Meanwhile in Canterlot

Just a little thing to thank everyone for waiting while the PiE thread was down. This takes place in the middle of Chapter 5 Part 7 of Long Distance's story.


>See that blue mare by the snack table?
>The one with the saddlebags, rainbow-colored tail and mane, and the bored look on her face?
>She’s too awesome to miss
>That’s Rainbow dash, and she’s bored
>The party in Canterlot has been nonstop since the real Pinkie arrived
>Trusting a changeling was a real gamble
>And that isn’t considering that it couldn’t guarantee the rest of its hive wouldn’t get involved
>Nop0ny but Pinkie Pie can be exactly like Pinkie is, and that may have been what got it caught
>Credit to that changeling for trying to get a party going, but there’s only one Pinkie
>Well, one REAL Pinkie
>That Mirror Pond fiasco has forever proved that there can be too much of a good thing
>This party?
>Too much of a good thing
>It’s gigantic
>There are, like, seven people in the entire crowd that she knows
>Only four of them if the ones she can’t talk to without translation don’t count
>Doesn’t help that she’s not the egghead type
>Most of them are too busy doing things she doesn’t understand
>You hate… no, you’re in public
>Really busy, bustling with activity public that would stop what it’s doing and stare if they saw you do something embarrassing
>Act suave, be cool, and think of how they’re thinking of you
>Got a reputation to keep up, Dash
>It’s all in the mindset
>And for Celestia’s sake, don’t do it aloud!
>Trixie showed you just how obnoxious that could be
>Now, where were you?


>Oh, right
>Rainbow Dash hates being that one mare at the party who wanders around the snack tables because she can’t make conversation
>Makes her look like a total loser
>Rainbow Dash is NEVER a loser
>Except for that one time
>And the other times
>And now
>So Dash is totally self-conscious right now
>Eating a cupcake with those sugar and chocolate things baked inside and mixed into the frosting only makes her more self-conscious
>Those humans are geniuses for coming up with this candy (and whatever that big compa-doohickey over there is)
>They’ve got to be fattening as heck, though
>You… Dash got a look at the candy wrappers when they got sent here
>The lists of ingredients were total gibberish
>The MM’s came in a bunch of colors, but even the packages for some of the one-colored candies had more dyes in them than Rainbow Dash has been accused of putting in her mane and tail
>At least she thought they were dyes
>Red 70 and yellow 30?
>What are those numbers for?
>And what the hay is high fructose corn syrup?
>None of them tasted like corn
>They tasted kind of bland compared to the stuff Pinkie came up with
>Whatever they are, Pinkie and the castle chefs are putting out stuff like them almost as quickly as everyone can eat them
>Speaking of Pinkie, here she comes now
>“Heya Skittles! Enjoying the snacks?”


>Rainbow Dash doesn’t like her new nickname that much
>It’s the name of a candy from Earth that “tastes like the rainbow”
>They actually don’t taste like rainbows
>She rolls with it anyway because it’s more inspired than ‘Dashie’
“Yeah, maybe a bit too much.”
>“Don’t worry, I used skim milk for that batch. Say… you’re looking a little glum. Something wrong?”
“Just bored, that’s all.”
>Pinkie recoils in shock
>“Somep0ny is bored at one of MY parties?! Oh no, am I losing my touch? What if all the parties I had scheduled for Ponyville to have without me are just as bad?!”
“Pinkie, we had this same conversation earlier today. Relax. The party’s fine. I just don’t have anyone to talk to.”
>“Ohhhhh. Well, I’d love to keep you company but between the cooking and the super-secret talks I can only spare a few min-”
>Rainbow Dash places a hoof over her mouth
“Whatever you were about to say, I’m sure it was none of my business.”
>Dash winks knowingly
>It actually is her business, but that’s not anyone else’s business
>Pinkie nods, removing Dash’s hoof from her mouth with the motion
>“Riiiiight. Super-secrets aren’t super-secret if I talk about them in front of anyone except us or-“
>Dash’s hoof goes right back onto Pinkie’s mouth
>Rainbow Dash is annoyed because she already knows all about this, and this isn’t the time or place to repeat it
“None. Of. My. Business.”
>Suddenly, a vanara swings overhead
>You- no, Rainbow Dash recognizes that one as it turns around mid-swing


