TOTD Boss 4

ZE04L101.bin
The quick brown fox jumped over the
Lazy dog again and again and again
Until the dog got very angry and
Bit the fox's ass.

ZE04L102.bin
One of my zombie friends failed his
First driver's test last weekend.
Do you want to know why he failed?
He left his foot on the gas.

ZE04L103.bin
The zombies finally got a
Hockey Team together, but their
First game got called off.
There was a face off in the corner.

ZE04L104.bin
The other day, there were these
Two zombies eating a clown.
One zombie turns to the other and
Says, "Does this taste funny to you?"

ZE04L105.bin
What do you call a zombie taking a bath?
You call him Stew, of course.
How do you know if a zombie used
Your shower? The soap got bigger.

ZE04L106.bin
Did you know that if you finish
Typing this entire block of lines
That you will be completely
Dateless for the rest of your life?

ZE04L107.bin
It's not kind to tap on the glass.
If you must, then please quickly pass.
If you cannot then I urge you at last
Run hither my friend before I pass gas!

ZE04L108.bin
With twisted fellows my urgency comes.
With hardened laughs you gaze unto me.
I lay my hand upon yours, my sweet, and
Let out the nastiest fart you'll know.

ZE04L109.bin
Look there! What could it be?
Is it a man? I don't think so.
Is it a woman? No, not that either.
Let's wait to see what bathroom it uses.

ZE04L110.bin
Oblivious to my big brother,
I took on a decadent lover.
But when I came home, she wasn't alone
They'd apparently discovered each other.

ZE04L111.bin
There once was a guy from the border.
Who fancied this girl. He adored her.
To catch her eye, he unzipped his fly
And now she's got a restraining order.

ZE04L112.bin
Roses are red, Violets are blue
No wait... Violets aren't blue,
Violets are Violet, not blue.
Sugar! what the hell rhymes with violet?

ZE04L113.bin
Once upon a time, I was in an elevator.
I just finished eating a plate of beans.
The urge was overwhelming...
Didn't make any friends that day.

ZE04L114.bin
My job requires driving a fancy car.
People with their lights on follow me.
But I can usually lose them.
Before we get to the cemetery.

ZE04L115.bin
I think the skunk really gets a bad rap.
He's nothing compared to the shark.
Maybe they'd get along together?
Perhaps they could have tea?

ZE04L116.bin
Alexander wasn't so great.
Ivan wasn't really so terrible.
You want to see something terrible?
Let me show you my sister.

ZE04L117.bin
There are some things in life
I just can't seem to understand.
Like why do hot dogs come in packs of 10
And the buns come in packs of 8...

ZE04L118.bin
Something smells funny in here.
Can it be the gum on the floor?
Or is it the old fish in the corner?
It might also be me. I stink!

ZE04L119.bin
Sometimes I like to watch butterflies.
They flutter by, pulled by the wind.
I often wonder what they taste like.
Maybe they taste just like chicken.

ZE04L120.bin
Are you the devil's spawn?
Cause you look really HOT!
Is your Mom a terrorist?
Cause, Baby, you're the BOMB!

ZE04L121.bin
My feet kill me, when I walk a lot.
My eyes kill me, when I play games.
My head hurts me when I think.
I shouldn't do anything. Ever.

ZE04L122.bin
Things are looking better.
If you look really closely,
Anyone can look sexy.
Thank goodness for make up.

ZE04L123.bin
There's something fishy in my soup.
I dug in deeper for a better look
And was very surprised when my spoon
Looked right back at me.

ZE04L124.bin
I am always wet and sticky, and
When the lights go down,
Hundreds of people touch me,
Because I'm a floor in a movie theater.

ZE04L125.bin
Cultural differences are a farce.
Everyone is the same, underneath.
Especially underneath their clothes.
We all look funny naked.

ZE04L126.bin
My cat rolled off the bed.
My cat flew out the window.
I'm in love with my cat.
I don't think I'm her type, though.

