWN full of you things!?"
>She glares at you, and you sigh as her horn lights up and floats "Spike" into your arms.
>And that's how you wind up following a white horse back into crazy pony hell-village while carrying a comotose lizard in one arm and dragging a crate load of DOSH behind you with the other.
>FUCKING WIZARDS.
>ESPECIALLY WIZARDS OF THE HORSE VARIETY.


>The trip into "Ponyville" was, well, eye opening.
>Other tiny horse-things like Rarity took one look at you and scattered.
>Rarity sighs as you follow her into town.
>"It's like Zecora all over again..."
"Who?"
>"Nothing for you to be concerned about, you ruffian. Come along, we'll put Spike in my house while I think up the proper way to punish you."
>A sudden thought strikes you, and you do a quick fear-shiver.
"What's the punishment for robbery among...err, what do you call yourselves, anyway?"
>She smirks at your ignorance.
>"Ponies."
"Ponies, right. What do you do to thieves?"
>She taps a marshmellow hoof against her chin.
>Visions of horse prison run through your mind.
>You don't do well with prisons. And being imprisoned with horses?
>Oh God what if you dropped the soap?
>You start shaking
>"We don't really...erm, have many thieves. The closest thing to that was little Spikey-Wikey, here, and he helped us clean up the mess he made. It was a very grown-up thing of him to do."
>You glance down at the lizard in your arms.
>This little guy, a thief? And a chicken?
>You liked Spike already.
"That's...a touching story, miss. Really. So that means I can just leave your stuff and Spike with you, and be abou-"
>She interrupts you with a scowl on her face.
>"I don't think so, Anonymous! You have assaulted Spike and attempted to rob me! You must face consequences for your actions."
>Her serious face drops as she leads you towards a giant white carousel.
>"Ah, here we are! Leave the jewels outside, I'll get them later. Bring Spike inside."
>Wait.
>That's a fucking house?


>Apparently yes, it was a fucking house.
>Rarity instructs you to let Spike down on her bed while she goes and fixes herself some tea.
>Leaving you alone in her house.
>Naturally, you start stealing fucking EVERYTHING.
>Gems. Gems everywhere. As far as the hands can grab.
>This will go a long way towards buying that cu-
>"Anonymous, why are you rifling through my closet?"
>You freeze, and slowly turn around.
"Uh...I can explain."
>She sighs.
>"Whatever your need for currency is, it must be serious."
>Horse, you have no idea.
>You still feel a bit ashamed.
"Listen, Rarity, I am sorry about how hard I hit Spike. I'm not a violent man."
>She raises an eyebrow.
>"Just a greedy, brutal one?"
>You wince, and she smirks.
>"Come into the kitchen. Let's have a little chat."
>She was witty. You kind of liked tha-
>"Oh, and put my sapphires back where they belong, please."
>You scowl.
>Wit was only good in small doses.


>She leads you into her kitchen, a sparse, clean room, with a teapot on the table and a cup, already filled, opposite her.
>There are also scones.
>You sit down and start eating, grabbing scones and stuffing them into your mouth with tea.
>You were fucking starving.
>Rarity stares at you, shocked and horrified, as you eat her plate of scones in less than three minutes.
>"My word..."
>You look up as you wipe a few crumbs off of your mouth.
"What?"
>"Those were...Anonymous have you eaten lately?"
>You shrug.
"Meals are hard to come by, where I'm from. I eat what I can when I can get it."
>Her eyes get a little soft.
>"You poor thing. What is it like, where you're from?"
>You shrug again.
"S'not so bad."
>You grin as you start telling her tales of the good times, like when you robbed the town bank, or the day the baker threw away only partially burnt bread, or that one time when you managed to steal an entire potato from that one plant growing wizard in Southtown.
>Her face grows grimmer and grimmer as you speak, until you start feeling a little bit worried.
>"I think I've decided on your punishment."
"Uh..huh."
>"Anonymous, since you have so rudely injured my dear friend Spike, I think it only fair that you serve me as my new gemdigger."
"...Do I get to keep the gems?"
>"No."
>Well fuck that, then.


>Apparently "no" is not a possible answer with Rarity.
>Apparently she knows another "pony" named "Twilight Sparkle."
>Who is some sort of super wizard.
>Fuck this gay pony earth.
"...I still don't see what's wrong with my clothes."
>She's glaring at you again.
>The two of you had been having this same argument for the past two hours after you had relented and agreed to dig gems for her until Spike recovered.
>"Because what you're wearing is absolutely FILTHY! I can smell it from here!"
"Well what do you want me to do, conjure up more clothes out of thin air!?"
>She gives an exasperated stomp.
>It's kind of cute.
>"No! Let me at least wash them!"
>You pause.
"...Really?"
>"Of course, Anonymous! If you're going to work for me, your clothing MUST be at least presentable. Especially for when you meet my friends."
"That's....that's the kindest thing anyone's ever offered to me."
>You peel off your hood, gloves, and leather armor, taking off layers and your vest until you're only in your undershirt and a air of pants.
>You offer the dirty pile to Rarity wordlessly, who grimaces before lifting your clothes up with her horn.
>You stare at her silently, confused. You'd tried to rob this woman, horse, whatever, and she repaid you by washing your clothes?
"Rarity, really. Thank you. I just...I don't know what to..."
>"Thank you, would be the proper way to express gratitude, dear."
>You clam up as she grins at you.
"Well, thank you."
>"No trouble at all, Anonymous. I have a guest room that's open while Sweetie's away. Once you bathe, you can sleep there."
>A bath AND a bed? For free? You must have found heaven.