>The Vanara’s name is Aarini and she’s pretty cool
>Even though she doesn’t speak a word of Equestrian, she’s doing studies on how prehistoric humans behaved
>That’s a topic that doesn’t take too much boring explanation to understand
>‘Sympathetic Magic,’ though, that took some explaining
>Humans don’t ever use magic, but they think that hoping a hurt human is doing okay will make them heal faster even if they’re miles apart?
>How’s that supposed to work?
>All too late, Rainbow Dash realizes the Vanara is looking towards Shining Armor and a group of unicorn Guardsp0nies running after her
>Uh oh, did he hear?
>Shining’s shouting as he gallops
>“Get down from there before we have to bring you down from there!”
>“Mujhē lagatā hai ki ka'ī bāra kaha rahī hai ki sunā hai! Maiṁ isakā kyā matalaba hai mujhē batānē kē li'ē ēka anuvādaka kī jarūrata nahīṁ hai. Āpa vinamratā sē pūchanē kī kōśiśa karēṅgē?”
>Guess he’s too distracted to care if he did hear
>“I’m- oof!”
>He hardly breaks his stride (or sentence) as he runs between the two mares and knocks Rainbow Dash’s hoof away from Pinkie’s mouth
>“- not going to tell you again!”
>Didn’t even stop to say “excuse me”
>Let’s try and use that to distract Pinkie from blowing everyp0ny’s cover
“Man, this whole changeling situation has gone to his head.”
>“Are you going to let me finish? I need to say at least part of it.”
“Can it please wait?”


>Pinkie starts tapping a forehoof to her chin in thought
>She WAS the greatest asset to this counter-conspiracy thingy before she got called to Canterlot
>That was probably a deliberate move to get her away from the group
>She says that the universe is a cube, and that she can somehow know everything that’s happening on the other side of the fourth wall of that cube
>Lucky us, Earth is on the other side of that wall
>It seems like she’s making it up as she goes
>Fourth wall?
>There are five other perfectly good walls if the universe is a cube
>And that is one MASSIVE ‘if’
>What makes the fourth one special?
>How did she pick which one is the fourth?
>Problem is that it’s consistent and usually matches what Celestia and Luna publish about the humans
>She actually told the girls some stuff that’s being held back about the humans
>Like how they’re going to war all the time
>With the ‘no magic’ riot, that probably won’t be announced for some time
>There’s no choice but to begrudgingly accept what Pinkie says
>If not for her, you would have had no idea what you’d gotten Twilight into
>“…Well, I guess it would be sort of redundant now. I kind of feel for Shining, though. He’s probably taking it personally because they ruined his wedding. PLUS his sister is stranded in a totally separate universe that’s nasty but not totally irredeemable, so his stress levels have got to be through the roof! Do you think he knows about the nasty parts yet?”


>Rainbow Dash steals a sideways glance at Shining armor, who is yanking Aarini off of the light fixtures with his magic
>Speaking through an interpreter, he’s telling Aarini for the umpteenth time about how the chandeliers are expensive, fragile, and not to be used for swinging (even though it’s faster than walking) because they might fall on someone
“Beats me. That’s legitimately none of my business.”
>With the guards distracted, this might actually be a decent time for some covert chitchat
>Rainbow Dash leans in close to Pinkie’s ear and whispers
“Any news from our other insider?”
>Pinkie whispers back
>“Haven’t had a chance to speak directly with ‘em, but I keep hearing things about grilled cheese sandwiches and somep0ny named Sunset Shimmer. Never heard of her, but I bet she makes a mean grilled cheese. Or maybe she looks like grilled cheese? Grilled cheese with tomato slices. Darn, now I’m wishing I’d had one of those for lunch!”
>Useless
>You… Rainbow Dash leans away, disappointed by the lack of news
“…I’ll keep that in mind.”
>“Ooh! Play it cool. Here comes Shiny.”
>Dash looks over towards where Shining Armor was and sees him calmly approaching
>She wishes she could be that calm right now
>“Sorry for bumping into you ladies like that. Everyp0ny is alright, I presume?”
“Heh, yeah. Peachy.”
>“No need to be nervous. You’re a friend of Twilight, so you’re a friend of mine.”
“No, it’s just that I don’t like getting caught off guard. I’m fine.”


