Neckbeard in Equestria 6

>Nothing like waking up at 12 in the afternoon to recharge yourself after a long night of writing manga and fighting off kisses while you kick your girlfriends ass at video games.
>Maybe she isn’t as great as you thought.
>Gurgles from your stomach snap you back to reality.
>You head to the kitchen and warm up some week-old pizza.
>The stiff pizza curls as you watch it rotate in the microwave.
>As the clock winds down, the timer dings simultaneously with the doorbell.
Great.
>You grab the slice from the appliance and head to the door.
>You open it to find, who else…
Hello, Flutter-chan. What can I possibly do for you, I’m a little busy.
>”Well uhm..I was just wondering if you’d want to run errands with me today?”
Hmm…
>You ponder the question as you bring the triangular goodness to your mouth.
>”Uhm…I think maybe Rarity is supposed to come along too…”
>The top layer of cheese slides off onto your shirt, signaling the shock of her words.
Really???
>”I…I think so…maybe…”
>The news is a welcomed sound.
>You unstick the pizza toppings from your shirt and stuff them in your mouth.
>So deliciously greasy.
>It slides down your throat, leaving an oily trail.
Sure…when are we going?
>Fluttershy looks at the red stains on your shirt. She seems mesmerized by them.
>”Uhm…is n-now a good time?”
>You gulp hard and belch loudly. It was a good one.
>You savor the flavor in your mouth before exhaling it into the Equestrian air.
Can you tell it had onions? Can you, Flutter-chan?
>Fluttershy covers her nose after taking a deep inhale.
>”Y-yes Anonymous, I love it.”
Should I bring anything? Do you know if Rarity is single still, because I think Luna would understand if I broke up with her to go out with someone hotter than her.
>Before Fluttershy can answer, you’ve grabbed your katana, some papers and headed down the path with the yellow mare.
>The two of you walk together; you of course are looking out for danger with your fingers tapping on the hilt of your sword…ready to strike down a foe at a moment’s notice.
>Fluttershy tries to make small talk with you, but it’s really boring.
>”…So then, uhm…sometimes, just when I really want it, I take a cucumber from my garden and stick it up m-“
>Your eyes are pressed closed as you walk; trying to achieve inner peace to become a stronger warrior can be difficult when your gay, autistic friend keeps going on and on about getting wet when she’s alone.
>She must have a pool or something.
>Just then, you sense something. You open your eyes to see something on the horizon.
Flutter-chan, is that Twilight over there?
>You point your chubby fingers at the purple blob in the distance at the market.
>Your nails are encrusted with pizza sauce accompanied with filth under them.
It must be!
>You rush into the unknown, a risky move indeed.
>Twilight is in the distance, you are sure of it.
>”Anonymous, wait!”
>Futtershy trots slowly behind you, trying to keep up with your thunderous footsteps.
>Jeeze, it must suck to be out of shape like her.
Must…get there faster…
>Your trudging uneven steps are those of a true warrior, hearty with strength and vigor.
>You run so hard that your trusty headgear flies off your head and into the gusting wind behind you.
>Through utter shock, you press on.
>Finally, a few feet from the pony you scream for her.
TOWAIRAITO WA SUPAKURU!!
>You see her hang her head in shame.
>Understandable. Not every day a dashing human speaks your name in an exotic language for all to hear.
>You can tell everyone heard, they’re all whispering around you.
>They’re all obviously impressed at the statement you made.
Twilight-chan! Funny running into you here, huh?
>Twilight has a bag full of groceries.
>”I guess.”
>She looks at your shirt.
>”I see somebody had themselves more fattening food today, huh? Not that they needed it.”
>You look down too, but rather at her flank.
Yeah, you’ve really gotten fat. What happened? You used to be a lot hotter.
>Sparks fly from Twilight’s horn.
>”Ha-ha…very funny, Anon.”
>You’re confused.
I wasn’t trying to be funny, but okay I guess.
>Jeeze she’s slow.
