Meta in Equestria 2

>You awaken to the sound of birds singing and wind blowing through the trees. The feeling of grass beneath you tells you that you are not in your bed. Opening your eyes you see trees surrounding the small clearing you have found yourself in. You are Anon and you are confused as fuck.

(Insert solo trek through everfree forest story here)

>After 4 days you have finally reached the forests edge. Your shirt is in tatters, ripped beyond a recognizable hint of what it once was. Your pants are stretched and torn to shreds below the knee and you are missing your shoes.  It has been a grueling 4 days fraught with danger and excitement. Between the wolves made of wood and fighting that giant cat thing with the scorpion tail you are just glad to be out of there. The action packed adventure of your harrowing journey through that forest would surely have anyone watching or reading it on the edge of their seats. You on the other hand are just glad it is over.



> You are now standing past the forests edge looking out over and open field. You spot what looks like a road in the distance. As you move towards it you also see what appears to be a small home sitting next to a stream. Thankful to finally have found some form of civilization you start running to it only to stop cold when you see the creatures standing in front of the house.
>Are those tiny horses?
>Before you were three small yellow horses with pink manes. They were surrounded by and assortment of animals. Two of them appear to be gathering the animals and you can almost hear them saying to be patient and wait your turn to them. It isn’t until you look to the third one holding a bag of what looks like animal feed between her fore hooves that you realize they also have wings as she is hovering a few feet above the ground.  As you step back a twig snaps beneath your foot bringing their attention to you. All 3 look to you and instantly their faces lite up with a look of joy before their eyes squint scrutinizing you. Their faces fall in disappointment, perhaps they thought you were someone else, as they look to each other and whisper something you can’t hear. Each of them raises a hoof and point to your right. Turning you see a large sign.



“Hello Anonymous, if you can read this please proceed down the road behind you in the direction opposite the forest. Follow the road until you reach the town of Ponyville. Upon entering the town you will notice a number of brightly colored ponies but please do not be afraid we won’t hurt you and mean you no harm. Follow the main road through town until you come to the library which is a large tree. You can’t miss it. Ring the bell by the window and I will do my best to help you get settled here.”

Twilight Sparkle

>You feel your jimmies rustle but do your best to quell them. You have to stay calm. You need to stay calm. After rereading a few times to make sure you read what you think you just read you notice to the side of the text is what looks like the same information but in different languages. You recognize a few but some are just alien looking.  You turn to the road and look to the direction the sign said to go.
>Ponyville? Friendly ponies? Twilight Sparkle? What the fuck!
>You did not think you could possibly be more confused than you have been for the past few days but damn you were wrong. Looking back to the 3 umm…ponies...from before, they wave their hoofs goodbye before returning to their animals.



>Leaving the triplet ponies behind to get back to whatever ponies do you head down the road. Along the way you spot another of those signs, only this one has an arrow pointing down the road in the direction you are headed. At least you know you are going to right way. As you move on you spot a small town in the distance. It is what you would expect to see in a movie set in the early 20th century. Modest one or two story homes line the street leading into town, you can see store fronts of what look like little shops, market carts set up here and there and…ponies. Lots and lots of pastel colored ponies.
>Walking into town some of the ponies glance at you then look away disinterested while others nod or way to you. You return the greeting as you pass through.
“If their reaction to me is any indication then they have at least seen humans before. Maybe this Twilight CAN help me.”
>As you are thinking to yourself you notice a familiar pony at one of the market stalls. It looks like one of the same yellow ponies from that house by the road. Same pink mane and wings even has the same butterfly tattoos on its butt that the others had. You are so distracted wondering if this is a forth pony or one of them got here ahead of you that fail to notice you are about to bump into someone.


