desk sequence.

so i’m korean. now i’ve always been proud of that, like, aside from having the highest suicide rate, elderly poverty, rate of both teen and adult smokers, lowest minimum wage, biggest gender wage gap, the most motor safety accidents, lowest spending on secondary education, and second highest sexual crime rate out of the OECD which is… a group of developed countries like ten or twenty but ASIDE from that I am very proud of being a korean i mean my blood is *essentially* kimchi, i’m very uncomfortable around people i don’t know, and i have really bad self esteem issues and an inferiority complex I MEAN japan is basically a less spicy korea why do *they* get all the attention

but i digress. you get the point i’m korean i love this country

but the *thing* is, korea does not love me back. more specifically, the government.

now if you’re an educated human being with access to facebook ++caption: that’s an oxymoron++
you probably know what’s been going on in my country or at least, a little bit
but BASICALLY we don’t um. have… a president anymore. well, we um. haven’t. for… a couple of years it turns out UM. i’m not saying that president park hasn’t accomplished anything in office, but i am saying that um. if uh you got a backwards audrey hepburn wig and um. put it on a giant egg and injected some botox in it it would have had as much free will as our *finger quotes* president had.

but that’s it my president was in cahoots with some corrupt old lady who was making all the decisions for her. *sigh* that’s not it, is it?

*heave a giant pile of paper onto the desk

so i decided to look into this matter because i love being depressed in a NEW SEGMENT ++what are you talking about this is your first thing++ i’m calling… chibs’… magical… *sighs* mystery… tour.

graphics: chibs’ magical mystery tour

subtitled: who has the fucking time of day to go through all this shit

image segment.

so some context. even before we found out that she’s not a person, she was *still* terrible.

one instance i’m personally passionate about is her condemnation of bullying and student suicides. she and her party established several… odd policy guidelines in their [platform], which basically was that they’d establish child protection zones, safe food zones (for getting rid of illegal snacks unapproved by korean FDA, install security cameras, establish a counseling system called Wee for some reason, and strengthen census data ON bullying victims, as well as have education. now these all sound good on paper, but all they accomplished is making the *budget* for security cameras and counselors. keep in mind that student safety is one of her four main concerns.

the same website that lists their platform shows that all they did for [domestic violence] and [elderly poverty] as well were just… budgeting, and *keep in mind* that her party has power in all levels of government from local to mayoral to national to presidential so nothing was preventing them from enacting these promises aside from bad press AND that domestic, sexual, and school violence three which alongside unregulated food which also didn’t see much development, made up the four major social evils that park promised to eradicate and they just. budgeted for most of the first year. now it’s important that the data i could find on their platform only applies to the first year but the level of inefficiency in the limited amount of policies she does seem to enact continues when you look at press [history] over the [following] [years].

caption: she also enforced the use of government issue history books in secondary education, enabling potential erasure or modification

++desk segment++

so yeah, she was an inefficient, unideal president at best, but how did we get to THIS point?
*image of scandal, scream sfx* for that, we have to look back to july. now, it should be noted that there’s… a lot of information out there that’s unclear and hazy AND that i did all this research at 3am on a tuesday all by myself so there may be small errors here and there.

++images++

on july 26th, TV Joseon had a really big field day on this one cultural foundation called Mir. [Mir] claims to be a cultural foundation which supports stuff like, um, the promotion of… um. (img)rice and (img)tree, and… (img)hh. um. ljakfglkdh

++desk++

IF YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE A SHADY BUSINESS LOBBY DISGUISED AS A CULTURAL FUND DONT SAY THIGNS LIKE KOREAN CUISINE DNA BECAUSE THAT SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING VERY VERY [DIFFERENT].

++images++

But BASICALLY this mysterious Mir foundation collected over forty million dollars from companies like lotte, samsung, sk, lg, and hyundai, and apparently it was the president’s policy secretary who used the federation of korean [industries] to pressure them into paying up to this foundation. the weird thing was that nobody knew who owned it: the documents in the formation of these things just name weird people in leadership positions who keep getting replaced—but somehow, with all its shadiness, there was no bureaucratic intervention.

another company, named ksports, was found to have nearly the [identical founding document] except for date, name, and photos, and *it* collected about 25 million dollars. the press by this point realised that hey, these two companies with shady dealings and massive collection that don’t *do* anything… this might have to do with the same person.

so after months of conspiracy theories and snooping, the news media connected it all to a mysterious figure named choi sun sil, whose nail in the coffin was, i kid you not, being a frequent customer of the [massage centre] that KSPORTS officials used to operate.

