oregairu-voc1

Chapter o1. Clumsily, Yui Yuigahama Makes a Phone Call
A sound of the working TV was heard from the living room. It was probably Komachi who turned it on and now was watching it while lying under the kotatsu and holding her ice cream in one hand. I didn’t recognize the show broadcasted but it was still noisy, so took couple steps away.
“Hikki, heey!” I heard Yuigahama’s voice from the phone. Seemed like she was worried I haven’t said a word yet.
“Yeah, I hear you,” I said pushing from the wall I had propped myself up against and headed to my room. Without even realizing it I started sneaking, my steps almost inaudible. Probably because I was talking on the phone. The caller on the other side shouldn’t be bothered by the noise.
The corridor was much colder than the living room. The floor, of course, was equally chilly. I felt it more and more through the slippers with each step.
“I was kinda curious what happened since you fell silent and all.”
“No, nothing happened.”
I just needed some time to get a hold of myself. When such an unexpected phone call occurs, the first thing on my mind is always “crap, what did I do this time?!”, so I understandingly hesitate before answering the call. Moreover, if I can estimate why I’m being called I’ll ignore it altogether. And then, after I’ve heard it on the answering machine and decided the call’s importance, I start thinking “I don’t need to call back anymore, right?”. So I ignore either way. Because of this the relationships often fall short.
That’s exactly why phone calls are so unnerving: you can’t see the caller’s face, you can completely ignore the call, and as a result relationships wither. I don’t understand what others think as it is, and in this case I get even less info. The risk of getting something wrong raises. The relationships established with a couple of button presses can be destroyed as easily.  Same applies to Yuigahama. To be precise, because it’s Yuigahama calling I have no room for mistakes. It took me some time to calm my nervous voice.
“So what did you want?” I asked. My house was quite small. That was all I had time to say before entering my room. My house’s so cramped.... I turned the lights on, locked the door and fell on my bed. The lights revealed a small cloud of dust.  I watched it thinking I should clean the place up.
“Um...” Yuigahama stuttered while searching for right words. Her unsure voice was so loud in my quiet room.
“H-Hikki… Are you free… at the last day of the year?”, she uttered, slowly, word by word. And equally slowly, word by word, her words’ meaning had finally reached me.
“Mhm, I’m free,” I replied. Why ask, though? I’m free year round. What’s more, I’m unpaid year round too.  And thank to the Volunteers Club I got used to working with black companies. This means a prominent future for any corporate slave. Though lately I’m scared of getting into all those black deals for different reasons.
But then Yuigahama said something unexpected. Moments ago she quietly breathed into the received but now her voice was energetic again.
“Then let’s go visit a shrine!”
“Ah, sending the year off?”
“Sending off?..” Yuigahama repeated. That meant she didn’t understand what I meant. I could feel her confusion even over here. I vividly imagined her tilt her head, thinking.
“That means we’re going to send this year off and meet the new one.”
People usually plan to come to shrine for that so they can make it before midnight. There are many variants of doing this, but generally it’s a common shrine ceremony.
“Huh...” Yuigahama said vaguely. Wonder if she understood. Probably not. Ah, first shrine visit… Actually it’s a good omen. They say your hair will grow better. Well, yes, I do admit I worry about my hair when looking at Pops’ bald head. I think the appearance of a shrine with a strange slogan “So Your Hair Would Grow Better” isn’t that farfetched. And so I ran away from the scalp condition problems. Yuigahama meanwhile asked curiously:
“Then… Let’s go send the year off, shall we?”
“Sure, why not,” I replied reflexively. But… The thing is… I as a recipient side don’t have enough info. I only knew I’d visit the shrine with Yuigahama at the end of the year and that was it. I’d like to know more. For example... Is it just us? Yuigahama hadn’t mentioned anyone, and judging by her tone the probability of us ending up together was quite high.
It was risky in a certain sense: just two of us, together. And I’m afraid of this risk. Going there to, for example, buy something, like materials for some event, would be okay. if I had a concrete purpose to go the for, I’d have justified myself in the eyes of the bystanders who could see us together and could have tuned out the unnecessary thoughts. Who’s gonna say anything to me if I came here with a definite goal?
