nope

:00] * Starting conversation with Jay
[01:00] <Jay> ?
[01:01] <Totodile> Just wanna let you know, 1 im srry for that fight we had
[01:01] <Totodile> and 2 i honestly have nothing to do with any memos you got
[01:02] <Jay> Bri told me already. I said I'd believe you that time and btw don't worry about anything anymore
[01:02] <Totodile> x.x
[01:03] <Jay> yeah, her and i talked tonight. i had the two hardest vid chats i've ever had tonight
[01:03] <Totodile> x.x
[01:03] <Totodile> ik, i was talking to her x.x
[01:04] <Jay> i figured as much. again dw. the IM's she gets from me will be a million times different now
[01:05] <Totodile> x.x
[01:05] <Totodile> Though in all honesty, its probably better that she did that now and not later. Ya know?
[01:05] <Jay> i talked to her and what i say is going to be completely different and all we're gonna do now is hug
[01:06] <Jay> and yes i agree
[01:06] <Totodile> x.x
[01:06] <Jay> tbh it's nothing i didn't see coming
[01:07] <Totodile> I just hate it when im wrong x.x
[01:08] <Jay> tbh i knew it would happen this way since i told her how i feel originally and it jus became more apparent as time went on. not to mention my inferiority complex
[01:08] <Totodile> ;-;
[01:09] <Jay> like i told her, i'll adjust what i say/do and i'll figure out a way to make it work so i can be her friend
[01:09] <Totodile> We were scared that you were gonna leave x.x
[01:10] <Jay> not gonna lie the thought crossed my mind a number of times and tbh i'm still not sure how i'll make it work
[01:10] <Totodile> Plz man, w/e you do, dont leave her
[01:11] <Jay> if i can figure out how to make it work so we can be friends i'll make it work. i just don't know how right now
[01:11] <Totodile> x.x
[01:12] <Jay> trust me man, even after what was all said tonight i don't want to lose her completely
[01:12] <Totodile> Ik
[01:12] <Totodile> i dont want her to lose you
[01:13] <Jay> i don't either. she told me a number of times tonight that she cares about me a lot as her friend/brother
[01:14] <Totodile> Yep
[01:15] <Jay> i still do love her as a friend/sister. i just need to make that the more prominate type of love for her and i will in time
[01:15] <Totodile> >.<
[01:15] <Totodile> well unfortunatly i gotta head to sleep
[01:15] <Jay> yeah she already fell asleep while i was vid chatting her
[01:16] <Totodile> I figured xD
[01:16] <Jay> yeah though she did say she still wants to IM as much as we did and do the alternting day vid chat thing
[01:16] <Totodile> I kinda figured that xD
[01:17] <Jay> that surprised me tbh
[01:17] <Totodile> she wouldnt just vid chat me all the time
[01:17] <Jay> i didn't think that but i figured if her and i did still vid chat i'd have 1-2 days a week and you'd get the rest
[01:17] <Totodile> nah
[01:18] <Jay> i'm surprised she still wants to spend halloween with me
[01:18] <Totodile> Im not ._.
[01:18] <Jay> i am. i figured she'd want to spend it with you
[01:19] <Totodile> Idk anything about that xD
[01:19] <Totodile> Last thing i heard is that she wanted to do something with me if i wasnt busy
[01:20] <Totodile> And this was before she had feelings for me (i think)
[01:20] <Jay> all ik is that she still wants to im and vid chat me
[01:20] <Jay> other than that ik nothing
[01:20] <Totodile> x.x
[01:20] <Totodile> For halloween?
[01:20] <Totodile> Or all together?
[01:21] <Jay> all together but ik nothing other than that
[01:21] <Totodile> Tbph
[01:21] <Totodile> Me neither
[01:21] <Totodile> XD
[01:21] <Jay> ehh i guess we'll see what happens and how much her and i talk
[01:22] <Totodile> :p
[01:22] <Totodile> Though she seems to have made up her mind about caleb
[01:22] <Jay> i knew she did a while ago and ik that you two are together now too
[01:23] <Totodile> Not together >////<
[01:23] <Totodile> We cant be together
[01:23] <Jay> she told me her heart decided already and she can't lead me on anymore so yeah together
[01:24] <Totodile> "I just have to explain to Caleb. It seems to me, and my friend Tiffany, what with him already in training, he has made his decision. So...I have made mine."
