My Bestest Friend [On Hold]

[Twilight's imaginary friend thread, ripip]
Why the fuck did I start this?
-------------------------------


- 10 years ago -

>The sound of children's laughter rings throughout the schoolyard
>It is here at Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns, one filly by the name of Twilight Sparkle now attends
>However, this little filly was a peculiar one indeed
>Rather than spend time making friends, she often preferred to be alone with a good book
>Now, what you and I might call autism, here it is considered the plot device of heroes, so we'll let it slide
>Trotting past all the other colts and fillies happily playing together, she was too engrossed in her current book, "History of the Milkshake Enema Vol. I", to notice she was headed straight on a collision course with someone standing in the middle of the blacktop
>"Oof!"
>Running headfirst into the imposing figure, the little filly falls to her rump, book pushed over her snout and now resting upon her head
"Are you alright?"
>"S-Sorry mister, I wasn't looking where I was going."
"That's the most obvious statement of the year."
>Shaking her head and peeking up from under the book, she gets a good look at the pony she just bumped into
>Except it wasn't a pony at all
>Towering over her was a large, bipedal creature in clean-pressed business suit
>His skin was green and furless, and his face lacked most basic features, save for a mouth and a large question mark imprinted into the smooth surface of his face
>"W-Who are you?" she gulps "What are you? I've never seen you around here before."
>The creature bends down into a squatting position, resting his arms atop his knees
"I am Anonymous, human and shitposter extraordinaire!"
>"Hyoo-man?"
"What you're looking at. Minus the gangrene."
>"What's a shitposter?"
"Dayjob."
>She looks even more confused
"Anyway, who might you be, my little bookworm?"

>"My name is Twilight. Twilight Sparkle."
>The creature brings a finger up to its chin and rubs it thoughtfully
"So then, Porchlight Spackle, what were you reading that you got so caught up in you couldn't pay attention to what was in front of you?"
>Her muzzle scrunches up at the butchering of her name
>"It's Twilight Sparkle!"
"Tundra Twinkle?"
>"Twilight Sparkle!"
"Snowplow Snorkel?"
>She pouts, getting red in the face
>Adorable
>"I said... IT'S TWILIGHT SPARKLE!" she shouts, garnering the attention of every child on the playground
>Her flush goes from angry red to embarrassed red, grinning sheepishly under the stares of her peers
>Deciding the best way to obtain information is to take it, the creature lifts the book from the small filly's clutches, dangling it just above her head
>"Hey! Give it back!"
>He tiny hooves outstretch and wiggle in the air, trying to get back the stolen book
>Flipping it over, he reads the title aloud
"Milkshake enemas? Who and what the fuck? Isn't this a bit mature for your age?"
>Shrinking back, her muzzle scrunches up again
>If she keeps doing that, it's likely to give someone a heart attack
>"You said a bad word."
"What? Who said that was a bad word? Was it the Jews? It was the Jews, wasn't it?"
>"What's a Jews?"
"Big, scary creatures composed entirely of noses. They waddle around and suck your bits away into their nostrils. Never trust them."
>He gives her back the book and she clutches it tight, a little frightened at the thought of such horrible monsters really existing
"So, why don't you want to play with the other kids?"
>"I don't really have any friends. I just like to read my books..."
"Well that's no fun. Say, how about I be your friend?"
>"Really?!"
"Sure, it'll be a blast! We can bully the other kids for their lunch money and play pranks on the teachers."
>"Th-That wouldn't be very nice."
"It'll be a hoot! Think of all the candy we could buy!"

>"Anonymous, didn't you say Jews steal money? You aren't a Jew... are you?"
>He frowns
"Don't you ever compare me to one of them."
>The frown brightens into a grin
"I like to see myself as more of an investment opportunist! Gotta take control of the markets if you want to get anywhere, right?"
>Grabbing a stray ball out of the air, he thrusts it back in the direction it came, plowing an unsuspecting colt in the face
>Twilight brings the book to her mouth to cover up a gasp
"Well hey, just think on it. We could build a book fort to stash all our booty."
>The two giggle in unison
>"You said booty!"
"I know, I did!"
>"I love book forts, though! I always play captain with Mr. Smartypants. He's the lookout."
"Mr. Smartypants?"
>"My stuffed doll."
"I had a doll once. It was a blow up doll."
>"What happened to it?"
"It blew up!"
>Another giggle is shared
>"Twilight! It's time for your private study session!"
>A teacher calls out to the young filly
>Twilight looks between the teacher and her new friend
>"I have to go now, okay? I'll be back to play with you later."
>He ruffles her mane
"Sure thing, Timber Snot."
>"Twilight Sparkle!"
>He chuckles
"Twilight. Just call me Anon. I'll be here if you need me."
>"Okay. See you later!"
>The filly waves and runs off to her teacher

>"Hey there, Twilight! Are you ready to study?"
>"Hi Ms. Hardass! Yep, I'm ready!"
>"Who was that you were talking to, dear?"
>"His name's Anonymous! He's my new friend!"
>"Oh, I don't seem to recall a student by the name of Anonymous."
>"Oh, he's not a student."
>"Pardon?"
>"I've never seen anything like him before. Do you know why he's here?"
>The teacher looks over her shoulder to the blacktop
>"Twilight, I don't see anyone but the other students there."
>"What are you talking about? He's right there, see?"
>She points and waves, receiving a smile and a wave back
>But to the teacher, all that was present was an empty spot on the blacktop
>Smiling, the teacher tries to mask her concern
>Twilight's aversion to other children wasn't something new to her, but she wasn't aware the filly had become lonely enough to start making up imaginary friends
>Still, it's something many kids tend to do at her age and eventually grow out of, so the thought is shrugged away
>"I see. How about we get you to that study session, hm?"
>"Okay!"