>Shining Armor’s kicking at the carpet idly
“Uh… not to turn it back on you or anything, but is something wrong?”
>He looks around, then leans in towards both Pinkie and Rainbow Dash to speak in a hushed tone
>“Between you and me, I just started exchanging letters with one of the humans. He said something about how Twilight associates them with a war they’re fighting. I’m worried she might not be safe.”
>A war?
>Singular?
>He must be downplaying this just in case anyp0ny goes blabbing about it
>Pinkie reaches out to him and gives him a pat on the side
>“Don’t lose any sleep over it. I’m sure she’s somewhere she wouldn’t have to worry about that.”
>“I hope you’re right. Mom, Dad, and Cadance probably couldn’t take any more bad news about Twilight.”
>“Come on, don’t focus on the stuff that makes you sad! What else did the human tell you about?”
>Shining Armor’s tone sheds almost all of its sadness
>“He said something about how humans have tabletop games. Not sure if Twilight ever told you this, but I’m into Ouiblettes and Ogres hardcore. I’ve been playing since second edition. I bet the humans have role-playing games like I’ve never seen before.”
>Wait, he’s into O&O?
>NERRRRD
“Does eggheadedness run in your family, or something?”
>Shining Armor chuckles in response
>“No comment!”


>He stands tall and proud in his armor
>“Anyway, I need to go finish my reply and have Celestia send it. I’ll see you around.”
>Shining begins trotting away
>Oh right, you… RAINBOW DASH has an important message to send, and she really needs Twilight to get it
“Wait! Could you bring this, too?”
>Dash begins fishing through her saddlebags
>She eventually pulls out the scroll with her mouth, then releases it as she sees Shining Armor’s magic take hold of it
>Probably looked sort of silly with the scroll in her mouth (note to self, use hooves more)
>“Something for Twily, huh? I’ll make sure it gets sent.”
“Thanks.”
>He trots off with a bounce in his step
>Say what you want about Pinkie Pie, but she knows how to make p0nies smile
>She’s also poking Rainbow Dash to get her attention, leaving Dash to wonder if she was staring a little too long at Shining Armor and what sort of ideas that would give everyone
>“So, um…Dash, I was wondering if you’d do me a teeny-tiny favor?”
“Let me guess… check on Ponyville again?”
>“Yeppers!”
“AJ is following your party schedule just fine, and I did this like two hours ago.”
>“Pretty please would you go check for me just in case?”
>Pinkie is not going to take no for an answer
>She didn’t last time, or the time before that
“I need to burn off the calories from these snacks anyway. I’ll be back in a bit.”
>Dash, being the awesome flier that she is, barely hears Pinkie saying “See ya!” as she kicks off of the ground in a streak of color


>Indoor flight is always a test of skill and reflex
>One wrong move and it’s headfirst into a stone wall
>Fortunately, Dash has been through this castle so many times that she could go through it with her eyes closed
>Left, right, over the security line, under the tarp on the solar things, spiral around the tower, and she’s home free (and looked cool while doing it!)
>She turns towards Ponyville and-
>Wait, there’s nobody watching
>YOU turn towards Ponyville and begin the leisurely flight
>Open skies today
>No clouds to use as an improvised obstacle course
>Bummer
>This might actually be good, though, because it means that you’re not going to run into any surprises
>You’re completely certain that somep0ny or something is following you each time you make this trip
>You’ve only seen glimpses of it
>One time it even tried to grab you, but you were going too fast to see exactly what had jumped out of a cloud to try and tackle you out of the air
>Something grayish
>Roughly p0ny-sized and p0ny shaped
>Mostly active just before sunrise and just after sunset
>You doubt that it’s Derpy (or Ditzy, or whatever that airhead is calling herself nowadays) being really dedicated to a prank
>That’s not her style, though it would explain a couple of things
>Whatever it is, it doesn’t want you making these deliveries
>Worse than that, it has help
>The postp0nies were postponing deliveries to Twilight


>Some of the letters that you and your friends tried to get to her took weeks to deliver because “Dragons were harassing some of the deliveries”
>Yeah right
>If anything, it’s been way too quiet recently
>Like all the bad things just decided that Equestria is untouchable during this egghead-palooza
>It’s transparently clear that something is up if everything just st-
>Transparent
>10 o’clock low, 150-ish yards, something
>Looks like a distortion of the air
>You wouldn’t have seen it if not for the way the light lensed off of it
>Moving roughly the same direction as you
>You look in its direction
>It suddenly breaks off course
>It juked left
>You juke right
>There were no clouds today!
>Nothing to hide behind, should have been safer!
>Now it’s invisible?
>They must mean business if they’re doing high-level magic to get an edge on you!


