the_panic

Exhibitionism #1

Jul 12th, 2014
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  1. "God damn it Jason, why are we out here again?"
  2.  
  3. I turned my drunken eyes from the street, towards two out-of-focus images of my girlfriend. "A'cuz I'm blitzed outta muh mind an' you don't trusht me to make it on my own."
  4.  
  5. She rolled eyes. "Yeah I know why *I'm* out here, but where are you trying to go again?"
  6.  
  7. I stopped in my tracks and held up my fingers to count, and gave a sigh of relief seeing that I still had 10. No, 20. Either way I remembered what I was doing. "Ahh need tacosh," despite standing still, I still managed to stumble, before thrusting my fist into the air, "THE BOOZSHE GODSH DEMAND TRIBUTE!" I fell back against Kate.
  8.  
  9. She sighed, resigned to her fate in aiding me in my quest from the suburbs into downtown to obtain the almighty taco. "Alright, fine, let's hurry up before they close the dining room. You know they only do drive-thru after midnight."
  10.  
  11. I looked up, still slumped against her chest. "Thas bullshit,"
  12.  
  13. "Yeah but those are the rules, come on, the mosquitos are somehow not repulsed by the cloud of ethanol emitting from your pores."
  14.  
  15. I grinned. "Okie dokie shweetie-tits."
  16.  
  17. I lurched forward along the sidewalk, passing immaculately manicured lawns and determined to complete my mission, partially supported by my brilliantly patient girlfriend. "I luhb you Kate."
  18.  
  19. She giggled exhaustedly, "I know, I know, I 'luhb' you, too, Jason, but just keep going so we can get your tacos. I really want to finish watching that new Tyler Perry movie..."
  20.  
  21. Honestly, I'd rather take a bullet to the brain but for some reason Kate had a bizarre interest in black men who cross dress as old ladies. Her previous obsession was with the 'Big Momma's House' series; I narrowly avoided drinking bleach during that phase of our relationship. Seriously dude, what the fuck.
  22.  
  23. Fortunately, she had multiple redeeming features to her credit. Including an utterly phat ass that just wouldn't quit.
  24.  
  25. "Jason, quit staring at my ass and keep marching."
  26.  
  27. Fuck. Worth it though. I returned my attention to the sidewalk, trying to focus through the fog to look for that glorious fluorescent bell logo.
  28.  
  29. "Gawdambit what ish with thish fog?!"
  30.  
  31. Kate looked around. "I dunno, but I'm not entirely sure I recognize this block, are you sure you know where this Taco Bell is?"
  32.  
  33. I shrugged. "Iunno."
  34.  
  35. She halted and firmly grabbed my shoulder. "What the hell do you mean, 'Iunno'?!? You live here!"
  36.  
  37. I shrugged again. "I'm alsho hammered."
  38.  
  39. "UUuugghhhh... Whatever, lemme grab my phone... No signal?"
  40.  
  41. I looked around. Come to think of it, I barely recognized where we were. The sidewalk appeared to have ended, and there weren't any houses nearby.
  42.  
  43. "Heya Kate?"
  44.  
  45. She looked pretty exasperated. Both of her. "What?!"
  46.  
  47. "I think we're losht."
  48.  
  49. She grabbed my shoulders and shook me violently. "NO FUCKING SHIT, JASON! I just wanted to stay home tonight and watch a fucking "Madea goes to X" movie, but no, you had to chug a liter of Goldschlager and demand crappy imitation Mexican fo- wait what?"
  50.  
  51. I looked her in all four of her wavering eyes. "HEY DON'T TALK SHIT ABOUT TACO B- What?"
  52.  
  53. She turned me around and pointed at a faint light in the distance. "Jason, do you recognize that house? Maybe we can ask them for directions?"
  54.  
  55. "Orrr maybe they're ackshually demon rapists who lure in wayward vishitorz."
  56.  
  57. She grabbed my hand and dragged me along. "Whatever, I'd almost rather get ripped apart "Saw VI" style than continue putting up with your taco-based libido any further."
