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May 31st, 2016
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  1. Hey bud,
  2. I’m sorry I had to leave our meeting the other day. There are a few other things I wanted to convey that got left unsaid. It was also a bit awkward, honestly, to discuss your Portland plans with Alice there, as I sensed she was not any more comfortable with the situation than I am. Some of my thoughts are a bit “frank”, so I will apologize in advance. You have no doubt put a lot of thought into this move you are planning. However, as your Dad, it is my duty to share my concerns. I’m on a plane back from San Francisco now and finally have some time to capture a few of those thoughts
  3. Granted, your situation here is a struggle and far from ideal, but where you are going is far away from the people in your life who do care about you. You are moving into a situation with many unknowns. You may feel you know Morgan, and you may very well have a good idea, but that is a big difference from being with someone 24/7. What makes it all the more concerning, as I mentioned, is that you will be wholly dependent on someone else for everything.
  4. I really wish you had accepted my offer to fly you there on “vacation” for a few days or weeks before you made a commitment. You could have learned a lot and make the decision much less risky.
  5. As I told you, your Mom mentioned that she is worried that she will never see you again. I think you misunderstood this to be a reference to the extreme distance. It was not. Distances can be easily overcome. She is seriously concerned that something will happen to you. Maybe it’s paranoia on my part, but you have to admit this situation sounds exactly like the opening scene of the murder mysteries your Mom likes to watch. “young desperate, but still somewhat naïve and impressionable young person decides to abandon their current life to move far away to be with someone they only know from the internet….”. How much do you know about the situation you are moving into? Do you know the roommates? is there any potential danger? drugs? violence?, dangerous activity? Is there any “quid-pro-quo” associated with the support you will receive that may go beyond what you are comfortable with? I know you may think it sounds like a joke, but I am serious. It may turn out to be great and fulfilling and all rainbows and unicorns, but there is at least a chance that it might not. These are the kind of things that keep parents up at night. I want you to grow and I want you to find a happy content place in life. I don’t want anything bad to happen to you. I may never be comfortable with the path you have chosen, but I am still your Dad. I will always worry. It’s part of my job until the day I die. I must ask you in all seriousness; is there anything that would lead you to reconsider you move?
  6. If you are bound and determined to go through with it, at the very least I would suggest that you go through the uncomfortable exercise of devising some contingency plans in the (unlikely-I hope) case something goes south. Fortunately, you have your own vehicle and a smartphone. Don’t ever feel obligated to stay in a bad or uncomfortable situation. Get out to a safe place and contact me. Worst case, I can be on a plane and get there within 24-48 hours.
  7. If you do decide to move there, I also think it is critically important that you find some way to work. This is not just for money, but to establish you self-sufficiency. For all our sakes you need to be in a position to choose your relationships and arrangements based on what you prefer rather than on desperate need and dependence. Without options you are vulnerable. I know there are serious hurdles you must overcome, but your ultimate security makes it worth the struggle. I would also request that you stay in contact (Skype is OK). Just touch base every once in a while to let me know how things are going. Also, please don’t forget to provide a mailing address. There will undoubtedly be times when we will need to mail things.
  8. Regarding your Mom, as I mentioned, I hope you can have some inkling of understanding and compassion for her. She is still in a lot of pain. As evidenced by the gifts she prepares she maintains her mother’s love for you, but ...without trying to sound melodramatic, I believe that she feels that by your decision you took from her what was most precious in her life (Philip) and replaced it with someone who is not only different, but antithetical to all she knows (Emma). Unfortunately, doing so has also had the additional unintended consequence of robbing her of any chance of a meaningful relationship with her sisters. She has sunk into a kind of depression where she feels that she has failed and that she made some kind of mistake that has rendered her entire meaning of life wasted. I do not share this with the intention of making you feel guilty; just too help you understand her struggle. You may not yet be capable of understanding the magnitude of dedicating 20+ years of your entire being to something. She wants to be with you and she thinks and prays for you every day. She still wakes up and cries for you almost every night. I don’t think it is her intention to come off as cold when she sees you. I believe that it is just that seeing you look so different reminds her again of what she feels she has lost, or of some grave mistake she made. It remains my hope that you can someday find a way to reconcile. Even though I am sure it is uncomfortable, I know that you love her and I ask you not to give up. As you correctly pointed out, the two of you do have soooo much in common. As I said, please try to have some understanding and sympathy for her, but understand that at this point there is nothing she wants more in life than for her handsome young son to come back to her.
  9. Another thing I do want to point out. It is kind of embarrassing and personal and may not be my place, but I want to share my observation with you. If your Mom had been given the chance to raise a girl, her first priority would have been to raise a “lady”. She would have imparted a sense of modesty. She would have taught her how to dress and how to behave in a demure manner. Your Mom has always been an extremely conservative (and I’m not referring to politics) lady. While I’m sure you are proud of your new “breasts”, you may be completely unaware that the way you dress is most likely uncomfortable for her to see. If she had raised you as a girl, I don’t think you would be dressing that way, at least not in her presence. Just a suggestion, but next time you see her, out of respect for her, please try to be a bit more modest (like a shirt or sweater over the tank top, etc). Again, no intention to overstep, but this situation didn’t come with an instruction manual. Figured it would be best to be honest.
  10. Again, you are a 25 year old adult, not a 16 year old teenager. You have to make your own life decisions. Just remember that I want you to find peace in your life. Ideally I want you to find happiness and contentment too. You certainly have handicaps to overcome, but you have so much to offer. Don’t ever forget that your Mom and I will always be here.
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