Twilight the Humie

You walked into the Library, exhausted from a day at your workshop.

Some asshole had ordered six full-sized bookshelves, wanted them made from Everfree lumber, and wanted them done before today was over. Then again, he was offering a thousand bits for the quick, accurate work...

Glancing around, there was no Twilight to be found. Strange, ordinarily she'd be downstairs still, either reading or putting books away. You heard Twilight laughing and giggling quietly from upstairs, so the mystery of where she was could be put to bed.

"Yeah, that's right...just like that..."

Wait just a damn minute.

You silently walked up the stairs, shoes off for added quietness.

"Ooooh, like that..."

You frowned, coming around the corner...to see her hunched over her desk, multiple quills going at a single piece of parchment. Your fears were instantly alleviated, though your curiosity was not. Silent footsteps took you closer to the mare, who was giggling like a fool.

"Yeah, and then...he..."

You peeked over Twilight's shoulder, your shadow eradicated by the candle she had lit nearby. "To Anonymous and Twilight Sparkle" a small envelope off to the side read, and she currently had a page of parchment almost completely filled in her tiny manuscript. Another envelope off to Twilight's left said "To Eventide Gleam."

"So...whatcha writing?" You asked innocently.

Twilight flinched and, with a quick spell, banished the pages and the quills to...wherever it was she hid things she didn't want you to see.

"Nothing! Absolutely nothing, just kinda sitting here!" She half-shouted with a nervous grin as she turned around to greet you.

"Twilight." You replied flatly. "If it's another biography on Celestia, I don't mind."

Even though you knew for a fact that it wasn't.

"W-w-well, not exactly..."

You arched an eyebrow.

The closet thumped. Arching your eyebrow higher wasn't an option, so you simply strode over to it and pulled the door open. You were buried in paper moments later. Paper cuts were in places they simply shouldn't be, as you pushed the veritable mountain of sheets aside.

"You ponies need to invent the internet." You groused after digging yourself out.

You held several of the scraps, looking at them.

"'MLH: The Buckening'?" You read off, confused for only a brief second before it clicked.

"Ah, NO!" Twilight wailed, pulling the pages from your hands.

Looking back into the closet, you saw several shirts and hats, a plain brown cloak, as well as...figurines. Hundreds of them. What finally clicked for you was that you knew where these were from.

A new book series had recently cropped up, named 'My Little Human: Adventure is Marvelous'. "MLH" had taken Equestria by storm, and the entire nation was going absolutely nuts about it. Whether that was a good or bad thing depended on who you asked.

For example: Lyra was fan-mareing all over the place about it, while her roommate Bon-Bon hated it with a passion. Rainbow Dash was neutral about it. She claimed it was action-packed enough, but a little slow for her tastes. Twilight...

Apparently 'infatuated' wasn't the word.

"Ah, wait, well, you see I-"

Twilight was searching for the words to explain what you were currently seeing...when you simply burst into a laughing fit.

"What?! What's so funny?!" Twilight asked heatedly, a horrible blush creeping into her cheeks.

"If you're a fan of the series, I don't mind."

"We-well...not a fan in the conventional sense..."

"Huh?"

"I kinda birthed this idea by sending the author a letter almost a year and a half ago. She liked it enough to write it."

Eventide Glimmer. Of course.

You couldn't help but laugh goodheartedly as you wrapped the mare into a hug.

Fans of the series were called "Humies". Twilight wasn't just ANY 'Humie'. She was the *original* Humie. Though, now you had to ask. Clutching a few of the pages, you read them over to make sure.

This time, the author was "Twilight Sparkle."

"Twilight, are you writing *fanfiction* of something you made?"

"Well, uh...yeah."

Another glance over it.

"It's also smut."

The furious blush returned.

"W-w-well, if another mare likes my fantasies, who am I to judge?"

There was some truth to that.

"Rarity's already told me she's...enjoyed it, so I figured 'why not keep going'?"

Laughing, you pulled her close.

"Would you like any more 'source material'? I've got some steam to blow off..." You asked with a hearty grin.

"Would I ever..." She replied, nibbling your ear just a bit. You swore the two of you would get a noise citation sooner or later from how loud Twilight could get.
===
"Anon, Anon, Anon, get up! Today's the day!"

You groaned and rolled over, hoping the noisy mare would go on her own.

Or drag Spike along instead. Today the two of you were supposed to go to Canterlot's book store 'The Royal Treatment' to get her pre-order of the newest MLH book. You hated crowds, and you were certain to see a huge one.

"Now now, Anon..." Her voice whispered into your ear, sending shivers down your spine and waking you up in a heartbeat. "You promised you'd go with me..."

"What's in it for me." You replied, rolling over.

"Lunch, dinner, and I'll wear that saddle you like..." She trailed off with a sly, sexy smile.

Dammit.

"Alright, alright."

You got out of bed, stretching the night's kinks away. Twilight was making breakfast while you went for a shower. You didn't shave just yet, apparently Twilight liked the 'rugged stubble' look. Getting dressed, you finished just in time for Twilight to call up to you.

"Breakfast is ready!"

