SECRET CHAT NIC CAGE TEXT ADVENTURE

Reveal yourselves!
coribald
it's out there and no one can do anything about it!
Chaser324
Go forth disciples of Nic Cage and sing his gospels.
Boniti
Who did it
coribald
I didn't log in, so I can't pull it back
mintyice
secret chats are soon to be not so secret
coribald
All or nothing, huh
mintyice
haha oh boy
Chaser324
Nah. Screw it. Somebody post a link to it in the Bombcast waiting room thread.
mintyice
dun dun dunnnn!
Boniti
I STILL HAVE THE TAB OPEN
mintyice
exactly
coribald
what pastebin
Chaser324
...but seriously though...that pastebin doesn't exist...
mintyice
clapclapclap :D
ChrisHarris
it's just going to be a long list of Nic Cage, Nic Cage, Nic Cage, Nic Cage, Nic Cage, Nic Cage, Nic Cage
coribald
voracious applause for @chaser324
mintyice
read list of credits
Chaser324
Cue beeps and boops that sound like the theme song from Con Air. Roll Credits.
Boniti
The paper's too weak, it crumbles upon contact with the pen
Gamer_152
ask "how'd it get burned?"
coribald
Okay, I'm alright with that ending.
Johnnboy2000
Can we get the bombcast now
Chaser324
You and Nic Cage party forever in hell!
Gamer_152
new game
mintyice
can i get nic cage to sign my triple feature ticket stub?!
Chaser324
EVERYTHING BLOWS UP! THE END!
Chaser324
@coribald There's a locked briefcase under the cocaine. The combo is written on a slip of paper in Nic Cage's pocket. You open it and discover that it's THE nuclear football.
mintyice
escape the rock
mintyice
grow mullet for con air
Gamer_152
use torch on wickerman
mintyice
YOU WERE NIC CAGE THE WHOLE TIME
coribald
I'M STILL WAITING TO FIND OUT WHAT'S AT THE BOTTOM OF THAT COCAINE PILE
ChrisHarris
The real national treasure is Nic Cage.
Chaser324
NOOOO
Boniti
Nothing's going on here! Just a dead chat! No weird text adventure nonsense!
mintyice
NEW GAME?!
Gamer_152
take bees
Gamer_152
go north
mintyice
ROUND TWO?!
coribald
It's not over until @brad gets home and kills it!
mintyice
we descended into nic cage text adventure hell
Chaser324
@gamer_152 Thank god it's finally over.
mintyice
@gamer_152 madness. utter madness
Johnnboy2000
This is still going ?!
Gamer_152
What's happened in here?
Demoskinos
@chaser324 Ban yourself.
mintyice
help me nic cage!
Boniti
Fine. We PROOOOOOMISE.
Chaser324
Don't cry for me Argentina!
mintyice
please please do... don't?
coribald
Seriously, I wouldn't.
Chaser324
Don't
Chaser324
Please
Chaser324
Please don't
Chaser324
Please don't make an alt account.
coribald
Of course I'm joking.
Chaser324
@coribald You will be permanently banned.
mintyice
angry devil cat thats takes up the whole screen when you're bad
coribald
I will make c0r1bald for this purpose
mintyice
Secret ban cat in secret ban chat
Chaser324
There isn't.
Boniti
No guarantees
Chaser324
Please don't get banned thinking there is an actual secret ban chat.
coribald
whaaaaa
Boniti
WAIT WHAT
mintyice
OH MAN!
Chaser324
Just wait until you see double secret ban chat. IT IS NUTS.
mintyice
i saw that secret ban cat like 3 weeks ago pfff
coribald
it's secret enough
mintyice
secret chats are the best
mintyice
this is our little secret!
coribald
SAVED FOREVER
Chaser324
@coribald You rotten archiving son of a bitch...
mintyice
Haha brad's a good sport
coribald
@Boniti the whole thing is here: http://pastebin.com/H2QC7DSc
Chaser324
You had one job...
