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Deadmeat Chronicles: A Meeting of Smarties

Aug 21st, 2013
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  1. >You are a maroon unicorn fluffy with a light green mane.
  2. >And you are surrounded.
  3. >Three fluffies have just walked up to you.
  4. >You jump up and notice two more fluffies behind you.
  5. >You puff your cheeks, “Dis Deadmeat wand! Yoo go way!”
  6. >The earth fluffies give you a raspberry as the unicorn lowers his head, “Nuu! Yoo go way!”
  7. >You start to make sparklies as you glance at the fluffies behind you stepping forward.
  8. >”yoo meanies bad fwuffy! Yoo take gud fwuffy beddies! Yoo nee big owchies!”
  9. >”Deadmeat nuu take beddie! Dey nuu fwuffy hewe! Dis Deadmeat wand!”
  10. >”Tee hee hee! Nuu dis smawty wand! Nuu gif owies.”
  11. >You turn and see a fluffy crawling from deeper in the brush.
  12. >He pokes his head over a pile of leaves and looks at you.
  13. >”Yoo stwong fwuffy, nu scawed of big owchie fwuffies.”
  14. >”Nuuu!”, “Hewp fwuffy!”, “Weave wone! Go way!”
  15. >You hear a commotion coming from outside.
  16. >You look around at the fluffies and quickly jump out.
  17. >You see groups of fluffies pushing your fluffies out into the lot.
  18. >Every fluffy is surrounded by three or four fluffies batting their ears.
  19. >Haze is looking around nervously, “Whewe smawty! …. Nee smawty! YOO NU SMEWW PWETTY!”
  20. >Six fluffies surround him puffing their cheeks.
  21. >”Yoo stwong fwuffy, but smawty hewd stwongeh!”
  22. >You turn and see the fluffy sticking his head out from your hidey hole.
  23. >”Nuu! Weave babeh wone! Gud babeh weave wone!”
  24. >You see two large earth fluffies nudging the mommy and her baby.
  25. >You start to stomp, but then you sniff the air.
  26. >You smell more fluffies.
  27. >You look off to the side.
  28. >You see more fluffies in the darkness huddled and hunkered down.
  29. >”Yoo teww yoo fwuffy nuu be bad… ow smawty hewd gif big owchies!”
  30. >The voice behind you bites into your back.
  31. >Haze is running in place looking at you, “Smawty teww Hase gif owies! Hase gif BIIIIIIG OWIES!”
  32. >He starts to puff his cheeks at the fluffies surrounding him.
  33. >One fluffy points at him, “Fwuffy know yoo… yoo meanie bad fwuffie gif yoo hewd owies!”
  34. >”Nuu! Hase am gud fwuffy!”
  35. >He points back and screams, “HAZE AM GUD!”
  36. >You look at all the fluffies surrounding yours.
  37. >You know there are even more fluffies hiding in the shadows.
  38. >You stomp in frustration as you have head owies.
  39. >The other herd that raided yours was nowhere big as these fluffies and you lost two fluffies and a baby in that fight.
  40. >You know you can give owies to these fluffies, but you also know they can give owies back.
  41. >You look behind you you.
  42. >The fluffy in the brush pile is smiling, his eyes almost glowing in the near dark.
  43. >You look to your herd, “Fwuffies be gud fwuffy! Nuu gif owies!”
  44. >The herd looks at you in shock.
  45. >Pookie jumps up and puffs his cheeks, “Nuu! Fwuffy gif owies!”
  46. >You stomp and make sparklies, “Deadmeat am smawty! Nuu gif owies!”
  47. >Pookie lets the air out of his cheeks and lays down shaking from your stare.
  48. >Haze is stomping at the fluffies around him, “Hase wan gif owies… BIG OWIES!”
  49. >He giggles looking at the large fluffies staring him down, “Smawty saf fwuffy fwom Hase!”
  50. >He sits and wags his tail smiling with his tongue hanging out.
  51. >”Yoo am smawt smawty… come!”
  52. >You turn around, the large unicorn fluffy is standing there glaring at you.
  53. >”Wha yoo wan!”
  54. >The unicorn simply says, “Smawty wan haf talkie wif yoo.”
