2hu Jokes

Jokes created by /jp/, not me.
https://boards.4chan.org/jp/res/9583450


    Who's Mystia's father?
	Jack Sparrow

    Knock Knock
    Who's there?
    Master!
    Master who?
    -SPAAAAARK!
    KABOOM

    Why is Sakuya so elegant?
	Because she dresses timelessly.

    How many Suikas does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
	53. Two for a ladder, one to hold it in, the rest to drink 'till Gensokyo starts spinning.

    Knock knock
    Who's there?
    Witch Two
    Witch Two who?
    Wch 2hu wd ufq

    What a normal person says
   	>I need more of you

    What a redneck says
   	>I need moriya

    What's the difference between Sanae and a bad ISP?
	The ISP stops sucking once you pay 100$

    What grows in the Scarlet Devil Mansions herb garden?
   	Patchouli

    Why does Patchouli hate incense?
   	she doesn't like the smell

    What does Patchouli have in common with Yuuka?
   	They're both plants

    A tengu once framed an italian for comitting a heinous crime. when the police arrived on the scene and
    asked him what happened, he responded, "Aya did it!" and was promptly arrested.

    How did Chen get to the Extra Stage when she was late?
   	She Ran

    WHAT DO BUNBUNMARU AND /v/IRGINS HAVE IN COMMON
	NOBODY EVER KNOWS >WHO THEY ARE QUOTING

    Sakuya was dusting the Scarlet Devil Mansion, and Remilia told her she needed to dust out the clock
    tower. Sakuya said, "No way, I'm done dusting, there's no way I'm dusting out that clock tower." So,
    Remilia told her "If you don't dust out the clock tower I will fight you!" Sakuya replies, "Okay, but
    if I win, I don't have to dust out the clock tower."
	Well needless to say, Sakuya cleaned Remilia's clock.

    Why did Ran start running?
	Because Yukari said her name

    Marisa escaped with her stolen goods to Rio de Janeiro. The extradition seems to take a lot of time.
    Why?
	Ryunosuke

    Nitori created a machine that can combine two animals. She tested it on a stingray and a cow. She
    calls the animal Ray-moo.

    Why did Marisa stick his hand into an antsnest and take the queen ant?
	She stole Arisus precious thing

    Why did Suwako wait to sell her stocks?
	Tomorrow will be special; yesterday was not

    Wanna hear a joke?
	Youkai's rights

    What does Marisa like in the weekends
	Alice in Chains

    Why does Sakuya only call others at night?
	She has a Lunar Dial

    What do weeaboos and Youmu have in common?
	They both have a Japanize Dream

    What did Cirno listen to when her friends were playing outside in the winter?
	Coldplay

    Why does Cirno freeze frogs?
	Because she's cool


    Why did Cirno leave the bar fastly?
	Her friend ordered an icepick

    yo momma's so dumb not even satori can tell what she thinkin

    So, how DOES Yamame shot web?!?
	Her web is a complete ass pull.

    Why did Satori start to play Yu-gi-oh?
	She had heard Parsee yelling about it every night

    Yamame should be /jp/'s mascot because she's always on the web.

    What happens when you spice a deva of the mountain?
	You get pepperoni.

    Why was Iku looking for Mokou?
	She wanted some Fire in her Disco

    If Cirno was a musketeer, what would her name be?
	Cirno de Bergerac

    Hina was kicked out of school because she wouldn't stop cursing. She was a real Bad Apple.

    Aya loses her job and starts a bakery. What does she call it?
	Bunbunmaru

    How does Koishi hit on people?
	She shows them her Embers of Love

    Why touhous use Windows?
	because Bad Apple.

    Parsee was always jealous of Kisume's apparent relationship expertise. She could often jump to first
    base just by giving her name.

    So why does Patchouly try to keep Marisa from stealing her books so hard?
	She's afraid of spoilers.

    Yukari's so old, when Ran told her to act her age she died
    Yukari's so old, she owes Jesus three dollars
    Yukari's so old, her social security number is 1
    Yukari's so old, she walked into Rinnosuke's antique store and he kept her

    Why did Yuugi go out looking for bread and peanuts?
	Because with Parsee around, there's never a shortage of jelly!

    Giant leap for mankind, small step for Komachi.

    Yo momma's so fat, even Momiji can't see ALL of her.

    What did Byakuren say when she was asked about her career?
	It's been one Emotional Scyscraper

    Reimu saved a drowning family of youkai
	as a jpeg

    How does Yukari make sure her shikigami remains obedient and well-behaved?
	The old-fashioned way!

    Yukari once wrecked a game store over a game the clerk said would be great for her. What was that game?
	The Elder Scrolls!

