2 worlds 1 destiny pt.1

Oh, what a lovely day to visit my favourite thread dedicated to words about fictional horses. Maybe I'll find some great new fic to read...

>https://www.fimfiction.net/story/251161/two-worlds-one-destiny
Huh, what's this?

>Two Worlds - One Destiny by Andre
I CAN FEEL THE WARP OVERTAKING ME!

>Sex Gore Romance Sad Dark Crossover Adventure Human
IT IS A GOOD PAIN!

>pic related
The story pic is actually a gif. I bet Andre thought it would move or some shit.

>Wednesday 26th May 2016 - Earth - California:
The opening words of waiwai are "New York 24th March 2030". We can already see Andre's immense creative talent.

>Jack Mitchell, a normal soldier who try to live is life.
It would surprise me that Andre, who has expressed some light misanthropy, adores the military as much as he does. But, then again, that would imply that Andre is in possession of any deeper analytical skills.

>He fought a lot of wars in past.
"But now, the wars are fighting back".

>Russia, Korea and so one and so one...one night.
Yeah, beating up America's enemies! Except for the world wars. We do not talk about those.

>He had a nightmare about his world.
It was a world where everyone had the uncanny fucking faces in Andre's story pic.

>He saw his world burning and a bit later, he founded himself in Equestria.'
That's right, this is a very rare "human solider becomes a city state in Equestria"-fic. So odd to see one in the wild.



>All the time he was thinking about how he can return to his world but with the time he founds out that it was his destiny to get there...to save his word...
one horsepussy at a time.

>Chapter 1: Intro - Jack Mitchell´s Biography
How to name a character:
1. Choose a random name.
2. Is it Jack or John? If not, return to Step 1.

>Author's Note
>I choose Jack Mitchell from COD AW because
"I'm a uncreative, talentless husk of a human being".

>I don't know better as an Anonymous and I think he is the right one for this shit.
It seems like Andre thinks all HiE is AiE. This is worrying on many levels.

>My name is Jack Mitchell, US-Marine.
Germans aren't allowed to be nationalists, so instead Andre became an Ameriboo.

>I chose this job because I want to fight for our rights. To fight for my country. To stop the "evil" in this world.
Notice the quotation marks? That means Andre is going to be deep and philosophical.

>I killed a lot of people in my life.
Because you just can't make a OC without him/her being a murderer, right?



>Many people ask me everyday how I manage this.
Every day? How does that play out?
For example, Jack goes to the local store to buy groceries:
"Oh hi Martha, just buying the usual stuff" Jack said, dumping his wares onto the conveyor belt.
"Hello Jack, I didn't know it was you. How do you feel today, considering you've murdered countless human beings?" the cashier greeted as she began scanning the the OC's six items or more.
"Oh, I'm feeling fine".
"Good to hear, that will be 8.50, please".
Jack hands her the money and heads for the door. Behind him the cachier says goodbye in their special way:
"Thanks for the blood money, Jack. You're my favourite customer".

>You have to shut down your brain if you kill a person.
Sounds like Andre is speaking from experience, at least with the "shut down your brain" part.

>I saw so many soldiers dying and what happen with you if you die on a battlefield? Right nothing.
That's some hardcore nihilistic philosophy right here.

>But if I look at this world I ask me myself so often "Is there really a god? Or better ... did he ALREADY LEFT US?"
Rarely have I seen such profound subject matter in fanfiction.
I'm glad that I have a chance to be told about the horrors of war, as experienced by a fanatical Call of Duty fanboy.



>Poverty, wars, hunger, arguments, conflicts, nature catastrophes, this is everything I know.
From playing video games, so you know Andre's shit it legit.

>But are the Russians and all these people where we fight against our true enemies? Are they really evil? In real they only do their job like me. They do what their superior say.
What, are you trying to tell me that people with opposing ideals and goals aren't necessarily evil? Now, Andre, you're being truly groundbreaking. Never before have I seen anything like this.

>Today I know either the Russians nor the Islamists are our true enemies.
Of course, Andre couldn't follow his statement to the logical conclusion that no one is evil. Because Andre never thinks about the shit he writes. He just adds things that others tell him to believe.

>Our true enemies don't life here on Earth.
>By aliens for course but not by green or grey aliens you guess first but rather by ... if the time comes you will see what I meant.
Andre just couldn't go with the "no one is evil, everything is shades of grey" idea. That's too complex for him. So when someone told him that human's aren't really evil, Andre came to the logical conclusion that Aliens have to be evil.
I can't be the only one baffled by how immensely idiotic this is?

