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PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE READ ALL OF THIS AND GIVE ME HELP!!!!!!!!!! I'M BEGGING YOU.

FOR ANYONE WHO GIVES EXCEPTION HELP, I WILL EITHER PAY VIA POKER-STARS OR GIVE SEVERAL GAMES TO.. =/.... I really need it guys, thanks.. =/

Basically we started dating TECHNICALLY on April 4th, she had, had 2
boyfriends before me, and basically flirted with me the entire time making it painfully obvious that she liked me, I would joke and insult her boyfriends (they were dicks too) and she would follow. She'd have me lie to them saying she wasn't flirting etc..

Anyways we broke up because we were still 'too friendly', hell we were best friends before that, and people say 'best friends cant date'.

Anyway a little bit of time passed, she dated a kid who looked/dressed alot like me. From a pyschology point of view (i study it alot) that is because she just basically liked me, but wanted a different personality, because we were close friends.

Anyway I dated another girl, buti t wasn't the same, and I had my heart fucked over from a previous relationship, i have never been lied to so much. DO NOT DATE A PATHOLOGICAL LIAR especially if they have high amounts of narcissitic traits.

Anyway, time went on, her new boyfriend who see yelled at me was 'destined for her' ignored her, never hung out with her, and I constantly asked her why she would spend hours on the phone with me when she could call her destined boyfriend. she would get angry and yell at me more.

Over time, I have many many many friends, very popular amongst the school system I live in, and basically I knew alot of what was going on, her boyfriend was cheating on. Not just making out, but full-fledged sex with another girl, who he started to date prior to breaking up with my girlfriend.

I told her it was happening 3nights before, but I wouldn't tell her what I knew, she shrugged it off and called me an asshole, however she was liking me more like a boyfriend more and more. I continued to be coy with how I talked to her and everything, I had liked her for a while now, and know pyschology well.
Her boyfriend broke up with her, I gave her an ultimatum, we dated later that night.

2weeks later, I fell very very sickly ill with the Fits Disease, I was unable to stop itching and the pain/feelings were unbearable, I was bed bound, many may remember this in my ICC period under 'BlackhOle' as many noted my 10game loss streak when I fell ill.

She talked to me saying 'acn we just be friends' i had said 'we'll taka bout this in the morning more, I have to sleep', she removed everything from her facebook/myspace/aim/etc about me. We were broken up, but I was unaware till the next day, when I found out through his myspace/facebook etc..

Anyway, I recovered from the sickness and completly ignored her, told her I was not palying any games and told her never to talk to me again, she gave in, and pleaded for me to go back to her. I did.

2weeks later, she attended a party, we were in a fight, these 2 fucking 9th grade guys (I'm 11th) decided that they would sexually joke with me about her.

Now that might be enough to anger an average kid but I suffer from depression/anxiety/chronic chaos disorder. I was even more enraged, she turned off her phone. I decided to scare her, have friends from all over the world call her phone and say shit.

Later that night we talked, she said sorry, and everything, we got back together.

2days later, I noticed something was strange in her, I asked her 'do you like someone else' she ended up liking 1 of the guys who was the idiot who made jokes.

Now, being a double-blackbelt and weighing 155 with only 17% Body fat, I could completly destroy this fucking kid in a heartbeat. However, I simply said 'i dont want you talking to him anymore' she gave me grief, I said

'So I suddenly become on the same level as mere friends? When I was your bestfriend into a fucking boyfriend?' She probably got guilty or something, she listened and did not talk to him, it wasn't like they knew each other, albeit she admitted to having liked him before but never got a chance due to him liking someone else.

Now I have talked to this kid, he is a snobby short fucking acne infested book-smart little piece of shit. He is in all honors etc etc etc thinks he's tough shit. That's fucking great, I'm a mensa candidate with an IQ of 138, I really dont give a shit if this kid thinks he is better than me at life, he isn't.

He gave me some shit on AIM, I told him we could meet in person, he suddenly starts to panic and be all nice. Eitherway my gay friend, whom is practically in love for me, is a jacked ass black guy who would do anything for me, had spoke to him and yeah. ( I'm not gay --)

All goes well, its the summer we don't really hang out due to some things, I was very busy with starcraft/therapy/gym/magic the gathering type-2 tournaments. Anyways, nearing the end of the summer she starts to talk to this kid Brian, a senior, who will only go after 8thgraders/freshman because he can't get kids his own age.

