My life.. as red

"Red"
Poorly, written by anon.

Fat, ugly, angry, but mainly sad.

But let's start at the beggining, My parent's lives are pretty vague to me. I was never told much but I know they were married for quite
awhile before I was brought into the picture. They had their up and downs, flings and mistakes, but they were inlove, well one of them was. My father was never the best person, in and out of jail his whole life, in trouble and just doing stuff to have fun, and fill his days with excitement. He was a shart tempered hippy, temperance probably due to his childhood living back and forth and being the middle child to 2 older brothers tony and mark, an older sister cathy, and a younger sister lizzie. Being a red head I assume he had to put up with all the remarks and jokes, but he doesn't mention anything. my mother several years younger than him met on vacation and had mutual friends, he really liked her and they got married at a young age. they seemed to have a pretty interesting and drug filled life until I was born. At somepoint my mother wanted more than just my dad and found david another male, not deserving of the man tag, to fuck. Before my father had found out about David he was sent to prison on the accusation of child molestation, from my understanding he was given extacy and ended up in a bed with a girl that was at the house they were staying, although this is just what I've put together I'm not forsure about any of it. He was sent to prison for ten years, being screwed left and right by every lawyer and prison system he went into with 0 behavior issues his whole sentence. The earliest memory, the smell of smoke and beer. My mother with david, went to a bar and I was not allowed in, so she put me in the back seat of her jeep and told me to hide in the floor, Which I did for what seemed like hours, scared and in the pitch black, stale air of the jeep. Hiding when someone would walk by. Someone which was not my mother got into the car and drove me to a house, it was hard to breath and full of a stench I knew well as weed, coke lines on the coffee tables and sheets over the doorless doorways. There I was met by my grandmother that took me to her home. Around 6 maybe seven years old I was going to live partually with my grandmother and partually my mother, my father was still in prison. While at my mothers I lived in the city, in aparments and friends houses and anywhere we didn't get kicked out of. I had 2 small sisters, one of which was born with congenital heart defect or TGA, This may have been due to drugs being used during pregnancy. but she had surgery and it was fixed. I never got close to them, they were just "there". She has now had 2 more kids and all of them have been taken away from my mother, thank god. While at my grandmothers one year I found out my mother moved to texas, I later found out the man she left my father for had put rat poison in her coffee, put her in a coma, These was completely from my mother so if she was posioned or she OD'd I can not say, but while in a coma she was raped, as well as both of my sisters, and she fleed to texas. That was the end of me seeing her. and I was happy. I lived mainly with my grandmother and aunt for the next 7 or so years, and became best friends with my cousin. Me and him spent every day together. and I lived a pretty normal early childhood from that point on, being left behind in games, pranked, made fun of, and mainly just being put down for having red hair, I was never called cute by anyone but a relative, I was never kissed by a girl, I was never the cool kid, so I played games and learnt stuff from the internet. But spending so much time inside and alone at my grandmothers I got chubby, we didn't live in a neighborhood so there was no one to really play with. The Days went on and I made a few friends although I never had a friend that would consider me their best friend, and thinking of it now I don't feel my cousin considers me his best friend anymore either. but back to my earlier years, around the start of middle school my father was released from prison, and I couldn't be happier, then I found how I wasn't allowed to live with him, due to being a sex offender. so I stayed with my aunt again, and my father stayed with my grandmother. All was well and I got to see him when I would go to my uncles shop, as my father worked there for a bit. But my fathers health started to decline, as he was a diabetic, type 1 and during prison it destroyed him teeth and body leaving lumps of tissue swollen on his arms and back where he would inject insulin, and getting hep c while in prison, he just couldn't work on cars with my uncle any more, which pissed my uncle off and in turn made my uncle kick me out of his house. so I stayed with my grandmothers sister. I was soon allowed to live with my father and I loved him like crazy. He did everything he could to