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  1. import time
  2. import random
  3. print ""
  4. time.sleep(.1)
  5. print " ^^"
  6. time.sleep(.1)
  7. print " ^^ .. .."
  8. time.sleep(.1)
  9. print " [] []"
  10. time.sleep(.1)
  11. print " .:[]:_ ^^ ,:[]:."
  12. time.sleep(.1)
  13. print " .: :[]: :-. ,-: :[]: :."
  14. time.sleep(.1)
  15. print " .: : :[]: : :`._ ,.': : :[]: : :."
  16. time.sleep(.1)
  17. print " .: : : :[]: : : : :-._ _,-: : : : :[]: : : :."
  18. time.sleep(.1)
  19. print "_..: : : : :[]: : : : : : :-._________.-: : : : : : :[]: : : : :-"
  20. time.sleep(.1)
  21. print "_:_:_:_:_:_:[]:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:[]:_:_:_:_:_"
  22. time.sleep(.1)
  23. print "!!!!!!!!!!!![]!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![]!!!!!!!!!!!"
  24. time.sleep(.1)
  25. print "^^^^^^^^^^^^[]^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^[]^^^^^^^^^^^"
  26. time.sleep(.1)
  27. print " [] []"
  28. time.sleep(.1)
  29. print " []Welcome to jump off a bridge simulator![]"
  30. time.sleep(.1)
  31. print " [] (alpha 1.2.0)[]"
  32. time.sleep(.1)
  33. print " ~~^-~^_~^~/ \~^-~^~_~^-~_^~-^~_^~~-^~_~^~-~_~-^~_^/ \~^-~_~^-~"
  34. time.sleep(.1)
  35. print "~ _~~- ~^-^~-^~~- ^~_^-^~~_ -~^_ -~_-~~^- _~~_~-^_ ~^-^~~-_^-~ ~^"
  36. time.sleep(.1)
  37. print "jgs ~^ -_ ~^^ -_ ~ _ - _ ~^~- _~ -_ ~- _ ~^ _ - ~ ^- tu"
  38. time.sleep(1)
  39. print ""
  40. name = raw_input("What is your name? ")
  41. def Credits():
  42. print " "
  43. print "Chief Developer:"
  44. time.sleep(.05)
  45. print "TheUzbekistan"
  46. time.sleep(.8)
  47. print " "
  48. print "Chief Debugger:"
  49. time.sleep(.05)
  50. print "TheUzbekistan"
  51. time.sleep(.8)
  52. print " "
  53. print "Chief Port Master:"
  54. time.sleep(.05)
  55. print "cforsythe"
  56. time.sleep(.8)
  57. print " "
  58. print "Assistant Port Master:"
  59. time.sleep(.05)
  60. print "TheUzbekistan"
  61. time.sleep(.8)
  62. print " "
  63. print "Assistant Debugger:"
  64. time.sleep(.05)
  65. print "cforysthe"
  66. time.sleep(.8)
  67. print " "
  68. print "Thanks for playing Jump Off a Bridge Simulator"
  69. time.sleep(.05)
  70.  
  71. exit()
  72. def Gameover(end):
  73. if end == 'lose':
  74.  
  75. print "you brake your neck on impact"
  76. time.sleep(.05)
  77. print "it's alright " + name + " it happens."
  78. time.sleep(.05)
  79. elif end == 'win':
  80.  
  81. print "you have become a living representation of divinity"
  82. time.sleep(.05)
  83. holy_name = raw_input('what shall we call our new holy leader: ')
  84. print 'all hail ' + holy_name + ' may you be eternally satisfied'
  85. time.sleep(.05)
  86. else:
  87.  
  88. print "well umm.. we didn't expect that to happen"
  89. time.sleep(.05)
  90. def again():
  91. print " "
  92. again = raw_input("Would you like to play again(y/n)? ")
  93. if again == 'y':
  94. main()
  95. elif again == 'n':
  96. Credits()
  97. else:
  98. again()
  99.  