>It was 10 pm. I was celebrating a birthday party with my mates. Franks birthday party. I like this guy.
See, Jack's 28, so he get's to stay up late.



>He is the craziest soldier I know. I mean he wanted to blow up himself as the terrorists came to close in Afghanistan. He meant it could stop them.
Suicide bombing is cool when the good guys do it!

>"And then, I blow them into the air boooooooooooooooooooom and their pieces fought in the air." said Frank.
I'm getting the most amazing mental images of blown-apart limbs having dogfights.

>"I am so tired. I am going to bed good night ladies." I said.
Scratch that, Jack does not get to stay up late.

>"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH PUSSYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" they all shouted in the room.
Try to say this out loud. Exactly as it's written, with all the Ys. This is how Andre thinks English works.

>"Good luck m8." I said.
Andre you cheeky fucking scrub.

>"No not really, but we will test a new drone project. They need an computer specialist like me." I said and winked.
But that's exactly what your last character was. A computer guy. And why has the computer guy seen so much frontline battle?

>Dreaming...
Andre devotes an entire paragraph to this so we won't get confused.

>I saw the base ... burning. The buildings burned. All the tanks, jets and stuff ... destroyed.
Must have been some radical militant radical horses.



>Our base was located in the mountains. I looked to Los Angeles ... better what was still left of it. The whole city lay in ashes. Everything was destroyed. Really everything. Thousands of dead bodies.
I'm pretty sure that if LA got trashed, "thousands" of casualties is a pretty low number. Besides, you've got astounding fucking eyes to see dead bodies in LA from the San Gabriel Mountains.

>"Jack Mitchell." said the voice.
>"Yes ... that's me?" I said.
>"Your time has come."
"YER A WIZARD, JACK".
Dearest Andre, you are aware that not all heroes have to be Chosen Ones, right? You don't need to write that every fucking time, right?



>"Look around you. All of this will happen very soon with your world if you don't fulfil your destiny. Your world will die, like my world, which died for a million years ago. They will destroy everyone and everything of your world. But you are the only person who can stop that all. I will send you to the planet Equestrian. There you can find out much more of your enemies and maybe how you can stop them. If not... your world will perish. But you are not alone be sure I will be with you ... forever."
"This is Joson" the radio crackered. "You must fight the aliens!"
So Jack gotted his palsma rifle and blew up the wall.

The End.
Of chapter 1.
Andre's English might actually be improving, but he's still as dense as ever.



>Twilight were already sitting on her desk and study some stuff for her ... whatever it was.

He writes like I talk. Evidently there's a lack of chairs in Equestria, and Jack decides he's going to do her studying for her (30 seconds after getting up, no less). Not only that, but he doesn't know what she's studying but hopes to do it for her anyway.

>"Hey good morning Mitchell."
>"Morning." I said.
>"I need some coffee!"
>"Coffee?" she asked.

New paragraph new speaker doesn't apply to Andre, apparantly. I'm imagining a fuckhuge silence between 'morning' and 'i need some coffee', where Jack stares absently into the middle distance.

>"Yes and please don't tell me you can live without coffee?"

This is not a question.

>Oh god now this must be the worst planet if there is no coffee to drink. I mean how can they survive if there is no coffee on this planet.

Fuck punctuation right? Also Jack is not in the least bit confused or alarmed that he got whisked away to talking pony land. I guess he came completely to terms with it in the last chapter. Now he has more important things to worry about - like coffee, and doing Twilight's studying for her.

>"Do you want something to eat?" she asked.
"No thank you I have a lot to do. But for lunch I am back Twilight."

Only pussies need breakfast. It's not all bad though, at least he can spell 'a lot'.

>"Ok remember to look around by Rarity and the others."

Just have a look in the general vicinity of Rarity and the others, Jack. Whatever you're looking for (which neither he nor we know) is bound to crop up there.
Also, Twilight ascribes more importance to Rarity than her other friends. Magic of friendship - GO!

>They haven't got much to live.
>Their live was really simple but they were more lucky as a human could be. I mean how does that work?

I'm asking myself the very same question, Andre. How does that last sentence work?



>The whole world thinks to complicated. I mean if you look at them they are lucky, how they life.

He's been in Equestria for less than a day, but somehow knows that ponies 'think too much'. Jack can add clairvoyancy to his list of supreme character traits.

>Unbelievable for me as a human.

Jack is still a human. Did you forget?

