Pastebin Monday on Friday 1/29

Ok so I really don't like talking about sad/upsetting/etc. stuff on my main account, but I feel the need to apologize for a lot of stuff that's been going on. Or rather, a lack of stuff. As some of you may know, I've just been feeling really really unmotivated recently. Not just in streaming, but in all aspects of my life. School, gaming, streaming, friendships, etc. As you can imagine, it's really frustrating to "want" to do stuff, but really just wanting to do anything other than that at the exact same time. Like I want to stream more, but that requires me learning new games to actually have fun, and I hate learning games, and every game I learn I end up hating, and it's just an awful cycle that always makes me feel like garbage. That's honestly all that's really happening. As much as I would like to try to grow my stream and have fun and just goof around and just honestly have fun doing anything, my brain is just like "Well. You could do all of those fun things. Or everything could make you just sad. That works too". To elaborate a bit, I don't even want to do things I had fun with before. Everything just turns into a frustration and ruins my mood for everything else. I've started going to therapy (and by "started" I mean I've been once and I might start going more frequently to actually get some benefit out of it) to try and fix my motivation and random spurts of depression, but we'll have to see if that continues on. I feel like most of it is stemming from me just seeing everyone around me is so good at everything (Smash, school, acting, singing, art, speedrunning, streaming, etc.) and I'm just kinda... meh. I'm pretty average at everything I do. Which really gets to me. I know I should just be having fun doing everything I do, but I just really want to be known for something that I'm good at. And the obvious answer or response is "well... Practice then!" and I try to but it never ends up well. I just realize that I'm not progressing as I want to and then I just feel like shit all over again. The thing is, I don't really know HOW to practice or learn or do anything. And that just doesn't really work well in the end.

I think this is all I really wanted to talk about. Not really sure, I just kinda typed this up and I know that it's going all over the place, but that's how my brain functions. If you have any comments or advice or criticism or all of the above, feel free to Tweet me, DM me, Discord message, Skype message, etc. I always like hearing from people =3
Thanks for reading and have a good day~