  100. again()
  101. def Zombn():
  102.  
  103. print "you have decided to stay dead"
  104. time.sleep(.05)
  105. print "but this is not what fate had in store for you"
  106. time.sleep(.05)
  107. print "Abraham Lincoln, in his over watching glory has chosen you, " + name + ", for a special task"
  108. time.sleep(.05)
  109. print "Your special task is to be his lead general in the unavoidable war over the realm of the living"
  110. time.sleep(.05)
  111. print "Lincoln brings you back to life as " + name + " the bringer of wet"
  112. time.sleep(.05)
  113. print "The army you are put in charge of is made up off Billuminatird, or Illuminati birds"
  114. time.sleep(.05)
  115. print "Your foe is Santa Claus, attmpting to enslave all life with his army of the undead"
  116. time.sleep(.05)
  117. t = random.random()
  118. if t < .25:
  119. print "though a long fought war Santa Claus eventually succeeded in his plan"
  120. time.sleep(.05)
  121. print "as proof of his power he makes an example of you by throwing you off the top of the Empire State Building"
  122. time.sleep(.05)
  123. Gameover('lose')
  124. else:
  125. y = random.random()
  126. if y > .25:
  127. print "you did end up defeating Santa Claus but not without a great cost"
  128. time.sleep(.05)
  129. print "your final battle took place on the top of the Empire State Building"
  130. time.sleep(.05)
  131. print "you were only able to defeat Santa by jumping off the roof while holding onto him"
  132. time.sleep(.05)
  133. Gameover('lose')
  134. else:
  135. print "you were able to completely defeat Santa Claus"
  136. time.sleep(.05)
  137. print "because of you absolute victory Abraham Lincoln grants you the gift of eternal power"
  138. time.sleep(.05)
  139. Gameover('win')
  140. def Drowned():
  141. print " "
  142. zombie = raw_input('Would you like to call upon the powers of Santa Claus, lord of the undead(y/n)?')
  143. print " "
  144. if zombie == 'y':
  145. print "you have risen once more, now you shall be known as: "
  146. time.sleep(.05)
  147. print name + " the moist: the great zombie warlord. "
  148. time.sleep(.05)
  149. def Endworld():
  150. print "a side effect of gaining eternal life is your eternal slavery to Santa"
  151. time.sleep(.05)
  152. print "as Santa's new second in command he informs you of his plan for the enslavement of all living things"
  153. time.sleep(.05)
  154. print "he then instructs you to raise up an army of all the dead"
  155. time.sleep(.05)
  156. print "before you were able to follow through with his orders Abraham Lincoln, along with his legions of Illuminati birds,aka Billuminatirds, descend from the heavens"
  157. time.sleep(.05)
  158. print "Abraham Lincoln gives you the ultimatum of either losing a war against his legions or fight with him to overthrow the evil Santa Claus"
  159. time.sleep(.05)
  160. print "Then you think to yourself that you may be able to take this opportunity to, not only kill Santa, but take his place as lord of the undead"
  161. time.sleep(.05)
  162. print " "
  163. def Fight1():
  164. yp = raw_input("who will you fight for? (santa/lincoln/myself)? ")
  165. print " "
  166. if yp == 'santa':
  167. t = random.random()
  168. if t > .25:
  169. print "you tell Abraham Lincoln that he will burn in the name of Santa Claus"
  170. time.sleep(.05)
  171. print "Though the war was long and filled with sorrow, with Santa at your back you defeated Lincoln"
  172. time.sleep(.05)
  173. print "and enslaved the world"
  174. time.sleep(.05)