>Check rear
>It takes you a moment to spot, but it’s still there
>On your six low, 200-ish, rising
>Whatever it is, it’s trying to catch you
>That’s the biggest mistake it could have ever made
>It’s trying to catch Rainbow Dash
>If it flies anything like a p0ny, it must have lost a lot of speed by taking two sharp turns in a row
>Now it’s trying to climb to meet you
>You go into a shallow climb
>Check rear
>Still there
>This thing is either too stupid to know that you’ve already shook it off, or it’s determined to catch you
>Keep climbing
>Put a bit more oomph into your wing-strokes to gain speed
>Check rear
>It’s still not giving up
>Pfft
>What a dummy
>You raise your climb angle to half-vertical and get some height
>Check rear
>It’s gaining on you
>There’s less of an angle for it to climb if it’s trying to intercept
>Definitely trying
>Full vertical
>’Try’ and ‘succeed’ are two different things
>You glance back to where you think it might be
>Where is it… where is it…
>There it is!
>Seven low, 100-ish and closing on you
>So it’s not a total amateur
>It anticipated your next move, but that doesn’t mean it has any chance to keep up with it
>Check altitude
>More than enough
>Half counter-clockwise turn in the direction of Ponyville
>And…
>Dive!


>This is what you live for
>Wind in your mane
>Ground rushing towards you
>Some force behind you that you’ve got to outfly
>Even if it’s just the clock you’re trying to beat, this never gets old
>Transonic flutter is starting to kick in
>The wind is beating at you like you just insulted its mother
>Squint through it
>Don’t even bother to look back
>Need to spot a gap in the treetops
>There’s one
>You thread the needle and start going parallel to the ground again
>Through the rush of wind and the concentration it takes to slalom through the tree trunks, you could swear that you heard a rustling of branches and a thud
>No, don’t pull up
>Maintain speed
>Keep making a beeline for Ponyville
>Just because you THINK the pursuit is over doesn’t mean you can relax now
>You dodge trees for the next few miles and emerge on the outskirts of town
>Carousel Boutique is just ahead
>Drop speed, look for an entrance
>Front door’s always an option, but that takes time to open
>She left her bedroom window open
>That’ll do
>You thread one last needle
>Heh, threading the needle in Rarity’s boutique
>As if THAT’s something special


>You make a point of coming to a full-stop hover before you set down
>Rarity said “Don’t scuff the floors!”
>With the state her room is in, that might not make much difference
>The blanket is halfway across the room from the bed, the drawers are all open, and it looks like she hasn’t touched her hair curlers in weeks
>Hoo boy, this is only going to get worse
>You open the door into the hallway
>It creaks on its hinges
>The undisturbed air in the hallway has sunshafts of dust coming through the windows
>Sweetie Belle has long since left to be with her parents, and the cat is at Fluttershy’s
>Everything is dead silent except for a whirring noise coming from the center of the boutique
>That noise must not have stopped for months
>You follow it to its source
>Lab coats
>Nothing but a sea of perfectly folded white lab coats in a darkened room
>Who knew clothing could be so creepy?
>You follow the sound of some more and eventually catch a glimpse of something purple near where you think it’s coming from
>There’s a white unicorn in such a state of “fashion distress” that she’d faint the moment you gave her a mirror
>She’s been doing nothing but sew these coats together for goodness knows how long
“Rarity?”
>She doesn’t bother looking away from the sewing machine
>“Rainbow Dash. I’m busy. Your cloak is by the door.”
>Impatient as usual
>Like this order of labcoats is actually important


