Anon's Antics CYOA 1 - Potions (SFWish)

>They all hate you
>The ponies are all scared to death of you, and have been trying to keep you out of town
>A monster, they call you. Some strange demon escapee from Tartarus
>You'd go to Twilight Sparkle, but her fucking guards shoot you if they so much as catch a glimpse of you from their peripheral vision
>So, you've been staying with Zecora in the Everfree forest, the only living being that's given you the slightest bit of sympathy
>Zecora is out right now, gathering ingredients
>There's a knock on the door
>"Zecora? Ah'm here for my lessons!"
>You open the door to see Apple Bloom just standing there
>"Uh... who are you?"
>You turn around
>All of Zecora's potion making tools and ingredients are still there

>>Why you're zecora's newest assistant!
You've watched the zebra do her thing long enough to be able to pass for a decent alchemist, right?<<

>You consider for a second that you could probably fill in for Zecora while she's gone
>You watch her all the time out of boredom and having nothing better to do, so you think you have a decent grasp on all this
>You turn to Apple Bloom, who is just staring at you.
"I'm your substitute teacher, Mr... uh, Ymous."
>"If you say so."

"So Zecora didn't leave me many lesson notes here, so, uh, what are we doing today?"
>"Zecora didn't tell me either. Usually though, ah work on recipes from that book."
>She points to a book in the corner of the room
>You walk over to the book and find a book with a piece of paper taped onto the cover
>It reads "Basic Breweries"
>You bring it back to Bloom and open it up
>"Ku qor afar koob oo bur ah gudaha aad dameer"
>How the fuck does Zecora read this shit
>Apple Bloom stares at you annoyed, clearly able to tell you have no clue what you're talking about
"Alrighty then, let's get started."
>You read off what looks like an ingredients list
"Waxyaabaha ay ka kooban :
sababta
Ma
aad
dhab ahaan
qaadashada
waqtiga
Si aad u
turjum
Tani"

>>Dance around the cauldron throwing random shit in it<<

>You've seen Zecora do this before, it should be easy
>She does this shit so fast there's no way she actually follows the recipe
>Right?
"Watch me."
>You pull some bottles off the wall, and start throwing the bottles into the cauldron, chanting some random bullshit that sounds somewhat like the language in the book
"Boodhkan soo asalka waa khaniis ah !"
>Apple Bloom just stares at you, silently trying to figure out what mental disorder you have
>You dance about like a jackass, kicking over the masks on display by accident as you charge like a bull in a china shop towards a shelf high up on the wall, and jump onto it
>You try to grab everything on the shelf, but it ends up all tumbling down to the ground with you
>The only bottle left unbroken is one labeled "Floom"
>You throw it in, and suddenly the pot starts to bubble and change to a light shade of purple

>The purple liquid appears thick and viscous, as it slowly overflows and spills onto the floor
>"Ymous! What the hay did you do?"
"Well, I did exactly what I intended on doing. I'm the teacher here, after all."
>An eyeball slowly starts to surface from inside the pot
"WOAH, WHAT THE FUCK?!"
>The ooze begins to rise at the center, creating a tall lump with two eyeballs floating at the top, and a hole in the goop where a mouth would be
>Apple Bloom kicks open the window and jumps through
>The creature then bellows with a deep, masculine voice
>"Smooooooooooze!"

>>Say: "Oh my god, Applebloom.. what have you done? Zecora will be so mad at you."<<

>You jump out the window after Apple Bloom to see she's fallen into some bushes outside
>You hope that shit will stop growing eventually, but no such luck
>You quickly pull her away as the smooze starts spilling out the windows
"Oh my god, Applebloom.. what have you done? Zecora will be so mad at you."
>She's clearly sick of your shit, but she just rolls her eyes
>"We got more important things to do than ta blame each other for all this! We gotta go warn the other ponies!"
>You sigh
"But they're all afraid of me!"
>"I can see why."
"What was that about not playing the blame game? Just... go into town and warn the others. I'll get Zecora."
>You rush off into the woods with absolutely no supplies or protection whatsoever

>Running through the dark, your trip over a rock and fall into a hole
>Directly on top of Zecora
>"OW! Anonymous, I think you've broken many bones! Why do you weigh as much as many large stones?!"
"Oh fuck! I'm sorry, I just really need your help! Apple Bloom came in and started practicing her potionmaking, and suddenly she makes this purple goo monster!"
>"If that goo's what I think, it will be giving you hell! Tell me, what exactly did it yell?"
>You imitate the "smoooze" to the best of your abilities
>"It is as I thought, this is no ordinary ooze...
Soon you will learn that nothing can stop the Smooze!"
>She then collapses
>Oh right, probably should have gotten off of her
>Well, she should be fine, right?
>You run off

