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- Todd and Clare Online Dating: How a DySLeXiC Midwest Couple MARRIED 3,000 Women
- Todd Hammond
- First Published in the United States of America
- 2015 Todd Hammond. All right reserved.
- ISBN 10: 1-944243-88-7
- ISBN 13: 978-1-944243-88-3
- Published by Traffic Sail Press
- No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without written
- permission of the author.
- Todd and Clare’s Dating Network: https://www.toddandclare.com
- Traffic Sail Press website: https://trafficsail.com
- CONTENTS
- Preface
- Dedication
- God Bless These United States of America
- Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus
- Chateau du Lude—C’est Magnifique!
- 3,001 Couples and Counting
- PREFACE
- On setting up the Todd and Clare website after nearly 4 full years as an email-exclusive network matching friends
- in different cities, I thought now was the right time to make use of the information logged throughout the years
- in our agency scrap books which had been occupying valuable space in the space bedroom and office!
- I had not started writing these with this in mind, but now I had collated such a lot of history about mine and
- Clare’s journey and the many families and happy couples that Clare’s original idea had brought together; I felt
- all these memories should not go to waste.
- So, over a glass of Napa Valley cabernet sauvignon, one stifling summer’s day in the middle of a Californian
- heatwave, I began to write….
- Dedicated to our much loved daughter, Rahne.
- 1 GOD BLESS THESE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
- “For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I
- also have been fully known. But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.” — 1
- CORINTHIANS 1 3: 1 2
- In cupid’s love matches, 2013 was a harvest year. Pembroke, Massachusetts, the beautiful country town south of
- Boston hadn't seen a more delicious summer in years, when our dear friends Molly and Kevin tied the knot in
- church. One doesn't usually get so excited about your friends’ marrying; however, when those friends met on your
- own dating network, recommended through friends, it gives an entirely different perspective.
- News of wedding bells indeed makes us jump for joy, and we've done so since Todd and Clare began life in 2011,
- thousands of times. The moment we hear another couple has wed, we
- smile wider and more deliriously than an entrepreneur signing a venture capital deal.
- For with God's love, Todd and Clare wasn't set up to make money at all. Back then in 2013, two years after it had
- begun life on my wife's iMac as an email network for Clare’s college and post-college girlfriends, it was simply
- an end in itself.
- A thing of beauty and joy.
- A dating circle only for invited singles, so much more intimate and personal than the hundreds of dating sites out
- there crammed full of strangers. Todd and Clare was started to make the lives of my wife's friends, our friends,
- happier and more fulfilling. Is there a higher standard of love for one’s neighbor and fellow human being?
- As friends, and Christians, we founded the Todd and Clare dating network, that has subsequently brought together
- both traditional and modern unions of marriage across our great nation.
- Please let me begin telling you the story of Todd and Clare starting with how we witnessed our first marriage; an
- emotional but exciting trip for us. Kevin is a radiologist from Pembroke, MA, who back in 2013 was living in
- Philly on an institutional sabbatical. It was in Philly he contacted Molly, an attorney and single looking for
- love, through Todd and Clare’s Philadelphia network. Molly had been invited to join Todd and Clare through her
- cousin who was a 2nd connection friend of Clare. Like all women on Todd and Clare, an initial invite is required
- from a female relative, female work colleague, or 1st, 2nd, or 3rd connection girlfriend, who is an existing
- member. We haven't changed that to this day.
- After the initial email contact, Molly and Kevin first arranged to do lunch at Chink’s steakhouse in Philly, back
- when Chink’s hadn't changed its name to ]oe’s to satisfy the city’s political correctness critics. The couple met
- over Philly steak sandwiches, as Molly said: “It was basically love at first sight.”
- Getting married in Pembroke, Kevin's home town, was an exciting prospect for Molly and touching down in Boston
- Logan airport, 2 days before the wedding, one couldn't help but have butterflies that Todd and Clare had achieved
- its first major win. Of all the couples who were getting engaged—Molly and Kevin were actually getting hitched!
- Clare and myself with many of the other wedding guests entered the arrivals lounge of Logan Airport on the stroke
- of six o'clock EST, where Molly and Kevin met us with a bouquet of flowers. It was surreal and the kindest gesture
- ever from this beautiful couple.