>"SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT* A MOOOOOOOOOOOOONSTER said a small unicorn."

Not only did Sweetie Belle 'sight' a monster, but her ENTIRE SENTENCE consisted of the green. Has she taken to narrating her own life?

>"Sweety Belle please....oh sorry darling. My sister she can be sometimes ...."

Sweetie Belle is now legally known as 'Sweety Belle'.

>"Yes, it wasn't simple to made them but I think it must pass to you. Please go to the changing room and I will see if you fit in."

Rares, for some reason, is unsure if the clothes will fit, despite having access to an unconscious Jack in the last chapter where she could have taken measurements.

>5 Minutes later:

No man takes this long to change. Not that Andre's characters can be said to be 'men' or even 'people' really. There are some single-celled organisms living in Jack's colon with greater depth of character than Jack himself.

"Yes, I have to say, they are really nice." The clothest looked really nice. They made some shirts, some jeans and ...

Clothest, y'know, the superlative of cloth. That exists now.



>"Yes I mean ... if you are in dangers or in fights, you need something which protect you. It´s a very rarely fabric, our guardians wear that. I think it could help you too." she said.

A new kind of fabric called 'very rarely fabric'. I can only assume that means this particular fabric is composed of elementary particles that constantly change their spin states, and therefore can only be said to be fabric at certain rare points in time. In which case, Equestria's got some mad science, yo.
And guardians. What kind? Legal? Custodian?

>"Can this hold bullets too?" I asked.

Asks Jack, like Rares knows what the fuck bullets ar-

>"Bullets? Why bullets?" asked Rarity.

Scratch that, Rares knows what bullets are.

>"Because we on earth we have weapons which shoots bullets. In a very fast speed."
"Of course darling. You are save against magical lasers." she said.

Jack feels the need to explain what bullets are, even though Rares already knows. Also, that's a pretty disjointed sentence, Rares. I thought you were well-spoken.

>"No problem darling. If it will save your life. I am happy."

There are three distinct sentences here. One stating there is no problem, one which is not a complete sentence, and another where Rares just says 'I am happy.'. Good for you, Rares, I guess.

>"I try to pack back this as fast as I can." I said.

Usually I can understand the concept behind Andre's sentences, but not this time.

>"Don't worry Mitchell. Take all the time you need and I said it is a gift for you as a newcomer." she said.

Huh, Rares apparently understood what he meant. Guess that makes me the stupid one.

>"Bye bye big soldier from another world." said the small unicorn which denoted me as a monster.

I just want us all to appreciate the finest sentence in all of Andre's works. I think everything is in order here. I want to believe that Andre is in fact capable of putting together a coherent sentence.



>I finally arrived Daring Do´s house. I knocked on her door.

Where in the literal fuck did this come from? He left Twilight's with the vague notion of talking to her friends, goes to pick up some clothes from Rares, and then fucks off to Daring Do's place (and I'm pretty sure he doesn't even know where it is) in a fucking microsecond?

>"Hello, Jack Mitchell, I am the strange creature which your rescued from ... whatever." And she opened the door.

Before then, they were talking to each other through the door.

>"Yes, and I want to say thank you, because you saved my life."

Jack could have done this following the actual life-saving, but fuck it, he turns up unannounced on her doorstep to do it.

>"Yes but you saved my life. I mean ...."
>"You are a soldier. You doing this every day I guess. So that must be your business right?"

Daring Do brings up the sensitive topic of the nature of Jack's job OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE.

>"To be in danger. It isn't the first time where you was in trouble. I mean if I hadn't found you, you would be the breakfast of the Timberwolves." she explained.

Daring Do nails down Jack's history and the theme of his work following a brief encounter with Timberwolves, despite knowing nothing about how the military works on Earth, or even how the military works in Equestria (assuming there is one, Royal Guard would be the closest I guess).

>"Very creepy and aggressive ... dogs."

The ellipsis for dramatic effect is followed by a very anticlimactic 'dogs'. Creepy and agressive... abominations? Nope, dogs. It reads like a Monty Python sketch.

>After I tried to get home I was dreaming. I was in thoughts. I thought about, what Will is actually doing and stuff like that and I thought about ....

So he tried to get home, implying that he failed. So, what, he camped out in the forest? He propped himself up against a tree and went 'in thoughts'?. Strange he should wonder what Will is doing too, since he fucking died in the prologue.



>*BUUUUM*

This is not a noise, Andre.

