Follow My Lead (ch5)

EARLY RELEASE FOR MY HIGH-PLEDGING PATRONS!!

I forgot to mention how last chapter I'd wanted Nana to be the one to talk to/try to comfort Maya. I feel of the group she's the only one who could accomplish the feat, being the observer of the group and the one who's watched over them all this time.

Disclaimer: I do not own Shoujo Kageki Revue Starlight.

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														Chapter 5.

"Who... are you?"

Maya grits her teeth to remember the look in Claudine's eyes; the eyes of a girl gazing up at a total stranger, void of any pre-established affection.

Presently, Maya rolls herself over into her pillow, still trapped by her thoughts. Claudine's voice hasn't stopped replaying in her mind since that painful moment.

Her friends had tried to chalk it up to the fact that it had been extremely late at the time, that perhaps Claudine was just so tired she'd forgotten temporarily.

But Maya's concern for her classmate had been great enough that she had spoken to the nurse privately. And she'd said that given Claudine's head trauma, a certain extent of amnesia wouldn't be out of the question.

How she had remembered all of the others but not Maya was not only puzzling and concerning, but also very hurtful.

Maya had gently told Claudine her full name, and Claudine had spoken it back to her with hesitance, as though it were for the first time ever.

"Tendo... Maya-san?"

And Maya had known right then and there it wasn't just some cruel joke – not that her Claudine would ever pull such a hurtful stunt in the first place. But the genuine curiosity and confusion in her eyes had said it all.

'Selective amnesia.'

The two words jostle Maya's mind as she rolls over again. It's nearly 4AM the same morning now. She and the others had been sent back to the school after only having seen Claudine for a few moments. The nurse had decided Claudine needed plenty of rest, as did the rest of them after the hectic evening.

Maya's friends had all assured her that Claudine would remember her tomorrow morning, that everything was probably just a jumble to her right now and it needed to be sorted once she'd rested and regained a bit of her strength.

And Maya couldn't – and still can't – help but feel foolishly jealous of them all. After all, they hadn't been forgotten. Claudine had remembered their names and their relationships to her perfectly.

Maya knows the jealousy is foolish, childish even, because what Claudine remembered and what she didn't was no choice or fault of her own, but rather a result of the accident.

But even with that, Claudine had recalled that she loved Seisho Academy dearly, and had made it clear to her family that she did not want to sue or fault the school for the incident.

She remembered her parents, her classmates, the names of all the plays and dances she'd performed in, her love for her school...

The only thing she seemed to have forgotten was Maya.

"Why...?"

She hisses the word through grit teeth, biting softly onto her pillow.

Why only her?

Was it some sort of subconscious choice of Claudine's? She couldn't believe it was. She felt that what had been blossoming between them had been mutual, and Claudine had desired it as much as Maya herself had, though she thought she was good at hiding it.

And now it was all for naught? Maya had been erased from Claudine's memory as though this were some kind of tragic play? Had Claudine's wish to play Claire in this year's Starlight embedded itself so deeply into the back of her mind that she had unknowingly become her? Suffered the same memory loss of the one who mattered most to her...?

The thoughts are consuming Maya to the point where tears are slipping free now. It's been a long, terrifying, exhausting, upsetting, and highly emotional day. With classes on pause, she plans to see Claudine as early as visiting hours will allow tomorrow, and stay as long as she's permitted.

She knows she needs to rest.

But just as she fears, closing her eyes only brings everything unwanted.

The platform collapsing, the echoing screams, Claudine falling like a dove that had been shot clean out of the sky.

The waiting hours, the agony, the fear of not knowing.

The heartfelt relief of seeing her awake, immediately smothered by the fact that she'd forgotten her. Through no will of her own, but simply by a cruel hand of fate.

She had wished all of her friends goodbye as they'd left. But upon watching Maya go, she had merely given a small wave, the kind you'd give a stranger who had held the cafe door open for you.

That's all she is to Claudine now. A stranger.

She tries to remember the days before, their dances together, the way they'd carried one another to bed, all of the kisses and moments they'd shared behind closed doors...

Maya sobs into her pillow. It's all just too terribly cruel, too emotionally devastating.

