Looks like it's that time, again. I'm sorry.

Some people on this community are absolute gems, some are less than desireable, but this thread isn't about them. It's about me.

As you may or may not be able to tell, I'm severely depressed; I made a thread on this, some time ago. I'm constantly plagued by thoughts of my own mortality and guilt after the recent passing of my grandmother and since then; I have been haunted by thoughts of my own death and suicide, something I have been nearly constantly been thinking of ever since I turned eighteen.  I have recently been tried on Diazepam, which I have not been responding positively to, then I was put on a course of Sertraline which did not work either.  I am to be put on a course of Amtriptyline; if this does not work I am to be referred to a specialist psychiatrist who specialises in suicidal and postpartum depression.  I routinely get depressed about my position in this world, alongside the desperate loneliness I am forced to bear day in and day out; knowing I'll amount to nothing.

I'll be honest with you. I might, or might not, return to this community.  Suicide has been a major part (around 80%) of my thought processes over the past two years and to be perfectly honest, it's all I really want, now. I don't see myself coming out of this alive if these tricyclines don't work.

Just in case I don't respond positively to the antidepressants, or if I don't return in general, I'll just say this.
I love all of you. My time on this community has provided me with a feeling of community and acceptance I hadn't felt in years.

I guess we'll see if it worked over the next few weeks, see if I'm still here, or not.

Papa Bless.