ZE04L127.bin
Forget hairspray - nothing holds hair
Like good, old-fashioned lard.
It holds my hair in place,
Nice and good - oh yeah!

ZE04L128.bin
My mom... She won't even talk about it.
So little did I know that on Halloween,
when I wore an alien costume,
She nearly passed out from fright.

ZE04L129.bin
There's millions of us on a long trip.
We all have the same goal.
We're traveling in a primordial goo.
Because we're all germs in a sneeze.

ZE04L130.bin
Touching zombies is really disgusting.
It reminds me of when I was young.
I walked barefoot after it rained.
I stepped on two snails and a slug.

ZE04L131.bin
Picking scabs is my favorite past time.
It keeps me busy all day long.
It's not the picking that excites me.
It's seeing what's growing underneath.

ZE04L132.bin
I hope this doesn't freak you out.
The average adult has eaten 8 spiders.
Spiders like moist, dark, small, places,
Like your mouth when you are sleeping.

ZE04L133.bin
They say the early bird gets the worm.
Ideally, I like to sleep in until noon.
There isn't really a whole lot you
Can do with a stupid worm, anyway.

ZE04L134.bin
On behalf of all zombies, I'd like to
Issue the following statement.
Typing doesn't kill people.
But it seems to kill lots of zombies.

ZE04L135.bin
If I were a really curious chicken,
And there was an uncrossable road,
And the road was really dangerous,
I'd be too chicken to cross it.

ZE04L136.bin
You know when you lean back in a chair,
And the chair starts to fall backwards,
And you catch yourself before you fall?
I feel like that when I dance at a club.

ZE04L137.bin
There's nothing funnier than getting
Into an elevator in a 50 story building,
Pressing every button on the panel,
And getting off on the second floor.

ZE04L138.bin
PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I YELL ALL THE TIME.
I TELL THEM THAT I AM NOT YELLING!!!
MY CAPS LOCK KEY IS STUCK .
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FIX IT. SO THERE.

ZE04L139.bin
Everyone in the restaurant is confused.
The men are looking at the women.
The women are looking at the men.
I switched signs on the bathroom doors.

ZE04L140.bin
It's a really really hot day today.
But nobody is swimming in the pool.
I don't know why they aren't swimming.
Maybe we should put water in the pool.

ZE04L141.bin
That funny little man is hopping.
Hopping up and down on one leg.
He seems very angry right now, because
I sewed one of his pant legs closed.

ZE04L142.bin
Which came first, the chicken or the egg
The egg couldn't exist without a chicken
But the chicken had to come from an egg
Whatever, I like to eat both of them...

ZE04L143.bin
How come they say crazy people are nuts?
Everyone knows most nuts have shells.
People also try to get shy people to
Come out of their shells. Are they nuts?

ZE04L144.bin
My daddy is a plastic surgeon...
He makes really ugly people look pretty.
He makes old people look young again.
Mommy wishes that he'd work on himself.

ZE04L145.bin
I like when you reach into your pocket
And find a big wad of money.
It's a lot better than reaching in and
Finding a big wad of used tissue.

ZE04L146.bin
I climbed to the top of a mountain.
I spoke to a very wise old man.
He told me the meaning of life...
But I can't get down from the mountain.

ZE04L147.bin
One time at camp, I yawned and
This squishy bug flew in my mouth.
So I gave it a name. I named it gmbubu
Hard to talk with a bug in your mouth.

ZE04L148.bin
When I was just a little kid,
I asked my grandpa why he was bald.
His answer made a lot of sense. He said,
"Grandma gave me too many headaches."

ZE04L149.bin
People who ride motorcycles always
Get a bunch of bugs in their teeth.
Why don't spiders ride motorcycles?
They wouldn't have to make those webs.

