Bottomless Pit transcription

Iconic 70’s film star Karen Black passed away in August 2013. In February of that year, Karyn Rachtman introduced Ms. Black to Zach Hill. The two immediately hit it off. Zach had written a part for Karen for a film he was developing and gave her the pages for her scenes. Though she didn’t know how the scenes would fit into the final film, she readily agreed to read her character’s dialog on camera for Zach.
Recorded — 2013 at the home of Karen Black

I am god yes, hello. I will practice you.

Say hello, but they're never going to know it. I am god yes, hello hello hello helloo helloooo.

*chuckles* They'll never understand that you are god so they'll never understand the actual danger you present.

I'm actually a cheerful person, and there are people; who when they see a cheerful person, they don't see it. It couldn't be cheerful, you must be wicked to be happy. You must be nasty and evil, you couldn't just be happy 'cause they're not happy (ever happy) you know. They're uh, angry or maybe they're in fear.

There was the same storyline in fairytales for probably centuries, and if you look over the fairytales from all around the world; every land. They're the same excuse me for carrying on like this but there's a sweet man, the lovely gentle-girl or brother or son (girl or son). And they have the stinky brothers and the nasty people, and the stinky brothers and nasty people are just simply selfish. There is nothing very much more complex than that. And the good people aren't, they're not. So stinky people go out into the world (to uh) to get their fortune or to get the princess (or to uh) or they just are something in the woods and they got lost or whatever. And they run into always a special person, they run into a (uh) magical person who always looks like crap. You know he looks like a, his nose and the little warts and they look like witches and they're crippled and they're awful and they're disgusting and they need something. What do they need? They just need some food, some liquid, some water, some milk: something. And then stinky brothers and the stinky sisters will not give it to them. And they carry on, and they never succeed and (they never shoulda won?). The sweet one who's good hearted, that's all we know. He's tender-hearted, but everybody makes fun of him. And everybody doesn't treat him very well 'cause he doesn't scare everybody, this reminds me of me.

Must have, can't have. This is humans, nothing to do with the order of the universe. Humans must have what they can't have, they must (they must). You know one of the ways to get a girl is you're loving her nice, (you're loving her nice) then you vanish. Now they must have you.

Anyhow. This man is suicidal, and he's an actor, and he's terribly famous, and people mistreat him and everything, and he's miserable miserable. And there's a huge, a brightly lit almost blue-white stage lit. And it looks like and I think it might be a boxing arena and everyone around it is really in a boxing area. And he's walking (he's going to have the tvs are there up on that blatant white-blue stage over there) and he's walking through the path toward that stage, and on either side of him is this audience. (Well you know awful lights make people look?), it's like a bad dream you're having; nightmarish but beautiful.

I will fuck your mind and steal the babies, (I love it).

As he walks, he’s looking at these audience members. (Looking up and up, and they look up and they look up and they look up). And here’s a white face with this terribly screamy, red lipstick. And here’s another clown face. And I’m telling you, I went up. I went up, I mean I (I) got high. I left my body and looking at this thing, it’s….

You know, when you have someone with you in the room and they carry with them in this moment; all the things that you experienced together in the past. And they have a certain color lipstick on, and the light hits their hair and eyes in a certain way. They’re very real, they’re really there. And as a listener, as someone looking at them: in fact (you haven’t) you aren’t anything, you’re nothing.

There are a couple times in my life; three times, when I forgot I was. I completely forgot I was. I was a child, I was 12 and I was in acting class and they had (a) a little banquet for some people. It was during the day though, and my acting teacher and a woman were talking to each other and I was listening. And they turned to look at me,(what are they looking at?) what are they looking at? Didn’t know what the were looking at. Oh! Then I remembered I’m here (I’m here in my mind?).

Dear Bottomless Pit, I wake up in a deep search for intent and believe (belief?) in myself. But the day is intense, and death driven with some euphoria. I’m thinking now if I ever want your opinion Ill give it to you over and over, like Egyptians fucking the crocodiles. *chuckles* That’s my mind now too, like Egyptians fucking the crocodiles and that’s my mind now too.

There is a string shooting out from the back of my mind, it’s behind me and living. I can’t see it, I’ve just heard about it. No one knows how long it is or how far it goes, including me. It toes a star shielding my back as we *breathes in intensely* accelerate indefinitely. We move so fast the star might actually be pulling me forward, guiding me from the front. I pretend like I *laughs* I don’t know the difference but I do. Eternally, is very (eternally, eternally, *misread*). Eternity is very okay.

Dear Bottomless Pit, I wake up in a deep search for intent and believe (belief?) in myself. But the day is intense, driven with some euphoria. I’m thinking now, I’ve never been bored until this moment. Aaaaand this moment is gone forever. Over and over *chuckles* That’s my mind now too, like Egyptians fucking the crocodiles and that’s my mind now too.

Got a strong sense of sense, and in this case not liking it says more about you than liking it. I say this, before you kill me make sure it’s dead. I look at it all for a second, I’m finally slow enough. I go to sleep with worry and fantasy. Watching (by the way I don’t whisper) it’s the saddest thing that I have to numb the truth when my dreams come true. *tears up* It’s fucking lame actually, one thought at a time. I see people love to confess and design the confession: design their non confessions. Six walls of sex, now that there’s nothing else to it we can move on. Yep.

Specialized, I am specialiiiized. *chuckles* I’ve been smoking myself again too. Love you *kisses*, fuck you. Now, crawl into hell.
Nothing that serious is there. Hm.

In Cosmic Loving Memory
Karen Black
July 1, 1939 - August 8, 2013