- After managing to pile our cases (Clare always packs too much) on the roof rack on top of their SUV, we were off
- to Kevin's parents’ house via some very scenic routes. “We can’t have you stay in a hotel,” Kevin remarked
- repeatedly to us after the invite. “You guys are the reason we're even here!”
- And so, with Clare’s teacher's homework from the middle school she had taken the weekend off to attend the
- Pembroke wedding, we acquiesced to stay with Kevin's family which was an experience like no other. It felt like
- the fourth of July! On arrival we were made very welcome by all the family and proceeded to have a barbecue on the
- back porch in true Boston style.
- Kevin's folk’s bungalow was pretty with swathes of idyllic land all around, so although it was on an estate the
- family’s privacy was not overlooked. After long conversations including the giving of presents (they gave Clare an
- eternity friendship ring!) and our gifts to the happy pair getting ready to join married life we were able to take
- in the local beauty of Pembroke. Our only regret is that we didn’t bring our daughter Rahne along to experience
- the love we were surrounded by in Pembroke.
- After a good night’s sleep followed by a “famous Boston” breakfast of scrambled eggs on toast, cooked for us by
- Kevin's mom, a day before the wedding we were able to do some shopping, and collected a unique pottery Angel that
- Clare keeps to this day on her mantelpiece to remind her of this first special wedding result from the Todd and
- Clare network.
- That morning we watched Kevin and Molly say their farewells to unmarried, singleton life, and set off to return
- back to Kevin's parents’ house with the growing wedding party. We were surprised to see Molly's parents there, who
- had flown in from JFK to be present, with more love and good wishes. All the men in Molly's family were now
- together in the same room and looked very smart complete with their leather shoes, formal ties and cummerbunds.
- Kevin's trousers were half an inch short and needed some alteration, but there was still plenty of time.
- We got to peek Molly's elegant and flowing white wedding dress the day before, and she looked just like Princess
- Diana. Molly's sister, Sam, would be singing at the wedding ceremony and had chosen to sing a duo of “]esu, joy of
- Man's Desiring” (at the moment their friends and family entered the church) followed by Andrew Lloyd Webber’s
- “Love Changeth Everything” from the Broadway musical “Aspects of Love” during the service in Pembroke.
- The wedding service planned to end with an arrangement of The Lord's Prayer. The rehearsal went very well and Sam
- hoped she would be able to perform as well at the ceremony as she was sure her nerves would be tingling!
- One day to go before D-Day (or rather W-Day) and we were all nervous! We joined Molly's family for their
- “rehearsal dinner”, this being a Pembroke tradition. Apparently, such was the meticulous planning of this wedding,
- they had chosen the venue weeks before from a shortlist of options and all the friends, including ourselves who
- were now feeling like part of Kevin and Molly's family, were at the rehearsal by RSVP. The turkey dinner with all
- the trimmings was fantastic and all the guests were appreciative, a wonderful time for the preparations of the
- bride and bridesmaids to be surrounded in so much love.
- Finally, the great day had arrived! Everyone got dressed up in their hired clothes and apart from having to sort
- out Kevin's trousers, and the groom’s best man in a panic trying to write his speech at the last minute, they were
- all ready in time. There were so many people there, it must have been a logistical nightmare, but we watched
- Molly's mom and sisters (who had singlehandedly decorated the reception hall with ribbons and flowers) organize
- the men and eventually achieve an evenly-spaced pattern around the hall. Kevin's best man was getting so nervous,
- (more than Kevin) that a small bottle of Polish vodka did the trick and helped steady his nerves.
- Once the friends and families had taken their seats, which were set almost ‘in the round’, the ushers and
- bridesmaids, best man and the Matron of honor together with the groom, took up their positions facing the seated
- congregation.
- Suddenly, at the entrance of the church, the bride Molly appeared with her father. Everyone stood up and turned to
- face them as they walked down the aisle to the usual wedding march, played by the organist. I got goosebumps at
- this moment at the thought that our little dating network had made THIS possible. It was truly awesome and I
- turned to hug Clare and she was already in tears, crying with tears of joy. As were about 3 other women in my row!
- The congregation slowly turned to the front and was seated, and the ceremony began.