Something personal was another thing entirely. Just what do I do in this case? What doest she mean by visiting the shrine together? Walk together as usual, talk as usual, visit the shrine as usual? What does this “as usual” mean anyway? Agh, to hell with that, it’s too philosophical. And so I continued thinking those thoughts without any answer. Besides, there was another question awaiting.
Which shrine should we visit? Most probably it’s Inage Sengen since it’s the biggest in the neighborhood.  I mean there’s going to be plenty of people besides us. I remembered the summer and the fireworks festival. There was this possibility of Yuigahama being uncomfortable with me. We could meet someone from another clique who despised me like, say, Minami Sagami. And there were quite a lot of such people and I should never forget that. Caste system is still here to stay after all. One misstep on my part and Yuigahama will have a buttload of problems. Yes, no missteps allowed.
Life had shown me many times that you can’t make mistakes in cliques, people around you and feelings. Making mistake is very easy, and that’s exactly why I had to draw a line.
“Ummm…. sure. What about others?”
Well said, me. I just smoothly asked her if she was going to invite anyone else. Such an evasive question: are we, like, going there together? But next moment I regretted it.
“Ah? Well… others...” Yuigahama said, miffed. Her sad voice made my heart squeeze in pain. She couldn’t immediately answer the question. That meant many things, and Yuigahama probably understood that too. That’s why her tone became overly energetic:
“I think Yukinon can come! She said she was free!”
I did my best to reply in the same energetic tone. Don’t know if I did it right.
“Okay, um… can Komachi go too?” Yuigahama asked, her voice still energetic. I threw a glance to the door while holding the phone with my shoulder.
“Komachi? Wait a second,” I said and quickly exited the room still keeping the call.
x x x
I entered the living room and saw Komachi. She was sitting under the kotatsu, eating ice cream and watching TV. At some point a cup of coffee with milk appeared near her, and on her knees was lying our cat Kamakura, being the makeshift legt warmer.  Rest mode on. Too bad it’s not nekomimi mode. That’s my Himouto Komachi-chan.
Due to me barging in suddenly Komachi threw a suspicious glance at me. I coughed.
“Komachi, wanna go visit the shrine on New Year?” I asked. Komachi frowned:
“New Year?”
“Yep.”
“Why’s that suddenly?” Komachi asked and looked at me with mischievous eyes. Because of that I backed off a bit. Komachi hmm’ed and noticed a cellphone in my hand.
“That’s Yui-san calling?”
“Yeah...” I replied. Komachi made a disappointed sigh:
“... Bro.”
“W-what?”
Komachi pointedly raised her shoulders, put the finger on her head and started talking.
“Komachi wants to sleep at night. Komachi not leaving the house. Komachi not going with you.”
“Fine then...”
I didn’t understand her choice of phrasing but somehow got the meaning behind. I should stop relying on Komachi. I should not use Komachi as an excuse or a justification for my actions. It’s low and cowardly.
“Komachi’s not coming, and you Bro think carefully about going. Decide for yourself. Deal?” She said with a lecturing tone, her stare intense, but kind and raising all sorts of feeling in my heart. I couldn’t say anything, only utter “mmhm”.
So yeah, I think I was acting lowly and cowardly. Moreover, what I said to Yuigahama was an act of cowardice too. As was me playing with words. I felt ashamed of myself. I realized I used words like “others” and “all” like a crutch, a justification to evade. I sighed in disappointment.
“Got it, I’ll do that.”
“Good then.” Komachi replied, nodding. Though I understood that even without Komachi. Yet I still chose not to look at uncomfortable truth. I slightly nodded to Komachi too and exited the room.
Every human being must once get a hold of themselves and do what they have to do. Though all I can do now is regret the words said earlier.
x x x
My legs were quickly freezing on the chilly floor, as if telling me to hurry. So I obediently walked faster and entered my room. My hand still held the phone with an unfinished call.  I looked at it and made a brief sigh.
“Hello?” I quietly called Yuigahama.
“Hello!” Came Yuigahama’s somewhat hasty reply. Hearing it I relaxed. Quite some time passed since my last reply after all. And she had probably been waiting all this time with a phone at her ear. I’m really sorry. I hung my head in apology, even though she couldn’t see me.
“Sorry for making you wait. Komachi said she wouldn’t come.”
