Smokey Dreams (Challenge No.21 entry)

Moumang, April 6, 2013; 01:42 / FB 10093
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SMOKEY DREAMS

“Dadeh! Wan pway baww!!”
“Huhhhh.. Sweetie, I’m busy. Go play with Mr Jones ok? Tax forms don’t fill themselves.”
“Hoooo dadeh pwomise pway wit smoki! Dadeh LAI!”
You look up from the pile of receipts in front of you.
“Smokey, guilt doesn’t work on me. I FEED on fluffy guilt”
“Wha guild? Dadeh pway baww nao?”
You put down your glasses, squeeze your temples and rub the strain of your eyes.
“Okay. Just a while”
“YAY! Dadeh hab lotsa fun pway baww wid mistah jones an smoki!”
Smokey the grey winged fluffy drags her teddy Mr Jones while holding the small tennis ball in her horsey mouth, stumbling across the carpeted floor towards you. The rubbing and chafing has made her fluffy coat full of static and puffy like a freaking dandelion. You can’t help but laugh out loud and carry her in your arms, grunt a little then lift her up and do a little whirl.
“Weeeeee! Smoki fwyy fast!!! Is betah dan baww!1111!!!”
You place her between your shoulders, wrap your hands around her flank and run around the extremely cramp living room, into the kitchen, waving to the neighbor next door through the open window while she is cooking dinner for her rabble of children & grandchildren and back again. Smokey giggles excitedly flapping her tiny useless wings in excitement.
“Smoki wuv fwyy fast!”
“What about your daddy?”
“Smoki wuv dadeh tuuu!!!!”
“Who do you love more? Daddy or flying fast?”
“Smoki wuv fwyy fast and dadeh! Yayyy!”
Oh you cheeky bastard.
Evening comes soon enough. The pile of unfinished tax lie ignored on the table while you eat microwaved pizza & canned pasta on the floor with Smokey. The sight of her eating never cease to amaze you. You recall Samurai Champloo, where during a food eating competition in one episode, someone mentioned one of the character’s stomach has exceeded human evolution and transcended into a different dimension of existence.
You both watch some SpongeBob after that, Smokey laughs every time you laugh. She doesn’t really understand what’s happening but she gets a kick out of seeing you laugh. It isn’t long before a full tummy and soft buzzing tv sounds lull Smokey into a long protracted yawn.
“It’s time for bed”
“Nuu am sweepy dadeh! Smokey wan be wid dadeh!”
“Uhuh” You carry her, muzzle to your chest to the safe “closet”. A two-by-two broom closet you fixed a nightlight with warm tones and an assortment of old bedding made from torn cushions and discarded clothes from your college days. “Smokey wuv dadeh smeww! So guud!” she whispers with her eyes closed.
You hum a little tune and cover her in an oversized jersey while you whisper your goodnight.
“Sweet dreams Smokey. Daddy loves you”
Smokey perks her ears and opens her eyes suddenly. “Dadeh, wha am dweam? Wai smoki nuu dweam?”
oops.
“Go to sleep. See you tomorrow Smokey.”
“Bai bai dadeh….”
You sit on the ground a little longer, looking at her sleep and wonder not for the first time, how to explain to a critter that doesn’t dream, what is a dream. For almost 3 years you’ve had smokey now. And never once has she ever mentioned anything near to having a dream. A far as you know, when Smokey sleeps, her mind shuts down like a machine and nothing is functioning. Or perhaps they do dream, but can never recall their dreams when they wake up. Whatever the case, you decided fluffies do not or can not dream.

