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- Devils Salad
- > In an average town there was an above average Mexican restaurant
- > Tex-Mex really, but they had good business
- > Every night the staff would have to take out the garbage past a hoard of pests
- > Cats, dogs, and worse of all fluffy ponies
- > The cats hide and the dogs run whenever they came out
- > Fluffy ponies on the other hand ran towards the workers
- > "Nice hoomin haff nummies fow fwuffy?"
- > "Pwease giff nummies! Mummah nee make miwkie fow bebbehs!"
- > "Giff nummies ow smawty hewd giff owies!"
- > It's a rare sight away from restaurants
- > Here however herds and fluffy families all gather to beg for food
- > Every day the beg outside the restaurant for food from patrons
- > And every night they beg for food from staff taking out the trash
- > At least they don't sleep here
- > The alley has seen enough shit
- > Let alone multiple herds defecating at all hours
- > It's bad enough with the herds at night
- > "Meanie munsta weave! Deese Fwuffy wands!"
- > Dogs don't take well to being commanded by mobile stress toys
- > "NUUU MEANIE MUNSTA HUWT SMAWTY HEWP! HEWP!"
- > The fluffies scatter, but always come back
- > Dogs have eventually given up trying to eat the tiny animals
- > Barely any muscle or fat almost all fluff and bone
- > The dogs now ignore the light taps of fluffy attackers occasionally barking and scaring them off
- > Cats used to play with the fluffies
- > Batting foals and round mothers around
- > "Nuuu! Hewp! Mummah! Hewp!"
- > "Kitty munsta! Babbeh is nuu toy! Babbeh nee huggies!"
- > Several foals meet their end at the hands of kitty boredom
- > However; the shitting and squealing fluffies quickly became more trouble than they're worth in amusement
- > Cats decided that cleaning themselves after playing with the shit flingers was too much
- > They sit on dumpsters and fences away from the dogs and fluffies
- > But, the workers are unable to keep the fluffies away
- > Twice this week workers have slipped on a fluffy and fallen in shit
- > They had to leave and get cleaned up
- > The fluffies try hugging, hurting, or pooping on the workers all the time
- > With the workers, and even worse the customers, complaining the manager hatches a plan
- > Fluffies will eat anything humans eat, but they prefer plants
- > Some salad is prepared for the hungry fluffies
- > It's actually a special for the restaurant
- > Diablo Ensalada
- > Really it's just a house salad with some of the hottest peppers and spices haphazardly thrown together on top of a refried bean plate
- > It's popular among college students
- > With several huge plates of it prepared the manager walks out of the kitchen into the alley
- > "Fwuffy hungwy! Tummy huwties! Pwease nummies fow fwuffy?"
- > "Okay okay I have food for all the fluffies!"
- > They are stunned, amazed, flabbergasted even
- > This is the first time any human has given them food
- > At a restaurant anyway
- > "Yuu.. you giff fwuffy nummies? ... Nummies! Yay! Fwuffy wuv mistah!"
- > Setting the large plates down the fluffies begin chomping away
- > "Nom nom nom nom nummies suu guud!"
- > The fluffy ponies are all happily munching away on the leaves, peppers, and beans
- > Then the pepper kicks in
- > "Nom nom no.. nom... mouf feww funneh..."
- > They keep eating
- > Greedily taking all the "Pwetty nummies"
- > The pepper does take a while to kick in, but it hits like a freight train
- > "Mouf... mouf haff tickowes feww... mouf wawm... wa.. wawm! MOUF WAWM! BUWN! MOUF BUWNY! HEWP! HEAAAH! BUWN!"
- > The fluffies who haven't eaten as many peppers ignore their now squealing and fleeing friends
- > "Nom nom stupit fwuffies, nummies nuu bad, dey good nummies! nom nom stupit fwuffies... nom nom"
- > Too busy eating the double refried beans
- > Mixed with a little trouble makers remorse
- > Exlax
- > Don't tip, too rowdy, annoying prick?
- > Trouble makers remorse
- > These fluffies don't pay, are obnoxious, and are now going to regret ever bothering your patrons
- > "Fwuffy fwiends siwwy! Nummies guud! Tastey nummies make tummy huwties aww gown!"
- > In a few minutes the remaining fluffies have eaten all the remaining beans and salad
- > "Fankoo' mistah! Tummie owwies aww gown!"
- > The fluffies now milling about cleaning each other and wondering where their friends went begin feeling the effects
- > "Mummah... tummy huwt... huggies?"
- > A foal begins hugging its mother pathetically groaning and mewling about its stomach
- > "Mummah! Huwt! HUWT! HEWP! HUWTY! HEEEEE!"
- > The foal is shitting out a rocket stream of feces
- > Then the colon shoots out
- > Soon all of the foals that are weaned are shitting themselves to death
- > Then the adults follow suit
- > "Owies! I haff nummies! Why tummy huwty?! Mistah fwuffy nee mo' nummies! PWEASE! BIG OWIES! BIG... POOPIES! NUU! BAD POOPIES! HRNNNNGGG!"
- > While shitting themselves some even get airborne with the force
- > Then runny diarrhea leads to blood
- > "Tummy... why huwty... poopie pwace... nuu be meanie..."
- > They should've had the peppers, although those fluffies will wish they died when they try to poop in a few hours
- > The mass of now crawling mewling fluffies drag themselves away from the restaurant
- > "Nuu wike nummies fwum hewe fwuffy weave... *sniff* fwuffy... wea..v..e..."
- > Many don't make it out of the alley
- > The dams who ate the lion share of the food are even worse off
- > They practically shit themselves inside out
- > Stress induces labor in a few
- > The dams who birth horrible undeveloped foals cry until they die of hunger or internal bleeding
- > The rest with bowels voided will die without their herd in a few days
- > Or at the hands of the now disgusted cats and dogs watching the scene
- > This alley needs a power washing
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