The night seems to go on for ever, and Maya gets no rest from it. Only misery, lying in a bed that feels so cold now, after so many nights of having someone beside her.

The restless hours drag on until pale grey sunlight begins to seep in through the curtains.

Claudine had once told her she would never forget her.

And by now the pain is so great, her mind is so depleted, and her heart is so heavy that Maya almost wishes she could be the one to forget.

She'd managed about a collective thirty minutes' worth of rest within the past several hours. Everything is still so raw in her mind and in her heart she knows it wasn't all just some nightmare, though she'd give almost anything for that to be the case.

By the time Maya manages to push herself out of bed, it's nearly 9AM. Visiting hours begin at 10.

At first it's difficult to get up, to bring herself through the same morning routine with the knowledge that today isn't going to be like any other before it.

But what her friends had said last night – that perhaps a good night's rest could help restore Claudine's memory – is too tempting a hope to ignore.

That morning, Maya showers without singing for the first time in years. She brushes her teeth, recalling faint memories of how Claudine would often complain about going to bed without having gotten to do so. She puts on her school uniform, which Claudine likely won't be wearing herself for some time.

After half-heartedly tying the blue ribbon into her hair, Maya pauses in front of her mirror.

It's strange. Confusing. She's never suffered from a major tragedy in her life before. This is the first, but since Claudine is all right, she isn't even sure if it can be classified as a tragedy.

She's never been one to express much emotion, but now she wishes she could. She wants to let Claudine know just how dearly she cares for her, just how desperately she needs her to remember.

But thinking about it logically, she remembers she is nothing more than a stranger to Claudine now, and having a stranger come up and proclaim such profound things would startle and frighten anyone.

Maya draws in a deep breath, considering her limitations and restrictions.

That's when a knock comes on her door, drawing her away from her bleak reflection. The others all stand in the hallway, waiting. Without a word, Maya joins them, and together they head out.

They stop by a flower shop on the way, and all of them purchase a single stem so they can create a customized bouquet: a small sunflower from Karen, a carnation from Hikari, a lily from Mahiru, a daisy from Futaba, a chrysanthemum from Kaoruko, an iris from Junna, a daffodil from Nana.

It seems to Maya they've all purposefully left out the most obvious choice for her.

Maya selects a single red rose and kisses its petals when no one is looking.

The eight of them hold their flowers to their chests as they make their way down the sidewalk toward the local hospital. There's hardly a word spoken amongst them, aside from a few good-natured attempts at small talk from Karen and Futaba.

By the time they enter the hospital lobby they've all grown quiet again. They cradle their flowers as they're made to sign papers and wait.

The receptionist informs them that no fewer than three visitors can be permitted at a time for a patient in such fragile condition as Claudine; last night had been an exception only because of the high stress they'd all been suffering from.

Now, on a fresh morning where they all know Claudine is more or less fine, they can think things through with clearer consciouses.

Karen, Hikari, and Mahiru go first, while the others wait their turn in the lobby.

Maya has yet to say more than two words, still ensnared within her own mind. So many thoughts clog her head, boisterous and stinging like bees.

She just wants to see her.

And yet she's scared...

With a portion of their group now absent and the atmosphere a little lighter, Nana decides to give Maya her best effort at cheering up.

"Tendo-san," she says playfully, but still with enough softness to appreciate the situation. "She's going to be fine."

Maya lifts her head, and only then does she realize it's been bowed the entire time. She peels her gaze away from the rose across her lap and looks at her classmate. She tries out a smile, but she doesn't think it works.

"Thank you, Daiba-san."

It's about twenty minutes before the trio returns with their flowers absent. The others all but jump to their feet to ask questions.

"So?"

"How is she?"

Judging by the smiles on all three of their faces, the others already begin to relax. Even Maya. Just a bit.

"She seems all right!" Karen reports. "She said she ate breakfast before and didn't feel nauseous or sick or anything!"

"Which is very good," Mahiru chimes in. "A lot of patients would be upset after an event like that and feel ill, but she's doing well."

"She's just very tired," Hikari reminds them. "So try not to stay too long. And don't let her move her head around too quickly."