>Nearly falling over from the impact you start to apologies.
“Oh I am terribly sorry I wasn’t watching where I was going.”
>looking over to who you bumped into, you are shocked to see it is another human. He is wearing Jeans a tee shirt and carrying a basket of vegetables.
>”It’s alright no harm done. But are you ok? From those ripped cloths it looks like you just escaped your Applerape or something.” He says with a grin.
“Applewut?”
>A look of confusing crosses your face as your jimmies stir. You begin telling him how you have no clue what he is talking about and that you just woke up in a forest a few days ago. As you start your tale he cuts you off.
>“OH, ok you are a new Anon. Let me guess, you have no clue where you are or how you got here and are confused as fuck right?”
“Y-yeah.”
>”And you spotted one of Twilights signs telling you to come see her?”
“Yes!”
>”Ok follow this road and you will come to her home. It is the big tree. She will help you out”
“But…”
>”Just head to the library and she can help.”



>You thank him and he turns to leave. Walking over to the yellow pony from before he asks if she has everything she needed. With a barely audible “yes” they head down one of the roads. You on the other hand make your way to the library to see to see this Twilight.
>After 5 min of walking you find your destination. A massive fucking tree someone has turned into a library. You wish you could say this was the strangest thing you have seen today. It has windows a balcony and a front door with a large candle on it. You can’t tell if the place was carved out of the tree or if it was grown around it. You spot another sign next to the door.
“Welcome new Anons please have a seat by the window and ring the bell. Somepony will be with you shortly”
>You look to the window and the small chair beneath it. It is different from the others, looking more like a receptionists window with sideways sliding glass. Taking a seat you reach for the cord you assume is for the bell. With a jingling sound coming from within the room you sit and wait. It is not long before you see a small purple lizard with green fringes walk up and look through the window at.
>“Hey twilight there is a new Anon here to see you.”
>You hear a voice call out from somewhere else in the house “Tell him I’ll be right down.”



>He looks back to you” Twilight will be with you in a few minutes” he says. Then goes back to doing whatever it was he was doing.
>You see Twilight awkwardly walking down the stairs before making her way to the window. Stepping up onto a stool to bring her view to meet yours, her horn glows slightly as she levitates a clipboard and quill before opening the sliding glass window.
>”Hello my name is Twilight Sparkle and welcome to the town of Ponyville. I am sure you are scared, confused and have had your “jimmies rustled” but please remain calm and I will do my best to help. You most likely have a lot of questions and I will do my best to answer them. If you have been injured during your arrival or during your journey to get here please say so now and I will get you medical treatment. Otherwise I will need to fill out this paperwork with your background information to better understand and place you.”
>As Twilight reads from the prewritten text on the paper, in a monotone voice that says she has been through this countless times, you just stare. You have barely heard a word she has said.
>Is her face really sticking out of her ass?



>Before you stood a pony with a face for an ass.
>There is no other way to describe it. She is a purple unicorn with a dark mane. She looks about the same as the other ponies you have seen while walking through town but she has her ass pointed towards you and where her butt should be is instead a face. Her tail is pulled to the side and held in place with a head band. Ass band…whatever. Looking up to her “head” you see her horn atop it but where her face should be has been covered over by her mane. You wonder what could be under it before being brought back to reality by Twilight.
>”Hello, can you hear me?”
>Your gaze is brought back to her assface. Apparently she had been talking to you while you were dumbstruck by her fetures.
>”CAN YOU UNDERSTAND THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH?”
>Jimmies status: Rustled beyond human understanding.
“Y-y-yes I c-can.”



>”Ok good, that means you don’t need me to use the translation spell or worse have to sit here for the next few months teaching you how to talk and read Equestrian.”
>Making a on the clipboard she levitates a pamphlet over to you. Across the front it says in big lettering “Don’t Panic”. At the bottom is says Anons guide to Equestria: FAQ.
>”That has all the questions I get asked whenever one of you show up. Read through it while I ask you some questions and fill out these forms. It should cover most of what you want to know but if you still have question when we are done just ask.”
>Reading through the FAQ you see a lot of the questions you had and their answers. Where are you? What is with the ponies? Are there other humans here? Etc.
>Meanwhile Twilight asks you questions about if you know how you got here, where you are from, if you arrived alone or if there were ponies with you. All the while making marking through the forms as you answered. It’s like you are checking into a hospital. Feels like you should be checking into a mental institution.



