IRC Equstrian Adventures

<Shalrath> hehe
<Ridire> Arms retrieved. Now what? You posses a shirt, boots, a knife, a Baker rifle from 1809, and a sword.
<Shalrath> Say - I think I might be working on the homestuck equivalent of a story - if you'd care to take a gander
<Ridire> I would care to take a gander.
<Ridire> Link me to that beauty.
<Shalrath> Affix knife to sword as bayonette.
<Ridire> Bayonet, on a sword. What. The. Fucking. Genius.
<Shalrath> Stabbing power increased twice
<Shalrath> http://www.fimfiction.net/story/1219/The-End  bada boom
<Ridire> Stabbing increased twice. Now what?
<Shalrath> If I could..  I would have a rifle that had a loudspeaker slung under the barrel.  That way, whenever I pulled the trigger, it would blast out randomly selected sounds like car horns, studio laugh tracks, and random game sound effects - to help cover up the sound of the duedly bullets.
<Shalrath> We are in the presence of divine inspiration here!
<Shalrath> I might ask the knife if it can talk, but that would be silly.
<Shalrath> Knives can't talk
<Shalrath> but they can make other people talk
<Ridire> The SWORD talks.
<Shalrath> and the knife agrees with me
<Ridire> The sword is a Scottish broadsword and is possessed by the female spirit of your great-58 times grandmother.
<Ridire> The rifle agrees with the sword.
<Shalrath> I need magnets then.
<Shalrath> little stick on magnets to form a mouth on the side of the sword
<Shalrath> and a few googly eyes wouldn't hurt either.
<Shalrath> Also, i would ask the sword for money
<Shalrath> because this here is flavor country!
<Ridire> ....
<Ridire> You're approached by a female pony. She sees you and begins to run. WHAT DO?
<Shalrath> Ascertain direction of running!  Then run
<Ridire> You're following pony. What do now?
<Shalrath> retweet insightful posts in a attentive but non-stalkerish sort of way.
<Ridire> Posts retweeted. Pony has now summoned Royal Solar Guard. What do?
<Shalrath> Greet them with the human language.  Меня зовут Трент Питерович!
<Ridire> Solar Guard: Dafuq is that shit? Is that... a cock? CHARGE DUDES.
<Shalrath> I HAVE A HORN AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO USE IT
<Ridire> Solar Guard are now attacking. Option A: Run. Option B: Attack. Option C: Cockslap the first one. Option D: Shoot the first one with rifle.
<Shalrath> *Use horn to bop nearest pony in the face to establish supremacy*
<Ridire> WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT
<Ridire> My answer to this is!I'm a member of the Royal Lunar Highland Guard.
<Shalrath> I'll let my sword do the talking.
<Shalrath> but it asks me if I've found a nice girl yet.
<Ridire> And then the Guard die.
<Ridire> Congratulations, you've now committed acts of war against a sovereign and possibly friendly nation!
<Shalrath> Check guard for items
<Shalrath> Use "steal" on guard.  Plant boots on hooves.
<Ridire> Congratulations, you fool. You've established dominance over dead guards. Andalusia now lies before you, the garrison having fled.
<Ridire> What do you do?
<Shalrath> Ask sword if it's seen "The Empire Strikes Back"
<Shalrath> it could be getting cold soon.
<Ridire> Sword answers in the affirmative. Don't you think you should find some pants?
<Shalrath> Yes.  Pants are the solution to erections lasting longer than four hours.
<Shalrath> which are incidentally caused by dead guards
<Ridire> Suddenly, you have blue jeans on.
<Ridire> What now? Andalusia lies before you, devoid of soldiery, and you can feel something in your pockets.
<Shalrath> I pull out a faded DC metro ticket that says "Inauguration 2008, President Barack Obama".
<Shalrath> 42nd president of the United States
<Ridire> 44th*
<Shalrath> dammit
<Shalrath> Feeling through the pocket, I begin to realize I must have latent culinary powers.  I pull out my trusty chives.
<Ridire> What do?
<Shalrath> discard chives.  Acquire bitchin rad horse armor
<Ridire> Horse armor magicks to fit you. You are now possessed of a full set of plate armor, pants, boots, shirt, Baker Rifle, sword, and knife, and the aforementioned DC metro ticket.
<Ridire> All options here exhausted. Andalusia lies before you, a forest behind you?
<Shalrath> Give Andalusia proper military burial with rifle stuck into ground as the headstone, with boots tied neatly in front of it.
<Shalrath> Salute that glorious bastard.
<Ridire> (Andalusia is the town.)
<Ridire> Guards given proper burial with their own boots and your rifle. You now simply posses the sword, with knife attached, for weaponry.
<Shalrath> Which will surely mourn the loss of one soldier named after it.  The hometown of his namesake.  The rolling meadows and babbling brooks of his childhood.  The community that will remember him for his good times, and look back fondly on his formative years.  By god, they will remember him.
<Ridire> RIGHT.
<Shalrath> Wrap sword up with shirt.  It might be getting cold.
<Ridire> The voice of your grandmother is angry and demands to know what you're doing.
<Shalrath> Even if the disguise is no better than a long brown paper bag clutched in the grizzled liverspotted hands of an economically challenged senior citizen
<Ridire> Your grandmotherly sword, tired of having that improper knife attached to her, kicks it off and it lands on the ground with a thunk. Now disguised, the shouts of your sword are muffled.
<Shalrath> I tell the sword that skin cancer is a myth perpetuated by the quackery of modern medicine, and it didn't exist 250 years ago when she was alive.
<Ridire> Grandmother Sword agrees, and demands you go somewhere else, preferably without the knife.
<Shalrath> I plant the knife in the ground to make a booby-trapped sundial.
<Ridire> Sundial now booby trapped. Grandmother Sword is pleased. It's getting slightly colder, now. You can see your breath.
<Shalrath> (back in a bit - got the old lady calling me)
<Ridire> (Lol okay_
<Shalrath> ahh, back-ish
<Shalrath> this should probably be pastebinned for future generations btw
<Ridire> Probably..
<Ridire> http://pinkie.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/133686421487.gif
<Ridire> Probably the best line, imho, in that mess up there? [22:29] <Ridire> Sword answers in the affirmative. Don't you think you should find some pants?
<Shalrath> ps - this is an interesting character:  http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/33619