make me happy. and I was for awhile but I longed for someone I could love. On the internet one day skyping with some of my best friends I met a girl that was beautiful, and had an amazing voice. My friend liked her too and she told me that she liked him. I told him (I was commonly the middle man between relationships :/ ) and he asked me what I thought about it, I said it was long distance and it'd be pointless, and he agreed and told her they'd just be friends. And soon she really began to like me. and I really liked her.. and I was stupid. so we decided to date, long distance date. and me being red headed and never being called cute. I googled a picture and said it was me. And she believed me. and we dated for months and we played a game together, a game she palyed for quite awhile and I just played to be with her. But I soon found out I was just one of many she "dated" and she turned out to be fake as well. so we stopped talk, and I was devistated. I continued playing that wretched game, IMVU and found many girls, that really liked "me" I found a young girl that was so beautiful, and sweet and sad.. so I did everything I could to make her happy, I talked to her for hours and made her laugh, made her feel like she had a purpose, made her stop cutting. She said she was originally from new york and her name happened to be the exact same as mine, Alex. She said she was adopted and moved to ireland. We made plans for me to come there. But those fell apart as the lies came tumbling down, her name was not alex, and she was no orphan, she just liked people being sad for her, and she left me. I then met another girl named morgan, She looked so beatuiful, while not extremely skinny she was funny and had a nice face and nice hair and we talked for hours a day. She found out my pictures were fake.. and I showed her my real face... And to my suprise she said I was actually cuter than the guy I was faking... that made me feel like a million bucks,. but the distance was hard, and she met another, and she left me. :,[ So I quit IMVU. and I started becomign obsessed with my looks, I thought it would be so cool to look scene. so I grew out my hair and dyed it brown. I posted tons of pics on instagram and I was so suprised to get thousands of followers, one day I got on omegle just to mess around and every girl that was on there got wide eyes and seemed crazy when they saw me.. I was so happy that people thought I was cute. I was sexy.. and then I met a girl, with no mic and just stared at me... and I said hi.. and she just smiles so big and blushed... and I was inlove. She gave me her number and we talked for another month.. and then I asked her out. We made plans to meet. Wetalked about kids.. Getting engaged.. And we were just happy.. every day.. I'd get home and I'd be happy. She was always there. I could always talk to her.. We spent atleast a month worth of hours talking to each other. I ran my fathers phone bill through the roof with long distance calls. But one day I saw I message on instagram on a guys account that had her picture on it and it said she was his dream girl and ever since he met her he wanted to be with her, and he loved her. This was after 5 months of being with her.. and I got a message from him saying if i was a better boyfriend she wouldn't have to hang out with an other guy.. and that I was terrible for her. I asked her about him and she said he's just a friend. and it was like a 1 in a million that someone from instagram would find her and he'd live so close. That close turned out to be down the block. and he told me that he wanted to be with her. and I told her It was me or him. I don't feel it'd right if she's hanging out with a guy that she just met 2 days ago and that want's to get rid of me.. and she.. said nothing. She didn't respond to me... so I asked again. a day later. me. or him. I can't take worrying.. and she said me.. and I asked why it was so hard to choose between us .. when they just met. "I don't know.." she said. "Okay. let's jsut forget about it.." I said.. But it wasn't the same.. she didn't treat me the same... and then one night I asked her.. can we talk in skype.. so we got in skype.. "Are you okay baby?" I said. "Noo..." She said. "I love you baby...", "..........I love you too.." "Do you?" "Yeah..." "are you sure?" "I don't know."   She said. "I said do you not love me anymore?" I said. "I do.. but it's so hard" "Do you not want to be with me anymore...?" "...." "Baby?" "...." "Tell me..." I said.. "No.." "...." I told her I loved her. and I'm sorry it's over. and that was the end of it.. The only girl I've ever loved. I tried meeting other girls.. but no one compaired.. so I went back to palying video games.. and getting fatter.. I weight 165 pounts.. summer is ending and I haven't left my housebut once.. and I'm scared and depressed. and I fill my day with games and food.

Thanks for reading.