Self help

Magnus needed some time alone, the past few days had drained him immensely, both physically and mentally. Constantly training for a war had already put him at his limits and then the whole situation with Cade occurred. Magnus still didn't understand why he had abruptly left, a time restriction perhaps? Whatever the reason he did not want to dwell on it. The experience had definitely changed Magnus. This was the first person that Magnus had met with absolutely no regard for other people. He could not be reasoned with and would not grant any mercy. Face with a person so unimaginably overwhelming, Magnus had done the only thing he could do. He had placed himself before all others and offered himself as a sacrifice.

He had known full well at the time that he was either dead or about to suffer for a very, very long time at the hands of his captor. But so long as it meant that his friends, the people who had much more to live for than him could escape. Then he could finally be a hero for once. But that didn't happen, Cade had left as spontaneously as he had appeared and had left Magnus with a sense of hollowness. Sure, now everyone was safe, but Magnus was no longer the hero he had hoped to turn out to be, instead he was just a foolish boy who was throwing his life away, the option of fighting didn't even cross his mind, he had just surrendered. And then, once they had gotten back to town, Kidoku had told Magnus not to fight in the war. Magnus knew that it was because Kidoku didn't want him getting hurt. But there was that small part of him, the one that didn't want to look at himself in the mirror, that said "He just doesn't want a stupid kid like me getting in the way of everyone".

This part of himself had been quiet for a long time, but its voice was making itself more and more clear lately, it had started ever since Shayne, Magnus' first true friend, had denounced their friendship. The longer Magnus had been alone, the more faults he was finding in himself, to the point where he had lost all self confidence. He was a broken man, ready to just give up on everything. He reached into his pocket, looking for the resignation letter he had been writing when he felt something else in his coat, an odd shape he didn't recognise. He tugged at it until it finally untangled itself from the recesses in his pocket, losing his grip, the object flew through the air until it landed in a small pile of snow nearby. Magnus picked it up, brushing the snow off the top of it. It was a pair of goggles... ones that had been given to him by Shayne when they had first met.

Magnus had grown a lot by then, the previously loose strap now fit over his head perfectly. He caught his reflection in a nearby window and nearly broke down crying, memories flooded back to him of the good times he had had with his old friend. He took the goggles off and wrapped them round his hand as he stared into the immaculate glass, his face plastered against the white sky behind him. His grip tightened. He was angry, angry at being abandoned by his best friend, angry at being so useless and angry at himself for being such a baby. He gripped tighter and tighter, the glass biting into his left hand as it splintered. He would show Shayne, he would show the Nivis and most importantly, he would show himself. He let his hand go limp and the goggles fell into the snow letting the snow bury them along with the naysayer inside of him. He was not going to worry about the past anymore, he would take the days as they came and he would improve himself in each one of them.