  55. >You try to hide your surprise, “Yoo nuu smawty?”
  56. >You hear giggling from inside the bush.
  57. >You trot back and go inside.
  58. >You see a unicorn sitting in front of you.
  59. >Your eyes try to adjust as you look at him.
  60. >”Smawty do food waid so nuu hewe when fwuffy come.”
  61. >”Did smawty wand!”
  62. >”Deadmeat fin wand! Deameat wan wand!”
  63. >”Yoo nuu haf wand!”
  64. >The fluffy stands up and that is when you see his legs.
  65. >You step back looking at the fluffy to your front.
  66. >He stands tall and proud.
  67. >In the dusk you can see whiffs of grey in his fluff.
  68. >This fluffy is the oldest fluffy you have seen.
  69. >You look at his legs.
  70. >You see he only has three.
  71. >His front right one is missing.
  72. >You point to it, “Yoo haf big owie…”
  73. >He sits and points at you, “Yoo haf wots big owies.”
  74. >You huff indignantly.
  75. >He gets up and walks to the nest and lays in it.
  76. >”Smawty wook at fwuffies fwom away.”
  77. >”Yoo have pway wif fwuffies, yoo gud to babeh.”
  78. >He looks up at you, “Smawty nuu do dat a wot.”
  79. >”Yoo know hewd stwongeh dan yoo hewd. Nuu many smawty know dat.”
  80. >”Yoo gud smawty. Yoo smawt smawty.”
  81. >He looks you over, “You big smawt for young fwuffy.”
  82. >He looks at you then lowers his head yawning, “Dis smawty wand. Yoo weak hewd.”
  83. >He closes his eyes, “Yoo sweepie dawk time, yoo go way when wakie.”
  84. >Six large fluffies step in front of you.
  85. >You hop out of the brush and walk to your herd.
  86. >As you get closer Haze runs past the fluffies trying to guard him and comes to your side.
  87. >Pookie does the same
  88. >The enemy fluffies start to back away and surround your herd.
  89. >There are three of them to every one of your fluffies.
  90. >”Hase gif neck cwunshies smawty?”
  91. >He is dancing around you looking at the other fluffies.
  92. >”Nuu! We sweepie noa.”
  93. >You hear from behind you, “Dat munsta fwuffy...”
  94. >You whip around, “Deadmeat nuu munsta!”
  95. >You see the quaking fluffy is following Haze as he dances around you.
  96. >You walk into your herd and lay down, “Dey haf wots fwuffy… we sweepie..”
  97. >You grit your teeth as you lay your head down.
  98. >You feel another fluffy lay next to you, “Mommeh feew saf wif smawty…”
  99. >Haze lays to your front and gives a raspberry to the other herd before laying down.
  100. >Pookie gets to the back of your herd and the rest of the fluffies fall in between.
  101. >You nod off and have an uneasy night’s sleep.
  102. >You jerk awake and look around making sure the enemy fluffies aren’t getting closer.
  103. >You finally nod off close to bright time.
  104. >You are woke by giggling.
  105. >You turn and see haze walking over the sleeping members of your herd sniffing them.
  106. >He stand over a sleeping mare and smells deeply with his eyes closed.
  107. >He raises his head up and a big smile on his face, “Hee hee hee… smeww pwetty…”
  108. >He opens his eyes and sees you.
  109. >”Smawty wakies!”
  110. >He bounds over to you and looks out at the enemy fluffies.
  111. >He starts to fidget, “We gif owies noa? Hase gif gud owies!”
  112. >You sit up annoyed, “Nuu! Gif nuu owies! We weafe soon.”
  113. >Haze freezes and looks at you in surprise.
  114. >”Bu’ Hase gif gud owies! We gif wots of owies! Hase gif owies fo smawty!”
  115. >He looks out from the herd, “Hase stwong! Show smawty Hase stwong! GIF OW- owies!”
  116. >You boop his nose.
  117. >He turns and looks at you hurt.
  118. >”Why gif Hase sowwies? why…” he closes his eyes and starts to stomp.
  119. >”Hase gud fwuffy! Yoo meanie smawty! Yoo nuu- owies!”
  120. >You boop his nose again.
  121. >”Deadmeat am smawty!”
