Alp Adventures - Chapter 16 (Part 2)

    I start sorting the fragmented memories in my head, trying to ignore the ones that seem out of place. It feels like someone tried to screw with my head by putting in a shitty script. Pacing back and forth in the bedroom I try and get down a basic timeline. They took my dick. Traveling in the woods. Must avenge my nutsack. 'Bout to get laid. Wake up in bed. Some of that feels not quite right but, fuck it. I'll go with that for now. "Damnit... don't tell me this is some dream shit again." I stop pacing and contemplate a test. Reaching up to my right cheek and pinch it. "....ow." Well that didn't work. I start getting frustrated and pinch both cheeks. "Damnit all!" I pinch my cheeks harder and pull until I can't take the pain anymore. "Fuckin'...uugghh."
    As I'm rubbing the pain away from my cheeks and feeling at a loss for what to do next, I hear the familiar voice of a woman call out. "Honey! Come on down or you'll be late! Again!" The voice makes my heart sink and a nervous sweat begin to build. Reluctantly I leave the room and find my way downstairs to confirm my fears, the dread growing with each step taken. Following the scents and sounds of cooking, I find myself in a kitchen/dining room staring at the back of an apron clad succubus making breakfast. "You've got to be fucking kidding me. The queen??" She looks over her shoulder to smile at me. "My, my. The last time I was called 'queen' was from your dear late father the night you were conceived. Fu, fu, fu. But!" She shakes a spatula in my direction. "I don't remember raising my daughter to have such a filthy mouth." Feeling the frustration building back again, I rub my forehead and take a deep breath and exhale slowly. "...bitch, please. You didn't raise me, period." The queen takes the frying pan she had been tending to off the burner and wipes her hands on her apron as she briskly walks over to me with a scowl. Heh, I'm not about to let this bimbo make me back dow-. "OOWWwwwhowoww!" A lightning fast karate chop smacks me directly between my horns, leaving me clutching my head IN THE SAME SPOT AS ALWAYS. Seriously, are the horns fucking crosshairs?! "I didn't spend 18 hours in labor with you for you to grow up to be a delinquent. Now you take yourself back to your room and put on your uniform before you're late, little missy." I decide to make a tactical retreat, staggering back to the bedroom where I woke up.
    Looks like I'm just going to have to play along with all this until I can figure out what's going on and who's doing it. While this seems right up that ditz of a queens alley, I don't really think she's behind this. Still rubbing my head, I open the door to the bedroom and look around before spotting a school uniform on a clothes hanger on the wall. "...I really should have expected this." The uniform is, of course, a girls white and navy blue sailor uniform. With a skirt. The little welt on the top of my head reminds me again that for now I'm just going to have to go with the flow. After slipping out of my pajamas I start putting on the uniform with surprising ease, as if I actually know what the hell I'm doing. Within a few minutes I'm finishing the ensemble by pulling up a pair of white knee socks. While looking into a full body mirror to check myself, doubt starts to slowly creep itself into my mind that, maybe, this is reality. That the reason I could put all this on so easily is because I've been doing it all along. But I shake my head and the thought away, strengthen my resolve. There's just too many inconsistencies. Too many things I know to be true. Turning left and right, I continue to look in the mirror. "Huh. Well, I do look kinda cute in this getup." I start making various poses; putting a hand on my hip and leaning to the side with my other hand behind my head. "Ahhh~" Putting my hands on my knees and bending forward while puckering up in a kiss. "Ooo~" Blowing a kiss and winking to my reflection. "Ahhaaan~" "Ufufufu!" The sudden, unexpected laugh causes me to freeze and turn my head slowly to the doorway where the queen succubus is standing. "Y-you see... umm this... this is.. ahhh..." She waves away my attempts and forming an excuse. "I see. You've been in such a bad mood this morning because you're nervous about finally asking out your cute little childhood friend out. Ahhhh, young love." She giggles at me once more before patting my head tenderly. "But, it's too late to eat breakfast now, so I packed it up for you with your lunch."