“You’re always busy.”
>Her tone becomes even more impatient
>“I’m going to finish the order I’m working on, even if it’s far more coats than I can possibly make and far more than they could possibly need. That’s final.”
“That order can’t be a fluke. Nop0ny puts that many zeros behind a number by accident. You know that this is probably supposed to take you out of the picture, right?”
>“I never thought otherwise.”
“Then just stop.”
>“Darling, they have me right where they want me. My perfect record is at stake. I always complete my orders. If I don’t follow through, I’ll never be able to repair this spot on my reputation.”
>Reputation
“Y-yeah… I guess I can see where you’re coming from. I’ll leave you alone.”
>You hastily trot towards the door and put on the hooded cloak that Rarity made for you
>Now you’re a nop0ny
>THE Rainbow Dash having to be a nop0ny
>The lengths you go to for the head of this counter-conspiracy, and for Twilight
>You slip out the back door and start making your way through town
>Head down, eyes front, wings closed
>They’re looking for a pegasus
>Flying would be faster, but you’d be more obvious
>Scootaloo’s in school at this time of day
>If anyp0ny would blow your cover, it’d be her
>It’s weird, trying not to be recognized
>You get to be just another p0ny walking through town
>Everyone acts differently because they don’t know it’s you


>The things you overhear are so removed from what you’re used to
>Zecora was the only one who's spoken directly to you, and you had to ignore her compliment about how your choice of style makes her smile
>Turns out that they talk about you a lot more when you’re around
>Otherwise, it’s usually “I hear that the humans have parades every day of the year,” “What country is Twilight in again? Humania?” and “Dangit, Rainbow Dash isn’t keeping the weather right. Lazy slob.”
>You want to throw the cloak off and yell “I’m right here!”
>Of course, that’s why this works
>They’d be looking for a p0ny that can’t stand not to be in the limelight
>Here we are
>Sweet Apple Acres
>You approach the barn and do the secret knock on the door
>Applejack cracks the door open just enough to see you
>“Were you followed?”
“I lost them miles ago. It should be clear.”
>She ushers you inside
>It’s just you, her, and the hay bales
>“So, what’ve you heard?”


“Pinkie’s got almost nothing for us. All she told me today was that they’re talking about somep0ny named Sunset Shimmer and keep mentioning grilled cheese sandwiches.”
>“Th’ hay is that supposed to mean? And who’s Sunset? I ain’t never heard of ‘em before.”
>You pull the hood off of your head
“For all I know, it was just Pinkie misremembering ‘Twilight Sparkle.’ The grilled cheese is anyp0ny’s guess.”
>“Y’don’t think she’s flipped sides and started giving us bad info, do you?”
“No, she’s too… normal. For Pinkie, I mean. If she flipped, she’s doing a better job of hiding it than I’d expect from her.”
>Pinkie would never do that
>The fact that this is something you need to consider is just horrible
>Your circle of friends is getting torn apart
>A sigh escapes you
“Look, AJ, that thing was chasing me through the sky just a few minutes ago. There was some sort of invisibility enchantment on it. They’re getting serious about not having me as the messenger.”
>“That actually might be good. If they’re being that brazen, we could be more of a thorn in their side than I thought.”
>Might be good?
>She knows who she’s dealing with, right?
>That could be just what they want her to think!


“I admit it was more exciting than how they convinced p0nies to rearrange their clotheslines in the alleys so it would snag me, but you’ve got to remember that they have that much control! This could be a feint!”
>“Don’t you say-”
“We are in WAY over our heads, AJ, even with our ace in the hole. Fluttershy’s right to be too scared to involve herself in this.”
>Applejack stomps her hoof
>“Consarnit, you are NOT gonna back outta this! That’s exactly what they want you to do! Heck, that’s what I told you to put in the last letter!”
“I wouldn’t dream of it! I’m just saying that you’ve got to remember what we’re up against.”
>Especially since the four original members of the counter-conspiracy have dwindled down to two and a half
>Applejack looks away and frowns
>Your words definitely made her think twice about what she just said
>She removes her hat as she looks back to you
>“Dash, I’m sorry for takin’ that tone with you, but you know that I blame myself for this mess.”
“They duped all the Elements. It’s not just you.”
>“But it all hinged on me. If I hadn’t’ve played my part that day, Twilight’d still be here. I’ve done her a wrong, and takin’ charge of this is how I’m gonna do her a right.”