  175. print "to celebrate your success Santa Claus has invited you to a party at the top of the Empire State Building"
  176. time.sleep(.05)
  177. print "there when you were close to the edge of the balcony Santa stabs you in the back and pushes you over the edge"
  178. time.sleep(.05)
  179. Gameover('lose')
  180. else:
  181. print "you tell Abraham Lincoln that he will burn in the name of Santa Claus"
  182. time.sleep(.05)
  183. print "the war was long eventually Lincoln got the upper hand"
  184. time.sleep(.05)
  185. print "after imprisoning Santa, Lincoln finally corners you on the top of the Empire State Building"
  186. time.sleep(.05)
  187. print "Lincoln: you should have joined me when you had the chance"
  188. time.sleep(.05)
  189. print "after a short fight you both push each other out a window and plummet to the ground"
  190. time.sleep(.05)
  191. Gameover('lose')
  192. elif yp == 'lincoln':
  193. print "you agree to the terms of Lincoln's arrangements and turn your forces on Santa"
  194. time.sleep(.05)
  195. print "Santa having only a quarter the combined strength of Lincoln and your armies did not stand a chance"
  196. time.sleep(.05)
  197. print "after his defeat Santa went into hiding but you found him at the top floor of the Empire State Building"
  198. time.sleep(.05)
  199. t = random.random()
  200. if t < .25:
  201. print "you run at Santa Claus but he used his last remaining strength to teleport out of the way"
  202. time.sleep(.05)
  203. print "you end up falling off the edge of the building and plummeting towards the ground"
  204. time.sleep(.05)
  205. Gameover('lose')
  206. else:
  207. print "you run at Santa Claus and push him off the edge to his doom"
  208. time.sleep(.05)
  209. print "as a result of this act Abraham Lincoln grants you the gift of eternal power"
  210. time.sleep(.05)
  211. Gameover('win')
  212. elif yp == 'myself':
  213. print "you agree to the terms of Lincoln's arrangements and turn your forces on Santa"
  214. time.sleep(.05)
  215. print "but in secret you plan to betray Abraham Lincoln and rule over the Realm of the dead, the living, and the divine"
  216. time.sleep(.05)
  217. print "after Santa Claus is defeated you talk to the Billuminatirds behind Lincoln's back and asks them to betray him the name of unity in the three realms"
  218. time.sleep(.05)
  219. t = random.random()
  220. if t < .5:
  221. print "they agree to side with you"
  222. time.sleep(.05)
  223. print "with the undead and the Billuminatirds by your side you defeat Lincoln and absorb his powers"
  224. time.sleep(.05)
  225. Gameover('win')
  226. else:
  227. print "they are offended that you would suggest such heresy"
  228. time.sleep(.05)
  229. print "instead of joining your side they fly you up high in the sky and drop you"
  230. time.sleep(.05)
  231. Gameover('lose')
  232. else:
  233. print "Do you not know how to type??"
  234. time.sleep(.05)
  235. print "Lets try this again... "
  236. time.sleep(.05)
  237. Fight1()
  238. Fight1()
  239. Endworld()
  240. elif zombie == 'n':
  241. Zombn()
  242. else:
  243. print "Do you not know how to type??"
  244. time.sleep(.05)
  245. print "Lets try this again... "
  246. time.sleep(.05)
  247. Drowned()
  248. def Wounded():
  249. print " "
  250. c = random.random()
  251. if c > .25:
  252. print "you swim to shore"
  253. time.sleep(.05)
  254. print "as you're struggling to get yourself out of the water you're surprised to feel something pulling you"
  255. time.sleep(.05)
  256. print "it's a stray *generic-pet*!"