  58.  
  59. I gave her my most shit-eating grin. "You know I lurb YOUR taco~"
  60.  
  61. She didn't respond except to grip my wrist tighter.
  62.  
  63. As we got closer, the light became a bit sharper, but it looked like it was coming from a tree.
  64.  
  65. "Uhm Kate I think that's a oak tree."
  66.  
  67. "Yeah but, I think there's windows in it, and a door. You recognize this house?"
  68.  
  69. I shook my head, wondering where the second Kate went. Oh yeah, slowly sobering up. "Nawp, not a goddamn clue babe."
  70.  
  71. Soon enough we were standing at the door. Weird, it was barely high enough to let a normal person walk through without ducking.
  72.  
  73. Kate knocked at the door, while I continued looking this treehouse over. It had a sort of rustic feel to it, like it wouldn't be out of place in a child's fairy tale.
  74.  
  75. A few minutes later, the door opened, revealing a purple... Winged unicorn?
  76.  
  77. Kate and I stared at the little horse, and it returned the stare with its eerily large, human-like eyes.
  78.  
  79. I looked at Kate, then back to the horse, then back to Kate, then back to the horse.
  80.  
  81. Fuck it, "I'm drunk enough to handle this," I muttered, and stepped forward and extended my hand, "How're ya doin', purple horse?"
  82.  
  83. Still staring, almost like it was in shock, the horse extended a hoof and shook my hand, "Um, hello..." and then Kate's as well, who was still wide-eyed in confusion.
  84.  
  85. Weird, as soon as it touched my hand, a strange tingle went through it. "Kate, you feel that?"
  86.  
  87. "Feel what? And did that horse just fucking talk?!"
  88.  
  89. I shrugged, and turned back to face the horse. "So, I'm Jason, this is Kate. And you?"
  90.  
  91. The horse cocked its head, (oddly adorable), and opened its mouth... And spoke, with a sweet little feminine voice. "I'm Princess Twilight Sparkle. Why don't you, um, come inside..."
  92.  
  93. I nodded. "Yeah, ok, we're lost, just, how do we get back to the Park Forest subdivision?"
  94.  
  95. The horse gestured for us to sit down, closing the door behind us. I sat down next to Kate on a tiny little bench, and looked around. There were books everywhere, stacked on little wooden shelves. This was not only a literal treehouse, but also a library. A book house with a book horse.
  96.  
  97. Eh, whatever, I've seen stranger shit on more intense Goldschlager benders.
  98.  
  99. The horse turned to face us. "I honestly have no idea where that is. Or what you two are. But let me make one thing perfectly clear, I'm *NOT* a horse," she snorted, "I'm a *pony*. I know you're probably just foreigners, from which country I honestly haven't a clue, but other ponies won't take such a mistake so nicely."
  100.  
  101. Kate spoke up. "You're a pony."
  102.  
  103. "Yes," Twilight answered matter-of-factly, "I'm an alicorn, to be more specific!" She added, beaming with a slight air of pride.
  104.  
  105. "But, you're a pony," Kate droned, still looking like a deer in headlights.
  106.  
  107. I nudged her. "Yeah, she's been over that one, Kate."
  108.  
  109. Twilight coughed into a hoof. "Ahem, yes, well... What nation are you two from exactly? I don't think I've ever seen creatures like you two."
  110.  
  111. "We're from 'MURRIKA," I shouted, pounding my chest, "MURRICA."
  112.  
  113. "Hmm, Murrica, I don't know of that nation... Is that a localized translation of East Griffonia?"
  114.  
  115. Kate shook her head.
  116.  
  117. Twilight held a hoof to her chin in thought, "Well, I did notice some particularly strong magical fluctuations earlier today... Maybe..."
  118.  
  119. I jumped up. "OH OH OOH! I KNOW I KNOW! Alternate dimension!"
  120.  
