20191014

it's a monday!

Speedrunning

So i'm doing two rather conflicting things speedrun-wise

I'm going to start learning Pokemon RB 151 which is a very glitched and broken category

and i'm routing gen 3 386 catches, glitchless

the latter is a monstrous category that relies on dumped distribution carts and discs to be even possible due to Mew, Celebi, Jirachi, and Deoxys

the former is going to be fun and I might submit it to CSM, we'll have to see.

Casual

Uhh i've been in a very RPG mood lately and been doing some casual playthroughs of Pokémon that partly help my routing.

Creative

I have access to my hard drive again, i don't know what this means yet but something probably??? I've been doing a lot better mentally so I can hopefully do or start something soon :>

Personal

I'm actually in a space where I'm fairly safe to talk openly about it, and a few people already know since last february, but for a while now i've known about it tho gone into varying states of denial about it before. Basically I'm plural, very much median though i still dissociate occasionally. You will probably never hear from Jade, but she's very much real (tho from our written speaking you probably would never tell the difference).

We're usually co-fronted to some extent and often can't tell who is who between ourselves, except when we can, which is usually PTSD related or severe anxiety related or some other such thing, but not always. Integration is probably the goal because we're more comfy that way but we're not actively pursuing it since that probably also comes with some pretty heavy therapy for the PTSD and there's just things in our past we're not ready to deal with and might never be ready to deal with.

We do have some different interests and tastes, and very obvious sensory differences such as Jade being significantly more sound sensitive than Amber is (tho that could be related to when the switch tends to happen being related to ptsd), and tends to be more closed off (which again, could be related to why we have ptsd stemming from abuse), but for the vast majority of the time we're basically cofunctioning and that doesn't matter. We used to think there was a third but it turned out to just be both of us functioning at the same time which is completely inexplicable in any meaningful way.

Also, most importantly, we both love Ema with every fibre of our being, in entirety, forever. We always will, until the end of time or longer if we possibly can.