“Yeah, I heard,” Yuigahama said laughing. Wait, she heard everything? My god how embarrassing!
“Hikki, will you… come?” Yuigahama’s careful question tickled my ear. I felt shivers down my spine. So it turns out that even the voice from the phone can affect my ears, my weak spot. Good thing it’s not Skype or FaceTime. My ears were burning red now. I coughed and forced myself to change this train of thought. Taking my previous conversation into account, I decided to say everything clearly, without lies and deceptions.
“I.... well, I’ll come. I’ll leave everything else to you.”
“Eh?.. Umm… Yeah, sure!” Yuigahama replied, something akin to confusion or surprise in her voice. Maybe I was too straightforward. Was I wrong? I decided to quickly add:
“Yeah, welll… I’m on winter vacation, so I don’t have any plans. I’ll do it.”
“Yeah. But… others may have plans, you know...” Yuigahama said, but I interrupted her:
“Nothing can be done about that. Let’s settle on coming together and solve other problems as they come.”
Damn. Both excuse and invitation turned out really clumsy. I really should have put more thought into it. Even though I didn’t see her face, but my hand holding the phone was sweating now. I also felt a trickle of sweat flow down my head. Why is it so hard to speak without preparation?  I made a small sigh, but the other side kept quiet.
“W-what?” I asked. She seemed to come to her senses at the sound of my voice.
“Ah? N-no, nothing...” Yuigahama said and started coughing, as if checking her voice.
“Well, I’ll send you the meeting place info later.”
“Okay.”
“Mhm” Yuigahama said. The conversation can be considered over, but… for some reason we both still listened to each other.
I even heard her breath. Some time later, though, Yuigahama laughed.
“What?”
“Ah, nothing, sorry. I just thought it’s strange.”
What’s so strange about this? Though I did feel strange too. The conversation was over and I had to end the call, but somehow I couldn’t bring myself to do it. As far as I remember, according to the etiquette the one who called should be the one to end it. Maybe I’m not hanging up because of this knowledge? Though our relationship is not subjected to etiquette. There wouldn’t be any problems if I hang up first, I thought and said aloud:
“Okay, I’m ending the call.”
“Yeah, bye,” Yuigahama said but was still there.
I heard her breath and smiled like an idiot.
“End it already.”
“Y-yeah,” Yuigahama said. She surely was shyly smiling now while stroking the bun on her head. While I was imagining this all Yuigahama exclaimed as if having got an idea.
“How about we count on two and end the call?” She said awkwardly. Hearing her timid laughter I could easily imagine her expression. Realizing what she was offering I felt my neck burn.
“Eh? Hell’s that? I’m off.”
“Hey, wa-”
“Yeah, bye.” I said and pushed the “End Call” button as fast as I could. I looked at the phone in my head and made a relieved sigh. What kind of conversation was that? Remembering that childishly stupid talk I felt very ashamed. I started rolling on my bed as if trying to swim away from it all. Some time later I abruptly stopped and made a deep sigh. Feeling my throat dried I rose up from my bed with a tired face.
x x x
Wearing that same tired face I entered the living room and met Komachi’s look. After seeing my face she made a satisfied hum.
“So you’re coming to a shrine?”
“Yeah, probably,” I replied after walking into the kitchen and getting myself a glass of water. Komachi smiled smugly.
“Hehehe, right, right.”
“Your face irritates me, stop.”
“Nah, I just thought my Bro isn’t that dumb.” Komachi said smiling, though I personally didn’t share her opinion. I could’ve answered the call better. With these regrets I sat at the kotatsu. Komachi meanwhile stood up as if passing me the kotatsu watch duty.
“That means I gotta think which shrine I should go to.”
“Well, Pops really wanted to visit Kameido Tenjin. You can come along.” I replied. Komachi’s face expressed disgust.
“Eh?..”
What’s with this reply? Pops does his best to be loved by Komachi. I understand his feelings, but Komachi apparently didn’t care.
“Nevermind, I’ll go somewhere else then. Night.” She quickly said and left the living room.
Only me and Kamakura left. Kamakura sighed, rose up evidently in a bad mood, stretched and crawled under the kotatsu.  I followed suit and  dove underneath it with only my head outside. Not so long till the end of the year. Seemed like this new year’s beginning is going to be more troublesome than the last one.