Advertisement
Not a member of Pastebin yet?
Sign Up,
it unlocks many cool features!
- >Used to be a burglar.
- >Now you're obsessed with ruining fluffy pony's lives.
- >Keep an eye on a fluffy pony owner's house.
- >Wait for him to leave for work.
- >Break into house.
- >Fluffy pony comes skittering down the hall.
- >"Daddy! Daddy back fwom workies!"
- >He sees you and stops in his tracks.
- >"New... new fwend?"
- >"Yep! I'm you're new friend!"
- >His eyes light up. "New fwend!" Runs up to your feet.
- >"Huggies!"
- >You pick him up and hug him.
- >"Fwuffy wuv new fwend! Wanna pway!"
- >"Sure! Let's play poop-time!"
- >Fluffy blinks at you. "Poopy-time? How pway poopy-time?"
- >Carry him over to the plasma screen. Squeeze him.
- >"Owie! Too tight, fwend!"
- >Shit pours out of fluffy, all over TV.
- >"No!" Fluffy panics. "No squeeze! Make poopy on tee-vee! Nooo!"
- >He starts sobbing. "Daddy gonna be angwy! Daddy gonna huwt fwuffy!"
- >"Don't worry," you cackle. "You want some spaghetti?"
- >Fluffy shakes off tears. Weak short-term memory is conquered by thoughts of spaghetti.
- >"Sketties!" Fluffy smiles. "Fwuffy wan' sketties! Pwese sketties!"
- >"Okay!"
- >You put down fluffy and reach into your burglar bag.
- >Pull out a can of cheap Chef Boyardo knockoff.
- >Pour into bowl, nuke for thirty seconds until luke-warm. Serve to fluffy.
- >"Sketties!" fluffy cheers. "Wuv fwend! Wuv sketties!"
- >While fluffy is nomming his sketties, dig around for stuff to steal.
- >A watch, a thumbdrive, a couple DVD's. Stuff he won't notice missing.
- >An hour later, you pick up fluffy again.
- >"Feel full, fluffy?"
- >He nods. "Ya! Tummy wuv sketties too! Tummy wewy happy!"
- >Carry him over to computer in the office.
- >"Time to play more poop-time, fluffy!"
- >Fluffy panics. "No! No! No pway poopy-time!"
- >Squeeze him. More shit gushes out of fluffy. Pours all over keyboard and moniter.
- >"Nooo!" Fluffy sobs, trying to wriggle free from your grip. "NO!! Fwuffy no wan' poopies! Need witterbox, fwend! Pwese!"
- >Continues crying as you squeeze him all over the desk. Shit everywhere. Probably fried the computer, too.
- >Place fluffy down without a word.
- >He's crying and muttering. "Daddy gonna' be angwy... daddy gonna huwt fwuffy again..."
- >Sneak out. Besides some missing junk, no sign you were there.
- >Wait in backyard until homeowner returns.
- >Listen to the fantastic sound of screaming and yelling.
- >The sound of fluffy begging for its safety.
- >The sound of his daddy threatening to "slice him open with a fucking knife."
- >Finally, daddy calms down, but is still pissed.
- >"Obviously, I can't trust you around the house when I'm gone."
- >"Safe woom?" Fluffy whimpers. "No wike safe woom..."
- >"Nope. You're getting amputated tomorrow. If you're gonna shit like this, you're spending all day in the litter box."
- >You've completely ruined fluffy pony's life. Will lose his legs tomorrow because of you.
- >Cackle and run off. Go buy yourself an ounce of OG Kush.
- >You've earned it.
Advertisement
Add Comment
Please, Sign In to add comment
Advertisement