Breakfast was simple pancakes, with hash browns special made for you. She was trying to butter you up, and it was working. The mare herself was in her 'MLH' gear. A purple shirt with the logo emblazoned on the front, a cap with slits for her ears and a hole for her horn, even a small pendant she wore around her neck with the logo in silver.

After breakfast, Twilight immediately started pushing you towards the door.

"C'mon c'mon c'mon! The bookstore opens in three hours, I wanna be first in line!"

"Twilight, we'll be lucky if we're number one thousand in line." You replied bluntly, closing the front door behind you.

You had to forcibly remind yourself to not lock it. Technically the Library was open, as Spike was up and about. The mare hadn't heard you: She was already literally bouncing down the street, wings fluttering for extra height on each bounce. You followed along, catching up with her as she was bouncing on a train seat.

"You're acting like a filly."

"I don't care!" She said, grinning.

...which is when the train jerked forwards, sending the alicorn sprawling to the floor. You said nothing, merely smiled at her as she picked herself up.

"Say something, I dare you." Twilight said with a glare.

Challenge accepted.

"Mares and Stallions, your Princess of Friendship."
---
The ride was otherwise uneventful, Twilight parking her flank on the seat next to you. She was sporting a small bruise on her chin, and she was pouting like she was two.

"You shouldn't have laughed."

"You should have stayed seated."

She huffed as the train pulled into the station. You could see the book store and the line already. At the head of the line were two tall winged ponies...no way. Ethereal, flowing manes (despite the lack of wind), wings, horn, navy blue and blinding white...

Sun and moon cutie marks, unhidden by the 'MLH' gear THEY were wearing.

Hats, shirts, shoes, necklaces...

Hell, even the fact this book had managed to drag Luna out of bed at ten in the morning was impressive. She had to be running on three hours of sleep, tops. From how excited she looked? The Lunar Princess wasn't feeling it.

"Oh no, them too...?"

"THAT is why I'll be first in line! Celestia and Luna were holding my place!" Twilight chirped, spreading her wings and flying over.

...leaving you behind to fend for yourself through a massive wave of ponies. Most actually were in awe and made a path for you.

Some, however?

"Th-that's an AWESOME cosplay! The human from the book!"

"I want his autograph!"

"Sign my book!"

"Sign my horn!"

"Sign my flank!"

You were mobbed in under ten seconds. There was still two hours until the bookstore opened. You fought valiantly with quill and ink, signing mare flank and horn and wing until you eventually had every single pony that wanted your autograph done, and you were at the head of the line.

The three alicorns were talking with extreme excitement.

"Oh, oh, remember when he grabbed that sword and ran that manticore through?!" Celestia said, wings flared. "Ah, if only I could find a stallion that brave NOW!"

You had never seen the usually collected princess so...excited.

"Yes, sister, We do! We also remember his dream from that night, about bedding a 'woman' that acts like us!" Luna replied with an equally huge grin.

You simply rested your head into your hands as you leaned against the railing. Mostly to hide your incredulous laughter.

"What about you, Twilight? What's your favorite part of the last book?" Celestia asked, waiting to hear her student.

"Hmm." Twilight thought, as Luna dropped what was essentially a marinara nuke behind Celestia. The midnight blue alicorn had her eyes closed, going on about what she would do to a human like that if he were here.

You took a few instinctive steps back when she mentioned whips and chains, reminding yourself to take a nap during the day tomorrow to avoid Luna during the night.

"I'd have to say the manticore part was among my favorite, though I loved the foreshadowing that I hope they answer in this one!" Twilight said, hoof to her chin.

"Oh?"

"Yeah! Supposedly there's some massive evil dragon he's going to fight this time, the dragon popped up in the background a few times!" Twilight chirped. "Though, I do wonder if he'll ever truly find lasting companionship. Most of his 'friends' last two chapters at most before turning on him or dying."

"Wow, rough break." You muttered.

This book must have been leagues darker than you thought.

"Yeah." Twilight said glumly, nuzzling your side. "He's got a lot of heartache that I wish I could take away."

Smirking, you gave the mare a few pats on the head. You knew how it was to fangasm over something, but never quite to THIS degree.

"Well..." Celestia started. "Supposedly, he finds a permanent companion this time."

"Oh?!"

"Mmhm. It supposedly gets very saucy, there's a reason this book has a higher age restriction than the last one." Celestia's grin suddenly grew wide. "More material for my student's 'private works', correct?"

Twilight's jaw dropped, looking more like a horned tomato than a pony at this point.

"How did...but I-"

"Twilight, Twilight, Twilight." Celestia said with a playful shake of her head. "I was merely joking with you. Now that I know you DO have some 'interesting' fanworks, I expect to see them by tomorrow morning~!"

Finally, mercifully, the doors opened.

Despite the chaos outside, the ponies were actually quite orderly and peaceful once they got inside. Twilight got the first copy, as she planned. Celestia and Luna got the second and third, respectively. The mares already had the books cracked open and were reading them before they even left the store.

You were acting as traffic controller for them as you all made a beeline for a cafe.

"Stop."

They did, letting a cart move past them.

"Go ahead."

You then spent the next three hours listening to giggling mares compare their thoughts on the book.

...you could think of worse places to be.
===