>Twilight lets out a loud grunt, accompanied by more sparks.
What’s going on? Why are you doing that? Are you going through estrus? Because if you are, do you want to go back to my house and have sex?
>Twilight lets out an offended gasp.
>”Uhh no…”
Are you sure? Having sex can really burn a lot of calories and fat. That way, you can look better and have a fun time doing it.
>Twilight’s cheeks bulge, followed by a strained sound.
>She must be stifling her moans.
>You pound your large, muscled breasts.
That’s how I stay in such fantastic shape.
>You give a wink to the cashier who follows Twilight’s action.
>Fluttershy finally catches up to you.
>”Oh, Anonymous…you dropped your hat.”
>Fluttershy hangs your fedora on her face and takes a deep breath in.
>”S-so…delicious…”
>She really must be mentally challenged.
>You snatch your headgear back and place it tilted forward onto your greasy hair, just enough to look mysterious and entice the ladies.
>Everyone is silent after you complete the action.
>It seems to have worked.
>”So uhm, Anonymous…are you ready to help me?”
>Fluttershy is kicking the dirt with her hooves.
Sure.
>You bend down and look at Twilight.
I now know the burden you feel every day…taking in a gentle creature with a simple mind and showing her how to live in this scary world. Perhaps her childlike view of life will inspire a movie or maybe, if she’s lucky, I’ll write a manga about her.
>Twilight is confused at your statement.
>Maybe she’s autistic too.
>You rise to your feet and set down the path with Fluttershy as you hear Twilight and the cashier laughing behind you.
>Sometimes you envy the life of a simpleton like Twilight; everything is a joy to them.
So what is it we need to do, Flutter-chan.
>She looks at you nervously,
>”Well, I’d like to get some supplies to make a…uhm…
>She blushes hard at you. Must be some kind of retard problem.
>”A…kimmmhmo…
>Her voice trails off.
A what?
>”A…uhm…kimono…like the ones in your comics.”
>You let out a loud grunt as you pinch the bridge of your nose.
Flutter-chan! They are not ‘comics’! It’s called ‘manga’; I figure even an idiot like you couldn’t confuse pure art and masterful story telling with simple doodles! Jeeze!
>Fluttershy lowers her ears.
>”Y-yeah…s-sorry…”
>Your cheeks are flush with anger, you haven’t been this mad in a long time.
>Everyone in town knows you have anger issues; you made a point of going around and telling everyone that you had to go to an anger management class one time.
>A few calming sighs exit your mouth to relieve the boiling anger.
>Your sword returns from its half-cocked position.
>Sure you wouldn’t have actually killed Fluttershy…killing a simpleton is like killing a small animal.
>Dishonorable.
Anyways…why do you want a kimono anyways? I don’t really think you’re pretty enough.
>”Well, the way you draw the girls in your, erm…’mang-guh’…”
>Absolutely disgusting.
>”…they’re all so beautiful! With those big things on their chest, and the cherry blossoms and the beautiful fabric designs… I just wish that I could be beautiful like them. You think they’re beautiful, don’t you?”
Of course I do. Japanese women are the most beautiful in my world; why, do you not think their culture is vastly superior to yours?
>Fluttershy stumbles over the question.
Because it is.
>”O-okay, Anonymous.”
>Wait a second.
Hold on, so you want a kimono?
>Fluttershy eagerly shakes her head with a grin on her face.
That means we have to go to…
>You remove your hat and place it on your chest.
…Rarity’s.
>With a smile, you grab Fluttershy once more and head to her boutique.
>You briskly knock on the door until magic opens it to reveal your soul mate.
Rarity-kun…
>Rarity facehoofs…she’s obviously upset that you brought Fluttershy with you.
>It seems that your simple-minded companion really is a burden to everyone. It’s a shame that she can’t be as well-liked as you.
Sorry about this. Flutter-chan wants some help with an outfit.
>”Oh Fluttershy dear, is that so?”
>Fluttershy peeks out from behind you,
>”Uhm…yes…I need a dress made…”
>You scoff at her words.