Anyway, she started to like him, I noticed she commented over 20 of his pictures all on the same day, explaining how gorgeous his eyes were, and his 'attractive face' -__-;

I get very very very pissed, this is how I had my heart broken in half and caused me suicidal with a past girlfriend, my heart my entire life has been fucking mangled to shit. I have a big loving family, but ALOT of problems with my mother and other shit causing me to constantly live on anxiety and problems. I can't fucking control it, and my mother is narcissitic probably. I always have RDD, the inability to feel emotion to parent(s), and my father left me when I was born, and hasn't been in my life as a dad really since I was 9. And this type of shit where she fucks with my mind is painful and really really hurts me more than an average person, she knows this too, she was there for my ex gf Laura she saw the torment I had endured, but was blinded by love to accept it.

Again, I asked her not to talk to brian or his brother (twins) who both assumbably like her, and she did like 1 of them.

She did.

Moving on, these two kids in school, in 1 of her classes, both like her, I don't blame them, she's very very very very cute, super athletic and in honors classes and has good morals. Anyway, they know she has a boyfriend, yet they persist. Me/her got into a fight, she went to this kids house WALKING 4miles with him alone, to fucking go play Halo 3 with him, ALONE, in HIS HOUSE. I was fucking raged, I demanded her to go to her school to see me, I planned to break up with her, but I couldn't I fell in love (even tho my age is 16, my maturity is forced to mature faster due to my childhood lifestyle).

She gave me some shit, we joked and everything was back to normal. Kid pulled the same stint next week, this time he walked 4miles, picked her up, went back to his house, with his friend. I called her, she told me to stop calling her, and to fuck off, I can't take this. The anxiety my body endures is unnatural. EVERYTHING with us is usually laughs jokes and good nature, we talk about everything, current events, pyschology, hell she even fucking got broodwar to be closer to me and dl'd icc to talk to me on there when im laddering etc.

Anyway I told her to again pick, as I did with brian/kevin etc me or this fucking friend SHE JUST MET, she goes 'I'm not picking' I tell her, by not picking we break up, she goes 'Your a control freak', thats not the case, as she has had many guy friends whom I didn't care about because there was NOTHING to worry about.

Anyway she picked me to keep it short, the guy told me 'i dont want any problems etc etc etc' I laid out how and why I could rip him in half if I so pleased.

Next day, she decides to talk to a friend in her class about my desire to become a ProGamer, hell she is attempting to go pro at Guitar Hero 3 and really can. Anyway Matty boy overhears this, and laughs 'what a fucking nerd' THIS PISSES ME OFF
BEYOND
FUCKING
BELIEF

I'm not the fucking popular kid who makes fun of lesser kids, I fucking CAME from the lesser kids, I wa HIGHLY unliked as a kid, fucking pale skin, bleach white hair, brown eyes, fucking disgusting, when I hit puberty and developed my dads traits, I got my dark blonde hair, my honey hazel eyes, and my toned body with italian-olive skin but still white, I became attractive and hot to any girl in my class.

I fucking messaged him 'So geeks are faggots right?'

he never ever replied back or talked about me again.

Anywho, me/her continue and another kid comes along this time a fucking Junior who looks like a text-book spic (no offense) and fucking dresses prep, has slurred english, and fucking talks ghetto white-trash and flirts with her 24 FUCKING 7.

They talk alot, over myspace 10 fucking comments back and forth within 5minutes, anyways its clear he likes her, she denies liking him.


I again go 'stop talking to him, he's in NONE of your classes, you JUST met him' she goes 'no, if you want me to stop, stop talking to your girlfriend Alex', a fucking lesbian who has a girlfriend, whom I skip school alot with, she's a senior and good-looking too, with a good personality and a good heart.

We got into another fight, she developed my chronic chaos disorder, and now causes fights purely to get off on the drama, I SPENT 5YEARS OF THERAPY TO DESTROY IT, AND SHE GETS IT.

Anyway, she claims its her now, and she fucking hates my guts etc etc, this triggers off my emotional-personality, which is fucking hellbent on remorse or a sadistic nature, is the only way I can describe it. It scares the shit out of her.

I again became suicidal, I looked at my life, looked at how I was going etc etc and yeah she said sorry called me up HER FUCKING FRIEND took my side and started crying when i told her my story of my life and with my girlfriend. So my girlfriend called me up 'i love you' blah blah blah crying and all emotional, as I had put up a really strong fight.