Kaoruko huffs.

"'Don't stay too long' says the people who took nearly half an hour!"

"Hey!" Karen whines. "We had three people!"

"All right, enough." Junna shuts the argument down before they can get thrown out. "Nana and I'll go next."

With that decided, the others all take their seats once more. Kaoruko pointedly fills the now-vacant seat beside Maya.

"Tendo-san. Futaba-han and I will go in next so you can see Saijou-san alone. You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

And in just about any other situation she probably would have made the comment sound snide or mischievous. But as things are, she's actually rather serious, having made the offer entirely for Maya's benefit and not her own amusement.

Maya tries out another smile, but she still isn't sure if it shows.

"Yes. Thank you, Kaoruko." She simply nods, and silence returns.

Nana and Junna return about ten minutes later, having left their flowers behind with the other three. Kaoruko and Futaba take their cue, and Nana reclaims her seat beside Maya once more.

"She really is fine," she assures her. "And it seems her memory is lapsing on a few things here or there. The nurse says it's nothing to worry about."

Not knowing what to say in response, Maya simply nods again. She isn't sure if that makes her feel worse, but it certainly doesn't make her feel much better either.

After fifteen more minutes, Kaoruko and Futaba return, also without their flowers. They're smiling just like all the others have been.

"You're up, Tendo." Futaba invites her with a grin.

As Maya gets to her feet, she tries not to let it look like she's rushing. A slight tug on her sleeve pauses her, and she turns back to find Nana once more.

"Take it slow," she murmurs. "For both your sakes."

Maya draws in a breath and finally lets it out.

"I will. Thank you."

With a smile, Nana releases her.

They all watch her go, rose in-hand, the picture of a worrying, loving friend.

And perhaps more. Definitely more.

Maya walks slowly down the hallway to the designated door. She feels like she might sway. Her stomach is in knots again.

She clutches the stem of the rose with vigor before letting go with one hand. She steels herself and knocks.

A pause. Then-

"Come in."

It's Claudine's voice. Of course it is. She isn't sure why she'd almost been expecting otherwise.

Maya breathes one more time and enters quietly.

The room is exactly the same as it had been last night, only it's much lighter now, and there is a vase full of their friends' flowers on a small table beside the bed.

Claudine is sitting up just as she'd been before, dressed in her pink robes with bandages wrapped around her head. There is surprise in her eyes, as if she hadn't been expecting more company.

Now as she looks Maya over, holding a flower just as all her previous visitors had been, Claudine tries to be as polite as possible.

"Oh, hello. You're the person from last night."

Maya stops several feet away from the bed. Her heart aches and then begins to sink. Evidently the night's rest hadn't restored Claudine's memory.

Her arms droop to her sides, letting the petals of the rose dangle toward the floor. She isn't sure how she should act around her now.

"Yes..." she says carefully. "I was here last night. I'm one of your classmates from Seisho Academy."

Claudine listens attentively, but the same lack of recognition remains in her eyes.

"I'm sorry. Remind me of your name again?"

It's strange to hear her talking like this, without her usual feistiness, liveliness. Maya hopes hearing her name again might jog her memory.

"Tendo Maya. We... We are partners."

Claudine brings a hand to her chin in contemplation, trying out the name once again.

"Tendo... Maya..."

Suddenly she flinches and her expression scrunches slightly in pain.

Maya takes a step closer.

"Claudine-"

"It's nothing." Claudine puts her fingers to her temple and massages gently for a moment, eyes closed.

Maya can't take this. She feels so useless being unable to help, but as she is – a stranger – there's nothing she can do. She can't be there for her today like she had been just days before.

She wants to reach out and touch her but she refrains, instead choosing to tighten her grip on the rose's stem. An unnoticed thorn pricks her palm, and the pain keeps her grounded.

After a moment, Claudine lets her hand fall back into her lap. She heaves a sigh.

"I'm sorry. I can't really remember that name."

There is genuine sadness in her eyes, as though she knows she should remember, and proof that she really did try her best to, but simply can't. Within seconds tears begin to brim up and slip over, falling silently into her lap.

