MG PSA - Nureonago

Breaking News From Mamano Channel 5

Good Evening. I am Mr. Nemo of the Mamano Channel.


Recent rainstorms in the area have brought out a new kind of Slime to the table. Now many Slimes can exit their homes during the rainy season but this one is quite unique even among Slimes. I, of course am talking about Nureonagos. Originally hailing from the Zipangu region the Nureonago have been linked to attacks of late. Their skill in mimicry allows them to take the perfect form of a dressed woman down to the textures of the clothing. However, since the texture of their "clothes" is always wet, they only come out when it rains and for no other occasion. Their method of capture is to take the form of a hapless woman in a rainstorm when there's a man nearby. If he were to smile and greet her, she will see him as her husband. Escape is impossible as she is able to sense his "spirit energy". Once at his home she will act as a wife and seduce him. Also unique to Nureonago is the innate instinct of housework. Scientists lead by Ms. Noel believe this trait to have evolved in response to early settlers of the Zipangu region.

Now this at first wouldn't be much of a problem. Statistics from the Lilith's Foundation For Better Marriages have proven that husbands with Nureonago wives tend to be amongst the happiest of couples. The problem is that Nureonagos don't always know if someone is already in a relationship. Let's say for example Jim from Accounting went home today on foot because his car broke down and he missed the bus. He sees a lady dripping wet from the rain. Since Jim is such a nice guy he goes and lends her a hand. Before he knows it the "lady" turns out to be a Nureonago. Scared, Jim runs home. He goes to take a shower, and what does he see in his living room folding laundry? That same Nureonago. Then his Ushi-Oni wife Grendel comes home and sees the Nureonago in HER living room trying to sex up HER man. Naturally, bad things happen and then the whole SWAT team comes over to hopefully contain the situation. I'm sorry for doing that to you Jim, you're a good guy and your
wife's a kind soul. (Oh please don't hurt me.)

Another problem is the housework. Like most Slimes they can't control their fluids from leaking. So your home without proper remodel ping can often experience severe cases of wet rot and mold in the walls, ceiling, and ventilation systems. Because of their nature they would feel responsible for the damages, making the situation worse when she enters the last few dry areas of the home. And like Bubble Slimes can give off a bit of their Jelly, which is known to be not unlike a mochi. However since she in a sense is a walking, talking piece of food readily expect infestations of Mouser nests and DevilBug swarms as they gobble up morsels of the Nureonago scattered around the house and most morbidly attack the Nureonago herself.

This scenario is now becoming frightfully more common. These misunderstandings straight out of a Soap Opera have increased due to the rainstorms. Now usually I go and lend some advice on how to avoid these sticky situations. In this case not so much. Since Nureonagos only go outside in rain devices like salt and dehydration sprays are completely useless. You can't avoid them because unless you have satellites for eyes, you won't be able to tell them from anyone else. And you can't run away because she can just track you down. As they cannot be negotiated with, talking is also out of the equation. And since they can easily overpower a man fighting back isn't going to happen. The only way to go about this aside from sucking up and enjoying your new life with your new wife is to call the Emergency Slime Center and head home as fast as possible. There your typical Slime protection devices would be more effective and will give you a chance of survival. Now some of you are going to ask "Why not remove their Slime Core?". My answer to that is "then you'll get stuck in her body", because a Nureonaogo fresh from the rain is about as entrapping and tough as tar. Here a surprise visit from your spouse or close colleague would be most appreciated in the whole "Oh please help me, a nice woman is cooking me dinner" debacle. Until then be content with free housework and hope the Feds come around before that Nureonago starts talking about how many kids you want.

This is Mr. Nemo, signing off with these words; hold on men, hold on until the rains stop.

Wait my boss wants me to say something else.

Oh, are you sure? That's a bit harsh, don't you think? Okay, I'll say it.

Ladies, you're not going to like this when I say it. But it has to be said. Men, in this situation, be the most inconsiderate, rude and ill-mannered jerk as you can. If you see a woman on the road, ignore her. If you see someone without an umbrella, march on. If you can scowl and frown like you stepped in your mother in law's house at every women you see, do that. Because ladies, there is a storm going on, and expecting us guys to help during an outbreak is kind of not going to happen. So if you happen to be near someone who's acting like you just shot his dog, it's not you, it's what you could be. So don't expect any gratitude or any form of kindness going on. If you're planning on going in a blind date, don't be surprised if he's as pissed off as a coffee guy without his cup of Joe, if he shows up at all. For you ladies all I have is don't expect any kindness from us guys, bring your own umbrella and check your car for any Slimed planning to hitch a ride in your radiator.

This is Mr. Nemo, signing off with;try not to kill each other. It's nothing personal babe, we're just playing it safe.