    Which Touhou 12 character would UFOq?

    Why did Yukari cross the road?
	she needed to get to the gap on the other side

    Where does Yukari get her clothes?
	Gap

    Why does Yukari hate mexicans?
	They cross the border illegally

    In a certain map in a certain FPS that Iku plays, there's a sunken bowl in the middle that serves no
    strategic purpose. However, instead of making intelligent tactical decisions, everyone just heads to
    the dish and spends all their time killing each other instead. But, when I say killing each other,
    it's mostly just Iku killing everyone else, since she's on another level entirely. Dethroning the
    "demon of the dish" is everyone's aspiration, though, since she's not bad mannered at all, everyone
    respects her as well.
    In the end, nobody was able to surpass her, and she passed into gaming history as the Refined Daemon
    of the Fragging Dish

    Rumia walks into a bar.
	She couldn't see it because she was enveloped in darkness

    So why did the Soviet Union break apart?
	Yukari decided to change the curtain.

    Reimu, Marisa and Sanae were out hunting for youkai. It was getting late, and the heroines were
    getting tired. Somehow, they had succeeded to get lost within the outern fields of Gensokyo. One could
    almost say that they were whithin the boundary. After a few hours of being hopelessly lost, they
    suddenly bumped into an old, strong youkai. It was Yukari.
    "You three have come deep into my terrain", the reality warper explained, "and I have a challenge for
    you. Will you succeed, I will guide you out. Will you fail, you will be trapped into my mansion. Will
    you take it, or are you going to keep on trying to get out by yourselves?"
    After a few moments of pondering, the three humans agreed on the challenge. They were required to pick
    a rescourse found whithin Gensokyo and stuff ten of those into their mouths. They could pick any item
    to their liking, Yukari would retrieve it for them.
    Reimu was first. She picked money, copper coins. It was going very well for her until at the seventh
    coin she accidentally swallowed one and had to gag - vomiting the items from her mouth.
    Marisa was up next. She decided to pick then pearls from a necklace she had - borrowed - from someone.
    It was an easy task and Marisa was about to win, until she started laughing her ass off, spitting the
    items from her mouth.
    "What the fuck, Marisa", asked Reimu, "you could easily have done that. Why did you fail?"
    "It was going very well", the magician answered, "until I started laughing when I saw Sanae gathering
    ten men around her."

    A clumsy sparrow nearly ran you over with a car, but she mystia and nobody was hurt.

    Why does everyone think Reimu is a crossdresser?
	Everyone gets killed by her balls

    What did Reimu show to Sanae to impress her?
	Her balls

    What's Eientei's favorite cereal?
	Reisen Brand

    Yukari walks into a bar.
	There is no counter

    Once, Patchouly asked Alice, Satori and Suika:
    -Would you want to spend the next 100 years in completely the same state you are when a certain moment
    arrives?
    Alice though about it:
    -Sure, everything's going great for me 24/7, I've got no objections.
    Satori took a moment:
    -I'm always comfortable, surrounded by my beloved pets, it would be great.
    Suika though, and though and then:
    -NO WAY! What if that moment comes in the morning before I had a chance to get drunk?!

    What's Okuu while doing nothing?
	Nuclear waste

    Remilia Scarlet and Sakuya Izayoi go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine/blood
    for the lady, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
    Some hours later, Remilia wakes up and nudges her faithful servant. “Sakuya, look up at the sky and
    tell me what you see.”
    “I see millions and millions of stars, Remilia ojou-sama” replies Sakuya.
    “And what do you deduce from that?”
    Sakuya ponders for a minute. “Well,
	-Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of
	 planets.
	-Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
	-Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
	-Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
    But what does it tell you, Ojou-sama?”
    Remilia is silent for a moment.
	“Sakuya, you idiot!” she says. “Marisa has stolen our tent!”

    What is it called when Marisa, Alice and Patchouli go drinking together?
	Magus Night

    Keine was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. She said there would be
    no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family
    member's death. One smart ass, fairy student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the
    whole classroom burst into laughter. After the laughter had subsided, Keine glared at Cirno, and said,
    "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write.

    Which charity group does Yumemi support?
	The Red Cross

    What is Yoshika's favorite video game console?
	The Seiga Dreamcast.

    What do competitive WoW players have in common with Flandre?
	They are all basement-dwellers

    What did Cirno say to Reimu after making a huge pile of snow on her shrines yard?
	"Did you get my drift?"

