Exorjism (AiE)

>Be Anon
>Have a tall glass of iced tea in one hand.
>A good book in the other.
>Reclined in your favorite chair.
>No crazy horses in magic horse land to bother you.
>Maximum comfy.
>That is, until a loud pop kills the comfortable silence.
>The acrid smell of ozone tells you exactly who you have to blame without looking.
>"Anon, it's an emergency!"
>You sigh
"What is it, Twilight?"
>"Sugarcube Corner is being haunted by a malevolent spirit!"
"And what does that have anything to do with me?"
>"You told me you were a world renowned exorcist on your world. You're the only one who can help!"
>You did?
>Probably some bullshit you made up to get you laid.
>You don't know why you thought it would work.
"Can't you just use your magic to blast it away?"
>"I tried, but none of my spells worked! I think it's actually feeding on my magic."
"Sounds more like a personal problem to me."
>"Anonymous!"
"Alright, alright! I'll fucking do it. Christ."
>Twilight sighs in relief.
>"Good. Gather what you need and I'll teleport us there."
>Setting your book and tea aside you move to stand by Twilight.
"I have all I need."
>Twilight quirks an eyebrow but shrugs it off.
>With a snap you're both transported from your house to Sugarcube Corner.
>The first thing you notice is the screaming.
>Then the furniture and ponies flying around.
>Without wings.
>It was like a maelstrom in here.
>Ponies spun through the air around you, trying to dodge the furniture and each other.
>You catch a glimpse of the Cakes, the twins clutched protectively between them.
>”Weeeee!”
>That sounds like-
>"Hiya Nonny!"
>A pink blur crosses in front of you.
>"Bye Nonny!"
>Yep.
>Evil cackling serves as the backdrop to the whole scene.
"Oh yeah, we definitely have a ghost here."
>"Do you think you can exorcise it?"
"Sure, just cover me. Don't want to be clocked in the head by something."
>She nods, her horn glowing at the ready.
>You step toward the middle of the room.
"Yo spooky!"
>The laughing dies down as the specter finally notices the two of you.
>"The little pony princess is back! Are you going to try another spell?
>You get the sudden feeling of being watched.
>"Hmm, I've never seen a creature like you before. You a friend of the little pony?" The voice asks mockingly.
>You shrug.
"I guess."
>"You guess?"
"Anyway, it's time for you to leave."
>The room reverberates with its laughter.
>"Really, and I suppose you're going to make me?"
>You cross your arms and stick out your chin.
"If I have to."
>The ghost grows arrogant.
>"I sense no magic within you. Even the little pony's spells couldn't banish me! What could you possibly-"
*ziiiiip*
>The ghost shuts up at the ominous sound.
>Even the flying ponies cease their screaming at the sight before them.
>Thankfully, Mrs. Cake covers the twins' eyes.
>You didn't want to go to jail for that again.
>"Hi 'lil Nonny!"
>There she goes again.
>"Bye 'lil Nonny!"
>Without further ado, you start to stroke your dick to full length.
>"Anon, what are you doing?!
>Oh Twilight's back.
"Getting my tool ready."
>Her eyes narrow in disbelief.
>"This is how you exorcise ghosts? With your penis?!"
"You make it sound so silly."
>"It is!"
>The ghost lets out an awkward laugh.
>"Is this some kind of joke, mortal?"
"No joke, but if you don't want me to really get started, I suggest you leave."
>"I'm not leaving just because you jack off!"
"Okay, but I warned you."
>You close your eyes and begin one of your favorite fantasies.
>Your strokes begin to increase in pace.
>Pre-cum starts to leak from the tip, filling the room with the sounds of your fapping.
>Some ponies start to look away in disgust, others too shocked to.
>You let out a little moan at your ministrations.
>"Stop that! I won't let you make a mockery of me!"
>A chair rockets toward you.
>Fortunately, Twilight regains enough of her senses to send it safely careening into a wall.
>You start to alternate your hand motions, sometimes stimulating just the head or the whole shaft.
>A table moves toward you only to be redirected as well.
>"Quit it!"
>You open one eye.
"Are you going to leave?"
>"O-of course not!"
>This was a persistent ghost.
>You're going to need two hands for this.
>Pumping your shaft with your left hand, you bring your right to massage your balls.
>For the next couple of minutes, you continue to beat your meat while the ghost tries to assault you unsuccessfully.
>"D-damn you! Stop that this...instant!"
>The ponies through the room start to slow as the ghost got even more distracted.
>Its objections become weaker and weaker, practically begging you to stop.
>"N-noo...please...stop."
"Nope."
>Finally you feel yourself reach your peak.
>With a grunt, you release your seed.
>As your baby batter splatters to the ground,  the building shudders with a groan
>Everything comes to a halt, leaving the room in silence.
>You stand there panting as your tool cools down.
>Once you catch your breath you place your fists on your hips.
"So, you gonna leave? Or do I have to go for round 2?
>Your dick twitches threateningly.
>The bakery shudders once again.
>"F-fine! I...I didn't want to haunt this dump anyway!"
>Immediately all the levitating objects and ponies come crashing to the ground.
>Pinkie pops up from the pile of ponies.
>"That was fun! Do it again!"
>You stay still for a few seconds to make sure the specter was truly gone.
>Satisfied, you zip up back your pants.
>You look down to consider the mess you left.
>Eh, someone will clean that up.
>You glance to your side to see Twilight gaping at you.
>"That...actually worked."
>You scoff.
"Course it did."
>"But...how?!"
"Silly Twilight."
>Chuckling, you pat her head in pity while stealthily wiping your fingers of any cum.
"Everyone knows no one can handle the hot monkey dick."
>Twilight looks even more confused.
>Oh well, you have far more important matters to deal with.
>You leave the chaos of the bakery behind you and make your way back to your humble abode.
>A quick trip to the bathroom and you're back sitting comfortably in your recliner.
>Opening your book to where you left off, you reach for your tea on the table.
>Suddenly, it slides off the table and shatters into pieces on the floor.
>You stare blankly at your spilled nectar as a familiar voice speaks.
>"B-boo..."