- There was one hymn, ‘O Perfect Love’, the lighting of the unity candle, the normal vows, two readings, Molly's
- sister Sam's two solos, communion and prayers. At the end of the wedding ceremony, with confetti being lavished on
- the blushing bride and handsome groom, the wedding party lead the way back to the reception hall foyer, where
- Kevin's and Molly's families formed a line and were reunited with us and their friends who all, in tears,
- congratulated Kevin and Molly on becoming husband and wife. It was so beautiful, man and woman together in the
- holy sanctity of marriage as God intended.
- About an hour later the wedding party was ready to have their photographs taken before appearing in ‘the line’.
- Once the happy couple finally left the church onto Pembroke’s quaint and cute village lawns, pink and blue
- balloons were released into the sky with 2 white doves of peace. The guests were given a chance to take their
- photographs of all the entourage including both parents and close relations. They were then able to go on to the
- reception hall while the wedding party had the official photographs taken both in and out of the church.
- Once everyone had entered the reception hall following the wedding, the last to arrive were the bride and groom
- and then all the guests stood up and applauded them to their seats. Molly's family had requested that a NYC
- tradition could be incorporated, so before the delicious canapes and buffet was started, Dom Pérignon Blanc and
- Dom Pérignon Rosé was served and the speeches were presented together with flowers for the parents and gifts for
- the bridesmaids.
- They had a superb buffet set out on six mahogany long tables. It felt like being at Lancelot’s banquet from the
- knights of the round table. And if such an analogy is permitted, then on this special day, Excalibur was our
- dating agency, Todd and Clare. For from the love in our network, this magical day had been forged.
- A Greek salad starter was followed by a main course of many choices. Hot gammon, pasta dishes, sausages in Italian
- vine tomatoes plus an array of magnificent game, pheasant, duck and vegetables.
- Pale pink and lime colored (almond and coconut) macaroons were set out on one of the mahogany tables and a non-
- alcoholic soda was available from a fountain for the local Pembroke kids to ‘catch’ in their little plastic cups.
- Everything was so colorful and certainly made a sumptuous wedding banquet.
- Following lunch, Molly and Kevin's party kicked off on the dance floor. The best man had to carry out the
- tradition of slipping off the bride’s white ivory garter and tossing it to the unmarried men in the room, the one
- who caught it had the honor of slipping onto the thigh of the single girl who had caught the bride's bouquet which
- was a hilarious scene! Following blushes, the bride then had her last dance with her new husband, Kevin — to Bill
- Medley and ]ennifer Warnes’ “Now I've Had The Time Of My Life” —a real tear jerker!
- Molly then danced with everyone else who in turn placed $100 dollar notes into a money bag tied to her bridal
- belt, while Kevin watched on in anticipation (he actually went to the bar!)
- Traditionally in Boston, this bridal money pays for their honeymoon—I was told Molly made a clean $3,000 in 30
- minutes! After the dirty dancing, Kevin swept Molly up off her feet in front of her dad and carried his new bride
- away to the Rolls Royce limousine taking them off to Boston Logan for their honeymoon flight to Mauna Loa, Hawaii!
- Sadly it was time to go so soon, we found it very difficult to say our farewells to both Molly and Kevin's family
- without a few tears.
- Clare and I left Pembroke, a truly beautiful place full of wonderful people with fond and awesome memories. Molly
- and Kevin were the first successfully married couple from Todd and Clare, and of the 2,999 couples who have tied
- the knot since through our big city dating networks, Molly and Kevin's is one of the only two we've physically
- attended.
- 2 MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS
- Molly and Kevin's wedding summarizes about everything that motivated myself and my wife Clare to continue
- investing our personal funds into making our dating network a reality. Molly's all-American wedding proved to be
- an inspirational and everlasting symbol of the happiness and joy that the Todd and Clare network has brought to
- couples searching for love across America.
- The blessed land where 1500km away in Indianapolis, at Gen Con 2011, this whole thing started with Clare’s idea
- playing a famous board game. Neither myself or Clare could have known Gen Con, a gamers event held in downtown
- Indy, would be so fruitful — but great things happen in Indianapolis! When we were first invited to go, we thought
- Gen Con was just going to be like a Star Wars fans’ vacation of a lifetime. It turned out to be so much more and
- it was poetic that we had our daughter Rahne present for the ride—a family outing!