[01:24] <Totodile> ^she talked to her friend about it
[01:24] <Jay> yeah they spent all day together today and now she has a new bf
[01:25] <Totodile> You know shes not allowed to date untill she moves out
[01:25] <Jay> ik but she has her mind made up for when she does move out
[01:26] <Totodile> Yea
[01:26] <Jay> all i have to say is treat her right or it'll be my goal to make sure you regret mistreating her
[01:27] <Totodile> Would never think of mistreating her
[01:28] <Totodile> like she said, i treat her like a princess everyday
[01:28] <Jay> good. and i'll be there for whenever she wants to im me
[01:29] <Totodile> Which you know she will
[01:30] <Totodile> i wont/never will stop her
[01:30] <Jay> ik she will too. we'll just end up going back to talking like we did before i confessed to her
[01:31] <Totodile> I'll comend you if you can do that xD
[01:31] <Totodile> i dont think i'd ever be able to do that ;-;
[01:31] <Jay> ik it won't be easy but it's the best solution to the current situation
[01:32] <Totodile> Yea
[01:32] <Jay> i'll work on it. i already changed from saying "i love you" only back to "i love you sis"
[01:33] <Totodile> Heh i say both from time to time >.<
[01:33] <Jay> i did then i went to only "i love you" and now based on her decision it's back to "i love you sis"
[01:34] <Totodile> Im just glad that today didnt turn into a totally bad day x.x
[01:34] <Totodile> it could have been alot worse, but we all avoided the train wreck
[01:34] <Jay> it wasn't completely horrible but for the most part was on my end
[01:35] <Totodile> Im sure it hurt bri as well
[01:35] <Totodile> And it hurt me knowing that she was hurt x.x
[01:35] <Jay> it did. she was just as upset as i was x.x
[01:35] <Totodile> Yea she told me
[01:35] <Jay> she had to lie to her stepmom tonight x.x
[01:36] <Totodile> o.o
[01:36] <Totodile> x.x
[01:36] <Totodile> About why she was upset/crying?
[01:36] <Jay> her stepmom saw she was crying and forced her to tell her so she told a half lie about me saying my friends didn't support me even though that's not what was bothering me most
[01:37] <Totodile> Damn x x
[01:37] <Totodile> Have you told leo or that other dude yet?
[01:37] <Jay> yeah x.x it was not good. just an all around bad night
[01:38] <Jay> yeah both leo and chris know now and so does chris's sister
[01:38] <Totodile> What'd they say?
[01:38] <Totodile> Probably nothing good about me im sure x.x
[01:39] <Jay> leo basically said "i told you so" though not directly and tbh chris did too due to the memo i got this morning he lost any hope and faith he had x.x
[01:40] <Totodile> Dont worry about that memo, im going to have a little word with john-117
[01:40] <Totodile> It pissed me off that he did that
[01:40] <Totodile> Especially how he made it seem like i told him to send that
[01:42] <Jay> i was shaking i was so pissed when i saw it and it also was that last nail in the coffin on my hopes with bri
[01:42] <Totodile> If i could get him z-lined for it i would
[01:43] <Totodile> But unfortunatly, it dosnt break any network rules
[01:43] <Jay> i woulda killed him if i could have
[01:43] <Totodile> I'd have joined you
[01:44] <Totodile> Johns also the one that got me and naero demoted in helios
[01:44] <Jay> he's just lucky that idk where he lives and idc about naero. still beyond pissed at him for everything he did
[01:44] <Totodile> Johns in the uk
[01:45] <Jay> oh perfect, i have a few friends in the uk
[01:45] <Totodile> same xD xbox live ftw!!
[01:46] <Totodile> Speaking of which, im not renewing my xbox live anymore
[01:47] <Jay> oh btw as for that fight we had. dw about it
[01:47] <Totodile> x.x
[01:47] <Jay> i won't hold a grudge. it was a tough situation for everyone. we were all on edge
[01:48] <Totodile> Yea
[01:48] <Totodile> if im not mistaken, it was soon after my last EGD
[01:48] <Jay> yeah it was the same day
[01:49] <Totodile> Yea, that would be why. It was after i was told all that bad news x.x
[01:50] <Jay> yeah, it's understandable.