And seeing those tears, seeing that look of confusion and misery in her eyes, changes something in Maya's heart.

She's been such a fool.

This entire time she's only been thinking of herself, only been feeling sorry for herself at having been forgotten.

She hasn't even considered how difficult all of this must be for Claudine, how painful. To know she's forgotten one of her dearest friends, someone she knows she should remember, perhaps even better than her own family...

It must be hurting her so much.

To see her crying like this, lost inside her own mind, confused and scared...

Maya finally wakes from her trance. She lays the rose at the foot of the bed and slowly makes her way closer, until she is standing beside her. Claudine weeps quietly, lifting her hands to her face in an effort to conceal her unbecoming expression.

"I'm sorry... I... I can't remember..."

It breaks Maya's heart all over again. She has to brush her sleeve across her face to wipe tears of her own. She gathers her courage, all that's left of it, and ever so gently rests her hand on Claudine's shoulder.

And Claudine doesn't wince or gasp in surprise, but merely continues crying, as though her body remembers that familiar, comforting touch.

Maya wants nothing – nothing – more than to pull Claudine into her arms right this second.

But she can't. So she does her best with words.

"It's all right." Her voice is tender, with sadness and with fondness.

She doesn't want to keep doing this. She doesn't want to cause her any more pain. Even if it means Claudine won't ever remember her, Maya doesn't want to hurt her like this.

It takes a few moments, but eventually Claudine gets ahold of herself. She straightens herself up and lets her hands go back to her lap, sniffling one last time. She looks up to the hand on her shoulder, and instinctively Maya withdraws in apology.

"I'm sorry."

And there's something in the way she does it that makes Claudine oddly happy. She can't really explain it but... she feels an actual stranger wouldn't have pulled away with such speed, such reproach to startle her. Only a true friend would behave that way.

"It's all right." With her kind words, the conversation has been reversed. Claudine's gaze travels down to the rose on the bed. "Is... that for me?"

Maya follows her gaze and gives a small nod.

"Yes."

"It's lovely. Thank you, Tendo-san."

It stings more than Maya had been prepared for it to, that alienating reduction of intimacy. With the loss of the comfort of using each other's first names, they've essentially come back to the day they'd met.

Maya can't bring herself to use Claudine's first name if Claudine doesn't feel comfortable using hers. It wouldn't be fair, and it could discomfort her further.

"Of course... Saijou-san. Is it all right if I put it with the others?"

"Please do."

Maya picks up the rose and turns away perhaps a little too quickly, just as an excuse to hide her face. She slips the rose into the vase with the jumbled assortment of flowers, a perfect representation of their group.

"Tendo-san?"

She turns back to Claudine who has composed herself after the tears, enough to offer up a smile.

"Please, if you have the time to spare, come sit with me. I'd like to learn more about you, and perhaps myself. I... I want to remember."

The fact that Claudine has made the request to try is uplifting. It proves she isn't quite so nervous around Maya, or that if she is she doesn't want to be.

Even so, Maya doesn't sit as closely to her as she can. She seats herself close to Claudine's knees, allowing a respectful distance.

"Well... I'm not sure how much time I'll be permitted to stay-"

"That's fine. Please... tell me as much as you can. How did we become acquainted?" Claudine is eager to hear the answers. There's a conviction in her eyes now, a set determination to make mental notes, to try and make her brain work as it should.

It gives Maya hope.

She wants to help her. More than anything.

"We met at Seisho Academy. Just about everyone knew you because of that commercial you'd acted in as a child."

"Oh, that! Yes, I hurt my knee at practice, someone brought me to the infirmary, and she quoted that line from the commercial back to me." She freezes. "Were... were you the one who helped me, Tendo-san?"

Maya swallows, trying to maintain her composure.

"Yes."

"I see. Thank you for that."

It's almost amusing in a way, for Claudine to be thanking her now for something that had happened so long ago, something she'd never initially thanked her for due to her habitual stubbornness.

Maya slowly begins recounting everything she can remember involving Claudine. Their practices as first-years, their budding rivalry as second-years, how they'd gotten the lead roles of Starlight together.

Claudine listens carefully, and only stops her again at that part.

