so.. justice is a total farce, huh? the fact that the world has put in place legal systems designed to enact justice is really a weapon the elite use upon the masses to direct them into a false sense of societal morality... right? is that why the two outcomes of a juries decision are either "guilty" or "not guilty" ? because, let's say someone like you tortured someone and murdered and performed [socially deemed] horrible and unjust actions, but you did not feel guilty. then you are "not guilty," right? i have found that there are many like you who do unjust things deliberately and rather than being punished like people in mass societal legal systems are, you are rewarded.
additionally, empathy -- you consider empathy a weakness, yes? that truly ones goal in life is to... become immortal? for, survival of the fittest has been employed throughout animal kingdoms timelessly for survival... so clearly to change one's feelings (regardless of the fact that the human species is no longer part of the food chain) must be some sort of weakness -- a weakness that is again spread throughout forums such as mass media to keep the majority of people docile and thereby exploitable.. yes?
but i ask, why inflict such damage upon me? i was a person who valued love as lovers are, and i found somebody who wanted to share the same type of love with me. i was not hurting anyone, we both shared mutual interest in each other's love and expressed desire to be with each other, and neither of us were hurting anyone else in the world... i do admit that i was unaware of power dynamics that are given with "laws" that i've never heard of, and so for a time i thought that that person was pushing me away and some other person was trying to get closer to me, but i've been shown that i was wrong on both accounts -- person 1 was not pushing me away but was trying to get closer to me, and person 2 was not trying to get closer to me. i do regret that i did not ogle person 1 more, although i felt uncomfortable doing such a thing while y'all did things to me, i see if i had done such a thing my life probably would have been better. but regardless that has happened.
but why did person 2 and y'all destroy my love for person 1? person 1 and i both displayed mutual desire to be with each other, i asked a "friend" to bring person 1 to be with me and he and her agreed to do so, and then person 2, who had already rejected my love more than a year prior and on more than one occasion decided to interrupt such a meeting, acting as though she would meet with me instead, and ultimately deciding to not meet with me and use excessive force and coercion to completely destroy the potential for such a meeting between me and person 1.
...
i was not hurting person 2 at all, person 2 is no longer a full person (she cannot feel her own feelings but needs the assistance of a computer to inform her what her feelings are), and she deliberately hurt/s me out of spite and jealousy.
i don't know where to begin to be a "celebrity", and i have been literally fucked in the head for more years than i have been alive that my face no longer looks decent on camera, and while i could fix that if i had, say, $50,000, i do not nor do i have the ability to make such money as i was forced to fail out of college for being given a societal stigma for being judged as 300lbs when i was never 300lbs in all of my life. similarly, when i was judged to have feelings of love that were judged as the "wrong answer", i declare that they were about the same level of wrong as the same level of 300lbs.
there is an expression where i come from, "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade." this is not a literal expression, it simply means to make the best out of a bad situation. i also understand that my explanation of that idiom is open to interpretation as "making the best" is probably something y'all do not think exists, for there is no actual good/bad in your minds, so there cannot be a "best," but i suppose i prefer the idiom, for it is quite simple to comprehend when one is open to it, so to 'speak'.
for me to try love person 1 now is like putting oranges in a bag that has holes in it... while the oranges fit there once before, now they all fall through and the bag remains empty. for me to try to love person 2 now is like putting oranges in a bag that is upside down -- they all fall out immediately (the literal definition of immediate) and the bag stays empty.
you may wonder why i bother to type this. well i have certain beliefs of my own. nobody knows the factual source of life, nobody knows what came before life, nor what will come after life. people are all comprised of energy, an energy that i prefer to describe as quintessential, and i fear that the experience of life i've been forced to have on earth here (being sent to corporate brand-named hell for being 300lbs when i was only about 180lbs by a professor who says things she doesn't believe on purpose to hurt people that she thinks are stupid & who doesn't care about the feelings of others & who doesn't stand for love on multiple occasions & who deliberately instill hatred into people that she has already rejected & who gives away her ability to feel feelings to a machine that she relies on to tell her what her feelings are & who works (reads) with someone who shames others for being self-proclaimed natural-born-liars while she herself is a self-proclaimed natural-born-liar & who complains that being a woman is the hardest thing out of every race and gender but would not trade it because when she sees men pleasing women it reminds her that it's all worth it & who does not accept people the way they & who rejects people for being 300lbs when they are only 180lbs & who goes to 'vegas' and dies and jokes about it to not be embarrassed for doing something embarrassing), if there is a greater sense of eternal recurrence, will be doomed to the same cycle of temporary joy: feeling a virginal potential for love, finding a true love after much seeking and effort, and having the same type of energy destroy such love deliberately in the same manner, as we all stemmed from the same soul group. to me, this is "making lemonade." i hope that, if there is an afterlife, (as i do know mechanical birds are something y'all are capable of doing and not above doing, and that if someone said to me that they were or were not truthfully i would say something like "i cannot feel hugs anymore... is what you're saying something i will remember tomorrow? regardless i was born a human and wanted a human experience, not a humanxbird experience nor a humanxcyborg experience.") i hope that some day in life i will see a change -- that i will find other quintessence more like me (not more inclined to spread experiences of hatred, pain, and isolation, but real love, togetherness, and compassion) and that i may truly betwixt my quintessence with them and share experiences that are more warm and fulfilling than not. i do not want to hate. i do not want to be forced to hate. i do not want to hate person 1 nor person 2 and i will try to not. i do not want the bleak potential of an eternal recurrence of being rejected for outstanding reasons and then isolated and neglected and forced to be apart from true love and friends (who actually admitted to seeing beauty in me, despite being called subhuman filth by 'person' 2). i do not know who to turn to or where to go for some true help (although some of y'all said "of course we're trying to help you" i also have seen that some of you take pleasure in giving me agony), so i will struggle in telling y'all (the beings that seem to know more about me than others.. some soul group in the sense that i have described..) that this is what you give me for reasons i believe that none of you would want for yourselves. i apologize to some of you for thinking i did you wrong, but i am only genuinely sorry to maybe, like, a few of you or something, i don't really know...
the bags do not hold the oranges.