>You smile as Rarity starts to make her way upstairs.
>You have not smiled in a long, long time.
>"Come along, Anonymous. Work starts tomorrow morning!"
>Work.
>Real, honest work.
>God damn it you hated honest work.
>Your smile drops as you start to follow her up.
>Then it turns into a grimace as you start seeing double.
>No.
>No, it couldn't be.
>You'd checked!
>You grunt and clutch your chest as an intense pain starts building up there.
>Rarity frowns and turns to look at you.
>"Anonymous? Are you alright?"
"I...I'll be fine. I just...need to go for a walk. Clear my head."
>"But...Anonymous, it's dark out? Whatever could possess you to want to have a walk in the dark? Are you trying to sneak out of our little deal?"
>Her concerned expression turns into a disappointed frown.
>Breathe in, breathe out.
>You force a wry smile on your face.
"No, not all. Thief's honor. Besides, you've got most of my clothes. I just...want to take a short stroll. Everything's so new, after all."
>"Oh...alright...don't be out TOO late, or I'll get Twilight after you."
>You're not sure if the last part was a joke.
>You're in too much pain to think about it.
>Instead, you give her an uneasy smile as you stumble outside.


>It's not fucking possible.
>You'd checked, the night before you went out on the job, on that stolen, ragged calender.
>You had another week!
>Another week before your "condition" made itself a problem again.
>You start running, gasping, back towards the woods.
>If you could make it out there...
>Point it in the other direction...
>You'd be okay.
>Nothing would get hurt.
>You aren't a killer. Not even by accident. You just steal and fight when you have to.
>You aren't going to-
>A fresh spasm of pain doubles you over as you run, and you gasp, pressing a hand to your abdomen.
>THIS WAS FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE.
>You'd had more time, you were sure of it!
>Unless wizards fucked with time as well as-
>You stumble again. You can't make it much farther.
>The pain's too much.
>You glance up at the heavy, impossible glow of the full moon, and curse to yourself.
>Impossibly full! Impossibly THERE, mere minutes after night had fallen!
>You collapse at the edge of the forest where you'd met Rarity.
>As your vision grows dark, your last sane thoughts are of that white horse, and how she'd offered to wash your clothes.
>After you'd tried robbing her, no less.
>God you hoped she'd be ok-


>You wake up.
>The weak thing was asleep now.
>You take in your surroundings at a glance.
>A forest in front.
>You sniff.
>Predators.
>Prey.
>Green smells and rot and darkness.
>The weak thing had tried to point you in here, to feed you.
>It's last waking thoughts had been full of fear, like a prey-animal.
>You take a step forward, before sniffing again.
>More prey smells.
>Many prey smells.
>From behind you.
>Drool runs freely over your fangs as you take in the scents.
>There is so much prey here. So much food! Why did the weak thing try to take you in another direction?
>Foolish. Wasted effort for less food.
>You sniff again, and your eyes rove around as you pinpoint the closest smells.
>There.
>Trees in rows with red fruit.
>Many prey, penned together with bars of wood.
>More prey, behind weak walls of wood.
>Your drool increases as you take in the scents and the sounds.
>You can hear their hearts beating.
>Soon the beating will stop.
>You howl, and begin to run towards the prey-scent.


>"The timberwolves are a' howlin'! The timberwolves are a' howlin!"
>Applejack rolls over and rubs her eyes as Granny Smith starts up her racket.
>She yawns and hops out of bed, mildly annoyed, but knowing better than to voice it.
>You can't help when the Zap-Apples come in, after all.
"Hold yer horses, Granny, I'm a comin'."
>AJ made her way into the living room, where Granny Smith has fallen strangely quiet.
"Granny?"
>"Ssshhh."
>The green mare is on alert, her old eyes looking out the window with piercing intensity.
>"Girl..."
"Huh, Granny?"
>"That ain't a timberwolf."
>That's when the sheep begin screaming.
>AJ grabs a pitchfork and runs out the door.
>"Girl, wait! Lemme' get Big Mac!"
>AJ doesn't bother to respond. There's no time to wait for her lazy brother to get his flank up, the sheep are in danger!
>She runs out into the field, hooves pounding the dirt, when she spots it.
>Silhouetted in the moonlight, a great hulking thing, all fur and claws and eyes and fangs.
>Blood drips from it's claws and teeth as it moves among the sheep.
>And then it spots her. AJ and the beast both freeze, eyeing each other. The thing is...it's huge, bigger than a diamond dog, maybe even bigger than a minotaur.
>And it's looking right at her.
>AJ drops the pitchfork and opens her mouth to scream.
>The monster snarls and leaps at her.