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- >1947
- >I got a case
- >It involves horses
- >Ponies, specifically
- >There aren't any murders in Equestria
- >But I'm not in Equestria
- >His body was covered in hoof marks
- >Humans don't have hooves, last time I checked
- >Name's Anon. Anon Fourchan.
- >I'm a private detective
- >Came to the scene of the crime
- >Police still investigating the place
- >Hard to catch a murderer who's from another world
- >And ever since that fiasco in LA, traveling to different world's is complicated business.
- >"HEY ANON, FUCK YOU!"
- >That was the first thing I heard from my good friends at the crime scene
- >They don't like private detectives
- >Too cliché
- >"Get out of here, Anon. Leave this to the professionals."
- >So I did
- >Guess I need to handle things my way.
- >Pulled my horse suit out of the back of my Hudson Convertible
- >The ponies here don't take kindly to humans
- >Especially since that fiasco in LA
- >Smells like shit in here
- >Like my work
- >I enter the apartment
- >"Get out, Anon, the suit ain't foolin' anyone."
- >I give her the "cider"
- >"How the fuck did you get this, Anon? Damn, you sure know how to treat a pony."
- >That was Applejack, she works the front desk now
- >Ever since that fiasco in LA, she's been stuck here, getting drunk off of cheap liquor.
- >I went up to my contact
- >I knock on the door
- >No answer
- >I knock on it again
- >No answer
- >I break the door down
- >"WHAT THE FUCK, ANON!?!?"
- >I grab him back the neck and slam him onto the table
- >"STOP ANON, I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU!"
- >I knee him in the horse balls
- >"DAMN IT, ANON! THIS ISN'T LA!"
- >I remember this isn't LA
- >I stop attacking him
- >"Come on, man. I can't get back to Equestria covered in my own blood. You really need to get over that fiasco in LA."
- >I'll never get over that fiasco in LA
- >"Ok, listen. I think I know who killed that man."
- >I slam into him
- >He falls out the window
- >He falls three stories
- >He breaks his neck
- >He's dead
- >I remember this isn't LA, and I just killed my only contact.
- >The police won't look into this for more than a day or two, and no pony would dare try taking a human to court, at least on earth.
- >At least segregation is good for one thing.
- >Go back to my office
- >Filthy as all hell
- >Which is too be expected from most private detectives
- >I'm going over the evidence again, need to think of what to do next
- >I don't actually have any evidence
- >Then an idea strikes me
- >There is a knock on my door
- >I open it
- >It's the doctor
- >He's pissed I kicked him out a window
- >Thought for sure he'd be dead
- >Maybe the myths are true about him
- >He bucks me in the balls
- >I fall over
- >He bucks me in the face
- >I black out
- >I was handcuffed to a pole
- >Horses all around me
- >Each one holding planks of wood in there mouths
- >One spit his out
- >"Just drop the case, Anon, and no one gets hurt."
- >I spit on her face
- >"Bend over"
- >They bend me over
- >One of them saunters over with his horse cock fully erect
- >This wasn't looking good
- >BAM BAM
- >The rape horse falls over
- >BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM
- >Each of the ponies falls over, blood flowing from them
- >It's my partner
- >Faust
- >Faust frees me from my cuffs
- >She's a nice women, for a whore
- >"I'm the one that's supposed to take it up the ass, not you Anon."
- >I spit on her face
- >It's a sign of respect for her
- >"Anyway Anon, I got some new info on your case."
- >She pulls a piece of paper out of her rectum
- >"Follow this address, this new contact is willing to give us some more information on who might have killed our guy."
- >I look at the paper
- >The Bel Air hotel, Los Angeles
- >"Come on, Anon. Just get over it already!"
- >I'm sitting in the corner, crying.
- >"Damn it Anon, I didn't shove a piece of paper up my ass for you to end up like this. You're the best detective I know, and you're not just going to give up because you need to got to LA."
- >I run to my car and lock the door
- >"Anon, if you don't go to LA right now and solve this case, I won't tell you the results of my STD tests."
- >That was enough for me to continue the case
- >Driving towards LA
- >The flashbacks are coming back again
- >The fillies being round up and shot against the wall
- >The pegasi raping women from the air
- >The strange amount of sand on dead bodies
- >It was a nightmare
- >It literally was a nightmare
- >I fell asleep at the wheel and drove off the road
- >Drove into the woods
- >Found myself in one of those shanty towns the poor live in nowadays
- >The ponies and humans look at my wrecked car, observing it.
- >As equals
- >It brings a tear to my eye
- >I start my car up
- >I run over the crowed in front of me
- >Those who did not die on impact go over to help the injured
- >I drive my blood covered car towards LA
- >LA
- >The streets are filled with humans
- >This part of the city is humans only
- >But that doesn't mean there aren't any ponies
- >There is one standing on the corner wearing some pretty provocative clothing
- >She has an odd look in her eye
- >It's hard to make it big in LA if your a pony, easier to sell your body
- >I enter the Bel Air Hotel
- >I look down at my note
- >It only says the hotel, not where specifically to meet him/her
- >Shit
- >A human woman approaches me
- >"Are you Anon?"
