[14:09:09] Karthusin: What's bothering you?
[14:10:30] Xexe (~>: What's bothering me? More like, what's bothering -you?- And don't give me the same old 'I don't know' song. If you don't know, then no one else does, either.
[14:15:13] Karthusin: You know how they say ''Sometimes it's better not to say the truth, lest you wind up hurting the other person.'' ? That's the case. What's bothering me is what's usually bothering me. And yesterday, much like with all days that I remember I did something special with the fellow, wound up backlashing at me like all hell. That's what's bothering me and that's why I didn't want to fucking talk about it. I don't want to sound like a broken god damn record.
[14:23:11] Xexe (~>: But Atris, that's more or less what it has become. I'll be honest, and I won't say honesty is fun to hear, because it isn't. You're stuck. That's the issue. In indecidiveness, in memories, in thinking all the time to the past; and most of all, in not letting go. In clinging to thoughts about a single person you're letting to control your life, when they've long since moved into other thoughts. That's the issue; and I bloody well know you won't care for what I say about it. Even though I say it because I care about you, not the other way around.

I'm not sorry for saying that, because that's how it's starting to sound. That there's no 'Atris' but instead there's 'Raika's abandoned doll' that i'm conversing with. Maybe it's time to start realizing that? Doing something about it?

You won't. But I'll still say all this, no matter how hurtful it is. Honesty and truth means growth. Into a better person.
[14:25:26] Karthusin: If I could, I would. It's been 4 months and I can't.
[14:28:29] Xexe (~>: Then why are we even conversing about this? You're the -ONLY- person who can do that for you. If you don't, then you'll just continue rolling on the same spot, and as you put it, 'wasting your life' for a person who considers you barely an associate. Who doesn't even -wish- to be your friend!
[14:29:01] Xexe (~>: I'll let you think about that.
[14:29:07] Xexe (~>: I need to do things.
[14:29:45] Karthusin: Away.
[14:54:30] Karthusin: I can't accept that the one I loved is that kind of a person.
[14:54:32] Karthusin: So no.
[14:55:48] Karthusin: I'm not such a fool.
[14:58:50] Karthusin: I told you, if I can't hold onto that one thing I strived to achieve, then damned am I.
[15:00:34] Karthusin: You tell me to move on?
[15:00:42] Karthusin: Welcome to the fucking club of bastards who tell me to MOVE ON
[15:01:02] Karthusin: Because moving on is that god damn simple, right? To hell with your moving on.
[15:04:27] Karthusin: If people would rather give up, then that's their problem. I don't give a damn if the two of you have conspired against me, if you relay messages to eachother 24/7 or anything else of such nature behind my back, but I'll carry on, I won't move on. To hell with everyone who thinks otherwise. If you will, then abandon me. At the end of the day, it -is- down to me, and I'll either fight for it or die.
[15:05:26] Karthusin: I don't intend to support a wretched existence by breaking my ideals and accepting that the person I loved from the bottom of my heart is infact a rotten betrayer.
[15:05:31] Karthusin: Because then I am the fool.
[15:05:48] Karthusin: And I don't like it when people toy with me.