>You finish reading the pamphlet and continue with Twilights questions. When the paper work is done she sets down the clipboard.
>”Well unless you have any questions I think it is time to let you head to the Anon House to get settled in.
>The FAQ had answered nearly all your questions but there was one thing you wanted to know since you first saw her.
>Raising your hand “umm”
>”You have a question?”
“Yes.”
>”Is it about my face?” she says with a deadpan look.
“Y-yeah…”
>Twilight sighs and facehooves. At least she tries to. Her forehoof rising to meet her face or at least where her face should be on her head. Instead it hits whatever is hidden behind her mane which causes her eye to shoot open and her to jump in surprise. She grimaces before looking back at you.
>”It’s a long story and I don’t really want to get into it. Basically somepony played a mean prank on me and the magic that did this will wear off eventually but until then I am stuck like this. CAN WE MOVE ON PLEASE!?!”


>Thinking it best to drop the subject you ask her about the Anon House. She tells you about it and how it is where the standard Anons live. Since you arrived alone and didn’t seem like you had any major issues it was the place for you to stay. Showing the back of the pamphlet you see a small map of Ponyville with a red line going down one of the streets leading from the library to the house. She points you in the direction of the road and wishes you good luck before sliding the window closed.
>Staring at the map on the back of the booklet in your hand as you walk down the road to Anon House you take stock of the past few days. Dropped in the middle of a forest, long trek through said forest most of which you can’t remember fighting wild beasts and monsters, learn magic exist, talking ponies exist, there are multiple Anons and multiple copies of the ponies here and then your encounter with Assface Sparkle.
>Oh and to top it all off you are told this place is all imaginary existing in a place where imagination comes to life and you most likely just some random guys self-insert fanfiction character. Rustled jimmies don’t even begin to cover what you feel right now. In fact your jimmies are no longer in the equation anymore; they packed their bags and went to stay with their sister while you sort your shit out.
>You’re less confused now than you were before but a hell of a lot more annoyed. It is starting to piss you off. And that is not a good thing. Bad shit happens when you get angry and the last thing you need is to start shit in this place. You don’t want to get banished to the moon with those psycho anons  Twilight mentioned. You need to stay calm and in control.
>You finally reach your destination. It is not what you were expecting. Before you stands a large 2 story building, the walls look like they are made of solid concrete, barbed wire lines the roof and every window has thick steel bars covering them. It looks more like a military bunker or maybe a prison than a house. You see what look like impact craters in places along the wall and dents in the large metal doors in the center of the front of the building.
>What the fuck, has someone been firing a cannon at this place or something?
>You notice a few guys sitting on some benches across from the building. Spotting you one of them stands and makes his way over.



>”Hey bro, I haven’t seen you around here before. You must be a new Anon right?”
“Yeah I guess. Some weird umm… pony named Twilight sent me here.”
>Bro Anon grins
>BA ”So you met Twi huh? Did ya ask about her face?”
“Yeah.”
>Bro Anon starts laughing
>BA “She hasn’t left the library since it happened and only lets a few of her friends in to talk. I’d feel bad for her if it didn’t make me laugh just thinking about it .”
>You smile. You have to admit she did look hilarious.
>BA “Anyway let me introduce you to the guys and show you around then we can get you a bed and some new cloths because it looks like the ones you have on have been through hell.”
>He brings you inside and gives you the tour. He also introduces you to and gives you a rundown of the different Anon archetypes here. There is the solo random dude Anon like you, some wizard Anons, a few DJ Anons, Bro Anons like him, some spezmahreen Anons whatever the fuck they are and then there are the fuckton of Fetishy/Applerape Anons that make up the bulk of the population.
>You come to a common room with more Anons and even a few cyan colored ponies sitting around drinking and watching movies.