ZE04L150.bin
On my birthday, my dad got me a pinata.
It looked just like a bee hive.
I hit it and realized it wasn't a pinata
My dad was really funny that way.

ZE04L151.bin
The kids down the street got in trouble.
I can't stop laughing, because
I gave them a map of the cemetery, and
Told them it was for buried treasure.

ZE04L152.bin
I am really against people wearing fur.
Because of the slaughter of animals.
I am even more against fake fur.
Because they kill stuffed animals.

ZE04L153.bin
For my friend's birthday present,
I mailed her a little bunny rabbit.
She was sad when she got it, because
I forgot to poke air holes in the box.

ZE04L154.bin
I just had my high school graduation.
At the end of the ceremony, I got happy.
I threw my cap in the air, and
When I looked up, it hit me in the eye.

ZE04L155.bin
These two guys walk into a bar.
The first guy looks at the second guy
And says, "You didn't see it either?"
Get it? It was a metal bar! Ha Ha!

ZE04L156.bin
If you have a goose and add another,
You end up with some geese.
If you have a moose and add another,
Do you end up with some meese?

ZE04L157.bin
My face really hurts a lot today.
I guess it's because I shaved.
But I couldn't find my razor.
So I had to use a cheese grater.

ZE04L158.bin
Playing this game is quite fun.
No joystick or trackball or gun.
Typing with skill, many zombies you kill
But if not you had better just run!

ZE04L159.bin
There was an echidna from Vegas,
Whose hairstyle was loud and outrageous,
When asked by cops, why the dreadlocks
He told them the idea was Sega's.

ZE04L160.bin
When told of his impending doom
The condemned man responded "How Soon?"
Could he decide while he was still alive
"A grave or an urn or a tomb?"

ZE04L161.bin
Here's a bit of advice on dating.
When you first pick up a girl,
Take a look at her mom, because that's
What she'll look like when she's older.

ZE04L162.bin
What do soccer playing zombies shout,
If they score against the opposing team
By getting the ball into the net?
GHOULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

ZE04L163.bin
You know what, people are like water.
Some are deep, others are shallow.
Some cause ripples, others waves.
Me, I just like to pull the plug.

ZE04L164.bin
Cannibalism is a crime against nature.
You never see chickens eat eggs.
You never see cows eat steak.
You never see lawyers eat snakes.

ZE04L165.bin
Brush your teeth! Wash your hands!
Do your homework! Go to school!
Find a job! Aren't you married yet?
When will my mom leave me alone?

ZE04L166.bin
If I were a 2000 year old gambler, and
I was at the David vs. Goliath fight,
I would have bet on Goliath.
I still think that fight was fixed.

ZE04L167.bin
I have a brand-new red sports car.
I keep it bright and shiny all the time.
I think I'll just stand here next to it.
And wait for someone to notice me.

ZE04L168.bin
There are lots of predators in nature.
Lions hunt down and kill gazelle.
Sharks chase down sea lions and eat them
Kids with magnifying glasses burn ants.

ZE04L169.bin
How many times do I need to tell you?
I can't believe you still don't get it!
What part of this don't you understand.
I just don't want to return your money!

ZE04L170.bin
If only I were a little bit taller,
If only I were a little more handsome,
If only I could be a little funnier,
Then maybe I could be more confident.

ZE04L171.bin
If Little Johnny has ten dollars,
And buys two apples for $1 each,
And two $4 packs of cigarettes,
He's going to be in deep trouble.

ZE04L172.bin
Use caution when pumping gasoline.
Turn off your engine. Do not smoke.
Do not operate the flamethrower
Without proper supervision.

ZE04L173.bin
You must find that beautiful woman.
The only clue is the size of her shoe.
Isn't that a little risky, though?
Doesn't anyone remember her face?

ZE04L174.bin
What would I do with 10 billion dollars?
I'd stand on top of a building, and
Throw away a million dollars every day.
I could keep doing that for 28 years!