Flutter-chan, it’s not a dress. God, you sound like such a gaijin.
>Rarity looks hard at you. Her eyes say she agrees with you.
>”Right. Well, I’m sure I could possibly whip something up rather quickly for you; I don’t have anything else to do at the moment.”
>Fluttershy flaps her wings happily.
>”Oh thank you thank you thank you, Rarity!”
>The three of you move into Rarity’s studio.
>You wonder if Rarity ever makes her outfits in the nude.
>You hope she does today.
>”Now Fluttershy, before I start this, I’m going to need a pattern or something to go off of.”
>Luckily you always keep sketches from your manga on you; just in case you ever run into a publisher in town looking for some real talent for a change.
>You fish around in your pocket and produce a few crumpled leaflets of paper and hand them to Rarity with your extended arm.
>You thrust them right into her face, hoping to feel her sweet breath on your skin.
>”Err…thank you, Anon.”
Sure thing, hun.
>You pull your hand back and pretend to rub your nose to smell Rarity’s sweet perfume.
>While Rarity examines the drawings, Fluttershy curls up next to you on the loveseat.
>”Oh, Anonymous isn’t this great? I’ll look just like the girls in your stories! Then you can draw me just like one of your Jap-puh-neese girls!”
>She’s overwhelmed with joy.
>You decide to let the simple mare enjoy her moment. You pat her head.
Sure thing. If you think this will make you look any better, then that’s what matters.
>Your eyes focus on Rarity the entire time though.
>She works at a brisk pace, making quick work of the kimono.
>Of course, she’s not using traditional Japanese techniques that took thousands of years to perfect.
>Oh well. She still looks pretty hot doing it.
So Rarity, do you ever make stockings or lingerie?
>She spits out the pins in her mouth.
>”Err…sometimes. In fact, Fluttershy dear, you ordered some one time, didn’t you?
>Fluttershy lets out an eep.
>”W-well…y-yes I suppose I did…”
>She’s stammering like crazy. It must be hell being stupid.
>”Actually I-I..Uhm..I..”
>You pat her head again.
It’s okay, Flutter-chan…there were some pretty big words that Rarity used.
>With a scoff, Rarity announces her completion of the kimono.
>Fluttershy perks up and flutters over towards Rarity.
>”Now careful darling, this is my first time making one of these. Oh, I sure hope you like it”
>”Oh, Rarity, I just know I’ll look good for…uhm…nevermind.”
>Fluttershy trots behind the screen to change with Rarity trailing behind her.
>You stand up and follow behind her, but she’s too fast.
>Once again, you miss your chance to see Rarity’s beautiful marshmallow breasts.
>Soon.
>After a few minutes of waiting, you finally peek behind the screen hoping to see some hot mare on mare action.
>Nope.
>”Oh, Anonymous! Don’t I just look...uhm…kuh-why-ee?”
>You run your fingers through your beard.
>You hate to admit it, but…
Actually. You don’t. I thought nobody could look bad in a kimono, but I was wrong.
>Rarity’s horn sparks just like Twilight’s was earlier.
>Fluttershy’s ears lay down.
>”Anonymous! How dare you talk to dear Fluttershy like that! She looks absolutely gorgeous! I didn’t think you could any ruder, but obviously I was mistaken.”
>Sparks fly freely from Rarity’s head.
Rarity…
>You let out a sigh.
I’m sorry…
>Her face loses its anger and the sparks subside a little.
But are you horny right now? I see you’re sparking. Do you maybe want to head back to my house? Or maybe Fluttershy could just leave; it doesn’t make me any difference.
>Rarity shouts at you,
>”Just go home, Anonymous!”
>Rarity flings the door open with her magic.
Okay, cool. I guess I’ll see you in a little while at my house…good call.
>You head out of Rarity’s boutique, hoping that Fluttershy doesn’t slow her down.
>Man, girls are such a hassle. It makes you wonder if it’s all worth it.
>Of course they are.