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- >Day Pickup in Equestria
- >Or rather, evening in Equestria
- >Specifically Dust Valley
- >On the village's main street you stand, ready to take on the night!
- >It's Friday, you're wearing your finest suit, and it is definitely time to meet some singles to mingle
- >Fortunately for you, you've come equipped with your finest pickup line.
- >Which you try out immediately on a black and yellow moth mare who walks by.
- "Hey, Hexferry! Are you a light-bulb, cause you brighten up my day!"
- >She stops, sighs, tries not to look at you, and shakes her head before continuing on her way.
- >"That was stupid, Anon. It's not going to work on any mare with sense in her head."
- >She dug it.
- >You can see her trying to resist the urge to pounce on you and kiss you right then and there.
- >With a skip in your stride, one that could never be broken, you begin your journey to the local bar.
- >On the way, you pass by little Flower Tart.
- >You like this filly, and it always makes you smile when she giggles.
- >Maybe she'll get a kick out of your line?
- "Hey Flowertart, are you a light-bulb, cause you brighten up my day!"
- >She stares at you.
- >You stare at her.
- >With a quick snap, you grin a cheesy grin.
- >And hold it for an awkwardly long and silent moment.
- >She starts to finally giggle and roll on the ground.
- >"You're so silly, Mr. Anon!"
- >You give the kid a pat on the head before walking away.
- >If it'll work on a tsundere bee and a child, it'll work on any mare.
- >The hustle, bustle, buzz, and squeaks of many moths echoes through the building.
- >They all quiet down as you enter.
- "Alright, all you moths! Who's ready to party!"
- >You strike the pose: snapped fingers extended, cheesy grin, legs spread, knees bent, back relaxed.
- >They all stare at you for a brief second before going back to their drinks and conversations.
- >Who's first...
- >A white mare with green hair and yellow neck-fluff trots by you with a tray of drinks balanced on her back.
- >You take the tray off her back, to which she contests with a loud "hey!"
- "Is for horses."
- >You point at her with a wink.
- "Let me just help you with these drinks so you don't spill'em, alright?"
- >"Ugh, fine, I suppose."
- >You walk her to her table and sit across from her in a small booth, setting the drinks down.
- "All alone, huh? These all for you?"
- >"No, they're for my brother and some friends."
- "Oh, well how about we cut the small talk and get to the point before they get here."
- >"What poi-"
- "Are you a light-bulb? Cause you brighten up my day."
- >You wink again.
- >She blinks, and you think you can see a small blush form on her cheeks.
- >"What are you talking about?"
- "A-a light-bulb... you br-brighten up my day."
- >"Go away."
- "But-"
- >"Shoo!"
- >You get up just as a two moth stallions and a moth mare approach the table.
- >The moth mare looks up at you with a smile.
- >Tan coat, dark brown hair, gorgeous black eyes.
- >Like staring into a beautiful abyss.
- "Hey there, cutie. Are you a light-bulb? Cause you brighten up my day."
- >She continues staring at you, her smile now absent.
- >The white moth sitting at the table throws a coaster at you.
- >"I said go away!"
- >The coaster hits you with a soft "thud" and lands on the floor.
- >Rejected, you start to walk away.
- >The mare you just hit on sits beside one of the stallions in the booth you were recently evicted from.
- >"I don't get it."
- >"Don't worry about it. Probably just one of those weirdos looking for a gullible mare."
- >Haters gonna hate.
- >You walk up to the bar and take a seat on one of the stools.
- "Hey barkeep! Give me a round of your finest!"
- >A minute later, a mug of frothy nectar slides in front of you.
- >As you pick it up, a cute little thing sits beside you.
- "Well hey there, cutie. Mind if I buy you a drink?"
- >"I-I'm not a-"
- "What's your name?"
- >"Moon Dust, but-"
- "Barkeep! One more for my lady friend, here."
- >Despite her protests, the mare sips gingerly at the mug.
- "So, Moon Dust. Are you a light-bulb? Cause you brighten up my day."