- Our old buddies Brad and Meghan joined the coach which left at 1.35pm; complete with Star Wars nerds and Days of
- Wonder geeks all heading for Indianapolis. On the coach already were Brad's cousin, Pam, with her husband Jeff.
- They were Gen Con veterans who every year made their pilgrimage to the event with the same Germerican friends that
- made our well-organized tour such a fabulous occasion. Gen Con is known as the best four days in gaming!
- As usual we’d left booking hotels too late and the only place we could get a room due to the popularity of Gen Con
- filling all hotels in Indy in a 3 mile radius of Downtown, was at Extended Stay America near the airport. Due to
- delays on the road, our coach trip was held up nearly three hours over schedule, but was quite comfortable and we
- managed to sleep a little in between the various snacks, meals including tasty chicken plus kiwi and pineapple
- drinks with crushed ice.
- With the time difference by the time we got in Indy, the only place open was the local Waffle House at
- Indianapolis airport where (after the coach driver got lost on the complex networks of roads into Lynhurst drive)
- we ate grits at 2am in the morning. We shared a bottle of white wine chardonnay when we reached our hotel room,
- and looked forwards to Gen Con’s start in the morning.
- The next morning our friends were up bright and early for breakfast, and we ate at Harry and Izzy's downtown
- before heading into the Indianapolis Convention Center. The crowds were fantastic, with the guy who dressed up as
- Darth Vader rocking with a Magic the Gathering swordsman and a Pippi Longstocking fan!
- It you haven't experienced Gen Con, it is Times Square for Gamers; a sensory good feelin’ mix of fun, cosplay, and
- thousands of vendors spread out from the main halls to side rooms, with their creative card decks and amazing
- booths.
- They ask passing crowds of gamer fans to stop to demo their personally-invented games that range from gothic
- romance themes to superhero battles. Dice, cloaks, daggers, and pretty much anything gaming-related is on display
- here with the most fantastic Magic artistry we had ever seen. Gen Con is a must-go adventure for every American
- family!
- After entering the main convention area, stopping by the Pokemon fan booth, in the sensory overload our tour party
- stumbled past this young blind boy who was dressed up in a Star Trek uniform with his assistive golden Labrador
- guide dog, whom he was calling Toby.
- The boy’s parents were playing at a colorful booth, Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus, an interesting board
- game based on the book of the same title. Among listening to the boy talking aloud to Toby, we sat down to learn
- the rules, and began playing. It was during the opening game play, with the board game’s focus on matters of the
- heart, that Clare was inspired with the idea for a dating agency. She recalls her inspiration was a network “based
- around our friends’ emails” as a way to help people we know who are looking for love.
- My wife Clare is a natural inventor, and as a teacher who loves counterfactual history—she would often ponder what
- “would might have been” had someone good she knows from her present, got together with someone good she’d known in
- her past. For instance, a work colleague with one of her girlfriends she’d known from college.
- The premise was as follows. What if there was a dating site that enabled friend-to-friend romantic referrals,
- localizing by city, and centered around young women. It would be fair to say girls discuss romance and love
- matches more than men in their social chat. A network based on girls helping other girls find love would be so
- much more real than a generic site, because it’s based on friend connections. Clare’s dating idea would mean that
- when you're matched, it would feel like you had actually been introduced to your partner through a friend, like
- what happened in past American times when friends got together in small towns.
- It is our firm conviction that the vast overwhelming majority of Americans are good people, whatever individual
- perspective they're approaching life from. So, in the same way you see a doctor through recommendation, meeting an
- American through a friend network, would be the kind of ultimate recommendation that could really protect the
- family unit, and most importantly, make new families happen.
- Clare always enjoyed matchmaking, even at college. With her idea at Gen Con, this would be a way to physically
- materialize a social connection, through friends, that would never have otherwise happened. To give you an
- arbitrary example, Clare could see, for instance, that her work colleague, Bill, who was a math teacher and single
- guy looking for love, would likely be a compatible match for her single friend, Janet, who she knew from another
- part of her life but who lived in the same city as Bill. If a dating site that she could invite both Bill and
- Janet to join, with her mutual recommendation, they would be on solid ground if and only if they found each other
- attractive enough to want to meet up to see if there was any chemistry. Clare’s idea sounds overly simplistic at
- first, but what if we roll that idea out to American women doing this on a mass scale. “Friend referrals” for love
- happening all over the states, every day, in a continuous, frequent pattern that would make dating suggestions by
- your friends resemble a national air traffic control map etched out in the night sky.