- >I nod yes
- >"You're a quiet one, aren't you?"
- >I nod yes
- >"Anyway, the man who's killer you're trying to find was a part of the BB, the Boarder Board."
- >I nod yes
- >"Anyone working on that board is basically an enemy to ponies everywhere. And I hear he was particularly racist towards horses. That gets ponies angry."
- >I nod yes
- >"Are you listening to me?"
- >I nod yes
- >"I'm trying to help you"
- >I nod yes
- >"Do you like dick?"
- >I nod yes
- >I got all the information out of her
- >I needed to find someone who would hate the BB enough to kill one of its own members
- >So basically a pony
- >So basically I'm back where I started
- >I walk over to the corner and higher the horse prostitute
- >On the way to my car, I bash her over the head with a brick and lock her in the trunk
- >I drive over to a nearby TV station
- >I walk in with the horse in hand
- >I interrupt a Newscast and walk in front of the camera
- >I whisper in the newscaster's ear
- >"If the killer of the BB member does not give his or herself up to the police, this private detective is going to rape this pegasi right on camera"
- >Hours pass
- >No one comes by
- >I've already raped the horse
- >Just like during that Fiasco in LA
- >The newscasters are too afraid to end the broadcast
- >no one has tried to stop me
- >I'm a good detective
- >The phone rings
- >Someone picks it up, talks a little bit, and hangs up
- >"That was the killer. They said if you don't stop trying to find him..."
- LA is going to have another fiasco
- ACT 2
- >1948
- >I gave up on the murder case
- >Three more members of the BB have been murdered
- >I can't bring myself to find this killer
- >I can't have another fiasco
- >I'm working on the street corner now
- >As a pimp protector
- >Working with ponies mostly, and the occasional human
- >Today I'm protecting someone named Rainbow
- >She's a real bitch
- >We stand on the corner
- >A man drives by
- >"Hey baby, hows about you and me-"
- >I punch him in the face
- >"Hey buddy, what the fuck was tha-"
- >I punch him in the face again
- >"You son of a bi-"
- >I pull him out of the car and beat him to death
- >The pegasi looks down at him
- >"Take his money too."
- >I take out his wallet and put it in Rainbow's mouth
- >"Fwuck yway"
- >We take his car and drive around the city for awhile
- >We drive off the road
- >Drive to a nearby lake
- >I pull the wallet out of Rainbow's mouth
- >"What the fuck are you doing, human?"
- >I push the wallet towards her face
- >"Are you...paying me for...you know?"
- >I nod yes
- >We fuck in the back of the car
- >Haven't fucked a horse in a long time
- >I snap her neck before climaxing
- >Take the wallet back
- >I drop the dead body into the lake
- >I jump into the lake and wash the juices off of myself
- >Drive back to my office
- >Faust has been renting it out for group orgies
- >I love the 1940's
- >"Oh hey Anon, I'm about to have my 100th orgy. You wanna be a part of it? It's the least I could do for you."
- >I politely decline the offer
- >I'm not an animal
- >"Well ok, but I got something else for you
- >Faust pulls a piece of paper out of her ass
- >"I found this taped to the front door."
- >I knew better than to ask why Faust would need to shove that up her ass
- >I took the paper and read it
- >"If you don't stop your crimes against ponykind, a second fiasco will be certain."
- >I begin to cry
- >Faust holds me against her breasts
- >"Don't worry, Anon. We're going to get this horse."
- >Snot begins to dribble from my nose
- >I escape Faust's boob trap and put on my detective atair
- >S/He's not going to stop me from doing what I love
- >I leave and get back in the stolen car
- >I'm going to go to where all the answers lie
- >LA
- >LA
- >Pony district
- >Poor as hell, but there are no humans here, so the ponies are happy
- >I'm wearing my horse suit, so I'm fine
- >I approach a muscle bound horse with needles sticking out of his arm
- >"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT, ANON!??!"
- >I say nothing, pretending to be a common horse
- >"IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR ANSWER'S YOU ARE NOT GETTING THEM FROM ME, FUCK FACE!"
- >I say nothing
- >"I'LL FUCKING BASH YOUR BRAINS IN, DAMN IT!"
- >I say nothing
- >The pony bursts into tears
- >"OK! FINE I'LL TELL YOU EVERYTHING I KNOW! THE KILLER IS TRYING TO GET RID OF ALL THE BB MEMBERS SO THEY-"
- >A bullet hits the steroid horse right between the eyes
- >I turn around, and see the shadow of the sniper as s/he leaves the roof of a far off building
- >I gallop towards the building to catch my killer
- >I gallop towards the building with all my might, but do to needing to use my arms and legs, I easily trip
- >As I fall over, the sniper somehow gets out of the building and falls over me
- >S/he's wearing a masked mare esc costume (it's like Batman to them)
- >I fling my body over his/her body
- >My weight is too much for them
- >"Foolish detective, do you really think you'll be able to stop us? Are plans are almost complete. And this interference will surly cause another fiasco."
