Third Wheel [AiE]

>Be Anon in Canterlot.
>Tonight is the once-a-month date night where Luna is able to set aside a few hours to spend some quality time with you.
>It's also the one night where she can act like a normal pony and not worry about politics and the daily grind that comes with being a princess.
>It's almost 8 o'clock and you are just now finishing getting dressed and freshening up.
>The sunset/moonrise ceremony should be taking place here shortly.
>Finally finished, you lie down on your bed and wait.
>Within fifteen minutes, you stare out the window and  watch as the turnover takes place.
>The last of her duties for the night completed, you rise off the bed and make you way to Luna's bedchamber.
>Rather than wait alone, you might as well go visit her while she gets ready.
>The guard changeover is happening as well so the castle corridors are just a bit more crowded than usual.
>Just outside her room, you spot Luna coming down the other end of the hallway.
>You give her a wave and she nods in return.
>Meeting at the door, she rises onto her back legs and you share in a hug.
"I'm all ready when you are," you inform Luna.
>Luna releases you from her hug and she drops back down on all fours.
>"I just need to brush my hair and teeth and I should be good.  It'll only take a minute."
"After you."

>Luna leads you into the room and you flop yourself down onto her enormous royal bed.
>She goes into her bathroom and the sound of the sink running water emenates forth.
>"So what were you thinking of?" called Luna from the bathroom.
>Her voice was a bit muffled from the toothbrush but still understandable.
>A moment later she was at the bathroom door, a hairbrush going through her mane and a toothbrush in her mouth.
>Both were being held by magic.
>"Moonlight picnic at the lake?  A nice formal dinner?" suggested Luna.
"Actually, I was thinking we would keep it casual this time."
>"So what is it?"
"I say we go to the theatre and watch a movie."
>"That sounds terrific.  Anything in particular?"
"I have no idea what's playing.  We'll just have to wait and see."
>"Maybe we'll get to watch something a little...  Saucy..."
>Luna gave you a wink.
"I wouldn't get your hopes up," you say teasingly.

>A knock at the door.
>You and Luna turn towards the door to find Celestia standing in the door.
>Oh right, you forgot to close it.
>"I hope I'm not interupting," said Celestia.
>Luna's cheeks flushed red and she turned away to go back into the bathroom, hoping that her sister didn't hear her flirty comment.
"Not at all.  What's up?"
>"I just need to speak to Luna."
>"What is it now?" called Luna, her voice obviously a might irritated.
>"I just thought you should know that the minotauren emmisary has rescheduled his visit until next week."
>"I don't care!"
>Luna reappeared in the bedroom.
>Celestia scowled at her sister.
>"You better care.  It's your duty as a princess to-"
>"Not tonight I don't," interupted Luna.  "Tell me again tomorrow when I don't have plans."
>"Plans?"
"We're gonna go see a movie," you explain.
>Luna quickly hissed at you to try to get you to shut up but you didn't notice.
>Neither did Celestia so the conversation continued.
>"Ooh, a movie?  I haven't seen one in so long.  The only one I've ever seen was a nice one about a family of pioneers.  Do you mind if I tag along?"
>"Yes." blurted out Luna.
"Not at all," you said at the same time.
>The two of you traded looks.
>A look of excitement came over Celestia's face.
>"Wonderful!  I'll go get a chariot ready!"
>She cantered out of the room and shut the door behind her.

>Luna punched you in the shoulder when her sister was out of sight.
"Ow!  What was that for?"
>"Why did you invite her!"
"I thought it would be fun?"
>"But this was supposed to be 'our' night!"
"A third wheel isn't that bad."
>"She's a buzzkill!  She has no idea about what ponies do to have fun!"
"I wouldn't say that."
>"Think of us as the young adults and my sister as the mature mother."
>You sit and ponder the analogy.
"I see what you're saying, but surely she's not that bad."
>"I've known her longer than you.  I think I'm more qualified to speak for her."
"Fair enough.  And it's too late now.  Also, I guess we're taking a chariot into town."
>"I was hoping for a nice walk in the cool night air," pouted Luna.
"Well that plan got shot.  You almost done?  I'd like to get there before it starts."
>"Two more things."
>Luna walks over to her vanity table and sprayed some perfume on herself.
>Then she walked over to you and gave you a kiss on the cheek.
>"Ready."

