In the beginning, the universe was empty. Then the 3 goddesses came. They were Utsuho (Goddess of the Sun), Cirno (Goddess of Ice), and Iku (Goddess of Lightning).

>iku

fuck you, videogamer555. fuck you in the deepest parts of your soul. you piece of fuck.


Together they created the earth and populated it with life. The last thing they did was to create 3 united triangles made of magical gold called the Triforce. Each of the 3 pieces represented a virtue: courage, power, and wisdom. They sealed it in the sacred Golden Land, never to be tarnished by the hands of evil.

BEATORICHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Thousands of years passed and people, especially those in the kingdom of Gensokyo, lived happily. Then one day, a dark vampire named Remilia from the tribe of the Gerudo Thieves came across a portal to the Golden Land.

I have never actually played Zelda, lolol. But isn't the first dude born become the leader of the thieves?

She entered and seized the triforce. However, she was only able to hold onto the part that most suited her, power. The other 2 parts fled to those who they were best suited for. Reimu got the Triforce of Courage, and Princess Marisa got the Triforce of Wisdom.

"Princess" Marisa? What princessy attributes does Marisa have? That's right. Absolutely none. It's like there's a dearth of princesses and Kaguya and Yuyuko don't exist in videogamer's fantasy world.

Remilia though used the Triforce of Power now obtained to spread her evil and turn the Golden Land into the Dark World. Years passed, and this event wasn't known.

How the hell is corrupting one entire place not noticed

Then one day dark powers began leaking from the portal to the Golden Land. The king of Gensokyo sent 7 sages to seal the portal. After the sealing of the portal, decades passed in peace. Then one day the king got an adviser. Her name was Sakuya. With her magic knives she was able to cast spells of healing and work great miracles.

HOW DO YOU HEAL PEOPLE WITH MAGIC KNIVES


Everybody was happy. That is until the king began to get suspicous and ordered Sakuya to leave the castle forever.

If Sakuya was so great and nice, how did the king get suspicious of her?

Immediately she used her dark powers and knives to murder the king. After that she began abducting the decedents of 7 sages and making them disappear. These were 7 maidens. After the first 6 were gone, only one remained. She was Princess Marisa. Her time of destiny was drawing nigh.



Now one day Reimu hears a voice calling telepathically from Gensokyo Castle. It is Princess Marisa. Quickly, Reimu leaves her house and heads to the castle. Here she finds her uncle wounded from battle. He gives her his shield and sword. Hurrying to the dungeon of the castle, she finds Princess Marisa. After dispatching guards with her sword, and also the spell Spirit Sign: Fantasy Seal,

YOU HAVE SPELLCARDS YOU DON'T NEED A SWORD

 she goes on to rescue Marisa. They quickly make their way through a secret passage to the Sanctuary. A man there tells Reimu of the quest she must go on to find the Master Sword and to defeat evil Sakuya and Remilia.

why the hell didn't you just say master gohei

After dispatching enemies, gathering new items and weapons, and defeating 3 dungeon bosses, she finally has the 3 pendants needed to get the Master Sword.

glossing over important details

hmmmmmmmm

Now she quickly makes her way up to the Lost Woods. After searching around, she finds the sword in the stone pedestal. She draws the sword and powerful magic energy flashes around. The fog clears out of the forest in the presence of this great power. No sooner has she gotten the Master Sword than she hears the telepathic message from Marisa, "Quick! The soldiers have come into the Sanctuary! Help! AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!"

i want to scream too reading this tripe

 Quickly returning to the Sanctuary, Reimu finds Marisa gone, and the old man wounded fatally. His last words are, "Head to the castle. That's where they took her". Then he dies. Reimu runs off to Gensokyo Castle.

what a waste of time!

She quickly makes her way to the top of the castle, slaughtering the evil dark soldiers on the way with the Master Sword. When she gets to Sakuya's room, she sees Marisa lying on a table with Sakuya standing over her.


o no reipu

"LET HER GO NOW!" Reimu says. "NEVER!" is Sakuya's reply, "I shall now make Marisa disappear before your eyes! Behold, the last moments of Princess Marisa! Ho ho!". Then the spell chanting begins "Zoku zoku samba. Loba laku jako. Ra ra zappa!".

I CAN PRETEND TO BE MAGIC BY CHANTING RANDOM WORDS TOO

 Instantly there's a brilliant flash of light, and Marisa is gone! "Sakuya, prepare to die!" shouts Reimu. "I'll be the one doing the killing!" shouts Sakuya, "By the power of the Dark Hadou. HADOUKEN!".

what the fuck

Immediately a fireball shoots out of her hands, but it's sent right back by Reimu's quick swing of the Master Sword.

1. a fireball is a ball of fire which means it's not quite solid
2. you can't do that unless the sword has a repulsion field or something

"AAAAHHH!!" shout's Sakuya, as she's hit by her own attack, "I'll be leaving to the Dark World for now, but I'm taking you with me!". Instantly they are sent through a vortex of magic power to the Dark World.

reflecting fireballs :|



Now they landed in far separated areas of the Dark World, so it seems Sakuya has managed to escape for now. Quickly, Reimu goes out searching for how to rescue the princess, who's trapped in one of the 7 dungeons of the Dark World. She searches every nook and cranny, and rescues the other 6 maidens, each of whom gives her clues on how to find Marisa.

more glossing \o/

After going to the 7th dungeon, she finally rescues the princess who can now return to the Light World. Quickly, Reimu sets off to finish the quest and destroy evil forever. She now heads to Remilia's Castle. There she is confronted by Sakuya again. This time though Sakuya has 2 energy clones of herself. After detecting a pattern on how to find the real Sakuya, Reimu has no problem dispatching Sakuya by deflecting her fireball attacks right back at her with the Master Sword. Out of the corpse of Sakuya comes a ghostly bat. It says "I'm Remilia, Sakuya was just an alternate form I used to invade the Light World without suspicion. I'll see you in the Pyramid of Power! HA HA HA HA!".


WHAT A TWEEST


Reimu now runs to the bomb shop and buys a super bomb. Then hurrying to the Pyramid of Power, she sets it down by a large crack, blowing it wide open.

what the fuck

With this done, she goes in and the power of the Great Fairy turns her arrows into silver arrows, the only weapon capable of putting an end to Remilia's rain of terror. She then runs back outside, and runs up the stairs to the top. Now she jumps through the hole in the roof of the pyramid where Remilia in bat form has crashed through.

During the ensuing battle, it seemed as if the entire universe itself quaked from these 2 mighty warriors going at it. At last, Reimu shoots a silver arrow through the vampire's heart. Remilia is dead.

um that's not the normal way to kill vampires


Reimu then proceeds to the room where the Triforce is waiting. All of the pieces of the triforce are back together, and await their new master, the one who has wisdom, courage, and power; the hero who has killed the evil one. Reimu uses the power to turn the Dark World back into the the Golden Land. After returning to the regular world, she seals the sacred realm with her powers, so that evil may never again enter. Finally, she returns the mighty Master Sword to its stone pedestal, for it shall never again be needed.

wouldn't it be more logical to... keep it?


Now the people of the land of Gensokyo can proceed with rebuilding, in a place which is now and forever free of evil. And the people who live here will be a forever happy and peaceful people.

^________________________^