    This bimbo. How the hell did she make some leap of logic like that? Wait a tic. "...childhood friend?" I mutter to myself. If he's here, maybe he's realized how messed up and strange all of this is too. I bolt off in a run past the queen succubus and down the stairs as she yells to my back. "Ah! Your lunch is with your school supplies and there's a piece of toast for you to eat along the way!" After making it downstairs and back into the kitchen I grab my pack and bite into the toast to hold it in my mouth before running to the door, taking only a few moments to put on my shoes. Without hesitating I open and rush through the door to outside and end up running right into the back of someone, sending the toast I had in my mouth flying off into the grass and making me fall back on my ass. I hold my nose while grumbling out in pain and irritation. "Who the hell just stands around outside a door?!" When I open my eyes I see a hand offering to help me up. "Someone who was waiting for you and about to give up and just leave." The familiar voice chuckles as I take the offered hand and get pulled back up to standing. My childhood friend, dressed in a boys school uniform, leans over to look at my face more closely. "You alright?" He glances at the piece of toast in the grass becoming wet from the morning dew. "Sorry about your breakfast. I can buy you something at school later. Which speaking of..." He glances at a watch on his wrist. "We need to hurry or we're not going to make it to school in time for homeroom." He starts to walk away while I stand in a bit of a daze. "W-wait a sec." Catching up with him, we walk side by side. "Don't you see that something is seriously wrong here? There is some weird shit going down! Can't you remember anything that, y'know, conflicts with all this?" I motion my hands to the surroundings, a modern looking suburb street lined with houses and others in similar uniforms as ours walking on the sidewalks. He looks like he's in thought for a moment, and just as I think maybe he's starting to catch on he just shrugs. "No, not really. You've had a bad habit of being late for school since we were kids. I remember in middle school you were in such a rush you tried to leave your house with your bedroom slippers on. The black ones with the little bat wings on the side? Anyway, did you hit your head too hard or is it just that you're still half asleep?" I throw my hands up in frustration. "No! And that shit never happened! For fucks sake, man. And you're always the one to call ME an idiot." After another moment of him looking like he's seriously thinking, he pulls out a candy bar from his pack and hands it to me. "Here. Have a snickers. You're not you, when you're hungry." I snatch the candy bar from his hand and start devouring it. "Better?" I nod and smile. "Better!" I throw the empty wrapper against the ground. "No, I'm not better!"
    Damnit all! So dipshit here isn't going to be any help. Looks like I'm going to be on my own for this. For the next few minutes of walking we do so in silence while I continue to think. I'm still not convinced this isn't a dream. Maybe an alternate reality? Have I gained the ability to slide between universes? Am I really that awesome? ...yes. Yes I am that awesome. But no. If this were some different universe, wouldn't that make there two of me here? I'm pretty sure the... uh. I dunno. Space...time...flux? Or whatever. I'm sure I'd create a black hole or some shit. A world just couldn't handle my concentrated badassery times two. Sticking beside my friend, we make it to a large school building along with many others dressed like us. I follow him in and finally into a classroom just as a bell starts to ring. He takes a seat second from the back and against the window and I instinctively take a seat behind him. As I lay my head on the desk to continue thinking, a man in a suit enters to stand at the front of the class. He coughs to get the attention of everyone before speaking. "Everyone please take their seats. This morning we have a bit of a surprise. We have a transfer student who just moved here from abroad." He looks to the door and nods, signaling the entrance of rather prim and proper looking girl. Her long blonde hair ends in curls just below her shoulders and... fucks sake, is she smuggling some melons under her shirt? While I'm looking incredulously at her rack she offers the class a bright and cheerful smile and bows to us. "Good morning everyone. My name is Marna and I hope that we can all become great friends!" Whispers make their way around the classroom. More than once I hear the words "beauty" and "cute" being said. And I'm pretty sure I heard someone say something along the lines of "smack dem titties". I click my tongue quietly as the teacher nods to the girls introduction. "Very good. Please take the empty seat towards the back." He motions toward the empty seat directly beside my friend. "And until we can provide you with your school books, please share with your neighbor."
    Blondie nods and begins walking toward the desk she was directed to while I look on with my head now propped up in my hand, disinterested in the farce being played out before me. But I do happen to notice that her gaze is fixed on my friend and that her cheeks have taken on the rosy hue of a blush. When she happens to notice me sitting behind him however, her expression noticeably changes to one of confusion, to anger, and then back promptly to the same polite smile she had at the front of the class. That was interesting. I'm pretty sure I didn't just imagine that. She slides her desk next to my friend to share his textbook and takes her seat. It's then that I see that my friend has been staring at this girl since she came in, making anger start to rise within me. The girl curiously starts to scribble something on a piece of paper, folding it once she's done. She turns around to me and smiles while handing me the note while speaking politely. "I hope that we can become the best of friends." When I take the note in confusion and mutter "Uhh yeah, sure. Whatever", she turns back around to smile at my friend, causing his stupid looking face to blush in response. I turn my attention back to the note to open and read the contents: "Childhood friends never win". I ball up the piece of paper and it's then that I realize three things. First that, despite how she looks, her handwriting is fuck-awful. Second that this bitch is behind all the strange shit going on. And lastly... "Alright everyone. If you would please pass your homework to the front of the class." ...I forgot my fucking homework at home.