>"OUCH HEY WATCH OUT!" said a pony.
>"Ups, sorry .... I ... I was."
>"Oh in Celestias name another day dreamer." said the female pony.

Other pony is not at all concerned at Jack's appearance, rather that he *BUUUUMED* into her.

>"I didn't think about that humans do really exist. There were some myths about your kind but I didn't thought it´s true ... my parents were right." she said.

They don't think it be like it is, but it do.

>I looked at her with a sad view.

View is now a synonym for expression. Andre's not a moron, he's a trendsetter. A visionary.

>"You looks like ... a colt who fights for freedom right?"

'Freedom fighters'. I'm going to take a drink every time I read the word 'freedom' from now on.

>"OK ... oh by the way: I am Jack Mitchell. From The Earth. Call me Mitchell."

The names Bon- I mean Mitchell. Jack Mitchell. I was about to call out 'The Earth', but I think that's actually acceptable. Still irks the shit out of me though.

>She was a black pony, with a tattoo on her flank. It looked like a ... bird or whatever and she had white hairs with an orange stripe.

So, this is fine I guess. He's describing the character, right? I thought it was okay too, until I scrolled down a little and found pic related.

>Velvet Remedy is from Fallout Equestria. But for my story she is the right pony for everything.

How many things is he ripping from other stories now? I sure as fuck hope he doesn't find mine and butcher my characters.



>"Ok Velvet, it was nice to meet you but I have to go home now." I said.

Home as in Earth? In which case you can end the story here, Andre, because I doubt you'll do any better than that. Home as in Twi's castle? Jack sure warmed up to Equestria fast.

>"Home? Where do you life?" she asked.

How does Andre ALWAYS manage to confuse 'life' and 'live'. Is it an innate skill, or did he have to work on it?

>"In Twilights Tree house. Yes I know that sounds crazy but better than nothing."

That's remarkable, considering the treehouse is now a hole in the ground.

>It got dark. The time here runs faster I think. Ok I did a lot of stuff today. I was by Rarity, Daring Do, and the rest ... I will do that tomorrow, after meeting Velvet, I spend my time to look around how this place was.
As I arrived "At home" I opened Twilights door and she was already waiting for me.

The days are literally just a few hours long in Andre's universe. He had time to get up, talk to Twilight, talk to Rares, talk to Daring Do and meet some character from FoE, and then it got dark.
He also said he'd be back for lunch with Twilight, but didn't in the end, which means that Jack hasn't eaten for roughly 12 hours. Does Andre understand the superman of a human being he's create- stolen.

>"Hey Mitchell, you are really late for doing only doing some stuff."
>"Yes, I met a girl ... mare. Her name was Velvet Remedy. She told me about her life and so one. You know women...."

Twilight is not even mildly concerned an alien has been fucking around the whole day without checking in with her. He also implies that his entire day was taken up by a one minute conversation with Velvet Remedy.

>I sat down and eat like Twilight said. She asked me some questions about what I was doing all the day. Man and she wanted to know everything about my world. This could be interesting.

As if what's occurred already doesn't qualify as 'interesting'.



>"Twilight, I will go to bed now. I know it is not as late but I feel me very tired..."

I'm not sure, but did he 'feel' himself in front of Twilight? Jack's got some confidence, or some problems. Probably the latter.

>"Tomorrow, I will look around by Fluttershy and by Apple Jack of course.
>"Because your job?"
>"Yes."

Jack's job (as a soldier, I presume) requires him to speak with Fluttershy and 'Apple Jack' (whoever that is) for some reason.

>A green light surrounded a statue on my table. It was from a pony.

What's from a pony? The statue? The green light?

>"Holy shit!" I said and point my pistol on it.

There's a very real chance that Jack has mistaken a desk light for an apparition.

>"The situation with Velvet Remedy was the best example that humans can see the different between lies and truths. Your world, is working with the machinery of deception. You have to learn the ability of magic. Magic can help you to see things are unseen."

Punctuation out the window, again. That first sentence makes exactly zero sense. Machinery of deception? Are we going to see decepticons in the next chapter? I wouldn't put it past Andre.

>Then, the aura disappeared again and the statue felt on the ground. I only asked myself. What the fuck was that and who the fuck is the creature behind this and I knew it was responsible for my visit here....

The statue, which was on the table and didn't move, falls to the ground somehow.

Sit tight for the next thrilling chapter of Andre's 'Two Worlds - One Destiny'!



Chapter 5 - The Human Is The Real Monster

>After I woke up I stood on the window.