Boniti
Yeah. XD Now I'm left to wonder if secret post-stream chats are common or not...
Chaser324
All you had to do was turn off the server.
Chaser324
@mintyice ...god damn it, Brad...
mintyice
brad even left the chat open for us. best part haha
mintyice
haha nah it's cool. thank you though! that was amazing
Boniti
@chaser324 No, no. You are wrong. It can't end.
mintyice
b-b-b-b-but!
coribald
Alright Chaser, we'll let you go.
Chaser324
Like...seriously...this has to end. I can't sit here and continue leading Nic Cage and our hero to these rockets.
mintyice
@chaser324 say it aint sooo o o o o
merlin747
wow... I got here _really late_ and see nothing. :-P
Chaser324
@boniti This has to end.
Chaser324
@mintyice Well it's a rendition of a Leann Rimes song in beeps and boops, but you can tell what song they were trying to evoke.
Boniti
OOOOOH YAY. I've been gone for like 2 hours. I won't interrupt then. I'll just spectate.
coribald
This truly is hell.
mintyice
this text adventure has end credits?!
coribald
Noooooooooo.,
Chaser324
@mintyice Well, there isn't any actual Con Air, but Leann Rimes does sing the the song over the credits.
coribald
that's deep
mintyice
arent we all?
coribald
so are we john cusack?
mintyice
all the con air
Chaser324
I guess maybe some Con Air.
mintyice
no con air? pfff
mintyice
obviously
Chaser324
The rest of this is basically going to be some amalgamation of things I remember from Scarface, The Rock, and Bad Lieutenant Port of Call New Orleans.
coribald
If it was hell you wouldn't be able to leave.
mintyice
yes, nic cage hell
Chaser324
Is this hell? Am I actually in hell right now? Are you other people even real?
mintyice
haha you said something to me and I just said "go south"
Chaser324
@boniti I don't even know how this started but chat has become a text adventure...
coribald
snort a little cocaine and start digging through the pile
coribald
aw fuck. guys with guns.
mintyice
look at desk and monitors
mintyice
SECRET CHAT
Boniti
What is going on?
Chaser324
Aside from the mountain of cocaine and Mr. Cage, you see a large panel of monitors that all seem to be showing men carrying large guns.
mintyice
FIND NIC CAGE SOME GOD DAMN ROCKETS
mintyice
https://twitter.com/VinnyCaravella/status/430913867221184512
coribald
look around
Chaser324
You turn him onto his back and start slapping his face hard enough for his momma to feel it, but he just keeps murmuring something about rockets.
mintyice
try to wake him up!
Chaser324
You look to your right and see legendary actor Nicolas Cage passed out in a lake of his own sweat.
Chaser324
You wake up covered in sweat face down in a mountain of cocaine that would make Scarface faint.
mintyice
:O
coribald
oh no
Chaser324
And then in an instant, you suddenly black out.
Chaser324
The hellish landscape turns to green fields and then to white clouds. "Truly, this is heaven" you think aloud.
Chaser324
In an instant you're feet are off the ground and you're soaring straight up with the wind blowing back your hair.
mintyice
YES YES YES YES
Chaser324
@coribald The flames around his head subside and a single tear drops from his eye. Wings sprout from his back and he lifts his head towards you and asks "Going my way?"
coribald
@chaser324 praise work in Leaving Las Vegas and Adaptation, appeal to serious actor within Nic Cage
mintyice
@chaser324 look around
Chaser324
At that moment Cage's skull bursts into a Ghost Rider style ball of fire. The clouds and light around you give way revealing a hellish landscape all around you.
Chaser324
Lord God Nic Cage sees you pull the paper clip out of your pocket and jests, "Office supplies won't help you here."
mintyice
:D!
coribald
<3's @brad
mintyice
hahah oh man... this is great
coribald
hahahaha
Chaser324
NOOOOOOOOO!!!
mintyice
<3 thanks brad!