[01:50] <Totodile> May end up losing my gallbladder
[01:50] <Jay> x.x
[01:50] <Totodile> ik its not that important, but, idk about you, i'd prefer to keep all my organs inside of me
[01:51] <Jay> same
[01:51] <Totodile> My bodys all messed up, and bris worried about me x.x
[01:52] <Totodile> Been getting into better shape for her
[01:52] <Totodile> dont wanna die before i turn 40
[01:52] <Jay> i'm gonna start training with chris for personal reasons now
[01:52] <Totodile> Wish i could do that x.x
[01:53] <Totodile> probably gonna use the treadmill thats in my livingroom
[01:53] <Jay> personal reasons all i got to work out for now
[01:54] <Totodile> Same, been feeling weak lately
[01:55] <Jay> ehh i'm not feeling weak but i need a reason to get back in the ring and train
[01:55] <Totodile> How about training to kick johns teeth in? Xd
[01:56] <Jay> i can already do that xD between chris and i we cn take 7-8 people just us two
[01:56] <Jay> *can
[01:56] <Totodile> XD
[01:56] <Totodile> i can take maybe one
[01:57] <Jay> learning mma from him will be good since i can already box from kickboxing
[01:57] <Totodile> Though, even though my muscles are tiny, im still pretty strong for being a lil guy
[01:58] <Jay> idk i used to have a good build in high school but i stopped training x.x
[01:58] <Totodile> Ehhhh i was weak in high school
[01:58] <Totodile> 9th grade - barely benched 90lbs
[01:58] <Jay> i didn't have a sixpack or anything but i had a lot more muscle than fat
[01:58] <Totodile> XD
[01:59] <Totodile> i have more fat than muscle
[01:59] <Jay> now i do too, didn't use to
[01:59] <Totodile> Same
[01:59] <Totodile> after my step-dad stopped trying to control me, i ate non-stop
[02:00] <Jay> i need inspiration to train again
[02:00] <Totodile> Hmmm
[02:01] <Jay> for a while it'll just be to pass time and not focus on what happened
[02:03] <Totodile> Yea
[02:03] <Jay> ehh i don't see myself sleeping tonight
[02:03] <Totodile> x.x
[02:03] <Totodile> ik its hard, but you probably should
[02:04] <Jay> maybe tomorrow night
[02:04] <Jay> and i can't...not tonight anyway and possibly not for a few nights tbh
[02:04] <Totodile> Upset + sadness + sleepyness = no good
[02:04] <Jay> yes but upset + sadness + typical dream= disasterous
[02:05] <Totodile> True x x
[02:05] <Jay> i gotta clear my im logs with her too. i don't need that stuff to look back on x.x 'specially the last 3-4 days
[02:06] <Totodile> Yea probably be for the best
[02:07] <Jay> yeah. ik myself and i'd look back on them which would only cause me more pain x.x
[02:07] <Totodile> ;-;
[02:08] <Jay> last 4 days were nice but only lead to a ton of false hope x.x
[02:08] <Totodile> x x
[02:09] <Jay> only thing of comfort was her telling me the last 4 days never would of happened that way if she didn't think i had a small chance though i think she was lying to herself
[02:09] <Totodile> Idk
[02:10] <Jay> i do, she told me tonight she was going to stop lting to herself and stringing me along
[02:10] <Jay> *lying
[02:10] <Totodile> x.x
[02:11] <Totodile> i dont think she was lying to herself so much as her lying to her heart
[02:11] <Jay> idk. i'll figure something out
[02:11] <Jay> probably. she said tonight she knows there's 0 chance for her and I
[02:12] <Totodile> x.x
[02:12] <Jay> least it killed all of the what ifs all at once x.x
[02:12] * Totodile Hopes he wasnt mentioned alot
[02:12] <Jay> and confirmed all of my old doubts to be factual aside from the my leaving one which was a bad idea
[02:13] <Jay> you were a few times
[02:13] <Totodile> When she said that she loves me?
[02:13] <Jay> That and a couple other times also
[02:13] <Totodile> Mind if i know?
[02:13] * Totodile is curious
[02:14] <Totodile> if not then its ok, not gonna make you remember
[02:14] <Jay> one was when i told her if you mistreat her i'd kill you and then the other was when i told her to not let me affect yours and her relationship
[02:14] <Totodile> What'd she say to both of those?