>You hold the door for Luna and walk by her side down the corridor.
"I assume this chariot will be waiting out front?"
>"More than likely unless Celestia intends on flying there."
"Talk about class."
>"Talk about being way too conspicuous."
"It is a little overboard but it'll be alright."
>"Twenty bits says she brings a contingent of guards out with us."
"This is really eating at you, isn't it?"
>"All I want is to spend one night without the shackles of royalty and I can't even have that."
"Who says you can't?  Just take a breather and make the best of it.  I am."
>Luna took a long, deep sigh.
>"Yeah, I suppose you're right.  Sorry."
"I'm not saying you have no reason to be upset.  Just that you try to look on the brighter side."
>"The brighter side being it's going to be very dark in that theatre."
>You raise your eyebrows at Luna and give her a dorky smile.
>"You're such a goof," she says with a laugh.

>Exiting out the large double doors of the castle, you come to find a large regal carriage instead of a simple chariot as you were expecting.
"What's this now?"
>Luna slapped a hoof to her forehead.
>"This just got considerably more ludicrous."
>Four guards were hooked to the front in order to pull this carriage.
"Looks like I owe you 20 bits," you comment as you descend the steps to the waiting carriage.
>Luna walked by your side.
>Celestia poked her head out from the top of the carriage and waved in your direction.
>"Anonymous!  Luna!  We are all set to go!"
"Someone's excited," you say to Luna.
>"Someone's about to get kicked in the flank..." muttered Luna.
"Easy..." you warn her.
>Celestia opened the carriage door from the inside to allow you access.
"Ladies first, my princess," you say to Luna, giving her a bow a motioning her inside.
>"It's like you want to get hit," said Luna with a joking smile.
"I'll tease you as long as it keeps irritating you."
>Luna climbs into the carriage and you follow suit.
>Celestia again pokes her head out of the sun roof.
>"Guards, take us to the motion picture theatre," she commanded.
"Oh wow.  She is like an old lady," you whisper to Luna.
>"I told you," she whispered back.
>"Aye aye, princess," replied the guards as they pulled the carriage into motion.

>Celestia dropped back into the carriage and forced herself in between you and Luna.
>You arm was around Luna's shoulder so how that didn't register with Celestia that she shouldn't sit there baffled you.
>"So what movie are we going to watch?  I would like to see something historic or perhaps a nature documentary.  Those are always so fascinating."
"Actually, we have no idea what's playing.  We're just gonna wing it."
>Celestia frowned.
>"Well that's not a very sound plan.  What if it's not something worth watching?"
"Then it becomes 'Bad Movie Night'.  We're just here to have fun."
>"That doesn't sound very fun."
>"So stay here," snapped Luna.
>"However, I do want to spend some time with the two of you as I don't get the opportunity very often.  I am willing to do what it takes to have fun."
"Well there we go.  Problem solved."
>Luna rested her face on a hoof and leaned against the window to look out into the night.
>"Right..."

>The ride into town mostly consisted of Celestia talking about her recent political dealings or happenings within the kingdom.
>You humor her by replying "Yup", "Uh-huh", and "Wow".
>Luna cares even less than you do as she stares out the window.
>When the carriage enters the city proper, all eyes divert to you.
>You sink in your seat a bit to try to get clear of the window.
>All this attention is making you just a bit uncomfortable.
>Luna has the same idea and moves away from the window.
>Celestia seems to enjoy the attention.
>Go figure.
>She pokes her head out of the sun roof and waves to the citizens of Canterlot.
>You and Luna take the opportunity while she's distracted to switch to the seat opposite of Celestia.
>Again, you wrap you arm around Luna and give her a peck on the cheek.
>"So how are you liking the celebrity life?" asked Luna.
"I hate it more than you do."
>"The difference be, I only get one night month to be incognito whereas you are always out of mind from the masses."
"Yeah.  It feels great to be a nobody."
>"Not with us, you're not."
"I'm still a nobody.  "I just have a high-profile escort."
>Luna gasped and lightly punched you in the chest.
"That's not exactly what I meant, but if you insist..."
>"You couldn't afford it," said Luna with a smile and a shake of her head.
"Put it on credit."

