How Far Chapter 7: The concrete crane

	When I had left Hanako’s room, I had been so tried that I nearly fell asleep in the hallway.

	Then, when I had gotten to the boys dormitory, a boy clapped me on the back and asked me how it felt like to be a hero. I nearly fell over. I left him unanswered, and had struggled to get upstairs.

	When I entered my room, I had thrown my phone and key onto the end table and flopped onto my bed like a dead fish. And I couldn’t fall asleep.

	How long have I been laying here, unmoving? My body is tired, my eyes held shut with scales, and yet…

	My mind is busier than a beehive. Part of me just wishes it would stop, that I could somehow empty my mind, but my inner monologue refuses to silence itself as I review the events of the day.

	I promised Emi that I would get some sleep and that I would come running tomorrow. I also told that Saki girl I would get lunch with her... Ugh, I groan inwardly.

	Everything has been changing so quickly. I might actually have plans for this summer now. People at school thought of me as a hero, Emi and Misha actually want me around, I should be happy right?

	Then why can’t I just relax?

	Am I really a hero?

	Would she have even gone up to the roof is I hadn’t run into her? Would she have waited long enough for Rin that she’d be able to see her outside?

	I sigh, rolling over onto my side.

	Everything has changed so fast, and yet I still feel like a huge chunk of myself is missing. I should be ecstatic, I should be happy, but all I want to do is just relax and have tea with Lilly. I can almost smell the vanilla scent of tea in the air and even just that makes my muscles relax. I turn around and look at the vacant spot that she had occupied just before. I can almost see here laying there, picture her laying before me with her porcelain white skin… I hope she’s alright.

	I place my arm to my chest and feel my heart beating quicker than normal, even though the adrenaline of the day is gone.

	I sit up, trying to banish the phantom senses from my mind. I shake it, and the vanilla scent fades. My arm goes to my nightstand and I pick up my clock and look at the numbers. 7:07pm. I’ve been laying here for hours thinking about the same thing, and would probably spend hours more.

	I place the clock back, but as I do I notice something behind it in the evening light. I move the clock and there sits a paper crane.

	I pick it up in my hands, and look it over. Lilly had given it to me around a while ago, it wasn’t long after we had met. Hanako and Lilly had invited me to lunch on the roof and we met with Emi and Rin up there. It had been nice until my heart had fluttered and ruined the mood. Just like Lilly though, she got us past the awkward silence and had made me this crane after everyone else had left.

	I could almost hear her words when she had given it to me.

	“Everyone here has had to find their own ways of dealing with their conditions. You aren’t alone when you have problems.”
You aren’t alone when you have problems

	She would do anything for us

	Oh no

	That’s what Lilly is, isn’t it. It’s what she’s always been. Her family abandoned her, Akira was always at work… her only true friend was Hanako, and she held everyone else at a distance. Even with Hanako… No, I really doubt that she shared those kinds of things. Lilly always tried shouldering her own burdens. She was always alone…

	Even when we met, she had seen me as someone who needed help and care. At first, I simply thought that we’d be fine as friends, helping each other through our limited time together in school. But then I began to treasure our moments together more and more, from our quiet walks, to our talking over lunch. The good sides of her personality became ever more obvious, and ever more likable.

	The absence caused by Lilly’s trip to Scotland to visit her long-distant family and sick aunt only made me realize how much I liked just being around her, and I had thought that she felt a similar way. For her, though, maybe that wasn’t everything to our relationship.
Even after she returned to Japan, that just meant she lost her family once again after meeting them for such a brief time. She lived so much of her life without her family around, not to mention with Akira working long hours, which she had little choice to be like that.
I had thought her sense of independence to be a good and admirable trait. It was in stark difference to my reliance on my parents before my heart attack, as reluctant as I may have been to admit it. However, it also meant that she never let people get too close to her.
She lost her family likely due to her blindness, went to a different school from anybody she knew because of it, and worked all the harder to make sure she didn’t end up a burden on her sister and those around her.

	And now, Akira’s going to Inverness, just like the family she thought she’d lost. She never told me of her plans, as conflicted as she was about them. Lilly didn’t want to be a burden on anyone, including me. …I’m an idiot.

	I rise from my bed and begin pacing. There has to be something I can do. She was there for me, I need to at least let her know somehow that I’m here for her. But how?

	I could try calling her, but Lilly doesn’t even have a phone.

	I can’t just let her leave though, I need to at least say something…

	I feel something tugging at the edge of my mind, but it’s just out of reach. Something I know that I should remember.

	The nagging thought pulses at the back of my mind. I walk back and forth across the room trying to remember.

	Ok Hisao, retrace. Lilly and Akira are leaving today… shit. I walk over to my desk and look at the clock it’s now 7:15 and I realize I have no idea when her flight is. It’s probably already gone. Anger wells up inside me knowing that I probably fucked up the one relationship I’ve ever had and I slam the desk in front of me. “Damn it!” The desk shakes and several things fall off of it, but I don’t care. I can feel my heart beating in my chest strongly and know I need to calm it down.

	“Alright alright alright,” I whisper to myself. I take a deep breath to calm my nerves, but it doesn’t work. I ignore my heart and begin pacing once more.

	So, let’s assume she hasn’t left the country yet. Where did she say she was staying until she left? I snap my fingers, remembering that her and Akira were staying at Shizune’s and the nagging memory comes back. I have no idea where Shizune lives though… except… I had seen Shizune’s address just yesterday! I had helped her and Misha sorting files, and her address was on her file!

	It’s… it’s… I don’t remember it.

	No.

	NO!

	GOD DAMNIT!

	I slam my fist into the wall ahead of me, breaking through the fragile drywall

	Lub-dub