[02:15] <Totodile> Im sure it was a you wont for the second one
[02:15] <Jay> she thought it was sweet that i'm still so protective of her even though we won't be together and yeah she said i'm never in the way for the second one
[02:17] <Totodile> Heh, it'd be the same way if our roles were reversed xD
[02:17] <Jay> ik you would though i think the first one would be interesting to see if they were xD not that i'd ever hurt her but would be interesting to see how that played out
[02:18] <Totodile> XD i'd find a way
[02:18] <Jay> i'd like to see that xD
[02:18] <Totodile> i've been known to be resourceful
[02:19] <Jay> so have i though 99% of the time i don't need to be
[02:19] <Totodile> 100% of the time i need to be, cuz im the lil guy
[02:19] <Jay> i'm average height. 5'9
[02:19] <Totodile> Im 5'6-5'7
[02:20] <Totodile> Hovering around the 200lbs mark
[02:20] <Jay> once i start training again and get a better build it'll be better
[02:20] <Totodile> When do you plan on starting to train?
[02:21] <Jay> idk i need to talk to chris and see when he takes the classes and when he can work with me
[02:21] <Totodile> Ahhh
[02:21] <Totodile> well i better get to bed
[02:21] <Totodile> tb man
[02:21] <Totodile> tc*
[02:22] <Jay> yeah, tc and i'll be up all night. can't risk a dream
[02:22] <Totodile> x.x hope ya feel better soon
[02:22] <Jay> tbh it's doubtful and it'll be a while before i open up again to anyone
[02:22] <Totodile> x.x
[02:23] <Jay> she's the first i opened up to and loved and now i have more of an inferiority complex and trust issues
[07:48] Disconnected

**** Logging started Fri Oct 24 2014 11:24:36 ****

[11:24] * Starting conversation with Jay
[11:24] <Jay> Well I took the first step to returning to how her and I were prior to my confessing
[11:25] <Totodile> o:
[11:25] <Totodile> Not gonna lie, im scared man
[11:30] <Jay> Scared about what?
[11:30] <Totodile> She may get grounded
[11:31] <Jay> Yeah she told me cause she over slept x.x
[11:31] <Totodile> Yea x.x
[11:31] <Jay> I feel horrible about that x.x
[11:31] <Totodile> x.x
[11:31] <Totodile> Dont
[11:32] <Jay> She told me the same thing x.x
[11:33] <Totodile> Cuz you shouldnt
[11:34] <Totodile> Tryin to cheer her up, just waiting for her to become unbusy
[11:34] <Jay> Yeah but I'm the one that kept her up until 12:30ish x.x
[11:34] <Totodile> x.x
[11:36] <Jay> Idk, she said to not be sorry but instead to promise her i'd wait for her if the worst case happens x.x
[11:36] <Totodile> I got kinda the same thing
[11:37] <Jay> I told her I would x.x
[11:38] <Totodile> Same
[11:38] <Totodile> Told her i'd wait till the end of the world for her
[11:38] <Jay> I did in the passed but now i just agreed to wait if it happens that way
[11:39] <Totodile> i just hope that she wont fall out of love with me if worse comes to worse
[11:40] <Jay> That's one thing I don't have to worry about
[11:41] <Totodile> x.x
[11:43] <Jay> Well I'm trying to ease one of her fears atm
[11:43] <Totodile> o:
[11:44] <Jay> Trying to make sure she knows even there is no "us" in that sense that she'll never lose me as a friend/brother
[11:45] <Totodile> ._.
[11:45] <Totodile> She probably fears that you may not be able to forget x.x
[11:46] <Jay> Forget probably not tbh but I will put them aside and not let them affect my friendship with her
[11:47] <Totodile> x.x
[11:48] <Jay> I'm gonna figure this all out and make it work. For as much as she doesn't want to lose me I don't want to lose her
[11:48] <Totodile> And i dont want you guys to lose each other either
[11:49] <Jay> Regardless of what was said last night I care to much about her to walk away
[11:50] <Totodile> Ik
[11:52] <Jay> I've got a good support system behind me so I'm not to worried about it cause  can always turn to them if I need to
[11:53] <Totodile> Good (:
[11:54] <Jay> Yeah, Chris, April (Chris's sister) and Leo have always been good to me. It upset Chris as much as id did me when he told me his thoughts and fears yesterday
[11:54] <Jay> *as it did
[11:54] <Totodile> x.x
[11:55] <Totodile> Hope your gonna be ok man
[11:55] <Jay> Honestly I will be. This is just going to take some time to get passed. I've accepted everything she said but I still have to get passed it
[11:56] <Totodile> Yea x.x
[11:56] <Jay> Just gotta bare with me while I work through everything x.x
[11:57] <Totodile> anything you can do to take your mind off it?