- One of the problems Clare’s idea solves is that usually, in work contexts, most American women feel awkward about
- making a romantic suggestion in the workplace one just couldn't feel comfortable saying to a colleague over lunch
- or in a Starbucks queue, “hey, you’d make an awesome couple with this friend of mine who I haven't seen in a year
- who I think you’d really
- like, etc.” Female intuition maybe an intangible, powerful force, but realities take over. Standards of behavior
- and expectations of working with male colleagues (and even male friends) push out in most scenarios a natural
- discourse for the kind of “friend’s love referral” that Todd and Clare standardize.
- Even back in 2011 at time when the country was still hurting with recession, I could see Clare’s idea would likely
- have real resonance with online daters. A dating network, mediated by the convenience of email or texts, where
- everyone who joins is already verified as real because they're friends of friends; someone already knows them. A
- dating network where good people connect casually offline, on the recommendation of mutual friends in their real
- world. When you follow any such matching of two people like that through to conclusion—it’s easy to see that my
- wife had tackled a problem that could really help people’s love lives. A cool and practicable way of modern
- matchmaking—through your own friends’ network extended out by secondary and tertiary connections.
- That in a nutshell, is what my wife envisioned by playing the Men is From Mars, Women are From Venus board game at
- Gen Con.
- Sitting in the passenger seat of our hire car drinking soda, she divulged her thoughts to me as we drove back to
- the Extended Stay hotel at the edge of the city after the first day of Gen Con.
- It sounded neat then, and appropriately, the mellow sounds of Mark Knopfler’s guitar masterpiece in Dire Strait’s
- Tunnel of Love was playing out on low volume in the background on our car radio as we drove out of the city into
- rural Indy. I told her not to tell anyone, and went to an Applebee's for dinner.
- We spent ages in our hotel room that night after putting Rahne to bed discussing the viability of such a network.
- Clare had to fulfil a long term contract for a fall-semester with her ESL teaching job in Tenerife in the Canary
- Islands later that year, so even if we did want to do something about this email verified network, it would have
- to wait until at least December.
- Besides there were a myriad of questions and challenges about how such a site should be structured. Clare decided
- that to ensure the “verified friends” effect is passed on through the network, no matter how big it grows, some
- kind of Skype or video-call verification service would have to be in practice to ensure that even a tertiary
- friend connection is real and that the system can’t be abused.
- Challenges were of course ahead, but the verified ground work and invited friends foundation on which Todd and
- Clare would be based was already laid by talking it through and we were both excited as to how this would unfold.
- That night, in Indy, we went to sleep more at peace with God.
- 3 CHATEAU DU LUDE—C’EST MAGNIFIQUE!
- In December 2011, Clare began to reach out to her existing contact network, about 1,900 women friends, to begin
- putting the first cogs into motion of what would later become
- Todd and Clare. With her ESL jobs over the past 10 years since the Irq war began taking us everywhere from Tokyo,
- Japan to Paris, France to a township in the Republic of South Africa, I had already accompanied Clare on a very
- diverse life, and this dating network was yet another twist.
- Our only daughter, Rahne, was born in Berlin due to Clare’s teaching position in Germany at the time, so the 1,900
- “ 1st connections” friends that Clare used to start the network was already impressive by any standard. More
- impressive though was the spirit of good will and universality that women she hadn’t seen for years responded to
- her idea with acceptance and positive love.
- Spurred on by their love, and with Christ's love filling our hearts, Clare and myself took our first steps in
- building our network for friends.
- Being exacting and rigorous about Skype interviewing all “2nd and 3rd connections” who joined the network, we
- found the verified part to be one of the key tenets to the network's original success. The proof was in the
- pudding; Molly and Kevin's wedding was followed by a kaleidoscope of wedding announcements through 2013, 2014 and
- 2015—all couples meeting through our network. It wasn’t long before we were invited to another marriage
- attendance, this one through our Paris network, and an all French affair.
