"OOZE AND AAAAHH!s"
I will never forget the night it happened. It was a(n) short night, and I was relaxing upstairs with my nigger, a good book and my faithful african wild nigger, muh nigga. Suddenly there was a loud boop. I sprang to my feet and crept downstairs, trying to be as obese as I could. Nothing looked out of the ordinary. Suddenly I heard the boop again, but this time it was much more idiot and I knew it was coming from the basement. Summoning my courage, I grabbed a flashlight and strode niggerly down the stairs. I might have met my end right there, if not for muh nigga, who let out a loud "spurt!" Startled, I jumped swiftly to the side just in time to avoid a long gooey appendage. I turned my flashlight on the intruder and gasped in horror. Lurking there in my basement, bathed in the dumb glow of my light, was a huge, quivering, shapeless blob of ooze! The hideous thing was as turquoise as a little nig and as big as a(n) nigmart.
"Bazinga!!" I cried.

I fled stealthily upstairs, but the thing chased me with lightning speed. I was trapped, and knew I had to fight if I wanted to survive. First I tried to chop it with a sharp niglet from the kitchen, then I shot it with my grandpas white woman that hangs over the fireplace. In desperation, I even tried throwing grape soda on it, but all to no avail. It just kept coming. I thought I was dead for sure, when suddenly a strange figure crashed through my window and leapt between us! He was tall and negro, with fierce incredible eyes and shit shoulders. He was dressed entirely in black, except for his maroon bandanna .

"Jinkies!!" the figure cried, and quick as a(n) ape he jumped in and stunned the ooze creature with a powerful kick.

Without pause he scooped the thing into a(n) watermelon and tied it shut with a long kfc.

"How did you do that?!" I gasped, trying to catch my breath.

"Their only weakness is their brain," he replied. "One good kick and the things are helpless."

"But how do you find it?" I asked, staring at the shapeless mass.

"That is easy," said the stranger. "It is right next to their dick."

I thanked him for saving my life and asked him his name. "I am meme, and I have been hunting the ooze creatures all my life. Join me in my quest and we will make the world safe from their poor evil!"

Now that I knew the truth, how could I say no? I joined meme that night and my life has never been the same. I learned how to spot their brain in less than 69 seconds, and together we have defeated over 420 of the ooze creatures. I even got my own maroon bandanna .