  122. >He lays down and looks up at you with tears in his eyes.
  123. >You point at him, “Yoo gif biggest owchies!”
  124. >You stomp and look around, “Deadmeat gif biggest owchies! Deadmeat Hase do gud gif biggest owchies!”
  125. >You look down making sure Haze is still looking at you.
  126. >You point to the mommy fluffy with her baby and Next Special Friend.
  127. >”Dey nuu gif biggest owchies!”
  128. >You point to the rest of the sleeping fluffies, “Dey nuu gif biggest owchies!”
  129. >”Det get biggest owchies! Hewd nee fwuffies! Nee fwuffies fo nummies, fo gif bad fwuffies owies!”
  130. >”Hewd twy to gif owies den hewd wose fwuffies to biggest owchies!”
  131. >Haze lays there quietly.
  132. >You sit back and look around, “Dey hewd biggeh and haf stwong fwuffies.”
  133. >”Deadmeat wan gif owies bu’ nuu can win and nuu wose mo fwuffies…”
  134. >Haze looks at you for a bit.
  135. >He stands and gets behind you, “Hase sowwy… smawty … betteh smawty dan Hase…”
  136. >The herds wake up.
  137. >Pookie comes stand beside you as well.
  138. >He protest but relents when you say you won’t fight.
  139. >Finally a large fluffy walks in front of you, “Smawty wan haf tawkies wif smaty.”
  140. >You follow the fluffy back to the three legged smarty.
  141. >Pookie and Haze follow behind you.
  142. >As you approach you hear a fluffy make the commenet, “Dat munsta fwuffy…”
  143. >You stomp, “Deadmeat nuu munsta!”
  144. >You look over and see the fluffy is looking at Haze.
  145. >Haze is ignoring the fluffies humming an out of tune song.
  146. >You continue on to the brush pile.
  147. >When you get there the fluffy comes out of the brush pile.
  148. >You can now see him better.
  149. >There is a ragged nub where his leg should be.
  150. >He has brown fluff and a white mane, his fluff is colored with streaks of gray.
  151. >His piercing green eyes stare at you.
  152. >”Yoo go way dis bwite time.”
  153. >”Nuu nuf nummies fo aww fwuffies!”
  154. >Pookie starts to puff his cheeks.
  155. >You stare down the enemy fluffy, “Yoo bad fwuffy! Nuu wet fwuffy haf nummies! Keep nummies fo yoo onwy!”
  156. >He stares back, “Yoo dum dum fwuffy! Nuu nuf nummies fo aww fwuffy!”
  157. >He then gets a michievious smile on his face, “Befo fwuffy go way, you weave a mawe wif smawty hewd…”
  158. >You puff your cheeks, “Nuu! Gif owies befo wet mawe go!”
  159. >The smarty’s mouth falls open, “Smawty tought yoo smawt smawty…”
  160. >Haze starts to run in place, “Hase am gud fwuffy… gud fwuffy…”
  161. >He quickly walks backwards and sniffs your rump again.
  162. >You get a bugged eye look while trying to keep your cheeks puffed.
  163. >You compose yourself ignoring Haze, “Nuu gif bad smawty mawe! Gif bad smawty owchies!”
  164. >”Yoo wisk hew fo mawe? Any dum dum mawe!?”
  165. >Pookie is stomping and facing the other fluffies who have taken up stomping and puffing their cheeks.
  166. >”Deadmeat nu-“
  167. >The three legged smarty sits up and boops your nose hard.
  168. >Your head turns with the force, “Yoo dum fwuffy!”
  169. >You turn back fuming puffing your cheeks.
  170. >The three legged smarty runs up and head butts you.
  171. >You stand locked eye to eye with the smarty.
  172. >Haze giggles and jumps at the closest unicorn.
  173. >He boops Haze knocking him back.
  174. >Haze giggles and shakes his head.
  175. >The unicorn is making sparklies and Haze walks back to him.
  176. >Haze licks the unicorn’s nose and leans nose to nose with him.
  177. >”When smawty gif wowd… twoat cwunshies…”
  178. >He ignores the sparklies in front of his eyes and he stares at the unicorn.
  179. >Pookie is yelling at two other fluffies, “Gif owies! Gif wots owies!”