- Staying in England with Clare’s brother, Matt, we were thrilled to get the chance to go to France to attend the
- wedding of Francoise and Pierre who had met through Todd and Clare’s Paris email network. We caught the ferry from
- Portsmouth to Cherbourg with Matt's 4x4 Ford truck and caravan, missing our chance to take the channel tunnel from
- Waterloo station. When
- we arrived in Cherbourg in Northern France, after buying supplies from the local Supermarché we ventured to the
- St. Martin D’aubigny.
- The site had wifi and we booked in for the nights settling down to enjoy some of the finest rump steaks we’d
- tasted since San Francisco. That evening, amidst news of more couples getting engaged, we got engrossed looking at
- a local graveyard with stones dating back to 1800s, adorned with history.
- On the way to the wedding the next morning, we stopped in a cute little village called Marigny, where we were able
- to have the traditional “French experience” buying local produce slices of home-cooked “jambon” ham and a baguette
- before going off to explore the Chateau du
- Lude, where the marriage preparations were already well underway.
- It’s fair to say we were treated as minor celebrities, with all Francois and Pierre’s friends congratulating us on
- bringing them together. Lily flowers decorated the marquees and the opulent grounds to perfection.
- Pierre’s brother, Michel, acted as our tour guide around the Chateau du Lude. The grounds were as stunning as
- Versailles, and tranquil, and after lunch which was sumptuous affair with escargots we were taken around the
- Chateau, with its French marble floors, sculptured statues and gold leaf emblems. This was one of the positives of
- visiting France in the autumn we're told, the campsites begin to wind down at the beginning of September, and the
- pools are the first amenity to close, ensuring that the chateaus of Northern France aren't overrun with tourists.
- Chateau du Lude had survived many wars and ownerships and was a real treat to see how it had been preserved; a
- fitting place for the blushing bride and her groom to marry. Later on in the day, the weather became unsettled and
- we soon experienced a severe short-lived electric storm that meant the wedding had to go ahead in the rain.
- We took our seats with the guests and waited for the bride to emerge; Francoise and all her bridesmaids looked
- beautiful in their traditional lace gowns, like something out of a Cannes film night. Due to all the showers they
- tied the knot at twilight, and there wasn’t a dry eye in the house.
- The palatial setting was perfect. Chateau du Lude was a triumph. In the morning, we were ready to leave the site
- by 10.00am after watching the married couple go off to their honeymoon in St Tropez. We made our way back to
- Cherbourg via St-Lo, Mayenne, Flers, Domfront and Vire, where we stopped for lunch outside the beautiful old
- church courtyard. We finally arrived at Camping Les Pins in Cherbourg. It was once again a municipal site with
- adequate amenities and very good value even for euros. We visited the local superstore — Auchan — where we were
- fortunate enough to run into one of the guests from the wedding who had told all his friends about Todd and
- Clare... it’s a small world! The wedding network was already growing by word of mouth. It was then in Cherbourg,
- while we prepared a pick nick of large fresh shrimps (crevettes), camembert cheeses and cold meats with our last
- baguette of the vacation, followed by tarte frais (strawberry tarts) with Loire Valley wine, that we got word of
- another couple getting engaged by the Todd and Clare network on our iPhone, this time in Chicago.
- Another couple, another success story!
- As they say in France, “Il ne pleut jamais, mais il verse” which means, it never rains but it pours.
- 4 3,001 COUPLES AND COUNTING
- By summer 2015, over 3,000 couples had met and married through our network. Back home in San Francisco, Clare and
- myself made our pact at Tadich’s grill to put this email network on the internet and continue verifying single
- women who join through friends of friends of friends.
- Although, regrettably, with Clare’s hard working job as a dedicated ESL teacher we won’t have the time to put in
- an appearance at everyone’s wedding who married through our network—as we walk along the Golden Gate promenade at
- the crack of dawn and see the success of the network grow day by day—we feel in our hearts that our journey has a
- long way to go.
- If you're looking for love, we invite you to be part of that journey, by searching for your long term partner at
- ToddandClare.com.
- Peace. Todd and Clare H.
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