>Celestia drops back into the carriage and checks the empty seats next to her before seeing you sitting across from her.
"You wave to enough ponies, Miss Equestria?"
>Luna held a hoof to her mouth to stifle a laugh.
>"Quite.  Friday nights always seem so busy with young life."
"That's natural.  Ponies to see, parties to attend."
>"I would like to attend a commoner's party sometime.  These royal gatherings are always so boring."
>Celestia looks out the window, giving Luna the opportunity to whisper in your ear.
>"Thats because she such an attention horse."
>A snicker escapes you, prompting Celestia to look in your direction with a raised eyebrow.
>"Excuse me?"
"Oh, nothing.  We were talking about the movie."
>"I thought you said you didn't know what was playing?"
"We were talking about our own plot."
>"O-oh...  Like what?"
>"I was hoping for a romantic comedy.  Love triangles are usually funny."
>"That sounds a bit cruel to take advantage of somepony's romantic struggles for amusement," replied Celestia with a serious tone.
"It's fiction," you say in Luna's defense.
>"Sometimes it's real, though."
>"But it's just a movie."
>"We shouldn't encourage the harassment of others for entertainment lest our children develop the same attitudes."
>Her logic simply astounds you.
"You have children?"
>Even Luna facehoofed herself at the stupidity of her sister's argument.
>"Let's just drop it.  Forget we said anything."
>"I stand by my opinion."
>"Fine, whatever.  We don't care."

>The rest of the ride to the theatre was filled with them tossing cheap insults back and forth.
>You know for a pair of sisters over a millenia old, they bicker like a pair of children.
>"If you don't care, then why do you keep responding?" asked Celestia.
>"To tell you that I don't care!"
"Hey look!  It's the freakin' theatre!"
>They immediately shut up and peer out the window.
>"Oh, how splendid!" said Celestia.
>You look out the window and, lo and behold, there was the theatre.
"Oh hey, would you look at that."
>You had no idea.
>You just wanted them to shut up.
"After you, your highness."
>Luna responded by quickly kicking you and following her sister out of the carriage.
>With an "Ow" and a laugh, you follow suit.
>"Stick with the carriage, gentlecolts," said Celestia to the guards.
>"Aye aye, princess."
>The guards unhitch themselves and hang out around the carriage.
>Celestia goes to meet you and Luna as you're looking at the 'Now Playing' poster.
>"'Psycho?'" asked Celestia, reading off the movie title.
"Looks like a horror movie," you explain.
>"Sounds interesting.  Definitely a rarity in the sense that not many ponies enjoy them."
"Awesome.  That means an empty theatre."
>You give Luna an elbow nudge.
>"I'm not so sure about this..." said Celestia.
"It'll be fine.  I'll get the tickets if you get the snacks."
>"Deal," agreed Luna.

>The ticket vendor was surprised to see the two princesses and yourself at the theatre.
>In fact, he seemed surprised anyone was here to watch this movie.
>Drop bits for three and enter inside.
>At the snack bar, Luna drops some bits for two root beers and a medium popcorn for the two of you to share.
>Celestia gets a large popcorn and a large root beer for herself.
>"I'm unsure if her flank can get any larger, but I may be proven wrong by the time this night is over," said Luna to you.
"Isn't it ironic how the sun has a bigger moon than the moon herself?"
>Luna hit you and turned away, feigning being upset.
>Actually, she might actually be a little upset.
>You give her a kiss on the cheek and whisper into her ear.
"Oh come on.  It's cute."
>"Stop talking about it," she said with a blush.
>Celestia walks up with her soda, popcorn, and several candies leviating around her.
>"Who's ready for some fun?" she asks.
"Well that was a complete one-eighty in attitude.  Let's go."
>There was only one screen in the small theatre, but it was largely empty.
>A few couples and groups of young adult ponies sat scattered around the seats.
>You took a seat midway up to the back and in the center of the row.
>Luna sat on your right and Celestia on your immediate left.
>Seing as how you three were so tall compared to the others, you caused on couple to move to the side so that they were able to see the screen.
>The lights dimmed and the projector flipped on.
>Looks like you got here just in time.

