A New Lowe

"Come to think of it, maybe I shouldn't kill myself over something so stupid," he whispered softly to himself. Rope at hand and a noose wrapped around his neck, Lewis Lowe was already a balding man in his late twenties, deep in a crisis appropriate twice his age and doubly so for his appearance.

"Maybe I can still turn my life around," he lightly echoed, unsurprised at having failed another attempt. Again. Lewis took his overweight, lumbering body, and strained to get up, thinking he'll try his luck again next week. It had become like a game to him, not unlike a weekly lottery -- with the same kind of knowingly impossible success.

But Lewis was eager this time, maybe this will be it. Determined, he would continue his job search and eternal quest to discover just what the hell he wanted to do with his life. Hardly 10 minutes passed on the computer before Lewis got bored researching career options and once more thought about how easy death is in comparison.

He knew he was out of the loop, alone in his apartment, barely making ends meet with pity money from his parents. Having dropped out of college and without experience, a dagger pierced his heart whenever a prospective job, no matter how humiliating, required at least a Bachelor's Degree. And non-degree jobs were even worse stuffed full of teenagers and far-more competent competition.

"I could lie. Isn't that what everyone does?" Lewis thought to himself. And yet, he knew full well he spent his brief time in college doing exactly that: lying, and lying to no one but to himself under the impression he was even mentally capable of passing. Lewis sighed, pulled open his browser tab full of wicked young lesbians pretending they're happy in the nude with each other, and began a ritual he knew all too well.

"I know I shouldn't be doing this, but I need to get my mind off things," Lewis reasoned. A moment later, a balding man's frown became a smile before returning to its natural state. Whilst choking a chicken, Lewis paused and could not even stop for one more moment to escape his thoughts. Back and forth his mind raced, asking the same question over and over, desperate to somehow generate a different answer regardless of the same information.

"Things could be better," Lewis asked. "But how?" booming the same question once more. Just a job he thought, and maybe he could get his life back in order. Just a job, after sending countless applications per day, just a job and he can salvage what he can with his unsustainable lifestyle -- for Lewis feared his parents may cut funding at any time.

He thought back to his upbringing. There was an attempt to remember and picture what his life was like being so innocent and happy as children are, but the image failed to display itself on his mind. The picture was just not there anymore. He thought about his earlier and later school life, how while he was a loner, he figured "Maybe next year things will change," and he might just find peace or purpose in his life. Lewis still tells himself that.

Upset from his own thoughts, Lewis turned off his computer and crawled back to his bed. As his computer powered off, he thought how his old machine might just not boot up one day. All of his files, all of his things (for Lewis lived with very little), would essentially disappear in an instant, for he neither had the money to take it to a repair shop nor the ability to do anything else about it.

And yet he smiled. At the back of his mind, Lewis prayed something like that would happen. He needed more convincing to try out more extreme methods of self-dismissal, and what better way than to rob a man of all he has left? That's when the thought finally struck him.

The following morning, Lewis took his computer, wiped clear of all its data, and threw the poor thing at a garbage bin outside. He heard a snap and clang, and considered the job done. A truck came and went, emptying the bin and all of its contents.

Lewis went back to his apartment, opened the door, and looked at his room. It was now empty save for a bed in the corner, and some rope nearby. He felt very empty.

Knowing what he had done, Lewis wrapped the rope tighter than ever, and after a brief struggle passed away. Footsteps underneath came above to his room, knocked, grumbled, and left a notice of eviction due to non-payment at the door.

It was not until an even worse smell of a rotting body came and bothered neighboring tenants that they realized what happened to Lewis. He died smiling at finally achieving acting on the one thought in his life that mattered.