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Christmas passed, Spring came. You notice Smokey is less active than she was before. Heck exceeding 3 years is legendary for fluffies. You cannot but feel sad and disquiet at the thought that she would die one day. Everyone close to you knows how much you love Smokey and they too worry about you and tell you to prepare yourself for when the time comes. It is something constantly on your mind and it hurts, everytime someone mentions it or when you see Smokey. She’s started to stumble a lot and trip up almost everyday too. It wasn’t until one day when you were sitting besides a sleepy Smokey reading a novel when you discover she has gone blind when she wakes up, looks from left and right, passing her gaze right through you as if you were transparent while calling out for you.
You rushed her to the vet but he said there was nothing that could be done. It was a form of macular degeneration and prone to happen to fluffies of advanced age. Smokey would whimper and cry often and call out for you every so often and you would reach out to touch her and speak to her to reassure her. It’s her ignorance that hurts you the most.
“Dadeh wai dawk? Smoki am scawed. Pwease gib bwite lite! Smoki am sowwy!”
You’d do everything you can to try to calm her down and tell her everything will be okay but honestly both you and Smokey are terrified of what is happening. No one knows what the future brings.
Smokey’s condition deteriorated sooner than you could anticipate. She almost died once choking on spaghetti and that was the end of it. You have no choice but to feed her milk and other liquefied food in a baby bottle for her. She hated it but there was no other way.
“Dadeh! Smoki nuu am babeh! Nu wan miwkies and wawa numies! Pwease gib sketties and lite? Smoki nu wike dawk! Huu huuu”
Another two weeks passed when Smokey’s condition took a turn for the worse. Her hair was falling out in clumps now. She could no longer stand on her own hoofs. One night you awoke to the sound of Smokey coughing and choking. Rushing to her room, you found that she was lyin in a pool of her vomit. By the time you got her to the animal vet, she was in a coma. The doctor explained that she is brain dead and suggest you let him put her out of her misery as there was nothing more he could do besides ending the protracted suffering as her lungs were filled with fluids and she had almost died from drowning in her own fluids. You sat on the bench heaving in a dry soundless cry while the good doctor put his hand on your shoulder and offered you his flask he kept in that big overcoat of his.
“Give her the dignity of a peaceful death and make peace with yourself son. You’ve been a better owner than even some fathers to their own children. Don’t blame yourself.”
He sat with you wordlessly for another 10 minutes before leaving you alone, with the consent form on the bench. You stared at it without able to focus on the words and signed it. Handing the form back to the nurse, you request to be with Smokey as the doctor euthanized her. You stroke her fur while the doctor administered a huge dose of barbituates and left you alone with Smokey. He even left the heart machine on for your benefit to known when Smokey’s heart stops beating. As her heart pulsed slower and slower, all the sweet sweet memories flash before you. You try to remember all the good times together. Stroking her fur, her heart beat for the last time, you feel her body tensing and spasming before she relaxes for the last time. And you notice, that she died with a tiny smile on her face….. as if dreaming a sweet little dream.

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You are Smokey. For longer than you can remember, your body has aches all over and the lights have turned off, never to be lit again. You know it must be your fault. You are so scared and so unhappy, because it must be something really bad you did to make daddy so angry he punished you so. He even stopped feeding you spaghetti and made you drink milk like a baby. You hope with all your tiny heart could bear that daddy would forgive you and love you again and you promise so so sooo hard that you would be a good girl from now on. You will never upset daddy or disturb him when he is busy. You even promise yourself you would always tell daddy you only love him, even more than flying fast or even having yummy nummies. Daddy is more important than any of the other things you like in life. Even balls, and Mistah Jones. Maybe if you go to sleep when daddy tells you to, he would not be angry with you anymore?
You must have wished really really hard because suddenly, you are back in daddy’s house with daddy and he has turned on the lights! You can’t really see his face or any of your surrounding clearly at all! But it doesn’t matter, cuz daddy’s here! And he turned on the lights for you. You waddle as fast as you can towards him, tears streaming down your face.
“Waaaaaaaaaah! Smoki am sowwy dadeh! Smoki pwomise nu be notti nu moar! Smoki miss dadeh! Wan dadeh! Nu wan dawk nuu moar! Waaaaaaah!”
Daddy doesn’t really say anything but he smiles at you and hugs you close.