>The movie is black and white which is to be expected as it's still a developing technology.
>It opens on a farm house where a single mare is out at the barn at night milking a cow.
>Soft piano music plays to set the mood.
>With a pail of milk in her mouth, she turns around to see someone standing there.
>The stranger is a silhouette to the camera.
>"Oh, hello there.  May I help you?" asks the mare.
>Holding up a hoof, the stranger reveals a sickle in his hoof.
>The mare gives an unsteady smile.
>"Do you need that sharpened?  I'm sure I have whetstone around here somewhere."
>The stranger advances on the mare and she screams, dropping the milk pail to the ground.
>The camera pans to their shadows on the wall being casted by a lantern.
>The shadow of the stranger wields the sickle and 'hits' the mare several times, each hit being accented by a low not on the keyboard.
>The acting is shoddy and the cheap effects kind of ruin it for you but it has it's own charm.
>You take a sip of your soda as Luna leans her head on your shoulder and whispers in your ears.
>"I noticed they didnt show his head when they showed the shadows."
"They're obviously keeping the identity a secret.  It's not really suspense if you know who it is."
>You're both calm, but you noticed one couple walk out already.
"Oh come on," you say to Luna as you motion towards the leaving group.  "It's not even scary."
>Your arm is suddenly picked up and squeezed tight.
>Peeking over, you spot Celestia clutching tight to you and shivering hard.
>Wow, really?
>Luna is more annoyed with the fact that Celestia just pulled you away from her.
>"This might be a bit too much for me," she says.
>You and Luna share in a quiet laugh at Celestia's expense.

>After the opening scene, the movie title flashes on the screen and the next scene takes place in a small village.
>A new mare in town asks a creepy looking country pony for directions.
>He points her to the mayor's office and watches her go.
>The camera keeps an extra long view on the country pony as she walks away with a violin playing in the background.
>"Thoughts?" asked Luna.
"Scary redneck.  Nothing to go on yet."
>The main character stops at a shop and meets a nice stallion who sells her some sweet tea.
>She continues on to the mayor's office where they discuss to buy a farmhouse outside of town.
>Traveling to said house reveals it to be the same one from the movie opening.
>You held Luna's hoof in your hand.
>As she leaned in to give you a kiss, Celestia pulled you even tighter towards her.
>Her eyes were wide open and locked on the screen.
>Luna softly growled at her sister but she didn't notice.
>"Why would she buy that house?" asked Celestia.  "Doesn't she know what happened earlier?"
"Obviously..." you push against her to free yourself from her grip.  "Not," you say when you finally get away.
>You go back to holding Luna's hoof.

>The main character gets a few visits in her home from other characters with varying levels of suspicion.
>Odd and spooky happenings around the house start making the main character more and more nervous.
>The creepy country pony make recurring appearances and informs her of a 'disappearance' that happened in that house some time ago.
>You and Luna quietly discuss the movie as it's happening.
>Luna even starts rubbing your inner thigh with a hoof and your hand moves from her shoulder down to her tight waist.
>You were enjoying yourself, but Celestia threw her popcorn around at every single jump scare.
>At the climax of the movie, the main character is in the barn at night milking her cow.
>She contemplates leaving because she's too scared to stick around much longer.
>Celestia's eyes turn to pin pricks at the throwback to the opening scene that's going on in the movie.
>You were about to give Luna a nice long kiss when Celestia forces herself in between the two of you.
>"I can't watch this!" she shouts as she hugs the two of you close to her.
>"So go home!" shouts an irritated Luna.  "And be quiet!  You're disturbing everyone else in the theatre!"
>Taking a quick look around, you see that you three are literally the last ones still watching the movie.
"What do you mean 'everyone else'?" you ask Luna.
>"Us!" she shouts, pushing against Celestia to get her to move her fat flank.
>Celestia isn't budging and her eyes are still locked to the screen despite her earlier statement.

>The shadowy figure from the opening scene appears in the doorway of the barn, spooking the main character.
>It's just the stallion from the general store, the one she's made friends with.
>Celestia sighs a breath of relief.
>When the stallion produces a sickle, you swore you heard Celestia's butt clench tight.
>The stallion rushed the mare who throws the milk bucket at him and runs into the house.
>"Run for your life!" screams Celestia at the movie screen and throwing the last of her popcorn all over the place.
>"She can't hear you!" screams Luna into Celestia's ear.
>Celestia ducks under behind the seats and cowers on the floor among the spilled popcorn.
>Luna scoots over to take her seat and goes as far as to set your popcorn on top of her sister like a table.
>You roll with it and pop a handful into your mouth.
>Holding Luna close, you continue to watch the end of the movie.
>The main character has been cornered in her bathroom as the stallion starts beating down the door.
>The only thing she has to defend herself with is a plunger.
>He finally breaks in and as he enters, he starts going into a monologue.
>Just as he finishes, the main character screams and the attacker is tackled by the creepy country pony, making him drop his weapon.
>An audible "Oh!" escapes you.
>"Can't say I saw that coming," said Luna.