[11:57] <Jay> Well her and I are talking about other things now which helps and I'm still job hunting and playing PBA so those are distractions kind of anyway
[11:58] <Totodile> Ahh yea im still job hunting x.x
[11:59] <Jay> I gotta order her Christmas gift before to long
[11:59] <Totodile> x.x same
[12:00] <Totodile> I'll have a job by then
[12:00] <Jay> It's nothing big but knowing her as well as I do she should like it
[12:00] <Jay> I still have some cash from my old job that I can buy it with
[12:01] <Totodile> Same
[12:01] <Totodile> I got about $285 left
[12:02] <Totodile> ik what i wanna get her, i just dont know how much it will be
[12:04] <Jay> With shipping from the site to me should be around $30 then another 10ish to ship it from me to her won't be bad
[12:04] <Totodile> imma have it just sent to her
[12:04] <Totodile> cant do my original idea <.<
[12:04] <Totodile> I was gonna send her something and send some flowers as well
[12:05] <Totodile> But she said it wouldnt be a good idea for the flowers
[12:05] <Jay> I would but I wanna wrap it first so we can keep our Christmas gift agreement x.x
[12:05] <Totodile> Her parents would be suspicious
[12:05] <Jay> No it wouldn't tbh knowing how her dad is it's a big enough step for us to just send a regular gift
[12:06] <Totodile> yea x.x
[12:07] <Jay> Just wait once she's in college you guys will do tons of stuff x.x
[12:07] <Totodile> Im hoping she can visit for my birthday
[12:08] <Jay> She probably will x.x
[12:08] <Totodile> Idk
[12:09] <Jay> Idk, I got a lot to figre out
[12:09] <Totodile> x.x
[12:10] <Totodile> Though if she does, i wont stop her from msging you :p
[12:11] <Jay> Idk man, I'm honestly surprised she still wants to IM me on the days you two vid chat and that she still wants to vid chat me
[12:11] <Totodile> why?
[12:12] <Jay> I just assumed that after last night things would change a lot and I don't just mean in terms of the IMs I send her
[12:13] <Totodile> Nah
[12:13] <Totodile> she still wants to talk to you :p
[12:13] <Jay> Ik that now but last night during the conversation I was unsure of it and of a lot tbh
[12:14] <Totodile> though mine and hers vid chats are gonna be wierd now ._.)
[12:14] <Jay> So are mine and hers x.x
[12:15] <Totodile> Thing is, idk what i'll talk about, usually its about what ifs
[12:16] <Jay> Idk about me either. We were talking about a lot the last few days and now it's all gotta change
[12:16] <Totodile> x.x
[12:17] <Jay> :x
[12:18] <Totodile> >.<
[12:18] <Jay> x.x
[12:20] <Totodile> :x
[12:21] <Jay> :|
[12:21] <Totodile> I feel fat
[12:22] <Totodile> with what im about to eat
[12:24] <Jay> Idk how I feel right now but Chris and his sister are here to help so could be worse
[12:24] <Totodile> Yea
[12:25] <Jay> Ehh I'll make it work
[12:36] <Totodile> Hope you do man
[12:43] <Jay> I hope so too
[13:22] Disconnected: recvfrom failed: ETIMEDOUT (Connection timed out)

**** Logging started Fri Oct 24 2014 13:27:51 ****

[13:27] <Jay> Well this isn't awkward at all ._.
[13:29] <Totodile> ?
[13:30] <Jay> Chris's sister fell asleep on my shoulder
[13:30] <Totodile> Lol
[13:30] <Totodile> ;)
[13:30] <Totodile> Dont move xD
[13:31] <Jay> He took a picture too ._. don't get me wrong I like his sister just not in that way
[13:31] <Totodile> XD
[13:32] <Jay> well it doesn't surprise me. he tried to set us up after he founf out about mine and Bri's talk last night x.x
[13:32] <Totodile> ._.
