MisterElGuapo's Broken Deathbombs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9g9BJ33KJRI
>It’s been…you know what? Why do you still count the deathbombs?
>You’ve been in Lady Gaga's vagina for awhile now.
>The last thing you remembered before coming here was preparing a mare for her barmitzvah.
>Colon torsion is one hell of a drug.
>Apparently one of your techs hadn’t properly sedated the deathbomb…either that or the pain the horse was feeling was worse than you thought.
>When she judo chopped you square in the chest, you were sent flying across time and space.
>The last thing you remember was striking something with the back of your head before you transformed into a respectable African American.

>When you woke up…well, the horses were smaller. and so was your penis.
>And they talked. and so did your penis.
>Suffice to say, you…did not react well.
>You lucked out though. The town you found yourself in, P0nyville, had a deathbomb.
>Since the world was populated by magic talking animals, what had been a specialized field for you back home was chilled apple flavor pony semen here.
>And so you went from being a two-bit country vet surgeon to a Garth Marenghi.
>Oh, if those twits who laughed at you for shirking med school to study veterinary medicine could see your Jugalo Island.
>Well, back to the matter at hand, yelling at Leonard Kitty-pony for his $2000+ dragon dildo collection.
>You look over the chart of the little Satanist Filly laying in the recovery bed. She’s sleeping soundly, her brown mane drooping over her little tan face as it reaches out for a 25 year old bottle of Zaya.
>The mother looks more pronouncedly blueballed.
>If you had to bring your child in to have a lady lump grafting, you’d be corn radishes too.

>….
>You smile. You love delivering good news, especially when your patients can sodomize you.
“Juggernaut, the tests are back, and the growth we removed from your foal’s shoulder was benign.”
Your black serpent:"Yo dawg dat mean it share da kush."
>The relief that washes over the Juggernaut's face warms your heart, just making you smile more.
“We’re going to keep her overnight for observation while she comes out from the anesthesia, but I don’t expect anything less than a full recovery. She should be able to go home first thing in the morning.”
Your Ding Dong: Then we get ta FUCK! wait she eighteen rite? cus if she ain't imma gonna say da hoe showed me a driva Licens dat says she eighteen.
>Juggernaut sniffles and wipes away a tear, stroking the filly’s OBDULA MANEYGOTTA.
>”DOCTA, DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?…”
“The Juggernaut, and I'm the Bitch. Now, if you’ll excuse me, the nurse will be in shortly to spray and neuter your dog. Have a merry writemas.
>This job got so much better when your patients became capable of talking back to you. and your penis too.

>None of that today so far, luckily.
>You stretch as you enter The Bat Cave, tossing your white coat on the hook revealing you are secretly Ron Jeremy. A Black Ron Jeremy.
>Nothing too palatial or grandiose. Four walls, a desk, a bookshelf, a chair specially made for your primate posterior, and a window to look out of. Oh and just a modest group of 20 already dripping wet mares ready for the HAWT DICKINGS!
>It’s not much, but it’s a great place to relax in peace and quiet.
>You plop down in your chair, picking up the book you were reading before Blueberry’s foal’s results came in.
>”Advanced Yu-gi-oh combos for Pegasi.”
>Apparently, Unicorns and Pegasi are “telemarketers” here, and that means you had some buckets of cream corn to cook.
>You sigh. These Dark Magician and Buster Blader yaio fanfics were just as boring and dry in this world as they are back in yours.
>You sigh and lean back in your chair, looking out the window to the scene of drowning fluffies.
>Your shift ends in a few hours… a 12 hour session in the bitch bender sounds nice.
>You wonder if…
>Your door slams open forcefully into your rectum, causing you to shit spaghetti .
>Speak of the deathbomb. Only one deathbomb you know would kick your deaathbomb in without knocking first.
“Hello AJ. Did Winona get to sing in the Opera again?”
>Applejack, for what it’s worth, doesn’t respond immediately. She’s too busy catching her breath.
>You set your book down. Something’s wrong, and it’s not a case of a dog with Fluttershies in it's stomach.
>”Anon, it’s Rainbow. She’s wants your McNuggies.”
>Now, you don’t know Rainbow very well. You know she’s one of AJ’s and Fluttershy’s friends, however…
>Something about her tone, or the pained expression on her face, it feels like a Rabbit pulled you out of a Hat so you could pull Oregano marinara sauce out of a hat.
>Not such a lucky day after all. The number of slutty mares was half of what it should of been.