ZE04L175.bin
Mommy, Brian just kicked me!
No I didn't, Mark's lying!
Mark, I told you not to lie.
And Brian, no more kicking.

ZE04L176.bin
I grew up speaking English and Swedish.
I learned German and Chinese in school.
I can speak Italian and Korean, too.
Why did I have to fall for a Frenchman?

ZE04L177.bin
Hello, thank you for calling 555-3928.
Your call is very important to us.
At the sound of the click and dial tone,
Please leave your name and message.

ZE04L178.bin
Lots of people work out at the gym,
But it's such a waste of energy.
If gyms were hooked up to generators,
You could probably power a small city.

ZE04L179.bin
If I were smarter, I'd be a scholar.
If I were bigger, I could play football.
If I were faster, I could be a runner.
If I were any lazier, I'd be comatose.

ZE04L180.bin
My parents never let me play videogames.
When I grew up, I got a job at SEGA.
Now I'm a vice-president, but every day
My Dad asks when I'm getting a real job.

ZE04L181.bin
We men will never understand women.
It's not because we're all that stupid
Or because we're from different planets.
It's just 'cause women don't want us to.

ZE04L182.bin
If women are always right,
And men are always wrong,
What happens if two women
Disagree about something?

ZE04L183.bin
Do you ever get out of the shower
And stand in front of the mirror?
You know, butt naked? Wet?
You don't? Never mind.

ZE04L184.bin
A friend of mine hates to exercise.
She hates being tired and sweaty.
But she really enjoys swimming.
At least she's not sweaty, she says.

ZE04L185.bin
Thank you for purchasing this product.
It has been manufactured and packaged
With the utmost care, so make sure
That you take good care of it.

ZE04L186.bin
Hi, what can I get for you today?
Okay, how about fries with that?
No? Are you on a diet or something?
It's not going to do you any good.

ZE04L187.bin
I enjoy watching science fiction movies.
The people in them explore the galaxy.
They find exciting alien civilizations,
And then annihilate them with lasers.

ZE04L188.bin
Warning: This game may contain
Depictions of gore and violence.
If you are age 17 or younger,
Please play with your eyes closed.

ZE04L189.bin
In today's news, the President
Announced the creation of
A new government committee
To review and rate swimsuits.

ZE04L190.bin
My brother has a comic book collection.
He says it's worth a lot of money.
I bet he'll be happy when he finds out
That I colored all the pictures for him.

ZE04L191.bin
Do you think I should buy this jacket?
It's such a good deal! It's 70% off!
I live in Hawaii and I'll never wear it.
But for 70% off, I just have to buy it!

ZE04L192.bin
I don't feel like watching TV.
I can't concentrate on reading.
All I can do is just sit, and wait.
She said she would call... she said...

ZE04L193.bin
Uranium is an important material,
But its radiation can be dangerous.
Use caution when working with it,
And you probably shouldn't lick it.

ZE04L194.bin
Hi, it's me. Are you still mad at me?
How come you still won't talk to me?
How on earth was I supposed to know
That girl I kissed was your sister?

ZE04L195.bin
Little Ms. Muffet sat on her tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider, he sat down besider
And she ate him for dessert!

ZE04L196.bin
I played a little joke on my cat.
I filled his litter box with quicksand.
I don't know if my cat liked it.
I haven't seen him in weeks.

ZE04L197.bin
What's the difference between...
Neurotic people and psychotic people?
Neurotics build castles in the sky,
And psychotics live in them.

ZE04L198.bin
Chopping onions always makes me cry.
Every time the cleaver falls,
I am overcome with sadness.
That's because I was raised by onions.

ZE04L199.bin
I got kicked out of the zoo yesterday.
Those zoo people have no sense of humor.
I went there with a good costume...
I was dressed as a hunter on safari.

ZE04L200.bin
I wonder which parent I look like,
I have my mother's eyes, and
My father's nose, and ears.
I keep them in a jar under my bed.