  257. time.sleep(.05)
  258. print "luckily years of pokemon have taught you that any wild animal can instantly become your companion even a *generic-pet*"
  259. time.sleep(.05)
  260. print " "
  261. pet_name = raw_input("What will you name your *generic-pet*? ")
  262. print " "
  263. t = random.random()
  264. if t > .25:
  265. print pet_name + " has immediately become your friend"
  266. time.sleep(.05)
  267. print "now with your new pet you decide how to spend your remaining time, being that your are still mortally wounded"
  268. time.sleep(.05)
  269. print "you have only two things on your buck list you have yet to complete, skydiving and scuba diving"
  270. time.sleep(.05)
  271. print " "
  272. def Pet():
  273. diving = raw_input("which will it be(sky/scuba)? ")
  274. print " "
  275. if diving == 'sky':
  276. print "being that you only have moments left you live you decide to jump out of the plane without a parachute"
  277. time.sleep(.05)
  278. print "as you fall to you death you look over at " + pet_name + " and see a very concerned *generic-pet*"
  279. time.sleep(.05)
  280. Gameover('lose')
  281. elif diving == 'scuba':
  282. print "being that you only have moments to live, while deep under water you chose take off you scuba gear"
  283. time.sleep(.05)
  284. print "you Drowned"
  285. time.sleep(.05)
  286. Drowned()
  287. else:
  288. print "Do you not know how to type??"
  289. time.sleep(.05)
  290. print"Lets try this again..."
  291. time.sleep(.05)
  292. Pet()
  293. Pet()
  294. else:
  295. print pet_name + " suddenly changed its mind about being your friend"
  296. time.sleep(.05)
  297. print "instead " + pet_name + " decides to launch you into the air and watch you fall"
  298. time.sleep(.05)
  299. Gameover('lose')
  300.  
  301. else:
  302. print "despite surviving the fall you don't make it to the shore in time"
  303. time.sleep(.05)
  304. def Wounded2():
  305.  
  306. d = random.random()
  307. if d > .5:
  308. print "the current brings to the end of the world and you plunge over a waterfall"
  309. time.sleep(.05)
  310. Gameover('lose')
  311. else:
  312. print 'You Drowned'
  313. time.sleep(.05)
  314. Drowned()
  315.  
  316. Wounded2()
  317. def Fly():
  318. fly = raw_input("will you migrate or chill(migrate/chill)?")
  319. print " "
  320. if fly == 'migrate':
  321. t = random.random()
  322. if t < .25:
  323. print "you tried your hardest you to keep up with your kind but a strong gust of wind"
  324. time.sleep(.05)
  325. print "causes you to lose all your feathers and as you fell you could hear the cry of your people squack"
  326. time.sleep(.05)
  327. print "your name, " + name + ", as they were unable to help you"
  328. time.sleep(.05)
  329. Gameover('lose')
  330. else:
  331. print "you made it to your new home!"
  332. time.sleep(.05)
  333. print "now you have to make friends"
  334. time.sleep(.05)
  335. print "There are some basic birds, quiet birds, and round birds"
  336. time.sleep(.05)
  337. print " "
  338. def Friends():
  339. friends = raw_input("which clique are you about(basic/quiet/round)?")
  340. print " "
  341. if friends == 'basic':
  342. print "These birds turn out to be very boring"
  343. time.sleep(.05)
  344. print "so boring that one time when you were flying with them you fell asleep mid-flight"
  345. time.sleep(.05)
  346. print "you immediately start falling toward the ground"
  347. time.sleep(.05)
  348. Gameover('lose')
  349.  
  350. elif friends == 'quiet':
  351. print "you introduce yourself to these birds but it turns out they are no ordinary birds"
  352. time.sleep(.05)
  353. print "the quiet birds reveal that they are actually part of Billuminatird (the bird Illuminati) in league with Abraham Lincoln"
  354. time.sleep(.05)
  355. print "in order to join the Billuminatird you have to survive the initiation process"
  356. time.sleep(.05)
  357. print "the initiation process involves flying through the Gandhi pass, where the strong winds of Martin Luther King Jr kill the unworthy"
  358. time.sleep(.05)
  359. print " "
  360. def Decide():
  361. decide = raw_input("do you choose to attempt to fly the pass(y/n)? ")
  362. print " "
  363. if decide == 'y':
  364. yp = random.random()
  365. if yp > .5:
  366. print "you get half way through the pass and the wind causes one of your wings to fall off and you plummet to the ground"
  367. time.sleep(.05)
  368. Gameover('lose')
  369. else:
  370. print "you successfully fly all the way through the gandhi pass"
  371. time.sleep(.05)
  372. print "this makes you a member of the Billuminatird"
  373. time.sleep(.05)
  374. print "then all of a sudden Abraham Lincoln descends from the heavens and says that you have been chosen"
  375. time.sleep(.05)
  376. print "Lincoln: " + name + " you have been chosen to join us in bliss and badassness"
  377. time.sleep(.05)
  378. Gameover('win')
  379. elif decide == 'n':
  380. print "the Billuminatird can't allow you the live while having knowledge of their identities"
  381. time.sleep(.05)
  382. print "they peck off your wings then fly you up into the sky and drop you"
  383. time.sleep(.05)
  384. Gameover('lose')
  385. else:
  386. print "Do you not know how to type??"