    What did Kanako give to Suwako when they went to sleep?
	A goodnight hiss

    How do you cure Mystia when she is sick?
	You give her tweetment

    WHAT WAS SUWAKO'S FAVORITE 1980'S VIDEO GAME
	FROGGER LOL

    What happened when Chen ate wool?
	She had mittens

    Hatate wondered what that speck on the horizon was.
	And then Aya hit her.

    Why can't Satori watch her TV shows anymore?
	Because Koishi lost the last remote.

    Why did Reimu go to see Eirin?
	She ate a Bad Apple.

    How much cum can Kisume hold?
	buckets

    Yuugi, Kasen and Suika found themselves near an Oasis in a desert somewhere. After some searching,
    they found a lamp, and what do you know, it's a genie lamp.
    Naturally, they make a wish.
	Yuugi: "A barrel of sake and take me back to Gensokyo"
	Kasen: "A barrel of sake and bring me to Gensokyo please"
	Suika: "Heh, lightweights...a truck of sake...and bring the company back, too!"

    What did Aya say to Nazrin when she took her picture?
	Cheese

    Why did Momiji chase the Prismrivers away?
	They were noising around.

    If Kisume had two sisters, what would they be?
	The Three Bucketeers!

    What happened when Aya realized the lightning wasn't sufficient enough for one of her pictures?
	A flash-back!

    What do you say before facing the boss of stage 5 in UFO?
	It's Shou time.

    The other day I was seriously constipated. My guts were about to explode and I though I was going to
    die. I gathered a Mountain of Faith and went to the bathroom. I pushed hard but nothing happened, my
    stomach started aching and I was scared. Focusing my Immaterial and Missing Power I pushed so hard my
    face turned so red I looked like the Embodiment of Scarlet Devil, my anus opened like the gates of
    hell and an Undefined Fantastic Object came out so hard blood splashed everywhere like a Perfect
    Cherry Blossom. The shit pierced through the floor and smashed the underground so hard it caused
    Subterranean Animism. It was so painful that since that day my Ten Desires to Santa every year are to
    never again experience a constipation like the one I had at that Imperishable Night.

    What did Lunasa Prismriver get after playing the violin for ten hours straight?
	Minstrel cramps.

    What would Aya post if she saw this thread?
	Double spoiler

    "Aya, if you were locked into a duel with a person who draws faster than you, what would you do?"
	"I guess I would Shoot the Bullet"

    Tenshi and Cirno have started their career as a comedy duo. They call themselves Stone Cold.

    What is a touhou's favorite fetish?
	Zettai Ryoukai

    What's Suwako's favorite glam rock band?
	Froghat

    Nue was driving along, when suddenly she turned into a driveway.

    What do you call a mouse youkai with aspergers?
	Asprin

    Why didn't Mima show up in TH13?
	She didn't have a ghost of a chance

    Sakuya was playing her clarinet one day for Remilia. Unfortunately she always had trouble with playing
    certain notes that day. When Sakuya asked her mistress why that might be she replied:
	"Looks like you need new pads."

    What's Suika's favorite food?
	Macaroni

    What do you call a harvest goddess playing Reversi?
	Minori-go Aki

    What did the Italian persan say when he heard of Yoshika?
	It's a miyako!

    How do you ask to go to the washroom when you are in the Moriya Shrine?
	Kanako to the washroom?

    How powerful is yuugi?
	She's ogre the charts

    What does Yugi tell guests she doesn't want?
	"Go Ooe"

    Why did Yuugi get fired from her job?
	She was never oni time

    What's Yoshika's nickname for post-mortem erection?
	Rigid Paradise

    What did /jp/ say to Yuugi when he confessed to her?
	You're the oni one for me.

    Care to join me for a cup of Tewi?

    You want to pat the Okuu?
	Okuurse you can!

    How come Sakuya always tried to avoid her father?
	He never put on Diodorant

    Nitori was once hit on the head by a falling engine block.
	We call her Nitwit now.

    Hear no evil
    Speak no evil
    Cirno evil

    How was Moukou able to resolve Keine's lawsuit so quickly and skillfully?
	She was Possessed By Phoenix

    Kogasa managed to get a book published,
	They sold so surprisingly well they made an entire kogasaga out of it.

    Can Satori read your mind?
	Of Koishi can!

    When I see a sight like this.
	My blood pressure just keeps reisen higher and higher!

    Why does Eirin always have her cellphone turned off?
	Because Kaguya was always calling her going "EIRIN MY FRIEND! LET US GO BUDDHA'S STONE BOWLING!"

    Why did Aya go to mcdonalds?
	Because she loves fast food!

    What is Tenshi's favorite alcoholic drink?
	Rolling Rock

    Why did Youmu cross the road?
	Because Yuyuko was on the other side