ZE04L201.bin
I shudder to think about my drink..
My friends were sharing, oh how caring,
But I wasn't fast, now I'm the last
And 85% of the last sip is backwash.

ZE04L202.bin
People think I'm a weirdo.
I like to sit and think about stuff.
What would a chair look like if
Your knees bent the other way?

ZE04L203.bin
I think my dog is starting to get old.
My mom says that she's still a puppy.
But my dog falls down all the time.
Especially when I try to ride her.

ZE04L204.bin
I had a nice picnic with my girlfriend.
We had plenty of really good food.
We had a really great time
Until the ants decided to eat her.

ZE04L205.bin
Jack isn't so nimble, Jack ain't quick
Jack tried to jump over the candle stick
Jack jumped high, the flames were higher
And now Jack just walks around them.

ZE04L206.bin
I still remember my first date,
But she never called me again.
I thought it went well, but I guess she
Didn't like my ventriloquist's dummy.

ZE04L207.bin
My dog was making noise all night long.
I don't think he likes the neighbors.
They were throwing stuff at him.
I understand, he's a bad piano player.

ZE04L208.bin
I don't have to go shopping anymore.
I've been eating all kinds of poultry.
I just keep my sliding glass door clean.
And put the birdfeeder on the inside.

ZE04L209.bin
Some people told me my head was as hard
As a rock. I tried to prove them wrong.
So I hit my head with some rocks.
Now I can't remember who they were.

ZE04L210.bin
You know, I used to like snakes.
They're very cool, they slither around.
But one day, I went to the zoo.
And a bunch of them stole my car!

ZE04L211.bin
Aren't dinosaurs really cool?
They lived a long time ago.
But no one knows how they died.
Maybe tar pits looked relaxing.

ZE04L212.bin
Why does he get all the women?
Is he that much better looking than me?
Is he that much funnier than me?
Oh, I get it, he's their brother...

ZE04L213.bin
Why am I at work on a Saturday?
The sun's out! Flowers are blooming!
Birds are chirping! The hills are green!
I should be home watching TV instead.

ZE04L214.bin
I see them in the park all the time.
Those sad silent clowns trapped in boxes
But you know, they talk to me.
Because I throw stuff at them.

ZE04L215.bin
I love school. I'm really popular!
I have a really awesome car!
I'm dating the head cheerleader.
You know you want to be me.

ZE04L216.bin
No, thank you, I don't eat meat.
Fish? No, I really can't eat fish.
I don't like vegetables, either.
Anyway, don't you have any chocolate?

ZE04L217.bin
Please, please I need your help!
I've been trapped in here for days.
I'm hungry and stinky right now...
Please get me out of this typing game!

ZE04L218.bin
I ate too much pizza, but it's okay,
Because I went running this morning.
I think I'll have 5 desserts, too,
Because I went running this morning.

ZE04L219.bin
I'm hungry... so very hungry...
I'm too hungry to cook anything.
I'm too hungry to go out for food.
Here kitty kitty kitty...

ZE04L220.bin
My brother always gives me presents.
Birthdays, holidays, and sometimes
For absolutely no apparent reason.
I wonder what he'll steal next?

ZE04L221.bin
I really love wrestling practice.
I'm not officially on the team yet.
But I practice a lot at the mall.
Clotheslining people on the escalators.

ZE04L222.bin
Thinking of raisins makes me smile.
They are so small and wrinkled.
I get so happy when I think of them.
They remind me of grandma in a bikini.

ZE04L223.bin
I think I'll sit by my huge pool,
Drive my gold plated sports car,
And prank call my old boss.
Stock options have been very good to me.

ZE04L224.bin
Jack and Jill went up the hill,
To settle a little dispute...
Jack fell down, and broke his crown,
And Jill got 5 years for assault.