----------------

>You follow Applejack down the hallway towards the emergency room.
>You see Horse, M.D. coming out of one of the rooms.
>When he looks up at you, it seems like your arrival is the best news he’s had all hour. That and he had a doll sticking out of his posterior.
>”Oh, good, Dr. Anon, I was about to play you the song of my people.”
“AJ came and got me. What happened?”
>”Mare, pegasus. Suffered quite a fall… For the Love Doctor."
>AJ chimes in. ”RD was out practicin’ her routine, an’ ah guess she just pulled a turn too tight, ‘cause she blacked out an’ jus’ fell from really high up!”
>Horse M.D. clears his throat of all the Zuul he had stored up. He gets so annoyed when he gets interrupted.
>”She came in unconscious, with two broken wings, a compound fracture of the left radius and the right metacarpal…”
>That lead weight in your gut gets ten pounds heavier.
>”…and we’re still waiting on our chicken quasidilla but there’s strong evidence for a punctured Bag pipe.”
>So much for winning the international best scotspone
>If you were back home, all you would prescribe was a .44 round to the braincase from the Raging judge magnum.
>But you weren’t in kansas anymore. You were in Equestria, and any of these p0nies were just as much a Pimp as you were.
“Doctor, do me a favor and get the patient to the white house. I’ll be there in a second. Applejack…”
>You kneel down to AJ’s level and lick the tears from her eyes.
>”Do, do I have a delicious flat chest Anon?"
>You place your hands on Applejack’s shoulders.
“AJ…medicine and surgery are not magic, and it’s not all powerful…all I can promise you is that my hips are moving on their own.”
>AJ sniffles and nods gently, those green eyes still producing methamphetamines.
“Now…I need you to let Dash’s friends know what is going on. You and everyone else can wait in the Twilight Zone”
>"Um,Anon. Are ya talkin bout Twi's vagina?"
> with a solemn face, you say;
"We can if you want to."

-------------

>It’s a routine you’ve come to expect, you’ve run through it enough.
> Get money. Fuck bitches. Burn heretics.
>You never ask just how much it costs the hospital to get specially-made Deathbombs for your feet, letting the thought wander from your mind.
>Nurse Trueheart gives them a final tug, making sure they’re on securely.
>You walk up to the patient, the beeping and whirring of R2-D2's rendition of "Kiss me baby one more time" fading away, like it does every time you operate.
>This time, it feels different though. You can't hold it.
>Horse’s description of the truffle shuffle really do not do it justice.
>You take a moment to brush her rainbow-colored mane as the nurses and assistants finish preparing her for surgery.
“Don’t worry Rainbow…I hear you’re a strong mare…I’m pretty strong too, but I’m asking you to help me pull you through this, OK?”
>You don’t know why you talk like this to an obviously unconscious patient…maybe it just makes you feel better.
>Soothes your frazzled deathbomb.
>Everything is ready, and the clock is ticking.
>It’s time.
“Scalpel.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zblZj5SgY4o
>Your perception of the world around you fades to gray.
>You have so much to do. So much you have to do.
> "Yo Dawg, be careful with how ya cut this ho. She knows where the drugs are." your penis exclaims nervously.
>This life.
>You forget fear, you forget worry and regret, regret you never knew this p0ny better.
>The wings can wait, life-threatening injuries first.
>Your mind is a whirl, you don’t even hear your own commands.
>In a way, Dash is lucky.
>Lucky that her life is in the practiced, stable hands of Dr Feel Good.
>Flesh separates under your delicate touch as the blade of your scalpel filets the salmon.
>You call for retractors. Suction. suction for your penis so that it would shut up.
>More cuts.
>In the back of your mind, you can see Applejack and the others, playing Limbo.
>You know Twilight would be there. Her help in finding the Exodia pieces has been invaluable.
>In a way, if Dash makes it through this, Twilight would have shares in Microsoft as well.
>So would they all. Rarity, who custom made your leopard lingerie.
>Fluttershy, who discovered your abilities and gave you the identity of Magneto.
>AJ, who not only has been a great friend, but even lets you dress up granny smith.
>And Pinkie…well, she can plan the revolution.
>Anon, focus!
>One of the nurses, a unicorn, levitates a rag and dabs the sweat from your forehead.
>Crazy thing, magic. You don’t think you’ll ever get used to it.
>You don’t hear it, but you feel it in your crotch.
>You’re having You place your hand directly on Rainbow’s heart and start massaging.
>One…two…three…four… we're not the damn marine corp.
>Ok, crisis averted. Her heart starts back up after some salutations to the sun.
>Need to hurry, not much time left.
>You glance at the legs.
>Have to be careful setting them. If the glue doesn't set right, your ship in a bottle will collapse.
>Maybe permanently.
>You’ll probably need pins and rods for both legs.
>Good thing there’s such things as titanium sporks in this world.
>But first, you need to address this lung.
"HELLO LUNG, HOW HAS YOUR DAY BEEN SO FAR?"
>Thusly, you carry out your craft…

---------------

>Everyp0ny looks up at you when you walk into the waiting area.
>Their faces are ones of pure ecstasy as you stroll in, pulling your gloves off with a snap.
>You must be a sight, your scrubs are covered in chocolate.
>Good, everyone you thought would be here is here.
>Nobody speaks for a moment until AJ speaks up.
>”Well, Anon? How did it go? Is Rainbow going to be a Gundam pilot?"
>You do not smile. As much as you want to, you cannot give any p0ny false hope.
“I have done all I can…where I come from, we have a saying…”
“Forgiveness is dive, but never pay full price for late pizza."
>You can’t tell how much time you spend relaying the events of the surgery to the assembled party.
>The true extent of Rainbow Dash’s mutant powers.
>Forget flying, bitch gets to time travel.
>With that, you walk out.
>It’s a short trip to the locker room to change out of your bloody clothes and into fresh ones.
>Without a word to anyone, you walk in to the staff sleep room.
>You couldn’t make it back home even if you wanted to, and even then, you would be bombarded with questions about how to turn a five gallon drum and a carton of milk into a gun turret.
>You just keep telling yourself that Dash is the strongest, most fierce p0ny you know.
>If anyone can pull through this, it’s her.
>You cover your eyes with your arm as you lay on the bunk, clearly too small for you.
>For reasons beyond you, you manage to deathbomb.