This is the opening sentence, where Jack stands ON the windowsill. If you were planning on setting the tone for the whole chapter, you did a good job, Andre.

> I just wonder how peaceful this world was.

Jack has no evidence, anecdoal or otherwise, to support this thought. He woke up, looked out his window, and thought to himself 'Boy, maybe this place isn't all that after all.'. Looks pretty fucking peaceful to me Andre.

>Who was this person who is all the time talking with me?

This 'person' has spoken to you once per chapter. Once. This is not 'all the time'.

>"Good morning Mitchell, how is it going today?" she asked.
>"Oh thanks I slept well...you know what toasts is?"

Toasts, the plural of toast.

>"Yes it is a really beautiful place. Better than my home." I said.
>"Come on how is your world look like?" she asked.
>"I thought we do it in a silent hour."
>"Yes but only this information." she said and looked like a child which want a toy so much.

Jack was under the assumption that he would discuss Earth during 'silent hour' (whatever the fuck that is). Andre managed to create a perfect oxymoron here, by what I suspect is total accident. 'Hey Twilight, lets talk about Earth, but only during silent hour. Sound good?'
I'm not even going to acknowledge that last line of dialogue.

>"My world is different, completely different to yours. It seems similar with yours but humans are complete different."

Jack infers that ponies and humans are not so different on the outside, but have subtle differences inside, when EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE is true.
Also, the second sentence is a literal restatement of the first.



>"Hm that's interesting. We divided in 4 big continents."
>"Yes but you are not divided in 194 countries." Twilight made an surprised look.

Fuck off Jack you fucking bullshitter, you've been in Equestria for like 2 days, and haven't made even a remote effort to learn about it. There's no way you can know how Equestria is divided.

>"You see humans are different to ponies."
>"That's crazy. Unbelievable."

Stop the fucking presses, because humans are different to ponies. The hilarity is further exacerbated by Twilight's reply.

>"There were a lot of wars, fights between black and white or the 2 World Wars were millions of people died. The 11th September 2001 where terrorists destroyed the World Trade Centre. People killing, people dying. There were so many wars."

'Black and white' (I assume Andre is talking about skin colour) means literally jack shit to Twilight. Stating calender dates is a similar exercise in futility, because I doubt Equestria uses the Gregorian Calender. Whatever though, Andre, have a free pass for that last one.

>...What if I tell you that we develop a weapon which is so strong that it could destroy cities in only a few minutes. A weapon which is so strong that it could kill millions in seconds. A weapon which burn the shadows of their sacrificial deep into the ground."

Just to be clear, we're talking about nukes, but Andre couldn't have done more to obfuscate the point. What the fuck does 'shadows of their sacrificial' mean? Somebody tell me please, and then tell Andre, because I don't want to deal with him.

>"Jesus Christ."

Twilight hears and accepts this idiom with no question.

>"Is there no one who is controlling the stars?" she asked.
>"No everything on our planet goes automatically."
>"Wow that's amazing. The weather too?"

A heavy conversation about nukes slides neatly into a conversation about the fucking weather, of all things. Twilight is also unfazed by the prospect of a single weapon that can glass deserts.



>"How can humans life without magic?"

New drinking game: every time Andre confuses 'life' for 'live', have a sip. Hell, drink the whole fucking thing if it'll help you to forget you ever read Two Worlds - One Destiny. I don't really want to play, but I have a single can of Red Stripe somewhere in this flat which needs drinking.

>Ok I knew where shall I know who is innocent and who not I mean I do only my orders.

Some background first: he's just explained he's killed people because of his job, but not innocent people. Jack seems to have abandoned his old morals, because it was just in the prologue (see: 2 days ago) that he admitted to not knowing who his 'true' enemies were.
Also, those enemy soldiers were probably pretty innocent (by his own admission, they just do their jobs), but you killed them, right?

There are continuity errors, and then there's Andre's writing. Also, try reading the green aloud, if you can.

>"Hey, it´s ok. If you wont talk about this ... your new clothes are looking really good." said Twilight."

Twilight is, once again, unfazed while in the company of a philosophically broken alien killer that changes its morals every other day.

>"OK Twi, I am late. I said to Apple Jack I will be on her farm at 9 we already have 08:30."

I think I missed that conversation, because I don't think Jack has ever spoken to AJ. Jack can add long-distance telepathy to his repertoire of unlikely skills. Also, Jack 'has' 8:30. I don't know what to say about that last part, except that it's retarded.

>I left Twilights house and went outside. AAAAAAAAAAH the fresh air did so well.