ZE04L225.bin
Why does everyone have a cell phone?
It's like they're on an electronic leash
I don't carry a cell phone, but I
Make sure my wife always has hers.

ZE04L226.bin
The other day, I saw this anteater.
He was really really overweight.
And then I started to wonder what
It would eat if it was on a diet.

ZE04L227.bin
At school, the kids make fun of me.
I just stopped eating globs of paste.
I also just stopped wetting the bed too.
Good thing I graduate next week.

ZE04L228.bin
See my lovely girlfriend put me in a box
See her put swords through the box.
There's a problem, she's not a magician.
I think I need to go see a doctor!

ZE04L229.bin
I think I'm going to quit my job.
I can't hear that well anymore.
My chest and stomach hurt a lot.
Testing bullet proof vests isn't fun.

ZE04L230.bin
I must be the unluckiest vampire ever.
I never should have gotten married.
My wife got mad at me and replaced
My coffin with a tanning booth.

ZE04L231.bin
Oh, how I love eating Birthday Cake,
But sometimes the cake burns my mouth.
I guess I should wait until it cools off
Or blow the candles out before I eat it.

ZE04L232.bin
Is there a reason my stomach is queasy?
The answer to this question isn't easy.
Maybe it was the eggs with peanut butter
Or the hot fudge anchovy milkshake.

ZE04L233.bin
2 story newer home in nice area,
With 4 bedrooms and 2 baths.
Features sunny patio, new kitchen,
And a fully equipped dungeon below.

ZE04L234.bin
I'm too shy to talk to her in real life,
But at night, I can dream about her...
That's only when I'm lucky, though.
Other nights, I dream of crazed monkeys.

ZE04L235.bin
No finance charges will be incurred
And no minimum monthly payment is needed
If you pay the full amount up front,
And give us your car and house and kids.

ZE04L236.bin
The standard maintenance plan
For your new car covers any damage
For 60 months, 60,000 miles, or
Until Friday, whichever comes first.

ZE04L237.bin
Job requirements: College degree,
Excellent communication skills,
And extensive experience with
Flattery, gossip and backstabbing.

ZE04L238.bin
When you're walking down the street
And recognize someone you know,
It's hard to tell when to say hi...
Especially if you're near-sighted.

ZE04L239.bin
If I ever get married, I want to find
Someone raised by a single father.
At least that would save me the trouble
Of wanting my mother-in-law dead.

ZE04L240.bin
I wish the voices in my head
Would just leave me alone!
Except for the one that tells me
The answers to my history tests.

ZE04L241.bin
If ancient Greek gods were alive today,
What would they do for a living?
Maybe Hermes could be a bike messenger.
Maybe Zeus could be an electrician.

ZE04L242.bin
To the eyes, my family don't please.
We had our last reunion at the zoo.
The monkeys came down from the trees.
And I couldn't tell who was who.

ZE04L243.bin
I think candy sprinkles are the best!
I bring them to the beach with me.
I like to throw them at sunbathers.
Because they stick to sun tan lotion.

ZE04L244.bin
She loves me, she loves me not.
She loves me. Yes! She loves me not. Aww
She loves me! Yes! She loves me!
Oh, look what I've done to the spider!

ZE04L245.bin
I was disgusted yesterday at breakfast.
I was on my last piece of raisin toast,
When I made a startling discovery.
I wasn't eating raisin bread.

ZE04L246.bin
Have you ever thought about cloning?
Wouldn't it be neat to have a clone?
There'd only be one problem though.
Which one would pay for the milk?

ZE04L247.bin
Wow, look at that train over there.
It's coming really really fast and loud.
But my foot's stuck on the track.
Goodbye! Tell my mom that I loved her!

ZE04L248.bin
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses and all of his men
Had a huge breakfast that morning.

ZE04L249.bin
I call for help, but they can't hear me.
I'm stuck in this box. I can't get out.
I'm starting to wish that I didn't
Quit mime school after the first day.