  387. time.sleep(.05)
  388. print "Let's try this again..."
  389. time.sleep(.05)
  390. Decide()
  391. Decide()
  392. elif friends == 'round':
  393. print "The round birds turn out to be really quiet difficult to get along with for you"
  394. time.sleep(.05)
  395. print "while they were fine just staying on the ground day, you wanted to fly"
  396. time.sleep(.05)
  397. print " eventually you couldn't allow peer pressure to control you any longer and you decide to go for a flight"
  398. time.sleep(.05)
  399. print "unfortunately there happened to be a storm happening at the same time as you act of defiance"
  400. time.sleep(.05)
  401. print "the storm blinds your view and you run into a mountain"
  402. time.sleep(.05)
  403. Gameover ('lose')
  404. else:
  405. print "Do you not know how to type??"
  406. time.sleep(.05)
  407. print "Let's try this again..."
  408. time.sleep(.05)
  409. Friends()
  410. Friends()
  411.  
  412. elif fly == 'chill':
  413. print "you decide to go back to the CSUMB since that's where it's happenin'"
  414. time.sleep(.05)
  415. print "unfortunately, on your way over you get hit by a drone mid-flight"
  416. time.sleep(.05)
  417. print "your wing breaks off and you fall to the ground"
  418. time.sleep(.05)
  419. Gameover('lose')
  420. else:
  421. print "Do you not know how to type??"
  422. time.sleep(.05)
  423. print "Let's try this again..."
  424. time.sleep(.05)
  425. Fly()
  426.  
  427.  
  428. def Survive():
  429.  
  430. b = random.random()
  431. if b < .5:
  432. print "becoming a bird"
  433. time.sleep(.05)
  434. print " "
  435. def Bird():
  436. Fly()
  437. Bird()
  438. else:
  439. print "becoming a stone"
  440. time.sleep(.05)
  441. print " "
  442. def Stone():
  443. print "thanks to your quick thinking you were able to survive hitting the water"
  444. time.sleep(.05)
  445. print "unfortunately, as the old saying goes:"
  446. time.sleep(.05)
  447. print "'once a stone always a stone'"
  448. time.sleep(.05)
  449. print "as you sink to the bottom of the river you begin to regret becoming an inanimate object"
  450. time.sleep(.05)
  451. print " "
  452. def Call():
  453. call = raw_input("Will you call upon the powers of Canada to free you from your natural bonds(y/n)?")
  454. print " "
  455. if call == 'y':
  456. t = random.random()
  457. if t > 0.75:
  458. print "Canada has granted you your wishes"
  459. time.sleep(.05)
  460. Gameover('win')
  461. else:
  462. print "Canada has not found favor with you. In fact it has decided to forever curse the name of " + name
  463. time.sleep(.05)
  464. print "Canada now grants you the gift of being human once more only to teleport you high in the sky and let you fall"
  465. time.sleep(.05)
  466. Gameover('lose')
  467. elif call == 'n':
  468. print " "
  469. def Call2():
  470. call2 = raw_input("alright so if Canada is not good enough for you how about Finland(y/n)? ")
  471. print " "
  472. if call2 == 'y':
  473. print "Finland: Omg! no one ever choses me!"