- >She spits a mouthful of nectar out and stares at you.
- >You stare back.
- >Not at her eyes.
- >At the boner she so prominently displays.
- "WOAH, NEVERMIND. YOU HAVE A GOOD TIME THERE, BUDDY, ALRIGHT?"
- >You pat him on the back.
- >Dudes these days are looking more and more like chicks.
- >You blame the social media feminizing everything.
- >You move over to the other side of the bar and sit at a lonely little table in the corner.
- >A shudder jolts through your spine as a white stallion with yellow markings and pitch black eyes sits across from you.
- >"Good evening, my friend. Excellent work with Moon Dust, I must say. You must have a real way with words."
- >He sips from a mug of his own.
- >"Mind telling me what you said to him?"
- "I asked her... him, if he was a light-bulb. Because he brightens up my day."
- >The stallion stares at you.
- >You stare at him.
- >He sets his drink down and looks as if he may have an existential crisis.
- >"Genius. Pure genius. Why have I never thought of that."
- >You shrug.
- >He grabs your blazer with a hoof and drags you out of your chair.
- >"COME! We have many mares to woo tonight with your magical words!"
- >The two of you now sit beneath a table where two stallions sit.
- >"Do you see those two mares there?"
- >He points to Caramel and Butterscotch.
- "Oh, I know them, yeah."
- >"Well, I've been after that find drop of nectar on the left."
- "Caramel?"
- >He nods slowly.
- >"I'm going to need you to be my wing-moth."
- "Sure."
- >"You're also going to do all of the talking."
- "Alright."
- >You're going to bag both of them and leave this loser in the dust.
- >Heh, moth puns.
- >"Let's go!"
- >He clambers out from under the table and you follow close behind.
- >As the two of you approach the chattering mares, they look up at you.
- >"Uh, hello? Can we help you?"
- >Virgo immediately pushes you up against the table, almost knocking the mares' drinks over.
- "Yeah, me and my uh... friend here were wondering if you two fine mares were light-bulbs?"
- >Butterscotch looks you dead in the eyes.
- "Because you brighten up our days."
- >She keeps staring at you.
- >You do a three-hundred-sixty degree spin and walk away.
- >Virgo stares at you as you abandon him.
- >You may never know what fate befell him.
- >Maybe he got lucky.
- >Maybe he got slapped and told off.
- >You stumble backwards over a small brown moth with white curly hair.
- >She squeaks really loud as you land on your bottom.
- "S-sorry, wasn't looking where I was going. Are you alri-"
- >She sits on her haunches right in front of you, staring deep into your eyes.
- >A small smile plays across her lips as she sits perfectly still, eyes never moving from yours.
- >Might as well break the ice.
- "Are you a light-bulb? Cause you brighten up my day."
- >Her lips part as she starts to speak.
- >"Do you know how much polar bears weigh? Enough to break the ice."
- >What.
- >You do the only thing you think of.
- >More pickup lines.
- "Are you a pie? Because you're also a cutie."
- >"Do you have a map? Because I'm lost in your eyes."
- "Did it hurt?"
- >She tilts her head for a second, that same smile still on her face.
- "When you fell from heaven, I mean."
- >"No, but it hurt when I tried to fly to the sun!"
- "What?"
- >"Cause I saw your smiling face in it."
- >Oh.
- >She got you.
- >She got you good.
- >"How about we blow this beehive and do something fun?"
- "Like what?"
- >"More pickup lines!"
- >This mare.
- >This mare right here.
- "Sure. I'm Anon."
- >"I'm Squeak, and you're making my heart squeak."
- >You stand up and she latches onto your arm.
- "Well I'm going to guess you aren't really a moth pony. You must be a butterfly."
- >She gets right up in your face, almost daring you to finish.
- "Cause you make my heart flutter."
- >She promptly laughs harder than you've ever seen anyone laugh in a long time, and the two of you leave the bar.
- >To tell stupid puns and pickup lines to each other at your house.
- >Exactly what you were looking for at the beginning of the evening.
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