"That's right! I was given the role of Flora. And my Claire..." She closes her eyes for a second, trying to recall details. When she looks up again there's a spark of clarity in her eyes for the first time. "Is that what you'd meant before when you'd said we're partners? You were my Claire?"

Maya finally smiles and gives a small nod.

"That is part of it, yes."

"Then what is the rest of it? Please tell me."

But Maya isn't sure she can. After all, she doesn't even know how she herself would have classified their relationship right up until the point of the accident.

But Claudine is so eager to know, so determined to remember. Maya speaks honesty and fabricates nothing.

"We train together often." She makes it a point to keep things present-tense; putting them in the past would make her anxious. "Every day in recent weeks. We dance, act, sing – just the two of us."

Claudine doesn't really notice it herself, but she's started to smile again.

"We did Starlight together," she murmurs. "And we dance together all the time. We're rivals, but we're also friends."

Maya perks up.

"Yes. That's right." She wants to encourage her, but not to push her. "Do you remember... how you address me?"

"How I address you?" Claudine blinks slowly and tries to delve into her mind. "Tendo...san? No, that... doesn't seem right... It doesn't feel right... What is your first name? Tendo... Tendo... May- ah!"

Her voice cuts off in a sharp gasp. Claudine immediately grabs her head with both hands, gripping with such force her fingers turn white.

Maya is on her feet in an instant, forgetting her formality.

"Claudine!"

The heart monitor starts to fluctuate, sending out a faster, distressed signal.

"It hurts-" Claudine whimpers. "M-My head-"

"It's all right." Maya wraps and arm across her shoulders to help her lean back, gently covering Claudine's hands with her own. "Just breathe. It's all right."

They're familiar words. She'd said and done the same things after they'd lost their final Audition, when Claudine's stage fright had reared its head.

Thankfully this episode doesn't last nearly as long. It's only a few seconds before the racing pulse on the monitor begins to slow, and Claudine's grip on her head loosens.

Maya gently – gently – pries her hands away, not wanting her to apply too much pressure to her injuries. Her eyes are closed and her face is unnaturally flushed, coated in a light veil of sweat. Maya feels responsible. She feels like she'd pushed her too hard.

"I'm sorry," she whispers, easing Claudine back against her pillows. Claudine opens her eyes just barely and blinks up at her.

"Don't be. The nurse said this could happen from time to time."

"Is there anything I can do?"

Claudine exhales rather shakily.

"You can forgive me. For not being able to remember... For being such an awful friend..." She swallows thickly and sniffles once. "And for asking you to leave. I'm terribly tired all of a sudden. But please... come back to see me whenever you can. Please come back, Tendo-san."

Maya dips her head, withdrawing her hands now that Claudine is steady.

"I will. I promise."

"Thank you."

Claudine's eyelids fall shut as though against her will. Her heart has calmed down and her breathing has evened out.

But still Maya lingers. She doesn't want to leave her. Not yet. Not ever.

And just before she can move away, she hears a small, pleasant sound.

Claudine has begun humming to herself, but it isn't just any random tune.

It's their song. "Song of the Starlight."

Maya remains rooted to the spot. Half of her doesn't want to hope, but the other half does. She hopes Claudine remembers.

Softly, barely audibly, Maya joins in with her, humming the familiar lullaby. Claudine opens her eyes again just to give her a look of surprise, but she doesn't stop.

They hum it to completion, holding out the final note together.

Claudine has relaxed into an evident state of slumber now. Maya looks her over, ensuring nothing is hindering her breath. She dares to lean forward and place a ginger kiss atop her head, one that barely makes any contact at all.

"Je t'aime."

She eases back, only to hear a faint moan from Claudine. Her eyelashes flutter, revealing the same cherry blossom pink.

"Is that... another language? What does it mean?"

Maya's heart drops all over again and sinks into despair.

"...It's nothing. Please get some rest."

Claudine's gaze lingers on hers for a moment longer.

It's temping. So tempting to tell her the truth.

But Maya quickly turns away and exits the room before either of them can start crying again.

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A/N: Next chapter is a bit short, but still decent. I think.