I laughed, and then I scowled. There was some dialogue prior to this green that was (by Andre's standards) alright. I almost forgot I was reading Andre's writing, but he reminded me again.



>"Yes?" It was Pinkie who stood not far away on her sugar cube corner.

Apparently, Pinkie is standing 'on' sugarcube corner. Maybe I shouldn't be surprised, since it's Pinkie and her general disregard for what's physically feasible.

>"Hello, Mitchell." It was the black pony from yesterday again. Velvet Remedy. The black Pony with a bird as her cutie mark like Twilight said. And her white mane with a red stripe and blue eyes.

I actually forgot he ripped this character, and I'm not too happy that he reminded me.

>"That's right. But I guess some changes are never wrong."

Velvet claims that menial farm work won't be enough for Jack, being a soldier. To which he responds with his own, broken English version of 'some things never change'.

>"That's right."

She replies, even though no sentient being would ever understand what the fuck Andre was trying to convey with Jack's dialogue.

I can't be fucked with the rest of it. Somebody else take over.



Continuing on. For reference, we're not even halfway done, oh no sir. In related news, Andre has changed his author information thing. He's no longer 19, he's 20 now. Gute zum geburtstag, Andre.

>"Everyone ... everypony here is scared about me I think."
>"Nah, these ponies here are nice, trust me."
>"Sure?" I said.

I was under the impression that Velvet was new in town as well, so she couldn't possibly know if Ponyville was a nice town. In a similar vein, Jack has made absolutely no observations about how scared other ponies are of him. Given the reactions of every pony so far, it seems like they couldn't give two fucks that he's a human.

>"You sure you want to spend your time with a monster?"
>"Why a monster? I think you are all right."
>"Yes but I have my good site and my bad site, like every human. If you would know how humans are..."

Invoking the 'humans are bastards' theme quite heavily this time around. I never read his other words to completion (forgive me), so I don't know if he's done this kind of thing before. I do know, however, that this theme is right in the centre of the beaten track when it comes to HiE fiction.

This is Andre's attempt at a multilayered character. He wants us to see that Jack is an amoral, horrific human being, while he makes choices that are patently heroic and selfless, thereby creating a walking contradiction that we should hate but love instead, kinda like Riddick or something I guess.

We've seen that Jacks' wonky morals and retarded worldviews change on a dime, even without any pushing or shoving (solely because Andre seemingly can't look over his prologue and remind himself of Jack's morals). So, just by virtue of forgetting what he made Jack like in the earlier chapters, he completely rewrites Jack's philosophies with every subsequent chapter.

Andre is actually managing character development simply via his own forgetful laziness.

I could go on and on but for my health, and yours, I'll move on.



>"It´s ok but you have to promise me that. I want to know everything about humans because I don't know anything about your kind." she smiled. Great she is like Twilight.
>"She is lying with that." said the mysteries voice in my head.

Mysterious voice ex machina.

>"Nothing ... I was .... I don't know what it was?"
>"Are you ok?" she asked.
>We arrived on Apple Jacks farm. I had to agree it was the biggest farm I have ever seen in my life. Peasants on our world had already big farms but this was ... overwhelming.

"Are you ok?" she asked. Then, it looks like Jack just fucked off, because he never answered that question. Manners maketh man, Jack. An exemplary human being you aren't.
>Peasants...
I almost didn't see this, but I'm so glad I did.

>A few minutes later:
>"And?" she asked.
>"Nah, she already has another colt because she needed one very soon that´s why she chose another one. Or maybe she is afraid about my person too."

So far the story has been: Jack got up, Jack left the library and bumped into Velvet, Jack went to SAA, Jack got turned down like a bitch.
Andre, if you're reading this, I'd like to say something directly to you. I could forgive everything. I could look past your shitty grammar, bad spelling and the minefield of cliche's you leave in your wake, if only your stories were fucking interesting. Who the fuck wants to read about this shit? The only relevant thing that's happened so far is that Jack heard a stupid fucking voice in his stupid fucking head. You can do that in fewer than 50 words.

Not mad, just disappointed. Let's continue:

>"I don't know if you are welcomed by her. I guess yes but ..."
>"No I mean ... let´s go to a party this evening. To think about funny things, to dance, drink and so one. There will be a lot of nice mares too." she said.
>"Ehm ... party? Really? I am not the party ..."

Horse pussy party incoming, and I doubt the mares will be able to keep their mouths off of Jack's dick. Also Jack was party.