- >I crush his/her head in with my own head
- >There is a purple horn lodged in my forehead
- >I run back into the car
- >I drive straight to the LA human district police station
- >I'm about to tell the whole crowd of police men what might happen, but then I remember something
- >I'm terrible at talking to crowds
- >"Just get out of here, Anon. You're not a real cop."
- >A hear a BOOM outside
- >The police rush outside to see what's going on
- >Ponies dressed as the masked mare are running around attacking humans
- >A massive interdimensional portal has opened up in the sky
- >Humans and ponies are being sucked up, ponies going inside the portal, and humans bursting into clouds of blood when they hit the portal
- >Horses are raping people left and right
- >The police have already begun shooting everything in sight
- >Humans are beating horses to death with other horses
- >It's the fiasco all over again
- >And it's all my fault
- >I can feel my fully erect cock bursting out of my loins
- >I feel a hoof bash against my head
- >I fall to the ground
- >"I told you this would happen if you interfered, human. Sadly, you won't be here to enjoy it. The Princess wishes to meet you, which means I need you to live."
- >I could feel myself floating into the air
- >"Goodbye, human. Enjoy your stay in Equestria."
- >I blacked out at that point.
- >The last thing I heard was...
- END OF ACT 2
- ACT 3: THE FINAL ACT
- >I wake up in chains
- >In a dungeon
- >Wearing rags
- >It's like the fucking dark ages or some shit
- >Two pony guards are in front of me
- >"You're going to pay for your crimes, Fourchan."
- >I spit in their general direction
- >"The Princess is really going to like you."
- >The open the door, and start leading me out of the dungeon
- >I wrap my chains around one of their necks and begin to strangle him
- >The other guard quickly stabs my side with his horn
- >Forgot about those horns
- >Which is funny, since I still have a horn lodged in my face
- >I let go of the guard, and let him live
- >For now
- >They take me out of the frying pan, and into the fire
- >The next room is bright as all hell
- >I'm in a courtroom
- >There are ponies all over the place, booing, giving me dirty looks, swearing
- >"ORDER, ORDER IN THE COURT"
- >It's like they think they're people
- >"Please bow down to your supreme ruler, the high and powerful, the great and mighty, the strong and benevolent, CELESTIA!"
- >The crowed cheers
- >Their leader comes in
- >She looks like a real bitch
- >"So this is the detective that's been causing trouble for us all? I imagined something greater"
- >I flip her off
- >"Execute him"
- >The crowed gasps
- >Celestia looks around
- >"UM! NO, WHAT I MEANT TO SAY WAS-"
- >It's too late, the crowds in a frenzy
- >People aren't supposed to be executed here
- >"Listen my fellow ponies, I'm sorry, I didn't-"
- >One pony throws a rock at her
- >Pretty soon a riot breaks out
- >Ponies are eating each other
- >Unicorns stabbing pegasi
- >My blood lust boner is getting larger and larger
- >"YOU! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"
- >Celestia pulls me into the air
- >"YOU AND YOUR FILTHY SPECIES CORRUPTED ME. YOUR RACE OPENED THE PORTAL TO YOUR WORLD, YOUR RACE PERSECUTED US, AND YOUR RACE STARTED THE FIASCO IN LA!"
- >I'm not listening, I'm too preoccupied by my mental masturbation at the sight of this bloodfest below
- >"You killed my student. You killed her friends. And why? All to solve one case. Do you want to know who killed that BB member?"
- >I nod my head yes
- >"One of my own spies! I've been controlling this operation this whole time. The regulations on traveling from world to world are too great. I needed those BB members gone so my human supporters could take control and make traveling more open. Is that so wrong, Anon? Is that so wrong?"
- >I've already came
- >Celestia throws me into the riot below
- >I'm immediately swarmed
- >The rush is amazing
- >It's time
- >I open my third eye
- >All of my chakras are opened
- >I use my telekinesis to lift all of the ponies into the air, and destroy them from the inside
- >"So it is true, you are chosen one"
- >I nod yes
- >"You were meant to bring the worlds together, but now you only ripe them apart."
- >I use all of the horse blood in the room and form it into a giant with swords for hands
- >Celestia lights it on fire, but that only boils the blood
- >It attacks, slashing her head off
- >Her head floats in mid air, and sends down miniature suns to destroy me
- >I consume them and fire the flames out of my mouth towards her
- >Celestia's head uses those flames to form a giant version of herself, who sends down the sun to destroy me
- >The planet is completely consumed in flames
- >I absorb the suns heat and send it back into space
- >The planet is now a frozen wasteland
- >"NO!!!!! WITHOUT THE SUN, I AM NOTHING!"
- >Celestia and her beast explode
- >I travel the wastes for 12,000 years, solving cases I made up in my head, rebuilding the world in my image
- >I brought humans to the planet, I brought back the sun, I made everything like earth
- >I even began to feel bad for the ponies who I destroyed, so I created Equestria once again
- >I decided to create one human to unite both of the world together one day, and bring peace between the species
- >I gave all of my power to the human, thereby destroying myself in the process
- >With my last breath, I named him
- >Anon Fourchan
- THE END
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