[13:33] <Jay> I was honest with him. Told him I love his sister as a sister to me but not as anything more
[13:35] <Totodile> :p
[13:35] <Totodile> better to be honest then lie
[13:36] <Jay> Yep, I don't want to lead her on and hurt her when she finds out the truth. Better to just say it from the start
[13:36] <Totodile> yea
[13:37] <Jay> Besides Chris and I have beaten up to many guys for mistreating her already xP
[13:37] <Totodile> o:
[13:38] <Totodile> Ehhh have a feeling that no vid vhat tonight
[13:38] <Totodile> chat*
[13:38] <Jay> It was funny Chris scared a guy away before they started dating because of the warning he gave em
[13:38] <Jay> Why?
[13:38] <Totodile> Her parents
[13:39] <Totodile> They may still be mad when she gets home
[13:39] <Jay> True plus she said she has to go to bed at 11:30 every night now so this doesn't happen again
[13:39] <Totodile> I thought it was school nights
[13:39] <Totodile> For*
[13:41] <Jay> She didn't specify when she told me, she just said "From now on, I have to go to bed at 11:30. No more staying up. I can't let this happen again...Please...I hope this is okays with yous...o:>"
[13:41] <Totodile> " Gary. From now on, to prevent this from happening...11:30. I'm only staying up to 11:30. I can't keep doing this. It doesn't happen often, this is only the second time, but...I can't. *Shakes head* "
[13:42] <Totodile> It depends on the context your talking about tbh
[13:42] <Totodile> I'll ask her
[13:44] <Jay> Yeah I expect it to be on school nights for sure but idk about weekends and vacations
[13:44] <Totodile> Idk either
[13:44] <Totodile> i asked her
[13:44] <Jay> Let me know what she says?
[13:45] <Totodile> Yep
[13:45] <Jay> Thanks
[13:45] <Totodile> Np
[13:45] <Jay> She's so scared right now x.x
[13:45] <Totodile> x.x
[13:45] <Totodile> ik
[13:46] <Jay> Wish I could help her x.x
[13:46] <Totodile> Same
[13:47] <Jay> I'm just trying to reafirm that she'll not have to worry about losing me and that I support her no matter what. See if that helps any
[13:48] <Totodile> " Yeah...That's only for school nights. o:"
[13:49] <Jay> Okay so weekends and vacations she can stay up later o:
[13:49] <Totodile> Yep
[13:52] <Jay> Awesome c:
[13:53] <Totodile> yea
[13:53] <Totodile> bris surprised we are talking xD
[13:53] <Jay> Honestly I kinda am too xD
[13:53] <Totodile> >.<
[13:53] <Totodile> Only reason i got angry was because i was in a depressed mood
[13:54] <Jay> And I got angry cause you suddenly wanted to leave her when Imo you had no reason to ever think that
[13:55] <Totodile> Actually that was my depression talking x.x
[13:55] <Totodile> i was really bad that day x.x
[13:55] <Totodile> shaking, cold, hard to breath
[13:56] <Jay> Sounds like last night x.x
[13:56] <Totodile> Take a*
[13:56] <Totodile> Idk x.x
[13:57] <Totodile> im still trying to figure out how imma tell my mom about all this x.x
[13:57] <Jay> I do but tbh I'm happier today. Not completely happy but happier than last night
[13:57] <Jay> And that's gonna be a hard conversation to have x.x
[13:57] <Totodile> She heard me talking to bri awhile ago
[13:58] <Totodile> she looked at me and said "what are you getting yourself into?"
[13:59] <Jay> Chris sold me out to my mom for how I feel about Bri about a week ago. He waited until she walked in the room to say "So Jeremy, how's that girl Brianna you love doing?!"
[13:59] <Totodile> ._.
[14:00] <Totodile> -facepalm-
[14:00] <Jay> Ikr ._.
[14:00] <Totodile> My mom knows how i feel about bri already
[14:00] <Totodile> and i didnt have to say anything xD
[14:01] <Jay> Mine only noticed I was happier lately but never asked why. Didn't even ask what was wrong last night when it was obvious I had cried that night x.x
[14:02] <Totodile> x.x