Tanuki Boss

> " Oh, Mr. Anonymous. You're going to be taking on some unpaid overtime tomorrow. Sign here, please. "
" I'm here to sort mail and refill the coffee maker, ma'am. I'm not sure what a department head is doing here, but I'm sure you can find someone to pay to do the job. "
> " Damn, I was hoping you would fall for that. Ok, time-and-a-half overtime. "
" Now you're speaking my language. Expecting a big shipment? "
> " No, not exactly. I'm conducting a 'business meeting' with some associates, and I'm going to need a driver. I could ask anyone, but I think some eye candy would make an impact on them. "
" This isn't in my job description, ma'am. I'll do it, but you're giving me holiday pay for the trouble. I don't degrade myself for anything less. "
> " I'll remember that. Deal, sign here. "
" That's the same form as before. It's got 'Unpaid Overtime Request' written on the front. "
> " Damn, I was hoping you would fall for that. Meet me in my office in ten minutes and at seven, when I get out. And yes, the pay starts when you normally leave. "

" This is a hell of a 'business meeting', ma'am. "
> " Oh be quiet, Anonymous. Don't you think you look good in the suit? You think that you'd have the good graces to invest in one yourself, but I can spare some change to make you look decent. "
" I wasn't talking about the suit. "
> " What, Kerry? She's the head of K&K Mining. Both K's are for Kerry, she's just conceited. "
" Ma'am, she's got her hands down my pants. Both, up to the elbows. She's scratching my thighs at this point. "
> " She's a drunk, drunks do that. Not only is she a drunk, but she's a leg girl, which is part of why I brought you here. "
" A 'business meeting' would imply that you were doing business. You're not doing business, you're just doing shots and hitting on the waiters. This is just a 'meeting. "
> " We're meeting together doing business with the bars, that's a business meeting. "
" I'll give you that, but why do you have to keep getting us kicked out? The Slippery Nipple, Ching Choke, the Washington Dongument, even the Missing Dink, and that's an Alp bar. "
> " We're Tanukis, we're serious about business. "


> " Oh, Mr. Anonymous, take this right. "
" Yes ma'am. Where do you want to stop?"
> " Well, we've managed to get blacklisted from every bar in the city. I hope you don't mind, but I invited some associates to my home to discuss connections. "
" Associates, ma'am? Like Ms. Kerry in the back seat? "
> " Something like that, yes. "
" You've got a hell of a house, ma'am. "
> " I make a hell of a lot of money, Mr. Anonymous. Please escort Ms. Kerry to the guest bedroom. Third floor, any room on the left."

" Come along, Ms. Kerry. "
> " Well hello again, sugarballs. Help me out here, liquor goes straight to my legs."
" Don't call me that. "
> " Don't give me sass, or I'll buy out your contract and I'll call you anything I want. I've got an executive ass-istant position opening up with a very good wage.Wage, cutiepie, as in 'hourly"
" Not unless you include a good dental plan with that. "
> " I rescind my offer. I'm old, drunk, and horny, but not old, drunk, horny, and fiscally irresponsible. "
" Damn, I was hoping you would fall for that. "
> " Keep trying, sweetie. "
" I won't. Your room is right here, please go. I'll check back in with the ma'am. "
> " Oh, don't you want to learn all the tricks to flipping stocks? I'll teach you all about 'insider' trading. "
" I've got a decent portfolio already, Ms. Kerry. I put a portion of each check into it. "
> " Your legs got my interest, but your investment strategy is getting my attention. "
" Go to bed, Ms. Kerry, or I'll start making suggestions. "

> "Did you put her to bed? "
" It took some finagling. She wanted a bedtime story. "
> " What did you read her? The Three Little Piggy Banks? "
" Dred Scott v. Sandford, ma'am. "
> " Every time I think about the profits from slavery, the dry cleaning bill for my underwear increases. Sub-minimum wage for lifelong, trainable employees? Oooh. "
" Ma'am, don't get any ideas. "
> " I've got some lobbyists to call. "