>>AB: Instead of running directly to Twilight, go through unnecessary lengths and tell Applejack first.<<

>You are Apple Bloom
>After that fucking Ymous guy, or whatever his name is, spawned some demon goop, you're out to find your sister and tell her what happened
"Applejack!"
>You manage to make out her name between the gasps, then take a deep breath
"IwasgoingtoZecora'sformypotionmakinglessonwhenIfoundthisoneguywhosaidhewasmysubstituteteacherbuthethrewsomethingsinapotandsuddenlythispurplegoorisesoutofitandnowthere'saGIANTPURPLEGOOMONSTERheaded STRAIGHT FOR PONYVILLE!"
>She surprisingly was able to make out your ramblings
>"Alrighty then, let's go see Twilight!"

>>Anon: Equip Zecora to cock slot<<

>Be Anon
>Staring at Zecora's limp body
>Well, I mean, if she's unconscious, there's nothing she can do about it...
>You unzip your pants and stroke your dick to get it erect
>The moment you bring it anywhere near Zecora, she bucks back, knocking you into a tree, snapping it at the trunk, then collapses back onto the ground, groaning in agony

>>Be applebloom. Run to Twilight's with your sister. Tell her that monkey made a goop monster when he tried to teach her about making potions when he didn't know what he was doing.<< [REVERSAL BY 0, GIVEN TO ANON]

>Be Anon
>You suddenly have your sister with you for some reason
>If you didn't have a sister, you do now
>You tell her the plan
"So, you distract the guards, and I run inside."
>"No."
>She flips you off and goes to have sex with Zecora
>Shit.
>You go to Twilight's anyway, and approach the guards
>"Halt! Who-"
>They simultaneously vomit and collapse to the floor
>You remember you forgot to pull your pants back up
>This way, you get to the throne room quickly
"Princess Twilight!"
>She turns to you
>"A... um... Canterlot High friend?"
>You realize she never learned the word "human" during her time in EqG
"Well, you see, a monkey made a goop monster when he tried to teach me about making potions when he didn't know what he was doing! Now, the Smooze is going to, uh, do something! So we need to do something!"
>She just stares at you
>She doesn't mind your pants are still down because >human fetish and all
>"Well, we'll... see what we can do. How big is the threat?"
"Zecora told me it can't be stopped!"
>She just walks off
>"I'm not sure what to make of this situation, but if what you say is true, we'll need to prepare for the attack. Thank you, kind..."
"Call me Anon."
>"Thanks, Anon."

>>Be anon. Look out the window and see what's happening outside.<<

>You look out the window
>Well, that was certainly fast.
>The smooze has already spread to the edge of town
>You can see your sister carrying Zecora into town as Zecora tonguefucks her
>The Mane 6 are lined up in front of the Smooze, no clue what to do with it, considering the fact that the box was buried to make the treecastle
>Spike is waiting for a reply to his letter to Celestia, warning her of the Smooze
>Everyone else is fleeing the town
>Spike belches out the letter, but you can't hear Twi reading it, obviously
>From her reaction, though, it's not good

>>Anon. Ask what's happening.<< [REVERSAL BY 0 AND DUBS, GIVEN TO AB]

>You are bloom
"What's it say?"
>"Celestia says that the Smooze will overtake all of Equestria if it's not stopped, and the only known ones who can stop it are a long-gone ancient race! We have no chance of survival if we can't figure something out!"
>Well, there goes your plans for next weekend
>And every weekend afterwards
>Rainbow Dash
>"Well then we gotta do something, or we can kiss our country goodbye!"
>Zecora
>"Well, I fear this land has met its end. At least I now have a lesbian girlfriend!"
>She says this all as Anon's sister is pounding her with a strapon

>>AB, ask Twilight why not summon Discord to try and help<<

"OOH! Ah have an idea! Maybe we could bring in Discord?"
>Twilight stares at you
>"Huh. Why didn't I think of that?"
>The 6 all gather around and teleport Discord in, bringing with him the chair he was sitting in and his television
>You cannot grasp the true form of Discord's show
>The other ponies seem pretty disgusted by it, and Twi zaps a hole through the screen
>Discord continues to stare at it
>"Uh, Discord?"
>He deflates
>"Yes, Twilight?"
>"AAH!"
>Twi turns around to see Discord behind her, the Discord that was on the chair now a deflated baloon
>"Discord, I need you to do something about... THAT!"
>She points to the Smooze
>"Oh, the Smooze? I can get rid of that, no problem. Where should I put it?"
>"What do you mean?"
>"Well, I can't just make it disappear. You can't do that to Smooze. I can put it somewhere else, though."