>Celestia stands up off the floor to look at the screen, spilling your popcorn in the process.
"That's okay.  I didn't want that popcorn anyways," you say sarcastically.
>Celestia forces Luna over once again and retakes her seat.
>She saw the attacker being held at plunger-point by the main character and the redneck pony discussing what they were going to do with him.
>"One thousand years, exile!" shouts Celestia at the screen.
>Luna looked visibly pissed at that order.
>Morning comes and the attacker is seen being hauled away.
>With the source of the scary happenings gone, the main character decides to stay.
>Some weeks later, she's out milking her cow once again.
>A flying sickle impales itself on a wooden beam next to her, startling her bad.
>The echoing laughter of the attacker is heard as the camera pans out and the screen goes black to the scream of the main character.
>The end.
>The lights come on and Celestia is freaking the hell out.
>She's quiet, but obviously quite terrified.
"So that was quite the twist," you comment.
>"Right?" agreed Luna.  "I was almost certain it was that creepy pony.  They sure made it seem that way."
>Your group starts making your way out of the theatre with Celestia practically forcing herself against the two of you.
"I wouldn't say that was a bad way to end it, but they definitely could have done better."
>"Agreed.  Perhaps the director could build off the feedback and produce something more thrilling."
>Celestia is quiet the whole ride back to the castle.
>You and Luna continue to discuss certain plot points and various issues you had with the film.

>The carriage pulling up to the castle, you help the two princesses out and bid Celestia a farewell.
>She actually has several guards escort her to her chambers.
>You follow Luna back to her own room.
"You think she'll be alright?  She seems kind of shell-shocked."
>"She'll be fine.  We've witnessed worse atrocities before."
"Alrighty then.  Any plans on how to kill the rest of the night?"
>"I can think of one," said Luna with a sexy voice as she fluttered her eyelashes at you.
"Are we gonna play checkers?"
>Luna rolled her eyes and kicked her bedroom door open.
>"In.  Now."
"Ooh, the bossy type.  Me likey."
>Luna picked you up with levitation and threw you over to the bed, kicking the door closed behind her.
>She lied next to you and you shared in a long, deep kiss.
>Your hands and her hoofs started exploring each others bodies as you caressed and kissed for several minutes.
>As you began to take off your pants, a hard knock at the door caused you to panic a bit and fall to the floor.
>Luna rolled her eyes and rose out of bed.
>"What is it now!"
>Opening the door revealed Celestia standing there timidly.

>"I'm scared," she said.
>"So have some guards stand outside your door!" shouted Luna.
>"But what if one of them are a killer?  I need someone I can trust!"
>You get up off the floor as you finish fixing your pants.
>"Anonymous?  You're here too?"
"Uh...  Yes?"
>"Is it a slumber party?  I hope you don't mind if I join you," said Celestia as she trotted inside.
>"Yes we mind!  There's not enough room on the bed!" shouted Luna.
>"Nonsense," said Celestia.  "I'll just scoot in right here..."
>Celestia crawled into the middle of the bed.
>"Anonymous can lay here," she said patting the bed next to her.  "And you can sleep right here," she said patting the other side of her.
>"Oh you cheeky little..." growled Luna.
>You walk up to Luna and whisper in her ear.
"Hey, we can always try another time.  Except next time without Celestia."
>Luna sighed an annoyed sigh and she begrudgingly agreed to Celestia's idea of a sleepover.
>Celestia hugged the two of you tight to her chest as you climbed into Luna's bed.
>Every minor noise or moving shadow caused her a minor panic and she always asked, "What was that!?".
>You and Luna finally got her to calm down enough for her to pass out.
>It would have been a good night's sleep if Celestia didn't snore like a horse.
>A week down the road, Luna walks up to you and throws a newspaper down on the breakfast table in front of you.
>"My sister's an idiot," she says.
"Why's that?" you asked, picking the newspaper up to read the headline.
>'Princess Bans Scariest Movie Ever From Public Viewing'.
"So much for a possible sequel," you mutter.