Brad
as you were
Brad
alright i'll shut this down when i get home
mintyice
haha use paper clip
Chaser324
END IT!!!!!!!!!!!
Chaser324
END IT!
Brad
pastebin it!
Brad
make it quick!
mintyice
AW FUCK!
coribald
no, brad, we have to find out how it ends!
mintyice
i'll never know what happens!
Chaser324
IT WAS NIC CAGE!
mintyice
no brad no!
Brad
chat going down!
Chaser324
The figure stops laughing and casts off what you now recognize as a sequined robe.
Chaser324
Summoning up a memory of your favorite feature film, you open your eyes wider than you thought possible and shout "Right now I just wanna find some rockets!"
mintyice
test
Chaser324
test
mintyice
@coribald @chaser324 this
coribald
@chaser324 do your best intimidating nic cage impression to the figure
Chaser324
You open your mouth to call out, but you realize you have nothing to say.
coribald
@mintyice no, don't do that!
mintyice
@chaser324 call out to the figure
Chaser324
It breaks. The figure sees it happen and is now laughing even more uncontrollably.
mintyice
use chicken/pully thing
Chaser324
@mintyice @coribald As you approach the glowing figure, you begin to hear a maniacal laugh.
mintyice
it ends as soon as the bombcast is up!
mintyice
:'( aw man
Chaser324
...when does this thing end? Some engineer, please stop this.
coribald
@chaser324 what he said!!
mintyice
@chaser324 go north!!
Chaser324
@mintyice @coribald You find yourself surrounded by a bright white light. A man shrouded in an even brighter light stands far to the north.
coribald
@chaser324 pray for those stupid aliens from Knowing to show up
mintyice
@chaser324 pray to the one true god nic cage
Chaser324
@mintyice As the light leaves your eyes, you rub the ticket stub and cherish the memory of your generations greatest actor.
coribald
@mintyice you killed us! you monster!
coribald
@chaser I'm not dead, @mintyice is!
Chaser324
@coribald Unfortunately, you're dead.
mintyice
@chaser324 NIC CAGE TICKET STUB WILL SAVE ME!
coribald
@chaser324 go east, keep following that rat
Chaser324
@mintyice You head in the direction of rushing water. As you continue ahead it gets louder until suddenly you find yourself falling hundreds of feet over a waterfall. YOU ARE DEAD.
Chaser324
@coribald This thing has been wadded up in your pocket so long you can't make out the text.
mintyice
@chaser324 go west
coribald
@chaser324 read theater name from ticket stub
Chaser324
@mintyice You have: a chicken/pulley thing, a paper clip, and a movie stub for a Nicolas Cage triple feature
Chaser324
@coribald You dash ahead in an attempt to catch the furry rodent, but he always stays just out of reach.
mintyice
@chaser324 inventory
Chaser324
@mintyice You squint your eyes in an attempt to discern the light's source, but your vision fails you.
mintyice
a fork!
coribald
@chaser324 chase rat
TheDew
and learning new tactics
mintyice
@chaser324 look east
TheDew
I just enjoy watching Patrick play the daily after I played it the night before and seeing what he does differently
Chaser324
@mintyice A rat scurries past you heading towards a light to the east. To the west you can just make out the sound of rushing water.
coribald
hello
mintyice
he hasn't done one is so long
TheDew
true
mintyice
watching patrick shit himself = priceless
mintyice
spooking > spelunkin
TheDew
Spelunkin' > Spookin'
mintyice
@chaser324 go south
Chaser324
@mintyice Your voice echoes in the empty chat chamber.
FateOfNever
Spelunky? Pffffft. Where's my Spookin' with Scoops? Where's my Call of Cthulhu: Dark Corners of the Earth Spookin?!
quikblink
@matt only if you spell color like a 'murican
mintyice
is anyone there