>>Anon, scream "SCREW THIS" and run into the smooze, flailing your hands screaming "ALLAHU ACKBAR"<< [REVERSAL BY 0, GIVEN TO BLOOM]

>The ponies sit there for a while, wondering where to put the Smooze, when you just give up
"SCREW THIS!"
>You run towards the Smooze, flailing your hooves about and somehow managing to stay steady on your hind legs
"ALLAHU ACKBAR!"
>You dive straight into the Smooze
>"APPLE BLOOM!!!"
>Applejack calls after you, but it's too late
>You're head deep in the purple cumblob
>Suddenly, the smooze begins to change colors to a slightly shittier, darker shade of purple
>You and the smooze have become one, and now you intend on covering the world in your ooze
>YES, ALL SHALL BE INSIDE OF YOU!
>All the faces in the smooze become your own, and you all stare down at the ponies below
>"A-apple Bloom?"
"No! I am now... APPLE SMOOZE! Working title, ya know?"

>>Anon: Tell applesmooze that name is and she should feel bad for coming up with it. Ask discord for a pet applebloom.<<

>You are Anon
>When you realize what's happening, you run over to the Smooze just in time for the assimilation.
"No! I am now... APPLE SMOOZE! Working title, ya know?"
"Apple Smooze, your name is bad and you should feel bad. Discord, give me a pet Apple Bloom."
>"A what?"
"A pet Apple Bloom! Like, you know, give me an Apple Bloom that I can feed and groom and take care of and >rape whenever I like!"
>"Alright, well, I suppose if there's anyone to fufill that wish, it's me."
>He snaps his fingers, and another Apple Bloom appears, which growls and lunges at you
>Discord makes a leash appear on her neck
>"She'll need some training, though."
>He pulls out a stick
>"Fetch, girl!"
>He closes his eyes, spins around, and throws the stick in a random direction
>It lands in the Smooze, and the pet Apple Bloom jumps in after it
>Apple Smooze grows larger
>"Oopsies!"

>>Anon. FUCK YOU DISCORD YOU KILLED MY PET APPLEBLOOM. Now what am I going to hug and kiss and cum inside? Welp. I'm out of ideas.<< [REVERSAL BY DUBS, GIVEN TO AB]

>You are Bloom
"FUCK YOU DISCORD YOU KILLED MY PET APPLEBLOOM. Now what am I going to hug and kiss and cum inside? Welp. I'm out of ideas."
>"Actually, didn't it assimilate into you?"
"Well yeah, but now it's not my pet, it's part of me."
>"Point taken. But, why are you out of ideas? Aren't you supposed to be overtaking the whole land and suffocating us in your ooze?"
"Eh, nah. I don't really feel like doin' that anymore."
>"But... are you going to stay in the Smooze?"
"Anon, I AM the Smooze now. We are literally the same thing. I can't exactly seperate myself from myself, can I?
>"I mean, no, but you seem surprisingly okay with this."
"Of course I'm okay with this! Bein' Smooze is awesome! Maybe I can assimilate Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo! We'd be... CUTIE MARK CRUSADER BLOB OF SMOOZE!"
>"Can Smooze even get cutie marks?"
"I guess not.... hmm... maybe I didn't think this through too well. Ah, to hey with it! This is cool!"
>"So, uh, we done here?
"I guess so."

>>Anon: Whisper to Discord that he can now teleport her to the center of a black hole while she has her guard down.<<

>Be Anon
"Psst. Discord. I think now would be a good time to send her into a black hole."
>"Nah. She seems like she's not evil anymore, why not just trust her?"
>He teleports onto the surface of Apple Smooze, laying on a floatie, wearing sunglasses, and enjoying a nice, cold, lemonade.
>"Besides, she could even be useful. You know how you all were utterly defenseless against the Smooze? Well, if you can't stop the Smooze, who says the other villains you'll face can?"
>He teleports in front of Apple Smooze and unleashes a full blast of chaos energy onto her
>"Heh, that tickles, stop it!"
>She grows bigger, and now has the ability to use Discord's powers
>She uses it to turn Discord into a glass of Chocolate Milk
>"See what I mean?"
>Twilight walks up to discord, a smug look on her face
>"Uh, Twilight? What are you-"
>She reaches a hoof out towards Discord
>"Wait. NO NO NO NO NO!-"
>She tips Discord over, chocolate milk spilling everywhere