  121. "Yes, I suppose, it wouldn't be the first time strange visitors from another plane have visited, though we usually banish or imprison them as soon as they appear because they're usually a green-faced race that is obsessed with Rainbow Dash's flank," She shot us a suspicious look, "You're not trying to mob and harass Rainbow Dash again, are you?"
  122.  
  123. "What the fuck is a Rainbow Dash, and Kate, my face isn't green, is it?"
  124.  
  125. Twilight shrugged. "So you're not an 'annonimus'?"
  126.  
  127. "Nawp. Don't think so, anyway."
  128.  
  129. Purple Pony sighed again. "Then that honestly makes me feel kinda bad about what's probably going to happen soon, because you two seem nice enough."
  130.  
  131. Kate taps my shoulder, and looks unusually pale. "Um, Jason, I think I have a clue what she's talking about, look at your hands."
  132.  
  133. Through the slowly-clearing booze-fog, I see that my hands are kind of curling in on themselves and turning a very cute pastel orange.
  134.  
  135. "Alright Kate, you've made your point, I'm done with Goldschlager. Strictly Jagermeister from here on out."
  136.  
  137. "Jason! That's not me, I think it's happening to me, too! My hands are going all knobby and blue-ish!"
  138.  
  139. Twilight sat down and sheepishly rubbed the back of her head. "Uhm, yeah... Sorry, the nature of inter-dimensional travel, especially to a magical realm like this one, is that you usually assume a form appropriate for your destination eventually. Given that the first resident you came into physical contact with was me, a strongly magical being, that probably triggered it."
  140.  
  141. I was drooling, unable to follow her little lecture. "Uhhh..."
  142.  
  143. Twilight facepalmed. Facehooved? Muzzlehooved? Whatever.
  144.  
  145. "Basically, you're turning into ponies."
  146.  
  147. Kate passed out.
  148.  
  149. "I'm not drunk enough for this shit," I said, as I felt my body begin to shrink.
  150.  
  151. My pants fell off. Whatever, not the first time I've inadvertently exposed myself to a stranger whilst drunk. Might as well take my shirt off, too.
  152.  
  153. I just sat down, and watched the orange fur march up my arms. With each joint the fur passed, I felt my bones rearrange. Once the fur reached my shoulders, it began marching down my torso, but not nearly as quickly as it advanced over my head. My neck jerked back, and I felt my ears migrate upwards, as my hair spilled back into a long, flowing coral-pink mane.
  154.  
  155. Wait a second... "Hey, Twi-AHH. MY VOICE, IT'S SO 'TEEHEE', what the fuck?!"
  156.  
  157. Twilight giggled nervously, and I had a sinking feeling in my gut that seemed to follow the advancing fur on my belly. I looked on as my torso narrowed and rounded out a bit. As soon as the fur hit my groin, I groaned mournfully as I watched my one-eyed trouser snake twist and slither up into my abdomen, followed closely by my balls, leaving a smooth, orange slit in their stead. As my hips became totally covered, I felt what had to be a tail burst from the bottom of my spine as my legs began to form into pony hindlegs.
  158.  
  159. I just sat there, staring at my crotch. Fuck what I said about quitting Goldschlager. As soon as I find some, I'm going to set up an I.V. of the shit.
  160.  
  161. I turned to look at Kate, whose sky-blue fur was just beginning to hit her waist. "Please stay female so we can at least be lesbians, please be a lesbian, please be a lesbia- OH GOD DAMN IT."
  162.  
  163. Yup, plain as day, thanks to her unconscious convulsions from her changes kicking her pants off, I could see a hefty pair of blue horseballs plop out of what had previously been her vagina, followed by her clitoris steadily growing outwards, and pulsing outwards in girth with her heartbeat, eventually growing to about a foot long and about two inches in diameter, mottled white and blue.
  164.  
  165. It twitched, and I passed out too.
  166.  
  167. Twilight, looking upon the whole bizarre scene, rubbed her temples. "You'd think he, er, she had never seen a cock before..."
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