Assorted One-off Greentexts

-Office Elf and THAT FUCKING GUY

>Be Office Elf.
>You have this guy that works for you.
>The only one in the plant that didn't book it or get insta-married when you and your colleagues took over the company.
>The only one left who knows how the machinery works, and how to fix it.
>The only one who doesn't treat work like a goddamn dating service.
>The only competent employee you actually have.
>This ONE. FUCKING. GUY.
>You dread the day he decides to take his accumulated vacation.
>The thought of him calling in sick gives you chills.
>Good God, If he got locked in some manticore's basement or some shit, the whole damned place'd fall apart.
>And if he decides to quit... oh, God... OH GOD.
>You can't let anyone rape him.
>NOBODY.
>...
>But... he has those strong... skillful hands...
>Offer to promote him to management.
>"No thanks, I like working with my hands."
>Try to make him Employee of the Month.
>"Err... I'm flattered, but I'm part of a union, so you can't really do that."
>You get a pair of tickets to the game from Corporate.
>"Sorry, I'm going to the pub with my dad that night."
>Every time, you walk back into your office, head hung low.
>Lock the door, close the blinds.
>Slump down in your chair.
>And that's about when the bottle of vodka you hide in your desk comes out.
>You drink, and you try not to cry.
>...And then you cry a lot.

--------


-Backpack

>You were just a kid when your mom died.
>You were still grieving her loss when your dad got remarried to an echidna.
>You never quite forgave him for that.
>His new wife, the kids she had, and the kids they were making commanded all of his attention.
>Your new 'mom', being a lamia, never quite liked the fact that you had your mother's eyes.
>Feeling unwanted and replaced, you acted out.
>Bad grades, hanging out with a crowd that got you into fights half the time... looking back, you were a bit of a hooligan in your youth.
>You were a teenager when your fifth sister was born.
>That little ushi always looked up to you for some reason; An annoying, uncomfortable and profoundly alien concept in your mind.
>Young and tiny as she was, she'd latch onto you- Spider legs around your torso and arms around your neck like some kind of fuzzy, huggy backpack, and you'd have no choice but to take her everywhere you went.
>Though at first you were deeply, -deeply- annoyed by this kind of interference in your life, you eventually began to pick up other ways to spend your time.
>For starters, you very quickly stopped being such a fucking hooligan when you were constantly carrying around a toddler.
>You also started apprenticing under a dwarven blacksmith, after your sister demanded you take her into the shop to see the 'shiny things' and you had to spend a few weeks working there to pay off the damage she caused.
>Which led to your new boss sending you to her friends, a hinezumi, a ren xiongmao and a jinko to learn kung fu, because smacking metal with a hammer until it started being magic required a bit more discipline than your formerly-hooligan ass had at that point.
>Which led to you taking up hiking, camping and fishing because your new masters some time in the outdoors would help calm your fiery temper (and make your sister really, really happy).
>Which led to you pulling a drowning girl out of a lake.
>Who eventually became your wife.

>Now, many years later, sitting with your sister at the same old campsite, while your brother-in-law's chopping wood, your wife's making dinner and your son's whipping through the trees like some kind of discount Spider-Man with your neice on his back like a very familar-looking backpack, you can't help but smile.
>"Hey, Sis?"
>"Hm?"
>"...Thanks.