choi was also reported to be a close acquaintance of president park, sort of like a gal pal of hers except instead of subtle lesbianism it was rampant freemasonry.

so basically at this point, we knew that a) choi is almost certainly the owner of two shell foundations which collected outrageous amounts of money without doing anything, b) there was no bureaucratic oversight over choi’s actions, and c) there was some serious power play going on considering that she had influence over one of the biggest collective groups of billionaires AND the policy secretary.

but THEN the shit hit the fan when choi’s galaxy tab was acquired by JTBC. I repeat, a GALAXY TAB.

imagine. me, a normal person. walking down the street. i check in my purse and notice that my ipad is missing. shit i lost several hundred dollars,[also several selfies] a [picture of my aunt]
 OH and also SEVERAL HUNDRED CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS

among these highly confidential documents were unedited drafts of president park’s  speeches, interactions with north korea, and psy’s next hit single, [“did anyone actually watch that thing i did with snoop dogg”]

lets be honest this is just snoop and psy just hanging out for a weekend in seoul  ALSO psy i love you please guest on snoop and martha’s cooking show

ANYWAYS yeah so this one lady was ACTUALLY editing the president’s speeches, and the press found that she was picking her outfits for her (img) [img]

she was also bossing around blue house officials, one of which wiped her phone for her and opened her drinks and presented them to her with both hands bowing.

using this political power she was found to have edited university papers to get her daughter into college, fired public officials for not listening to her, influenced and was privy to city development plans which had humongous real estate implications, had the finance minister push *her* economic policies [which increased household debt] but raised the value of *her* own real estate, used government budgeting to benefit her own projects, pushed to benefit from the 2018 winter olympics, bossed around samsung to bribe horseback riding competitions where her daughter was competing, collected military secrets and meddled with the [majority party’s electoral system], and is known to be involved with the president’s 7 hour absence during the sinking of the mv sewol, a tragedy involving the loss of 300 people, mostly high school students.

there’s also the fact that her father claimed to be a buddhist messiah and founded a cultish religion, bringing into concern hundreds of rumours about the president and choi and their religion

caption: park has been known to use hippyish language such as “cosmic spirit, the energy of the universe” “heaven willing” more than a normal person.

BUT aside from all those rumours, which are too messed up and conspiracy-y to filter through, let’s talk about what this all means.

you may think that choi’s influence didn’t really do anything that affects the citizens: and that’s a valid analysis of the situation: we didn’t know and nothing especially bad happened, just a crappy president: but her influence over government not only perverts the idea of a representative democracy, it also invalidates every government action that’s taken place in the past few years—keep in mind that choi, by having influence over park had influence over the entire majority party, not just the blue house, and saenuri affects every level of politics here as well as foreign policy. the fact that she was able to do this brings into question the integrity of parliament and raises concerns on a humongous conflict of interest in government as *well* industry, it also normalises perjury and put a big chunk of our confidential information in the pockets of someone who put all of it in a galaxy tab that she lost. she *lost* a galaxy tab. do you know how big those things are? not only that, her actions also violated the fairness of multiple sporting events, as well as one of the most prestigious women’s universities in korea, swindled hundreds of millions of dollars from major corporations by controlling the government for her personal benefit.

meanwhile korea is seeing serious social issues such as student suicide, apartheid levels of ethnic discrimination, unregulated snack foods, historical censorship, civil rights, smoking and alcoholism, mental health, and *most* people don’t know these problems exist.

we need a government that represents its people. the first section of the first article of the first chapter of the korean constitution states that the republic of korea shall be a democratic republic.

i am not a libertarian, nor a minarchist. allegations of corruption have not and never will be my primary concern over the safety, respectfulness, and the respectedness of my fellow person. i understand that complete transparency and complete freedom from corruption is difficult and sometimes not ideal and i would normally not be as worked up about this as long as your business doesn’t interfere with our business.

but. but!

so many heroes have died to protect this idea of a nation. to keep this torch burning even when our land wasn’t ours and our names weren’t ours and when we had to set up an emergency government all the way in shanghai and when our people were being persecuted for speaking our own words and eating our own food. we have social problems. we have cultural problems: there’s so much work we need to do to make this a nation that follows our founding principle from five thousand years ago. hong ik in gan. devotion to the good of all persons.

not the devotion to yourself.
this was supposed to be funny. i’m sorry for this but we elected a shitty president. the least we could have gotten was an actual person. throw shit on the floor