>”Oh great just what we need another fucking Anon to take up more room in this shit hole.”
>This came from an Anon sitting at a table with a half a bottle of Applejack Daniels and smoking a cigarette. You already don’t like this asshole.
>BA “Don’t mind him that is just Asshole Anon.”
>AA “STOP FUCKING CALLING ME THAT!”
>BA “Over on the couch are the Rainbros and their Anons.”
>They turn to you raising their hoof/hands and let out a collective “Sup.”
>BA “That is Crackhead Anon over there in the corner. He has been in a bad way ever since the Applerape he came with finally caught him and did some freaky shit. Ever since then he has been keeping himself blitzed out of his head with anything he can get his hands on.”
>BA “Well that is it for the tour let’s get you some new cloth. But as far as sleeping arrangements go the only open spot in the house is with Asshole Anon so it looks lik-“
>AA “HELL NO! I told you after the last time I am not babysitting newfag motherfuckers! Dealing with questions of “how did I get here, why is applejack trying to rape me, if this place is imaginary does that mean I’m not real”. Fuck that existential bullshit I am not putting up with it.”


>Asshole Anon gets up from his chair bringing the bottle with him and taking a drink. All eyes in the room are on him as he moves over to you and bro Anon.
>BA “Come on bro don’t be like that.”
>AA “Don’t Bro me fuckface. I am sick of this shit! This motherfucker can sleep on the fucking roof for all I care because he ain’t staying in my room. And you, if you don’t like that you can eat a dick.”
>All the confusion annoyance and general crap over the past few days has just come to a boil and this asshole was the last straw. He has pushed your buttons and gotten on your last nerve. You are mad. You feel the anger building inside you. An uncontrollable rage. Clenching your fists you feel the changes start. Your muscles thickening and growing bigger, your body mass increasing and you begin growing in height. You know your skin is darkening, becoming an emerald green. You are Hulk Anon and you are about to rip this assholes head off.





Meanwhile in the real world
Anonymous 05/20/12(Fri)09:26 No.2100949
Hey guys I had an idea for a story. Hulk in Equestria.
Anonymous 05/20/12(Fri)09:28 No.2100979
>2100949
So it would just be Hulk rampaging through Ponyville or something?
Anonymous 05/20/12(Fri)09:28 No.2101005
>(Insert  fetishy oneshot story here)
Anonymous 05/20/12(Fri)09:31 No.2101242
>2100979
Well here is my idea so far
“Hulk strong, Hulk no have feels”
“Hulk  only have feels of rage”
“Rage good, make hulk strong”
“Smash ponies rarg!”
Anonymous 05/20/12(Fri)09:32 No.2101291
>2101242
is it just hulk or bruce banner who then turns into the hulk when ponies piss him off? either way it’s not really a anon in equestria story just a hulk in equestrian story.

>After more discussion of his idea the anon decides to shelve it and write something else. Perhaps one day hulk will rampage across the land but for now the idea is set aside and forgotten.



Back in Equestria

>As Hulk Anon roars into the face of asshole Anon a strange look comes over his face and he just stops. With an audible pop and a green flash of smoke Hulk Anon disintegrates and falls into a green pile of powder on the floor. The entire room is in a state of shock. Even more so than they were with the sudden transformation that had previously taken place. Asshole Anon falls to the floor and scramble backwards until he hits the wall leaving a trail of urine.
>Everyone just sits there staring with no idea what the fuck just happened. All save for Crackhead Anon. Rising from his chair he walks to the pile of hulk dust and scoops up a mighty hand full. Dropping it on the coffee table he produces a razorblade and begins chopping it and separating it into rows. Grabbing a straw he places it to his nose and snorts an entire line of the powder. The others are too stunned to say anything much less try to stop him. As he leans back his face contorts in a look of…well…no one is sure what that look is. Pain? Pleasure? Agony?  Sudden onset constipation? As Crackhead Anon finally releases his breath he says
“DAMN, THAT’S SOME GOOD SHIT!”
>Such is life in Equestria