Australianon In Equestria

ADVENTURES OF AUSTRALIANON IN EQUESTRIA THE COLLECTED EDITION M8


>You are Rainbow Dash
>You are helping Applejack move her apples to market with Anonymous.
>Today, anonymous wears thongs
>And a hat that looks like AJ's.
>"A-anon," Applejack says, straining against the load of the cart. "A-are ya sure ya need ta sit up there with the apples?"
>Anon cracks open a tinnie and takes a drink
>"yeah nah she'll be right"
>You glare at anon
"I can't understand what the fuck he's saying."
>"Well... huff... he's naht from round here, shug."
>You leer at anon
"No, but I literally can't understand him. Where's he from, anyway?"
>Anon gives you a bit of a cheeky grin
>"straya cunt"
>Suddenly Anon's eyes widen as he notices you're flying
>"CRIKEY"
>he jumps up and takes a running dive, tackling you out of the air
"Gaah! what the hell!"
>"GREAT DOOBLY WOBBLIES IT'S A BLUE-CRESTED DROP BEAR, EASY THERE FELLA"
>Anon ties you up and puts you in a cage
>For the fourth time in a week
>And then he tries to sell you to the local Zoo as a specimen
>You much prefer Americanon better, at least all he does is eat burgers

>Adventures of Australianon, second part cunt
>You are the 'little ripper' who helped Anon in his hunt last time
>To some you are known as scootaloo
>Anon and you crouch in a bush.
>Anon squats next to you, wearing khaki short shorts that reveal his rediculously hairy and well-tanned legs.
"What are we doing here, anon?" you ask.
>"Today," Anon says, whispering loudly, "We're gonna hunt the rare blue-crested drop bear."
>You look at the trap he has prepared underneath a nearby tree
>It is a small sign saying 'free piss mate'
>Underneath the sign is a net camouflaged inexpertly by leaves
>On top of the net is a slab of tinnies
"Are you sure this is going to work?"
>Anon scowls at you
>"the fuck mate are you tryin' to take the piss or something"
>You blink bewildered at anon
"I thought we were trying to make the Blue Dropbear take the piss?"
>Anon nods
"I don't think it's going to work..."
>"pigs arse, of course it'll work"
>Alright then, you trust Australianon
"Well, if it doesn't work, can we try the vegemite sandwiches?"
>Anon considers this for a second
>"yeah alright give we'll give it a crack see how it works out hey"
>All of a sudden he lunges at you, clapping one hand over your mouth and pointing up in the sky
>"hooley dooley here's the little bugger now"
>Your eyes dart up to see a rainbow trail lazily beelining in your direction...
>It stops. Rainbow Dash sees the bait.
>"Oh hey, free booze!" you hear her say
>She lands right on the trap and begins to gnaw at one of the tins
>FWIP FWOOP FWAP, she's immediately flung into the air
>Anon whoops in joy again
>"YOULIDDLERIPPA"
>Hey, he called you by your name again! You blush and skip out
>Anon rests his foot on Dash's struggling, netted form and lights up a ciggy
>"Fuck I'm good just ask me"
>Dash struggles furiously against the net
>"GOD DAMNIT ANON THIS IS THE FIFTH FUCKING TIME THIS WEEK I SWEAR TO CHRIST"


>Australianon in Equestria, bored shitless edition
>You are Purplesmart
>Today, you are waiting with Australianon in the Throne Room to meet the Princess.
>You are nervous.
>Anon knows who the Princess is. You already asked him.
>"Real nice old bird who runs the country," he replied, taking long strides that you had to jog to keep up with. "We've got one of those. She's not half bad."
"You have a Princess in Australia?"
>"We call her Kylie Minogue," he said, nodding sagely.
>Meanwhile back in the now
>"Ah! here comes the bossfella now," anon observes, looking to the golden double-doors
>Her Serene Highness Princess Celestia enters through them, looking calm.
>"Twilight Sparkle," she says, smiling warmly at you as she approaches. "How good it is to see you again.
"You too, Princess," you say, giving her a curtsy before exchanging an affectionate nuzzle.
>"And this must be your friend anonymous."
>"HOW ARE YA CUNT"
>Anonymous seizes Celestia's hoof and shakes it vividly
>
>
>You are purplesmart
>Today you are with Australianon
>The Canterlot dungeons are very cold
>But at least Australianon did not hesitate to give you his hat.
>He sits in one corner, singing something about a sheep thief.
>You scowl, and the wide-brimmed hat slips down over your eyes
>Fucking anonymous