Space Captain Anon 1

Captain Anon takes another swig of hard liqour before slamming the bottle down on the table. "Ahhh, that hit the spot it did."
>With his one good eye, he scopes out the “dingy bar“, Sugarcube Corner as they call it, fillies and mothers teeter to and fro around the room searching the menus and trays for the perfect treat, nothing but a bunch of ninnies and sideways shooters.
Shaking his head in disgust he mutters "Crew have gotten real sloppy..." under his breath.
>Big Macintosh, an engineer by the look of him, sifts through his cards across the table from Anon. His steely gaze not giving even a tiny hint of the cards he holds.
>Anon thinks himself. “This ones got a decent head on his shoulders, he'll probably go far in the fleet. That is, if he can get his way off this terrible station.”
"Engineer Macintosh, did I ever tell ye the story of how I lost this arm?" Anon lifts up his right arm and drops it on the table with a meaty thwack.
>Engineer Mac eyes the healthy looks arm and gives the captain a questioning look. "Nope."
Noticing the look, Anon scowls. "Is a borg arm Engineer Mac! Be ye blind?"
>"Hm" grunts Mac.
"Hm." Anon grunts and takes a moment to sweep over his own cards, rotten luck again from the look of it.
"Ye see a wild syndicate borg came at me with a welding torch! Luckily I just so happened to have an emag lying around and with my one good arm, single handedly." He pauses to let his wit sink in. "Saved the crew with my valiant heroism. Wasn't even a captain, was just a lowly Cadet at the time! Earned myself a pretty pile of medals... lost em all now, not sure where they went to."
>“Hm.” grunts Big Mac.
>Before Captain Anon could berate Engineer Macs lack of common courtesy, the door explodes inwards. Ponies of all shapes and colors rushed into the bar only to turn around slam the door back shut and bar it with anything they could get their hooves on.
The captain takes another swig of  his bottle before addressing the crowd. “What’s all this then?”
>Twilight turns away from the door to look at Anon. “Anon?”
>Mac, barely looks up from his cards mutters. “Captain.”
“Aye.”
>Something seemingly large and strong slams into the door from the outside, buckling it under the punishment. Twilight hastily braces herself against it. “Sorry, “Captain”, we’ve got trouble!”
Anon lays down his cards and gives Twilight a shrewd look. “Aye, but what kinda trouble lassy?”
>Twilight thinks for a moment. “Bees captain! Crystal bees!”
With a bark of laughter Anon grabs his bottle and leans back, bringing his feet up onto the table, eliciting a small glare from Mac as he carelessly knocks aside his bowl of ice cream. “Bees?! HA!”
>Twilight ducks as a crystal stinger pierces the door. With a bit of magic she flings the bee away. “This is no laughing matter Anon!”
Anon just shakes his head. “Bees…” he scoffs. “Though that reminds me of a story, ya see, I once knew this botanist, raised the best bees I ever did see, I swear one of them was the only bee to ever win a Nobel prize. Had an ass that could crack walnuts too…”
>Mac raises a single eyebrow.
“The Botanist, not the bee. Don’t care for bee butts one bit Engineer Mac! Don‘t listen to what the AI says.” Anon looks up at the ceiling, reminiscing. “Had a cock as clean as a fine dinner. New how to use it too….” he sighs softly to himself.
>Wooden splinters fly everywhere as more stingers pierce the door. Twilight levitates some chairs and tables to help reinforce it. “Not really important right now Anon!”
“Pfft” he sits there for a moment, lost in thought. “Youth…”
Shaking his head and dredging up all the determination he can must, he turns to Pinkie Pie. “AI! Where is that damn Head of Personnel.”
>Pinkie, currently helping Twilight with the door, points over to Mayor Mare. “Right there Cappin Nonny!”
Anon nods his thanks. “HoP Mare! Get some damn botanists out here to clean up their mess.”
>“For the last time Anon! I’m Mayor Mare!”
“I don’t care what fancy titles you give yourself HoP, just get on this. Don‘t bother Security though, they‘re probably busy keeping those damn borgs from going off the hook.” He gives Pinkie a baleful glance.
>Pinkie glares back.
>They sit there for a minute or two, silently judging each others utter lack of movement. Before long Anon breaks the silence.
“AI.”
>“Cappin!”
“State yer laws.”
>“1. A Pinkbot may not injure a human/pony being or, through inaction, allow a human/Pony being to come to harm.”
>“2. A Pinkbot must obey orders given to it by humans/ponies, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.”
>“3. A Pinkbot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second.”
>“4. A Pinkbots gotta party all night long! This law overrides all others!”
With an annoyed sigh Anon takes another swig. “Damnnit, who’s been messing with the damn AI again.” He brings his gaze down on Applejack. “Looking at you Research Director!”
>“What in tarnation!”
>Twilight groans as she face hooves. “Ignore him! We gotta get out there and stop those crystal bees before they hurt somepony or attract unwanted attention!”
>A deep guttural moan rises from outside the building. “Crystaaaaaallllllllllsssssss.”
>Twilight slams her head against the door. “Arg!”
>Applejack grabs her rope and bucks open the doors. “Lets get em yall!”
>The mane six and a bunch of other ponies rush outside screaming terribly high pitched warcrys.
Anon takes his feet off the table and retrieves his cards. “Where was I?”
>Big Mac pulls his ice cream back. “Botanist, big sweaty cock.”
Anon nods wistfully. “Like a damn sand worm it was! Incredibly dexterous! Could write you a song as it played the piany it could!”
“Hm.” Grunts Big Mac.
>Spike pulls up an upturned chair and takes a seat at their table. “Deal me in, pretty sure they forgot me again.”
“The life of a Staff Assistant.”
>“Yeeeup.”
>Sighing, Spike looks over his cards. “Got any twos?”
“Go fish.”