  180. >More fluffies are starting to appear at the entrance.
  181. >”Yoo too gud be smawty! Nuu sacwifise fo hewd! Hewd haf owies!”
  182. >”Deadmeat nuu be bad to hewd!”
  183. >”Yoo nee be meanie fwuffy or smawty feew bad abou’ sending some of smawty fwuffy wif yoo!”
  184. >All fluffies freeze and whip around looking at the smarty friend, “WHA!!”
  185. >Even you take a step back, “Wha dum dum smawty mean?”
  186. >He stands huffing at you, “Too many fwuffy fo too wittle nummies…”
  187. >”Onwy way fo hewd to wive is teww fwuffy to go… or gif owies and have fwuffies nuu wakie…”
  188. >”Am smawty! Smawty do one dose tings!”
  189. >Haze is scratching his head, “Hase gif owwies ow nuu?”
  190. >Pookie is still looking around, “Fwuffy gif owchies! Fwuffy take wand! Fwuffy-“
  191. >”Nuu!” You snap.
  192. >The smarty smiles, “Yoo am smawt fwuffy… yoo get stwong owwie fwens and wive…”
  193. >The unicorn looks over, “Yoo make owwie fwens weave? Teww Bwoos wha owwie fwens and Bwoos get dem…”
  194. >He looks sad and lowers his head.
  195. >You can tell he doesn’t want to lose any friends.
  196. >The three legged smarty sits up and decrees, “Aww owwie fwen in dis pwace!”
  197. >Once again all the fluffies look at the smarty, “WHA!!”
  198. >You hear scurrying from outside as you hear fluffies running away.
  199. >Bruce snaps up, “Bu’ smawty! Bwoos am gud fwen! Nuu wan-“
  200. >The smarty whips around, “De smawty haf said!”
  201. >He looks at the fluffies, “Yoo ge’ speshul fwens and go wif dum smawty hewd!”
  202. >Haze looks in amazement, “We haf to haf dat fwuffy!?”
  203. >He points at the unicorn he was nose to nose with.
  204. >The smarty just smiles, “Wes!”
  205. >You walk to the large unicorn, he is almost as big as you.
  206. >”Yoo haf pwobwem wife be in Deadmeat hewd?”
  207. >He looks at you and then to his other smarty.
  208. >He then lowers his head, “Nuu… be gud fwuffy…”
  209. >The three legged smarty looks at Bruce, “Yoo be stwong fwuffy. Dat way nuu fwuffies get big owies.”
  210. >Bruce stands tall, “Bwoos be gud fwuffy fo smawty!”
  211. >The three legged smarty looks at you, “Smawty send fwuffies to dum dum smawty! Den yoo go way!”
  212. >You snort at him and walk out heading back to your herd.
  213. >Pookie and Haze are next to you, “Why nuu gif owies! Haze gif wots owies!”
  214. >You stop and stomp, “Dey bigger! Hewd nuu gif enuf owies!”
  215. >You turn and glare at them, “Deadmeat can gif owies but Deadmeat be wone afteh!”
  216. >Both Pookie and Haze shrink before you.
  217. >”Fwuffies weave…”
  218. >A smile crosses your face, “An fwuffies take aww nummies in fwont dey see…”
  219. >You mill about and fifteen fluffies finally come join you.
  220. >It is eight males and seven females, an assortment of earth, pegasus and unicorns.
  221. >When all are assembled you look over your herd.
  222. >It is getting big.
  223. >It will be hard to control going past two legged monster hidey holes.
  224. >Your head twinges.
  225. >You stand tall, “Fowwow Deadmeat!”
  226. >You turn and walk with your growing herd behind you.
  227. >The enemy herd waves bye to their friends, some crying.
  228. >You keep walking and when you get to the first trash can, you tip it.
  229. >You turn to your herd, “Take nummies yoo fin and cawwy dem!”
  230. >The waving fluffies then start to yell, “Nuu! Dey hewd nummies! Owie fwens!”
  231. >Your fluffies start to get the nummies they can find.
  232. >You turn and give a raspberry, “Yoo owie fwens deadmeat fwens noa!”
  233. >You walk on with angry shouts behind you.
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