  474. time.sleep(.05)
  475. print "Finland: I don't even know what to do now... "
  476. time.sleep(.05)
  477. print "Finland: Umm.. you want be a living creature huh?"
  478. time.sleep(.05)
  479. t = random.random()
  480. if t > .25:
  481. print "Finland turned you into a *generic-pet*"
  482. time.sleep(.05)
  483. print "you then swim to shore and notice a mortally wounded human trying to get onto shore too"
  484. time.sleep(.05)
  485. print "your instinct as a *generic-pet* kicks in and you help him"
  486. time.sleep(.05)
  487. print "This human then tries to name you 'Zeid'"
  488. time.sleep(.05)
  489. print " "
  490. pet = raw_input("Do you accept this name and become its pet or do you kill it for your own amusement(accept/kill)? ")
  491. print " "
  492. if pet == 'accept':
  493. print "now your human, being mortally wounded, takes you with him to go skydiving"
  494. time.sleep(.05)
  495. print "unfortunately, you both jump out of the plane without parachutes"
  496. time.sleep(.05)
  497. Gameover('lose')
  498. else:
  499. print "being that it has no right to try and claim you, you launch it up into the air and it breaks its neck on impact"
  500. time.sleep(.05)
  501. print "Finland: I save you from the stone lyfe and this is what you do with it?!"
  502. time.sleep(.05)
  503. print "Finland teleports you high in the sky and lets you fall"
  504. time.sleep(.05)
  505. Gameover('lose')
  506. elif call2 == 'n':
  507. print "without the powers of the great northern nations you are without hope"
  508. time.sleep(.05)
  509. print "eventually you become very lonely, being the only sentient stone in the river"
  510. time.sleep(.05)
  511. print "until you accidentally fall into a blackhole"
  512. time.sleep(.05)
  513. Gameover('watermelon')
  514. else:
  515. print "Do you not know how to type?"
  516. time.sleep(.05)
  517. print "Let's try this again..."
  518. time.sleep(.05)
  519. Call2()
  520. Call2()
  521. else:
  522. print "Do you not know how to type??"
  523. time.sleep(.05)
  524. print "Let's try this again..."
  525. time.sleep(.05)
  526. Call()
  527. Call()
  528. Stone()
  529.  
  530. def Jump():
  531. a = random.random()
  532. if a < 0.25:
  533. Gameover('lose')
  534. elif (a < 0.55) & (a > 0.25):
  535. print " "
  536. print 'You survived by:'
  537. time.sleep(.5)
  538. Survive()
  539. elif (a > 0.55) & (a <0.80):
  540. print " "
  541. print 'You have been mortally wounded'
  542. time.sleep(.5)
  543. Wounded()
  544. else:
  545. print " "
  546. print 'You Drowned'
  547. time.sleep(.5)
  548. Drowned()
  549. def No():
  550.  
  551. a = random.random()
  552. if a < .50:
  553. print " "
  554. print "a racist dog pushes you off the bridge"
  555. time.sleep(.5)
  556. Jump()
  557. elif a > .75:
  558. print " "
  559. print "a gang of ninjas arrives and reminds you 'No is not an option if you want to find out your true destiny'"
  560. time.sleep(.5)
  561. main()
  562. else:
  563. print " "
  564. print "you suddenly realize that the developer is right beside you and you feel compelled to chose 'y' this time around"
  565. time.sleep(.5)
  566. main()
  567.  
  568.  
  569.  
  570. def main():
  571.  
  572. print " "
  573. question = raw_input('Would you like to jump(y/n)? ')
  574.  
  575. if question == "y":
  576. Jump()
  577. elif question == "n":
  578. No()
  579. else:
  580. print "TU: That is not an option... yet"
  581. main()
  582.  
  583.  
  584. main()
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