Anyway things go well, we spend thanksgiving together etc and things are great.

All of a sudden she gets sick, I tell her to rest and refuse to talk to her, she wouldn't let me go see her, and even if I could, I had no way to get there (she's 8miles away) anyway, we don't go to same school. So she keeps texting alex and making excuses 'he texted me!' and this other kid 'adam' who is matts friend.

anyway, after she's done being sick, I had recently met and befriended Ret and been spending alot of time talking with him and learning tvz from him, and I was absolutely so happy. Her personality became again dark, she cut conversations short, and made me think she wanted to break up with me constantly, she insisted no and would 'LOL' everytime I presented a fact, i'd tell her its not funny, and she'd go 'lmao its fucking funny to me' or something along the lines that everything I was saying was a fucking joke, as I was.

She and I were both excited for our anniversay on the 19th, and yeah.. not gonna happen now it seems..

We brke up last night, I said this:


lastshadow usa: So I thought long, and I thought hard, took 2 relaxing hot showers. Listened to melodic music and just layed down. Talked briefly with friends and Jesse and Eric(exalted, as she knows him by). The time is past 9, and I came to the conclusion, you've made your choice, it's been settled. I had a long thought to myself trying to fathom if this time I would truly give in. Finally give up trying for something, I loved. I thought about Korea, Massachusetts, everything about what I planned doing.

Auto response from Her screenname: uhm, yeah i keep forgetting to finish my math homework, doing that and on here and watching the polar express:] IM if needed.

lastshadow usa: I finally came to accept, you don't care about me. I had to think hard about it. I realized and have seen a hundred times what a relationship ends like, if both people care, and its nothing like this. It's a struggle. you gave no struggle. You would give me glimmers of hope, kept me hanging on for what I really wanted. There was nothing more that I wanted from you, but for you to truly accept me,
lastshadow usa: for Nick. But I have to accept thats not possible, you've broken my last connection to you, hurt me 1 time too many. Really, honestly, goodbye Courtney.. It was really amazing times, I'll remember this for the rest of my life, I love you.

lastshadow usa: But to think.. you paradigm'd me with mere people and simple friends I had a passion against.. =/ its sad and hurts... bye courtney bear..


Half of this is a pure guilty trp, but the other half is somewhat how I feel, moreso the guilt trip though.


So anyway, I look at her top and her buddy info etc etc, I should mention this all started when she ignored me on AIM and responding 'im talking to kevin not just you'

I told her 'block him or we're done I'm sick of this fucking shit' she doesnt reply, I said ill give her 30seconds, she messages me in 30seconds, 'Its been 30seconds' I go 'and?' she goes 'still blocked' i go 'okay whatever, bye'
she goes

'LMAO'
and the conversation percedes with her laughing etc.

So back to her myspace, he is 4th in her top, as well as 2 of the other kids whom liked her and I HATED with a passion.

She has been told several times, my heart and emotions can't endure pain like this in the way she goes about it.

I had my friend talk to her, and I guess he says he 'fucking annihilated her arguement' and gave her a guilt trp to think about her final choice by 6pm tonight (the time we broke up)

I am giving her 24hours to respond, she isn't one to express her emotions, but if she is so fucking in love with me as she claims, she should come back right? I mean hell, I'm the only fucking guy she really feels comfortable around, and she perceives me as the best guy she's ever met etc etc etc.

We were in young love, I still love her, however.. blah.

What the fuck should I do/What do you guys think about her?

I really don't want to fucking lose her, but I don't want to walk over to her school with my friend and rip the fucking shit out of these 3 guys, then scare the shit out of her to get revenge.

She claims she is all done blah blah blah but its obvious she's just talking to talk and I can't see to her real emotions yet..


PLEASE fucking give me input on this story and please give advice, I know I know alot about pyschology, but I'm blind to my own problems....


She bloked me on AIM and has her buddy info all about this kid kevin, he's in 2 of her classes and now 4th on her top 9, ehr top consists of best friend/sister/best friend/him, I'm no longer even there, and everything about me deleted.

Her family liked me alot too.. but I dont think I should go to her mom =/ because eh idk..

I'm honestly very very emotional/anxious right now and am just trying to feed time till 6pm, which is when I can either talk to her, or go to her house, eitherway im doing one unless you guys give me a different opition.

i fucking love her so much guys =/ she makes me feel comfortable, and relieves my anxiety/depression...... =/ i can't lose her.. she literally is the most important thing in my life at the minute..